极品老妈

Mom S03E17

Part 3 Jan. 4, 2020, 9:30 a.m.

So I get up on the mountain.
脚上绑着蠢木头
I got this stupid piece of wood strapped to my feet.
我飞下了山
I am flying down the hill.
我做得很好
I'm doing good.
我看到一个标志
I see a sign.
上面写着危险前方峡谷
It says, "Danger, barranca ahead."
峡谷是什么
What's a barranca?
我也是这么想的
That's what I'm thinking.
我环顾四周是熊吗树吗
I'm looking around, is it a bear, is it a tree?
原来是悬崖
Turns out it's a... cliff.
而你
And you...
直接滑了下去
Right off the edge.
摔了两百英尺
200 feet straight down.
我感觉像是大笨狼怀尔
I felt like Wile E. Coyote,
但我蠢多了
but substantially dumber.
天啊
Oh, God.
你想听听更丢人的部分吗
You want to hear the real embarrassing part?
一直想听
Always.
我摔下去时
On the way down...
试着挥动手臂
I-I tried flapping my arms.
抱歉我不想笑的
I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh.
为什么这很有趣我就...
Why? It's funny. I was just...
天啊真的是
Oh, God, it really is.
真好玩
This is fun.
等等
Hang on.
现在你是炫耀了
Oh, now you're just showing off.
我不能一直弯下腰捡包包
Yeah, well, I can't keep bending over to pick up my purse.
我不是抱怨
Not that I'm complaining.
好吧我到了
Okay, well, this is my stop.
今晚很棒
Tonight was great.
我们能再约一次吗
Can we do it again?
最好是
We better.
很好
Good.
好吧晚安
All right. Well, good night.
晚安
Good night.
这次我是认真的
This time, I mean it.
谢谢
Thank you.
怎么样
So?
拜托告诉我你们不是特意开车过来
Please tell me you didn't all drive over here
看看我的约会进行得怎么样的
to see how my date went.
不我们去开会了
No. We went to a meeting.
-喝了咖啡 -然后开车过来
- Had coffee. u202d- And then we drove over here
看看你的约会进行得怎么样
to see how your date went.
你的约会怎么样
So how'd your date go?
好吧
Okay.
这是标题
Here's the headline.
这辈子最棒的一次约会
Best date of my life.
-天啊 -太棒了
- Oh, my God. - Oh, that's so wonderful.
晚餐很棒
Great dinner.
没有尴尬的停顿
No awkward pauses.
没必要装笑
Didn't have to fake any laughs.
他以完美的第一次接吻结束了约会
And he finished it off with the perfect first kiss.
我真为你高兴邦妮
I'm so happy for you, Bonnie.
这是你应得的
Yeah, you deserve this.
我不想先下判断
I don't want to get ahead of myself,
但我觉得邦妮·普兰科特·贾尼考斯基
but I think Bonnie Plunkett Janikowski
叫多了也就顺口了
will get easier to say with time.
你会保留普兰科特吗
You would actually keep Plunkett?
你说得对
You're right.
为什么要帮债主找到我
Why help the creditors find me.
听着我觉得这很棒
Listen, I think this is great,
但我要扫兴一下慢慢来
but at the risk of sounding like a wet blanket, take it slow.
聪明点
Be smart.
拜托如果我慢慢来聪明点
Oh, please. If I took things slow and smart,
这人根本不会存在
this one wouldn't exist.
我只是说一天一天慢慢来
I'm just saying, take it one day at a time.
也许我不想一天一天慢慢来
Well, maybe I don't want to take it one day at a time.
也许我想尽情生活享受爱情
Maybe I want to be high on life, on love.
嗨翻一切
On whatever I can get high on
不要求我参加12步会议的东西
that doesn't require me going to a freakin' 12 step meeting.
好吧抱歉
Okay. Sorry.
这是你的人生
It's your life.
我有个问题
I have a question.
你的胸怎么了
What's goin' on with your boobs?
你妈妈要来参加会议吗
Is your mom coming to the meeting?
不
No.
她要和帅轮椅约会
She's got another date with hot wheels.
真不错
Oh, good for her.
我不大确定
Yeah. I'm not so sure.
为什么
Why?
好吧
Okay, so,
我有个服务员同事
there's this waitress I work with,
安德莉亚
Andrea.
我碰巧提到我妈妈在跟
I happened to mention my mom's dating
坐轮椅的前特技演员约会
this former stuntman in a wheelchair.
你怎么碰巧提到的
How do you happen to mention that?
这叫八卦玛乔丽
It's called gossip, Marjorie.
我不为之骄傲但你现在也在八卦
I'm not proud of it, but there you are.
总之原来
Anyway, turns out,
安德莉亚以前跟亚当约过会
Andrea used to go out with Adam.
所以呢
So?
她发现他出轨了
She caught him cheating on her,
然后又对那个姑娘出轨了
and then he cheated on that girl, too.
他是个花♥花♥公♥子♥
So he's a player.
显然是
Apparently.
真遗憾
That's a shame.
你打算怎么做
What are you going to do?
你这话是什么意思
What do you mean, what is she going to do?
她得告诉邦妮
She has to tell Bonnie.
-她没必要 -我没必要吗
- No, she doesn't. - I don't?
你又不知道全部故事
You don't know the whole story.
也许你朋友安德莉亚是个撒谎的荡♥妇♥
Maybe your friend Andrea's a lyin' whore.
吉尔
Jill...!
拜托她是服务员
Oh, come on. She's a waitress.
你懂她们的
You know how they are.
我也是服务员
Hey, I'm a waitress.
是啊你跟你已婚老板上♥床♥
Yeah, and you slept with your married boss,
还有消防员醉汉
a drunk fireman,
前夫未来的岳父
your ex-husband's future father-in-law...
好吧我是个荡♥妇♥
Fine! I'm a whore.
但我觉得安德莉亚没对亚当的事撒谎
But I don't think Andrea's lying about Adam.
真正的问题是
So the real question is,
如果你们是我妈妈你会想知道吗
if you were my mom, would you want to know?
-会 -不会
- Yes. - u202dNo.
真难
Oh, that's a toughie.
谢谢真有帮助
Thanks. Very helpful.
真正的问题是如果你不告诉她
Well, the real question is how are you going to feel
她受伤了你会感觉如何
if you don't tell her and she gets hurt?
你会告诉她吗
So you'd tell her?
当然啦
Of course.
妈妈
Hey, Mom...
玛乔丽有事想告诉你
Marjorie has something she wants to tell you.
我不告诉她
I'm not telling her.
你刚说你愿意
You just said you would.
我是说如果我是你
I said I would if I were you.
好吧吉尔你来说
All right, Jill, you're up.
我才不要告诉她
Wh... I'm not telling her
她的新男友是个出轨货
her new boyfriend's a cheatin' dog.
你听到了吗
Did you get that?
她想跟你谈谈
She wants to talk to you.
-鸡肉怎么样 -嗯