牧场趣事（2016）

这事儿我♥干♥吗要保密
Why would I keep that a secret?
要是那样就太好了
That'd just be fucking awesome!
行了
All right, enough.
我不管你们是用胶带还是用超级胶水
I don't care if you have to duct tape it or super glue it.
别唧唧歪歪的快把它修好
Quit whining and fix it.
当年我从自行车上摔下来摔断胳膊后 他也说了同样的话
Same thing he said when I broke my arm after I fell off my bike.
用不着做这么多项检查吧
There's no way they need this many tests.
他们已经取了好多份样本了
They've taken so many samples already,
我觉得自己就像个好市多超♥市♥
I feel like a goddamn Costco.
医生们知道他们在干什么
Doctors know what they're doing.
去修车时你会觉得自己
Do you think you know more than the mechanic
比机修工还厉害吗
when you take your truck in?
我♥干♥吗要把车开去给机修工修
Why in the hell would I take my truck to a mechanic?
你好 本奈特先生
Hello, Mr. Bennett.
嗨 - 嗨
Hi. - Hi.
博伊德医生 这是乔安妮
Dr. Boyd, this is Joanne.
认识你很高兴 主治医生是女医生还真让我意外
It's nice to meet you. I'm impressed he has a female doctor.
你还挺开明的
That's very open-minded of you.
认识你很高兴 主治医生是女医生还真让我意外
It's nice to meet you. I'm impressed he has a female doctor.
你还挺开明的
That's very open-minded of you.
她父亲去世了 她用了她父亲的名字
Her dad died and she's using his name.
我上了她的当
She tricked me.
你的血检结果出来了 一切正常
We have the results of your blood work and things look good.
好吧 很高兴我的预约时间是3点
Well, I'm glad you're able to tell me that at 3:53
而你在3点53分告诉了我这一结果
for my three o'clock appointment.
抱歉让你久等了
I'm sorry about the wait.
好消息是你高密度脂蛋白水平回升了
The good news is we got your HDL cholesterol up,
但需要降低低密度脂蛋白水平
but we need to get your LDLs lower.
候诊室里的电视除了<视野>之外也需要放点其他节目
We also need to get something else on your waiting room TV other than The View.
上次你来就诊时 电视里正在播放足球比赛
Well, the last time you came, there was a soccer game on
为此你说我是共♥产♥党
and you called me a communist.
我想让你换药
I'd like you to switch statins.
这种药针对低密度脂蛋白的药效更好
This one targets the LDL a little better.
我有个问题
I got a question for you.
应该会挺有意思的
This should be fun.
那些骗子制药公♥司♥
How much are the crooked pharmaceutical companies
给你多少钱让你推销这种新药
paying you to hawk this new medication you're putting me on?
的确挺有意思的
That was fun.
也许这个能让你高兴一点儿
Maybe this will make you feel better.
我得更新一下婚礼的坐席表
I have to update the seating chart.
加里叔叔要来参加婚礼
Turns out Uncle Gary's coming to the wedding.
他要带朋友来 是男性朋友
He's bringing his friend. His male friend.
要是他俩 一起跳舞可别惊讶
Don't be surprised if they're dancing... together.
妈妈 他们是同性恋 我们知道
Ma, they're gay. We get it.
他们不喜欢被人这么叫
They don't like to be called gay.
不 他们喜欢
Yes, they do.
我不知道现在怎么说别人才算政♥治♥立场正确了
I don't know what's PC to call anybody anymore.
这种烂事蠢到没边儿了
The whole thing's retarded.
要是加里来参加婚礼
Well, if Gary is coming to the wedding,
别让他跟我那个自以为是的表亲鲍比坐到一块儿
don't sit him next to my opinionated cousin, Bobby.
这是对种族主义者政♥治♥立场正确的叫法
That's PC for racist.
他还不喜欢同性恋
Also, he don't like the gays.
还有 我跟麦金蒂神父谈过了
Oh, before I forget, I spoke to Father McGinty.
如果要请他来主持婚礼 我们就要尽快跟他确定时间
If we're gonna use him, we've gotta let him know ASAP.
八月是葬礼最多的月份
August is his biggest month for funerals.
有些老顽固就是不肯开空调
Some stubborn old folks just won't put on their AC.
26摄氏度还好了 詹妮斯
Seventy-eight degrees is fine, Janice.
能换个话题吗
Can we please just change the subject?
我们正在说婚礼的事
All we ever talk about is the wedding.
抱歉 我就是太激动了
I'm sorry. I'm just so excited.
你是我女儿 我
It's just, you're my baby girl, and I...
我想给你一场梦想的婚礼
I wanna give you the wedding of your dreams.
