燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S04E04

Part 1 May 5, 2020, 8:54 a.m.

《燃情克利夫兰》是在摄影棚观众前现场录制
Hot in Cleveland is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
在这呢爱尔卡我带战利品来了
Oh, there you are, Elka. I brought the loot.
说了多少遍了梅米·苏
We've been over this, Mamie Sue.
"战利品"搞得咱们跟海盗似的
"Loot" makes it sound like we're pirates.
抱歉我带本杰明来了
I'm sorry. I got the Benjamins.
美国百元大钞上的人是本杰明·富兰克林
都是本杰明惹的祸
It's all about the Benjamins.
你们哪来的这么多钱
What are you doing with all that money?
哪里有钱
What money?
爱尔卡到底什么情况
Elka, what the hell is going on?
真要说的话我们开始做生意了
Well, if you must know, we've started a business.
为老年人提供约会服务对吧
It's a dating service for seniors. Right?
对啊称为克利夫兰
Sure. It's called Cleveland...
热辣奶奶
GILFS.
直译为我愿意fxxk的奶奶
就是我愿意交往的奶奶
Uh... Grandmothers I'd Like to Friend.
你们鬼鬼祟祟的就是在忙这个吗
So that's what all the secrecy has been about?
所以你才重返校园去学商
That's why you're back in school getting a business degree?
对啊正是
Yep, that's why.
这主意不错
That's a good idea.
这主意确实不错
It is a good idea.
正好给咱的正经事儿打个掩护
And a great cover for our real business.
或许我能通过这个找到人约会
And maybe I could use it to meet someone.
这样就能跟你和皮埃尔来一场四人约会了
And then I could double date with you and Pierre.
带着别的男人跟皮埃尔约会
Oh, I'd be nervous bringing another guy
我会紧张的
on a date with Pierre.
说得对最终的结果可能是
You're right, we might end up
那俩基友手牵手走了
both going home alone.
亲爱的你整晚都没睡吗
Oh, honey, were you up all night?
我怎么可能睡得着都快疯了
How could I sleep? I'm losing my mind.
好吧最糟糕的情况就是
Okay, worst-case scenario:
你老板碰巧听到了你对他的告白
Your boss overheard you say you're in love with him.
然后现在正在和女友度假
Now he's on vacation with his girlfriend,
把这当笑话讲
laughing about it.
而当克洛伊他的前妻
And when Chloe, his ex-wife--
你另外个老板知道了后
also your boss-- finds out,
你会被羞辱孤立然后被炒
you'll be humiliated, alone, and fired.
天哪我要不是天主教♥徒♥ 有俩孩子
Oh, God, if I wasn't catholic and didn't have two kids
明天还要去看牙医
and I didn't have a dentist appointment tomorrow
这会儿取消预约略显无礼
that would be so rude to cancel this late,
我早就自杀了
I'd kill myself.
有了我给他发条短♥信♥
I know, I'll send him a text
跟他说这只是个玩笑
and tell him it was all a joke.
我觉得吧梅兰妮
Oh, I don't know, Melanie.
不不不这是个好办法
No, no, no, no. This is good, this is good.
我就说这是个精心设计的恶作剧
I'll say it was an elaborate prank.
我整到他了发送
I punked him. And send.
这不就搞定了
That'll fix it.
搞定个屁啊
No, it won't.
我♥干♥嘛煞费苦心整一个恶作剧
Why would I pull such an elaborate prank?
我又怎么确定他是不是真的听到了
And how could I know that he'd overhear me?
还有为啥"整到他"给自动
And why did autocorrect
修改成"恶心到他"了
change "punked" to "puked"?
现在阿莱克和他女朋友卡门
And now Alec and his girlfriend Carmen
在阵阵爱潮之中
have something else to laugh about
又有了新的笑料
in between bouts of lovemaking.
整个画面都出来了她骑在他身上
I could just see it now... Her on top of him...
你怎么知道她在上面
How do you know she's on top?
现在大清早的
It's early in the day.
她可不想弄乱自己的头发
She doesn't want to mess up her hair.
