极品老妈

Mom S03E14

Part 2 Jan. 4, 2020, 9:30 a.m.

and learned that if you apply pomegranate juice,
蒜泥核桃油
garlic paste, walnut oil,
然后再用甘蓝叶盖上痣
and then cover the mole with a kale leaf,
它几小时内就会消失
it'll be gone in a few hours.
好主意
Good call.
在你屁♥股♥上变魔术吧
Go Harry Potter on your ass.
会有用的
It'll work.
妈妈害怕去看医生很正常大家都会
Mom, it's natural to be scared to go see a doctor, anyone would be.
我不会科学可是站在我这边的
Except me. I have science on my side.
快来把甘蓝叶贴到我屁♥股♥上
Now come on-- tape this kale leaf to my butt.
向阳面朝下
Shiny side down,
不然这就完全浪费时间了
or this is just a complete waste of time.
就跟这对话一样
Just like this conversation.
万一巫术百科
Hey, on the off chance that Wiccan-pedia
不管用
doesn't do the trick,
你能去看医生吗
will you please see a doctor?
最后说一次我不需要看医生
For the last time, I don't need a doctor.
快
Now come on,
帮我召唤毒蛇
help me summon the serpent.
够了我要预约
That's it, I'm making an appointment.
-不行 -为什么
- No. - Why?
因为
Because...
我这辈子都是个糟糕的人
I've been a terrible person my whole life
这就是上天对我的报复
and this is how the universe is gonna get even with me.
你的确害怕
So you are scared.
当然啦你看见那玩意儿了吗
Of course I am. Have you seen this thing?
都可以声称是家属了
It's big enough to claim as a dependant.
那就处理这件事
Then let's get it taken care of
然后将其抛之"身后"
and put the whole thing behind us.
抱歉
Sorry.
你不能那样做上天不这样运转
You can't do that, that's not how the universe works.
等等你知道上天怎么运转的
Wait a minute-- you know how the universe works,
而你一直瞒着我吗
and you've been holding out on me?
上天会等着
The universe waits,
等你的生活恢复正常
and then as soon as you get your life together,
砰糟糕的事就会发生
boom-- something awful happens.
你真可怜
Oh, you poor thing.
还觉得自己的生活恢复正常了
You think you have your life together.
这样吧我跟你做一笔交易
Tell you what, I'll make you a deal.
我们给你的沙拉酱24小时时间
We'll give your witch's salad dressing
让它生效
24 hours to work.
如果没用就去看医生
If it doesn't, we see a doctor.
好吧
Fine.
谢谢现在你才开始讲理了
Thank you. Now you're starting to make sense.
真棒我的屁♥股♥闻起来和橄榄园一样
Oh, great. Now my ass smells like the Olive Garden.
我们需要棉球吗
Do we need cotton balls?
什么
What?
无所谓了我拿走了
Never mind. I'm just gonna take 'em.
真会给自己找善报
Nice karma move,
从免费诊所偷东西
stealing from the free clinic.
你还从等待室偷走了
Says the woman who swiped three Us Weeklies
三本《美国周刊》呢
from the waiting room.
我只会做这上面的纵横字谜
It's the only crossword I can do.
好吧普兰科特女士
Okay, Ms. Plunkett,
看来你的臀部有个不受欢迎的客人
I see you have an unwelcome guest on your posterior.
请你脱裤子并弯下腰
Please drop your pants and bend over.
好吧
Oh, okay.
不是男人第一次这样跟你说对吧妈妈
Not the first time a man has said that to you, huh, Mom?
真好笑
Oh, that's very good.
机智
Clever. Huh.
好吧来看看这里的情况
Okay, let's see what we have here, hm?
天啊
Oh, jeepers.
是好事吗
Jeepers, good?
天啊什么时候是好事
When is jeepers ever good?
天啊我就知道
Oh, God, I knew it.
冷静点医生
Calm down. Doctor?
怎么了
Yes?
什么
What?
-什么 -她想知道是不是癌症
- What? - She wants to know if it's cancer.
要等实验室的结果了
That's for the lab to say.
那接下来怎么样
So what happens next?
我们取样做切片检查
We scoop it off, send it for a biopsy
看看到底是什么
and see what's what.
-那要多久 -大概一周
- How long does that take? - About a week.
我得等一周时间才能知道我有没有得皮肤癌吗
I have to wait a week to find out if I have skin cancer?
这是免费诊所不是快速诊所
It's a free clinic, not a fast clinic.
尽量别想这事
Just try not to think about it.
这不是吸可♥卡♥因♥的借口
This is not an excuse to smoke crack.
她还在想着那事
She's still thinkin' about it.
你干什么呢
Whatcha doin'?
看起来像是什么我在清洁冰箱
What's it look like? I'm cleaning the fridge.
凌晨三点吗
At 3:00 in the morning?
我没法喝酒嗑药
I can't drink, I can't do drugs.
让我整理牛奶和冷切肉
Let me organize our milk and cold cuts.
你想歇会儿
You want to take a break
谈论你的感受吗
and maybe talk about what you're feeling?
真的吗你想知道我的感受吗
Really? You want to know how I feel?
死死死死死死死
Death, death, death, death, death, death, death.
高兴了吗
Happy?
妈妈你有点过早行动了
Mom, you're kind of jumping the gun.
切片检查的结果六天后才出来
We won't get the results of the biopsy for six more days.
你不觉得你该...
Don't you think you should...
死
Death!
好
Okay.
晚安
Nighty-night.
做个好梦
Sweet dreams!
很好
Nice.
疯子最会打扫了
No one cleans like a crazy person.
有人吗妈妈
Hello? Mom?
楼上
Upstairs!
希望她整理了衣橱
Hope she organized the closet.
你没事吧
You okay?
只是很累
Just tired.
考虑到我的情况我想这也是正常的
I guess that's to be expected, given my condition.
或者你很累是因为你整晚都熬夜了
Or you're tired because you stayed up all night.
该死
Damn.
克丽丝蒂
Christy,
来坐下
come. Sit.
我为什么要回家
Why do I come home?
我爱你
I love you.
什么
What?
我说我爱你
I said I love you.
我们说得不够多
We don't say it enough.
我们从来都不说
We don't say it ever.
我们中的一人从来都没想过
One of us doesn't even think it.
来吧起床
Come on. Get out of bed.
我们吃点东西然后参加互助会
Let's go grab a bite to eat, and then we'll go to the meeting.
不你去吧
No, no. You go.
让大家为我祈祷
Tell everyone to pray for me.
好吧但别抱太大指望
Okay. But don't expect much.
好多年来我都让生命处于危险之中
You know, I put my life at risk for so many years.
毒品酒精
Drugs, alcohol,
爬到动物园的围栏里嘲弄动物
climbing into zoo enclosures and taunting the animals.
我从来没仔细想过
I-I never gave it a second thought.
现在每一刻感觉都好珍贵
And now every moment feels so precious.
而你在浪费我的时间
And yet here you are wasting my time.
很好
That's good.
笑话我吧笑话生活
Laugh at me. Laugh at life.
一切都是个笑话
The whole thing's a joke.
好吧我要逃走了
All righty. I'm gonna skedaddle.
克丽丝蒂