我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）
You're the Worst S04E04
Part 2
Oct. 14, 2020, 4:49 p.m.
Troy's on this new thing about eating dinner at the table
特洛伊最近迷上了在餐桌上吃饭
and just talking, like friggin' psychopaths?
聊天 就跟狗♥日♥的♥心理变♥态♥似的
You should do what I do.
你应该像我一样
I just make Vernon eat in the car.
我让弗南在车里吃饭
Joke's on you.
傻了吧
I get to eat dinner with Joe Rogan every night.
我每晚得以和乔·罗根一起吃饭
What?! No! Jon Cryer just canceled.
搞什么 不 乔恩·克莱尔不来了
Damn it! We can't just not do the podcast.
该死 这期播客我们不能不做
We already blew the Red Napkin cash on Tallulah's eye medicine.
我们已经把红餐巾的赞助费花在塔卢拉的眼药上了
Gretch, you just had some crazy stuff go down.
格雷琴 你刚经历了一些疯狂的事
You want to come get deep in the man cave?
你想去男人窝里好好聊聊吗
Mm. No, Vernon, she doesn't... she doesn't want to.
不 弗南 她不 她不想
Sure. I am owning what Jimmy did to me.
好啊 我要把吉米对我的所作所为公之于众
I am not living in silence anymore.
我不要再保持沉默了
Plus, I am drunk as shit on this clam booze,
而且 我喝高了
so I'm down for whatever.
所以让我做什么都行
Come on, I'll get you set up.
来吧 我带你去准备一下
Listen, when I ask you if you wish you could have
听着 等我问你是否希望
all your dinner ingredients delivered to your door, say yes.
将所有食材送货上门时 说希望
I mean, I know that seems obvious,
我知道这答案是明摆着的
but for some reason, Janeane Garofalo said no.
但不知为何 詹尼安·吉劳法罗说不用
They're ready for you.
他们准备好会见你了
"Simon entered the room as he entered a woman: deliberately,
"萨蒙边进房♥间边操进那女人的洞 他故意如此
"With no appetite for the bromidic.
完全无意于平庸
"For Simon, even the humdrum was veined thick
对萨蒙来说 即使单调也充斥着
with decadence." "With decadence."
腐朽" "腐朽"
I'm Candace Sebring, head of marketing.
我是坎迪丝·希布林 营销主管
This is my rock star team.
这是我的明星团队
And we all love the book!
我们都超爱你的书
We have been looking for you for three months!
我们找你找了三个月了
Our little disappearance artist.
失踪大♥师♥
We can't wait for you to see the mock-up of your cover.
我们等不及让你看看书的封面实物模型了
Yes. Well, it is a tricky one,
太好了 封面确实难定
what with having to capture the tenor and zeitgeist
因为要捕捉到伦敦那三个迥异时期的
of three wildly different periods in London's...
主旨和时代精神
I'm, um... I'm-I'm just confused,
我...我有点困惑
because that looks like a sex book for horny airport ladies.
因为那看着像是给饥渴机场女看的激♥情♥肉文
My book is, of course, literature.
我的书是文学
Oh, Jimmy. No, this is just marketing.
吉米 这只是营销手段
We want your genius to have the best possible chance to succeed.
我们希望你的天分有最大的可能成功
Which is why we're putting it in the erotica section.
所以我们要上架在情♥色♥作品区
If it's marketed as erotica and it's in the erotica section,
如果是按情♥色♥作品营销 并且上架在情♥色♥作品区
then it's erotica.
那它就是情♥色♥作品
If what's inside is literature, it's literature.
如果内容是文学 那就是文学
Then why not market it as literature?
那为什么不当文学作品来营销
Because nobody buys literature.
因为没人买♥♥文学作品
They do buy erotica.
大家都买♥♥情♥色♥作品
And they're definitely gonna buy this erotica.
并且绝对愿意买♥♥这本情♥色♥作品
You just said it's not erotica!
你刚还说这不是情♥色♥作品
Which is what makes it so erotic.
这样才显得更情♥色♥啊
Imagine what happens when an overworked mom
想象一下 一个疲惫的妈妈
lights her scented candles, slips into her bubble bath,
点上香薰 浸入泡泡浴
opens your book and realizes
打开你的书 然后发现
this isn't just sexy as hell--
这书不仅十分香艳激♥情♥
it's actually a really good book.
内容本身也非常不错
She'll squirt so hard, that tub will overflow!
她的淫♥水♥如泉涌般喷出 从浴缸里漫出来
Besides, we've already paid
况且 我们已经买♥♥了
for the most prominent spots in all the major chains.
各大连锁书店最显眼的位置
Right next to some of our other hot titles.
跟我们其他的热销书同列
Bye!
再见
Jimmy. Jimmy.
吉米 吉米
Jimmy, we're doing a reading tonight at The Straining Corset.
吉米 我们今晚要在"紧身胸衣"办读书会
Some of our authors from our Silk Sheets line are reading,
几个"丝绸被单"排行榜上的作者将倾情献读
and we're hoping that you will, too.
