我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）
You're the Worst S04E11
Part 3
Oct. 14, 2020, 4:51 p.m.
Thank you, Gretchen.
谢谢 格雷琴
Ah, the winner is Poland. Way to go, sweetie!
冠军是波兰 宝贝你好厉害
Hooray! are you kidding me?
太棒了 你逗我呢
I-I'm not even done yet.
我都没表演完
I have a whole thing with a baguette!
我还安排了一整套拿着法棍表演的动作
This is bullshit!
这他妈太扯了
Which goes back to my original point:
于是又回到了我最初表达的观点
don't open a bottle of Gruner Veltliner with a first-chair oboist
别跟顶尖双簧管演奏家开一瓶绿维特利纳白葡萄酒
unless you want to end up in her laundry room,
除非你想沦落到她的洗衣房♥
peeing into her mop sink.
对着拖把池狂尿
Okay. Our next game
好了 下一个游戏是
is "Limerick Lightning Cage Match."
"打油诗闪电擂台赛"
I will read a limerick, and you will complete it.
我念一首打油诗 你们来完成它
Jimmy, let's start with you.
吉米 从你开始
"Astronomers chose just to can it,
"天文学家选择将它除名
"But the little guy's fans "Couldn't stand it.
但这小家伙的粉丝们不能接受
"Now the stars have aligned,
"如今星星已排列成一条直线
"And they're changing their minds
它们又改变主意了
by returning its status to..."
想把它变回..."
Granite!
花岗岩
Who paid you to throw this game?
谁花钱请你来毁掉这个游戏的
Emily?
艾米莉
Planet, referring to Pluto, of course.
行星 显然是指冥王星
But granite was a great guess.
但猜花岗岩也不错
I mean, scientists can never tell
毕竟用花岗岩造的东西
when something is made of granite.
科学家们永远都看不出来
Good point, Andy.
说得好 安迪
So, ten points for Emily,
艾米莉得10分
and negative five points for our resident smut peddler.
我们的小黄文写手扣5分
Well, for your information, this "Smut peddler"
告诉你一声 本"小黄文写手"
is on New York Times
可是上了《纽♥约♥时♥报♥》
Mass-Market Paperback Best Seller list.
大众市场平装版小说排行版第13位
The Mass-Market list.
大众市场排行榜啊
What other books might one find on that list?
还有哪些书会上那个榜呢
Oh, uh, How My Cat Cured My Cancer.
我想想 《我的猫是如何治好我的癌症的》
Ooh, yes.
对哦
American Ninja Warrior: The Novel.
《美国忍♥者战士:小说》
The Life-Changing Magic of Throwing Some Things in the Garbage.
《把东西扔进垃圾桶的惊人魔法》
What are we watching?
这到底是什么节目
I know a bunch of the sounds they're saying,
我听得懂几个字
but I don't understand the sentences.
但连起来我就听不懂了
Chicken Soup for the Stomach.
《暖胃鸡汤》
The DiCaprio Code.
《小李子法典》
Paul, I'm at a very important Jimmy thing.
保罗 我在为杰米参加的一个重要节目当观众
Lindsay! I got arrested for biking under the influence.
琳赛 我因为酒后骑自行车被捕了
Come bail me out, Lindsay, please.
来把我保释出去 琳赛 求你了
I need your help. You need my help?
我需要你的帮助 你需要我的帮助吗
Or Angels Are Real, I Swear.
或是《真的有天使 我发誓》
How about uh, Shakespeare, But With Vampires?
《吸血鬼版的莎士比亚》怎么样
Improve Your Memory in Zero Easy Steps.
《增强记忆力只需0步》
Or, uh...
或者
Killer, uh, B-Ballerinas.
《绝赞芭蕾舞♥女♥》
Well, that was a squeaker.
真是爆好笑
I said, that was a squeaker!
我说 真是爆好笑
Hey, Shive-Overly.
嘿 希瓦-奥弗利
Why don't you try writing
你为什么不试试
your own obituary and then kill yourself?"
给自己写讣告 然后自尽呢"
"Jimmy Shive-Overly died this week.
"吉米·希瓦-奥弗利这周死了
His member was stiff, and soon, so was the rest of his body."
他的鸡♥巴♥很坚硬 很快其它身体部位也要僵硬了"
Now, that's a squeaker.
