燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S04E24

Part 1 May 5, 2020, 8:57 a.m.

《燃情克利夫兰》
Hot in Cleveland is recorded
是在摄影棚观众前现场录制
in front of a live studio audience.
好消息
Great news!
我的检查结果出来了
I got the results back from my doctor.
医生说那块痔不是皮肤癌
That weird mole is not skin cancer.
谢天谢地
Oh, thank heavens!
我真为你高兴
Oh, I am so happy!
我那时嘴上说
All those times I said,
别担心一块痔而已
"Don't worry, that mole is nothing,"
其实我心想天哪
I was actually thinking, "Oh, my God,
那块痔等于判了死刑一样
that repulsive mole has 'killer' written all over it."
我都明白
I know!
我昨晚吃了整整一罐白糖
I ate an entire can of frosting last night
边吃边想这才多大个事儿啊
thinking, "Oh, what does it matter... "
上帝我竟然真的吃了整整一罐白糖
Oh, my God, I ate an entire can of frosting last night.
说真的我看透了
You know what? I don't care.
其实我的人生观有了新的升华
In fact, I have a whole new lease on life.
我要努力去发现每个人每件事
I am going to see the good in everything...
乃至每段经历美好的一面
every person, every experience.
-你确定 -必须的
- Must you? - I must.
活在当下
I am living in the moment!
你知道为什么叫当下吗
Do you know why they call it the present?
因为它是一份馈赠
Because it's a gift.
是的听你说话一点都不烦
Yeah, this won't get annoying.
维多利亚洛杉矶玩的开心吗
Hey, Victoria! How was L.A.?
我要宣布一个悲催的消息
Well, I have a major sad announcement to make.
我没能得到那个角色
I didn't get the part, and...
而我的婚礼也被毁了
my wedding is ruined.
怎么回事
What happened?
他们坚持要我试镜
Oh, they insisted that I screen test in character,
我所以同意是因为
and I agreed because
表演协会通常会青睐那些为了角色
the academy just loves it when a beautiful actress
不惜在戏内自毁形象的美貌女演员
makes herself look hideous for a role.
但我没拿到角色
Only I didn't get the role,
如今我是一个在戏外也形象尽毁的
and so now I'm just a beautiful actress
美貌女演员
who looks hideous.
亲爱的
Oh, honey,
想想你就要和心爱之人步入婚姻殿堂
you're about to marry the love of your life.
形象什么的算个啥
It doesn't matter how you look.
她这是咋了
What is wrong with her?
梅兰妮刚发现她没得癌症
Melanie just found out she's cancer-free,
于是她摇身一变
and she's turning into one of those
成了脸书上你拉黑的那群
"Life is beautiful" people
大唱人生赞歌♥的人
that you have to block on Facebook.
你没事我真高兴
Oh, I'm so glad you're okay.
谢谢凡事要往好了想
Thank you. Now, on the plus side,
每个人的婚礼都会经历点小波折
everyone has one thing go wrong at their wedding, right?
你挺过去就好了
Now you've had yours.
她的婚礼在监狱举♥行♥
Her wedding is in prison.
这已经够波折的了
I think that box has been checked.
戴上假发就行了
Just wear your emergency wig.
艾米特根本看不出来
Emmet will never know the difference.
我还记得我的婚礼
I remember my wedding.
你那原始人老公对着你的头一顿猛打
You mean the groom clubbing you over the head
然后把你拖进洞里
and dragging you to his cave?
我确实是老了
It's true. I'm old.
不如说说你的婚礼吧
Let's talk about your weddings.
哪壶不该提哪壶
Oh, that's right.
没错两任新郎官都临阵脱逃了
Yes, two men did leave me at the altar.
我怀欧文的时候
But Simon would've married me
西蒙原打算和我奉子成婚
when I was pregnant with Owen
可惜被我妈赶走了
if my mother hadn't sent him off.
我恨他是个胆小鬼就一直没再联♥系♥他
I know he's a rat for never trying to get in touch,
但是...初恋总是让人难以释怀
but... there's just something about your first love.