我们希望你也能参与
All of the top erotica bloggers and tastemakers will be there.
所有顶级情♥色♥博客博主和风尚领头人都会到场
At least... think about it.
至少 考虑一下
Wow. As if.
搞得跟真的一样
Unbelievable!
难以置信
Seriously? Stop it!
不是吧 够了
I'm trying to stare at this baby real quick.
我在尝试快速紧盯宝宝
Well, Jimmy told me to neg these girls,
吉米让我用否定勾搭法对付这些女人
but I just keep getting back all sorts of rude comments
但我一直收到各种恶评
and no titties whatsoever.
完全没人露奶♥子♥给我看
It's like they don't even care if they get thy fannies out.
就好像她们根本不在乎能不能露阴
What'd you write?
你发了些什么
"Damn, girl, what's up with those nostrils?
"天啊 美女 你的鼻孔是怎么了
You Airbnb'ing them shits?"
你是要挂在网上出租吗
"Titties or GTFO."
要么露奶♥子♥ 要么滚犊子"
That would work on me,
那个套路对我倒是会管用
but why are you talking like that?
不过你为什么这样说话
It sounds wrong. Like if your cat started barking.
听着不对劲 就好像猫开始像狗一样叫
Oh, my God, how cute would that be? I know!
天啊 那多萌啊 是吧
That would be so cute! As soon as I said it,
那会超萌的 我一说出口
I was like, "Aw!" Aw!
就觉得萌化了
Well, being nice didn't work.
客气友善行不通
And doing Jimmy's strategy of being mean didn't work.
吉米那种刻薄策略也行不通
So... what can I do?
那...我还能怎么办
Give up. Die alone.
缴械投降 孤独终老
Or-- oh, and stay with me here-- what if I combine
或者...跟着我的思路走 如果我将
the intensity of my natural, intimate approach
私下与人交往时的天然热情
with the aggressive manipulation of negging?
与尖锐的损人劲儿结合起来呢
That's ridiculous. It'll never work.
简直荒谬 不可能成功的
I'm gonna go practice this in the place
我要去一个
where all the greatest flirting is done:
绝妙调情场所练习一下
the toilet. The toilet. I was gonna say that.
厕所 厕所 我也正要说呢
And once I realized it wasn't some elaborate heckle
等我终于反应过来 这不是精心策划的整蛊
and he really wasn't coming back,
而他也不会再回来了之后
I walked down toward the Hollywood Bowl to get a signal.
我就朝着好莱坞露天剧场的方向下山找信♥号♥♥
I almost got trampled by a pack of
我差点被一群50多岁
wine-drunk 50-year-olds with picnic baskets,
带着野餐篮的醉汉糟蹋
but my cab finally came.
好在我的出租车终于到了
I just can't believe what I'm hearing. That's not Jimmy.
我简直不敢相信自己的耳朵 吉米才不会这样
You must have misunderstood.
你一定是误会了
How? Unknown.
怎么个误会法 我也不知道
You just had to have. No way.
但肯定是你搞错了 那是不可能的
Jimmy is way too manly a boss to punk out on a bitch like that.
吉米可是条汉子 不会用这样的方式甩女人的
I just want to say that you are so brave
我想说的是 你可真有勇气
for showing your face after that humiliation.
蒙受了这种奇耻大辱后 还敢露面
I would've changed my name, cut off all my hair,
换做是我 大概会隐姓埋名 剪掉头发
gotten a neck tattoo,
在脖子上纹个身
joined a golf league at the local par 3,
加入当地的三洞高尔夫社团
maybe rent a little efficiency
或许在水天相接的
in Marina Del Rey where the water meets the sky and...
玛丽安德尔湾租一间小公♥寓♥
a woman can just live her life out loud
一个女人完全可以活得张扬
without judgment or labels...
无需任何评判和标签
Whatever. He's the one who should be ashamed, not me.
随便了 反正该羞愧的人是他才对 不是我
I know Jimmy better than anybody.
我比任何人都更了解吉米
He could never do something like that.
他绝不会做这样的事
It was probably some cool-ass prank
那倒是像杰米·肯尼迪
like Jamie Kennedy would do.
搞出来的恶作剧
Jimmy is a psychopath.
吉米就是个神经病
I woke up in the middle of the night one time,
我有次半夜醒来
and he was editing a picture of my feet
发现他在那种美颜软件上
on one of those Facetune apps.
修一张我脚的照片
I once walked in on him
我有次还撞见他
masturbating to a story written by an 11-year-old.
对着11岁小孩写的故事打飞机呢
That was supposed to be sexy moaning.
本该是个性感呻♥吟♥声效的
Stop it! Stop ripping on my best friend!
闭嘴 都别再攻击我最好的朋友了
I am just glad to be done with the whole thing!
我挺高兴的 这档子事算是了结了
Sure, I'm out some rent money, but it's a small price.
没错 我损失了一点租金 但这代价算小了
我爱上的人是奇葩（2014）
You're the Worst
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