政客

And now we've got almost 500 people who've never voted
周二会去投票站
headed to the polls on Tuesday.
好了 我明白了 你们都别说了
Okay, all right. I get it. Everybody, stop talking.
我明白了 我最差劲 我不再生气了
I get it. I'm the worst, and I'm not mad anymore.
反正我们也不再需要这些计算机了
And we didn't need those computers anyway,
这事就别提了
so let's just drop it.
但下一次 拜托你
But next time, please,
你能让我知道真正的计划吗
can you actually keep me informed as to what is going on?
-没戏 -迈克菲
- No. - McAfee.
好
Fine.
好
Fine.
我的天 伙计们
Oh, God. Guys?
我只是想说 你们俩所干的事情
I just want to say that what you two did
把我们的生活全都给搅乱了
has thrown our entire life into chaos.
过去的24小时 我不得不看着
The past 24 hours, I've had to watch
我心爱的女人备受煎熬...
the woman I love endure more than anyone--
对不起 我得问一下 她真的是你心爱的女人
I'm sorry, I just have to ask, is she really the woman you love?
因为她得比你大40岁吧
Because she's, like, 40 years older than you.
这也太无知和歧视老年人了 你怎么敢这么说
Well, that's ignorant and ageist. How dare you?
我是否和你们一样对这事感到震惊 当然
Am I surprised as you that it happened? Absolutely.
可你们做了那些 往那一坐然后...
But after what you did, for you to sit there and--
好了好了 我们别把话题岔开了
Okay, okay, uh, let's not get sidetracked, all right?
威廉
Look, William,
竞选扭曲到了这样的程度
I'm honestly so very sorry
我诚心诚意地表示道歉 等选举结束
that this campaign has stooped to this level, and when it's over,
我想我们都需要去检讨自我 扪心自问
I think that we all have some serious soul-searching to do.
但请告诉我 你到底来干什么
But can I please just ask you: what exactly brings you here?
我是来提建议的
I'm here to make an offer,
作为交换 你们要放过我和哈达莎的事
in exchange for you dropping this thing with me and Hadassah.
我告诉你们 她是最有爱心 温馨
Who is, I'm telling you, the most loving, warm,
-热情的伴侣... -好好 什么建议
- passionate partner-- - Okay. Okay. What is it?
我就直说了
I'm just gonna say it.
他们开始了新的三人行了
They're in a new throuple already.
-那床上还有我的体温呢 -等等 真的吗
- My third of the bed was still warm. - Wait, really?
我做了些调查 他叫汉密尔顿 真恶心
I did some digging. His name is Hamilton. Gross.
结果呢 他是马科斯的博士生
And he is, as it turns out, a PhD candidate of Marcus's.
我不确定迪迪知道这个情况
I'm not sure Dede knows that.
-好吧 -还有
- Wow, okay. - Another thing
一件我知道而迪迪不知道的事
that Dede doesn't know, and I do,
马科斯不是很诚实
is that Marcus is not the most honest man.
在过去的数年里
He has, in the last several years,
他偷偷地为全国各地
secretly written papers for undergraduates
几所著名大学里的
at several prestigious universities
本科生撰写论文 以此挣钱
across the country in exchange for money.
钱还挺多的
Kind of a lot of money.
他们付现金 所以这笔收入不报税
They pay in cash, and he does not report the income,
但有五十万上下呢
but it's in the mid-six figures.
等一下 你觉得迪迪不知道这件事
Wait, wait, wait. You think Dede doesn't know this?
我知道她不知道
I know she doesn't.
他不让我告诉她
He told me not to tell her.
她是搞政♥治♥的人里少数不腐♥败♥的几个
She's the rare politician who doesn't do that sort of thing.
她很干净
She's clean.
所以我才告诉你们 如果这事爆出去
Which is why I'm telling you. If this were to get out,
包括迪迪并不知情的情况
along with the fact that Dede had no idea,
马科斯有可能是要被牺牲掉的那个人
Marcus could be the one who gets thrown to the wolves,
而不是哈达莎
not Hadassah.
你打算怎么做
What do you wanna do?
这正是我所说的
This is exactly what I'm talking about, guys.
我应该参与进来
I should be in on this.
乔治娜
Georgina!
对 是真的
Yes, it's true.
我和提诺·麦卡琴有婚外情
I've been having an affair with Tino McCutcheon.
我床上的表现让人欲死欲仙也是真的
It's also true that I am spectacular in bed.