那才是爆好笑
Hi.
嗨
What the hell is wrong with you?
你到底是有什么毛病
I don't know how to act with her.
我不知道该如何跟她相处
I'm not her mom. I'm not her friend.
我不是她妈 也不是她朋友
I'm trying to make this work.
我想让我们成功走下去
I feel like I'm supposed to be good at this.
我感觉这种事我应该很擅长才对啊
Do you think I'm good at this?
难道你觉得我很擅长这种事吗
Last year I bought her a sword.
去年我给她买♥♥了一把剑
I lost her at the mall
我还曾在商场把她弄丢过
because I was staring at a Cinnabon too hard.
因为我在对一个肉桂卷流口水
Just be yourself, okay?
做你自己就行了
I'm gonna order some pierogies.
我准备叫波兰饺子外卖♥♥
Come down and join us when you're ready.
你准备好了就下来跟我们一起吃吧
And so...
所以...
since I still have shrapnel in my body
我体内仍有弹片
but I don't have insurance, it's...
但我没有医保
it's kind of like the memory of that day when I lost my best friend...
就好像 失去我最好朋友那天的记忆
is always inside me,
一直在我体内
between my colon and my genitals.
就在我的结肠和生殖器中间
I don't know what to say.
我不知道该说什么
My heart.
我的心
Thank you.
谢谢你
That feels... really awesome telling you my truth.
向你袒露真心 感觉真的很舒服
Oh, shit.
糟了
We missed the entire show.
我们错过了整个节目
I guess we should get back to work.
那我们该继续工作了
We still have to write our sketch for this week.
我们还要写这一周的喜剧段子
What if there's a dictator who's a tater, but also a total dick?
听听这个 有个独♥裁♥者 既很孤僻 又很混♥蛋♥
Actually, I'm just gonna head home.
事实上 我要回家了
But I feel so honored that you shared that with me.
但你对我袒露心声 我深感荣幸
I'm sorry.
对不起
Did I talk too long?
我说了太久吗
No. That was a gift.
不 那很好
Thank you.
谢谢你
Thank you.
谢谢你
Lindsay...
琳赛
it wasn't my fault.
那不是我的错
The entire DUI industry is run
整个查酒驾的体系
by a for- profit organization
都被一个追逐利益的组织掌控着
called Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
那组织叫"母亲反酒驾"
They keep lowering the legal limit
他们不断降低合法的酒精含量
so they can raise money
好筹集钱款
to pay their huge executive salaries.
来支付他们超高的工资
That's mothers for you.
母亲就是这样
Wow, Linds.
天呐 琳子
The smell, right?
臭味很大 对吧
I know. I lost a rotisserie chicken in here somewhere,
我知道 我把一块烤鸡肉丢在家里某个地方了
and I can't find it anywhere.
我到处都找不到
No, uh... I'm just impressed.
不 我只是很震撼
You've really moved on.
你真的翻开新篇章了
I was so excited to be a father, Lindsay.
我之前真的好激动终于要当父亲了 琳赛
I even... started a...
我甚至 开始...
video diary...
拍视频日记
...to welcome it into the world.
以欢迎孩子降生到这个世界
Hi, baby. This is entry number 47.
你好啊 宝宝 这是第47条视频
Today we're gonna focus on the constellation
今天的主题是星座
Auriga, the charioteer.
御夫座 战车的驾驭者
I'll take you to Mexico to see it one day.
我将来会带你去墨西哥观赏它的
Hopefully, by then my stomach will have adapted to the molé.
希望到那时候我的胃已经适应墨西哥混酱了
I'm so sorry, Bear.
我真的很抱歉 亲爱的
You can still be a dad someday.
你以后还是可以当父亲的啊
You just need to find the right...
你只需要找到合适的...
What's the book about?
这本书是关于什么的
Great Plains settlers in 1875.
1875年北美大平原的定居者
So interesting.
真有趣啊
What's going on in the part you're reading?
你看的这部分讲了些什么
The settlers don't have enough food,
定居者没有足够的食物
so the little girl's dog runs away.
于是小姑娘的狗就跑了
Oh. Like Bus Stop Goat.
就跟公车站的羊一样
Who? He's, like, the greatest pet of Instagram.
谁 它简直是INS上最棒的宠物
我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）
You're the Worst
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