初恋把你的肚子搞大就跑了
He knocked you up and skipped town.
但我明白乔依的意思
But I see the point Joy is trying to make.
她是想让我觉得她的生活
I mean, even my prison wedding
比我的监狱婚礼还要悲催
won't be as sad as her life.
是我的婚礼策划人
Oh, it's my wedding planner.
据说监狱换了新典狱长
Apparently, there's a new warden at the prison
他想见见你
and he wants to see me.
见到您很荣幸典狱长先生
It's a pleasure to meet you, warden,
可我还是有点不明白
but I'm still a tad confused
为什么我们要来这潮湿的空牢房♥
as to why we're in this dank holding cell...
让人想起了地铁的厕所
which is slightly reminiscent of a subway restroom.
因为你要在这潮湿的空牢房♥里结婚啊
Because this dank holding cell is where you're getting married.
什么
What?
你们答应过我在户外举办婚礼啊
I was promised an outdoor wedding.
我邀请了150位名人来参加呢
I have 150 celebrity guests coming.
死囚犯清唱团四重唱
And the Death Row A Cappella quartet
要演绎《温柔地杀死我》
is singing Killing Me Softly.
你这些美梦都做不成了
Well, none of that is going to happen.
四重唱已经死了一个了
And it's a trio now.
从积极的方面看
Well, on the plus side...
这是太让人气愤了
This is outrageous.
我的婚礼策划人杰弗里不会赞成的
My wedding planner Jeffrey won't stand for it.
今早我让一个犯人咬掉了另一犯人的鼻子
I had one inmate bite another inmate's nose off this morning.
区区婚礼策划人杰弗里我还是能搞定的
I think I can handle wedding planner Jeffrey.
好吧那你去原来狱长那问问
All right, you just check with the old warden,
他会告诉你我们有
and he'll tell you that we had
截然不同的安排
an entirely different arrangement.
他因为受贿被炒鱿鱼了
He's been fired for taking bribes.
什么太让人震惊了
What! That's shocking.
不过出于好奇
But just out of curiosity,
那个行贿的人能不能
will the people who paid those bribes
得到补偿呢
be getting reimbursed?
亲爱的
Darling.
艾米特
Oh, Emmet!
亲爱的真喜欢你的头巾
Darling, love the do-rag.
我那个七区的好朋友安奎
My dear friend Anquan in block seven
也戴了个一模一样的
wears one just like it.
我们的婚礼策划人呢
Where's our wedding planner?
现在我是你们婚礼策划人了
I'm your wedding planner now.
你们的婚礼将在这间牢房♥里举♥行♥
You're going to be married in this room,
无论什么媒体一律不得入内
with absolutely no press whatsoever.
可我们把独家报道权卖♥♥给了英版《人物》
But we sold the exclusive rights to UK People.
媒体不得入内
No press.
请150个客人没门我就准你们请四个
And instead of 150 guests, I'm limiting you to 4.
14个
14?
4个
4.
44个
44?
4个
4!
别假装你听不见我说的
Stop pretending you're not hearing me.
其中还包括你们的司仪
And one of them has to be your officiant.
可我们邀请了那么多圈中好友
But we've invited so many of our famous friends.
我们该选哪三位
I mean, which three would we choose?
对了艾米特
Oh, right. Uh, Emmet?
亲爱的至少我们能
Darling, at least we'll be
共度良宵
spending our wedding night together.
那个不会有变动吧会吗
That won't be changing, will it?
不会你们可以在监狱的
Yes, you will have your honeymoon
夫妻拖车里度蜜月
in the prisoner conjugal trailer,
第三顺位
third shift.
你或许得带条床单过去
You might wanna bring your own sheets.
床单真美妙啊
Sheets? Well, la-dee-da.
真不敢相信我现在这么紧张
Oh, I can't believe how nervous I am.
从积极的方面看说明你还活着
On the plus side, it means you're feeling alive.
我宁可紧张也不要被你烦梅兰妮
I'd rather be nervous than irritated, Melanie.
你真美
You look so beautiful.
真遗憾他们不许你带摄影师
I'm sorry they won't let you have a photographer.