是啊 我梦想的婚礼
Yeah, the wedding of my dreams.
抱歉我没早点说这件事 可是
All right, look, I'm sorry I didn't say this sooner, but...
我不知道该怎么开口
I just, I just, I didn't know how.
我要把婚礼延期
I'm gonna have to postpone the wedding.
什么
What?
我觉得这事还要再商量商量
Colt, I thought we were gonna talk about this some more.
不
No, no... All right, look...
对不起 我现在有挺多事要忙的
I'm sorry. I just... I got a lot going on right now.
要料理两间牧场 要把牛送到市场上去卖♥♥
The two ranches, we gotta get the cattle to market.
我们只是
We just...
我们要等到孩子出生之后
We're gonna have to hold off the wedding until after the baby.
你之前还不让我去药店买♥♥赞安诺
And you didn't wanna stop at the drugstore for my Xanax.
所以我们的孙子或孙女要成未婚子了
So, our grandchild is gonna be born out of wedlock?
菲利普斯先生 菲利普斯夫人
Mr. Philips, Mrs. Phillips...
不管这个孩子什么时候出生
no matter when this baby's born,
都会有疼爱他的父母的
it's gonna have two parents that love it.
好吧 我知道这我可做不到
Well, I know I won't love it the same.
不敢相信你会这么做
I can't believe you're doing this.
尤其是我这么支持你
Especially when I've been so supportive of you.
等一下 不是 - 艾比 别
Okay. Hold on, Mom, this isn't-- - Abby, don't.
要是你父母要找出气筒
If your parents are gonna be mad at someone,
那还是让我来吧
let them be mad at me.
你说对了 我们非常生气
Well, you're damn right we're mad.
你知道詹妮斯为婚礼的事
You know how much energy and time
花了多少时间和精力吗
Janice has put into this wedding?
她还做了幻灯片
She made a PowerPoint.
哦 嗨
Oh, hi.
你们一定就是羞愧的新娘子的父母了
You must be the blushing bride's parents.
见到你们很高兴 - 现在不合适 汉克
It's a pleasure to meet-- - It's not a good time, Hank.
就没有合适的时候
It never is.
哦 天啊
Oh, man.
好吧
All right...
我们以后再谈
Well, we'll talk later, at some point.
有这个可能吗
Probably?
刚才还真有意思 - 是啊
That was fun. - Yeah.
你♥爸♥半路忘了关转向灯我挺高兴的
I'm glad your dad forgot to turn off the blinker halfway home.
这样就听不到你妈啜泣了
It drowned out the sound of your mom sobbing.
谢谢你替我挡枪
Well, I appreciate you taking the bullet
把这件事告诉了我爸妈
like that for me with my parents.
你不必这么做的
You didn't have to do that.
那没什么影响
That don't change nothin'.
自打我们俩第一次要出去约会
Your dad hated me ever since our first date
我跟你♥爸♥说
when I showed up and said,
"谢谢你生了个这么漂亮的女儿"时你♥爸♥就不喜欢我
"Thank you for making your daughter so hot."
或者可能是从那次
Or it may have been the, uh,
你穿了那件印着联邦比基尼巡查员的T恤开始的
Federal Bikini Inspector T-shirt that you wore?
那是玩文字游戏
That's a play on words, babe.
"联邦比基尼巡查员"跟"联邦调查局"的缩写一样
"Federal Bikini Inspector" Instead of "Federal... B-I."
别听他的 我来教你东西
Shh, don't listen to him. I'll teach you things.
听着 我一直在想
Listen, I've been thinking,
我知道先结婚再生子
and I know how important it is for you
对你来说很重要
to be married before the baby comes.
是很重要
It's important.
但我想实现你梦想的婚礼
But I want you to have the wedding of your dreams.
好吧 那这样呢
Well, how about this?
如果
What if...
我们明天就去法♥院♥登记结婚呢
we go to the courthouse tomorrow, you and I, and get married?
你说真的吗
Are you serious?
是的 婚礼可以以后再办
Yeah, and we... we could still have our big wedding later.
这样的话我们就是先结婚再生子了
Yeah, I mean, technically we'd be married before we had the baby.
太好了
Hell, yeah!
那样我们俩就都得偿所愿了
No... That way we both, we both get what we want.
就像买♥♥了睡眠指数牌的床一样
It's like a Sleep Number bed.
那要邀请你♥爸♥妈吗
Wait. So, do we invite your parents?
不 之后再告诉他们
No, we'll tell them after.
听着 这将会是非常棒的
Listen, I mean, it'll be great.
我们可以之后再庆祝
We could... we could celebrate with everyone later
而且会皆大欢喜 因为是正式登记结婚
and everyone will be happy 'cause it's official.