对于我这样魅力四射的女人来说 我异常努力
I work unusually hard for a woman as attractive as I am.
那段情事已经结束了
That affair is now over.
我用下面这个短♥信♥结束了它
I ended it with the following text:
"废物 拜拜了"
"Loser, bye."
对于提诺真实的为人我毫不知情
I had no idea what kind of man Tino really was,
我想向他最近刚刚苏醒的妻子表示歉意
and I would like to apologize to his recently revived wife.
谢谢大家
Thank you.
乔治娜
Georgina!
-乔治娜 -麦卡琴参议员给你打来电♥话♥了
- Georgina! - Oh, I have Senator McCutcheon for you.
求求你别这样对我
Please don't do this to me.
至少先做做样子 等到我宣布以后
At least pretend until after I announce.
你失去了我 但不一定要失去你的竞选
You've lost me, but you don't have to lose your campaign.
但你的确需要个万福玛利亚传球
You do need a Hail Mary, though.
你要宣布你的副总统人选 选一个女人
You need to announce your VP candidate, and make it a woman.
最起码这看着不太好
So, it's not a good look, to say the least.
我明白
I get that.
我做得不太好 这点很清楚
I did not behave well. That's obvious.
但是 实际上呢
But, and you know, the truth is,
我想这也是从政♥治♥的角度来看
and this is the political angle, I think, too:
有多少人真的了解
How many people really know what it's like
配偶昏迷是什么滋味
to have a spouse in a coma?
他们根本不了解
They have no idea what it's like.
这是个巨大的打击
It's a trauma.
而当一个人受到打击时
And when a person is traumatized,
这方面有很多科学研究
and they've done studies on this,
那个人就完全不是他自己了
that person is literally not themself.
好吧 但你的确侧面向你的妻子暗示
Sure, but you did kind of suggest to your wife
如果她去世了
that if she were to die,
那会是你比较乐意看到的结果
that would sort of be the outcome you'd prefer.
我不想看她受到折磨 而且 不是我不体贴
I didn't want to see her suffer. And, not to be crass,
看过那场新闻发布会后 我想很多人说
that press conference, I think a lot of people said,
"是呀 如果我和那位女士结婚了
"Well, yeah, if I was married to that lady,
我也会想让她死"
I'd want her to die too."
不过那就牵扯到民调了
But that gets me to the polling.
我的女性支持率受到了打击 当然
My favorables among the women has taken a hit, sure.
但是男性支持率呢
But among men?
没有改变
Hasn't moved.
所以说实在的 我的情况依然乐观
So, really, I'm still in good shape.
如果我很快宣布你是副总统人选
And if I were to announce you, and soon,
你站出来强有力地为我辩护
and you came out in a strong, full-throated defense,
我们认为那就能及时止损
we think that stops the bleeding.
稍等 我有一点疑惑 你多快会宣布
Wait, I'm con-confused. How soon?
星期二晚上 你赢得选举之后
Tuesday night. After you win the election.
你将这事融入到你的提名演讲中
You fold it into your acceptance speech
谈谈政策 别提个人失败
about policy, not personal failings,
政策才是选举的重点
being what elections should be about.
接下来几天我们可以一起亮相 博取关注
We spend the next few days showing a little leg together.
然后我会正式宣布和你一起参加竞选
Then I announce my run with you on the ticket.
这一切都可以很快发生
It can all happen really fast.
好的
Okay.
让我考虑一下
Let me think about it.
我太老了
I'm so old.
听着 你在干什么
Listen What-What-What-What are you doing?
我看起来像在做什么
What does it look like I'm doing?
我不会在新闻发布会后才清空这里
I'm not gonna clear out of here after I do this.
今天下午我就要开新闻发布会
I'm gonna do the press conference this afternoon
然后直接回家看《偷听女人心》
and go straight home and watch What Women Want.
你能停一下吗
Would you please stop a beat?
-怎么了 -我要飞去加州
- What is it? - I'm flying to California.
我要和乔治娜·霍巴特聊聊
I'm gonna talk to Georgina Hobart.
祝你好运
Good luck with that.
我不是要否定你儿子
Not to take anything away from your son
他是个极具天赋的政客
who is an extremely talented politician
有着非常光明的前途
with a very bright future,
不过如果我可以告诉你
but if I could just leave you
非常重要的两点
with these two very important points:
在纽约州没有人对女性
No one has done more for women
做出的贡献比我多