好了我到底该怎么办
Okay, so what should I do?
打给维多利亚
Call Victoria.
这类蠢事儿她最拿手了
She's always good for an asinine scheme.
不不我不想打扰维多利亚
No, no, I don't want to bug Victoria.
今天是她排练第一天
It's her first day of rehearsal.
没错我敢保证
You're right. I'm sure she's busy
她现在就在干什么蠢事儿呢
doing something asinine already.
这问题问得好芭芭拉
An excellent question, Barbara.
首次出演伍迪·艾伦的电影
How do I feel being in my first Woody Allen movie,
并与艾米特·劳森爵士演对手戏的感觉如何
starring opposite Sir Emmet Lawson?
感觉可不能再好了
How don't I feel?
维多利亚你在吗
Victoria, are you in there?
是的艾米特请进
Oh, uh, yes, Emmet. Come in.
今天早上表现太棒了亲爱的精彩极了
Terrific job this morning, my love. Brava!
你是说真的吗
Oh, you really mean it?
你真有两下子孩子
You are the real deal, kid.
从你嘴里说出来真是意义重大
Oh, coming from you, that means so much.
你根本想象不到
You can't imagine.
我还有一事要跟你说
I've also got something to tell you.
抱歉是我的谷歌♥快讯
Excuse me. Just my Google alert.
我的也是天哪
Yeah, mine too. Oh, my God.
TMZ报道说咱俩搞外遇
TMZ is reporting that we are having an affair.
美国名人消息网
我来就是要跟你说这事儿
That's what I came to tell you.
就这样
Yes! Oh, oh!
对千万别停
Yes! Don't ever stop!
你觉得他们在外面信咱这套吗
Hey, you think 'they're buying it out there?
相信我一半的工作人员
Oh, trust me. Half the crew is
已经在给TMZ打电♥话♥了
on the phone to TMZ already.
新鲜出炉的绯闻最能
Nothing like a bit of juicy gossip
让你博得版面了
to keep your name in the papers
外加炒热电影了
and get your movie trending.
晃得我还真有点恶心了
I'm getting a little nauseous.
咱们还要这样弄多久
How much longer do we have to keep doing this?
这才三分钟
It's only been three minutes.
我可不能落个"快枪手"的名号♥
I have my reputation to think of.
你对这种"假恋情"什么的很在行嘛
You're really good at this whole fake relationship thing.
-你经常这样做吗 -当然了
- Do you do this regularly? - Oh, absolutely.
我曾和海伦娜·博汉·卡特
I once carried on a six-month romance
有过一段长达半年的恋情
with Helena Bonham Carter.
英国女演员曾出演《国王的演讲》
压根没见过她
Never met her.
-高♥潮♥收尾 -求之不得
- Big finish? - Please.
天哪天哪天哪
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
然后谢幕
And... Scene.
太受宠若惊了
Oh, it's just so flattering.
被艾米特这种水准的演员选上
An actor of Emmet's caliber can have his pick of actresses
与他一起搞一段假恋情
to have a fake romance with.
你确定你真的只是在演戏吗
Are you sure you're really faking it,
而不是假装在演戏吗
not faking faking it?
因为你看起来好像真的很喜欢他
Because it seems like you genuinely like him.
不不不我是很真诚地在演戏
No, no, no, no, my fakery is sincere.
至少你确定艾米特只是假装爱你
Well, at least you know Emmet fake-loves you.
我根本不知道阿莱克对我的感觉
I have no idea how Alec feels about me.
我还没法看手♥机♥ 因为被乔依拿走了
And I can't check my phone because Joy took it.
闺蜜才不会让对方发犯傻的信息
Friends don't let friends text stupid.
你还给他发短♥信♥了
Oh, you texted him?
几条而已
Just a few times.
八条呢我试着拦她来着
Eight times! I tried to stop her.
你才没有你来回就那一句
No, you didn't. All you said was,
窝也母鸡啊梅兰妮
"Oh, I don't know, Melanie."
总之他没回我哪能坐得住
Anyway, he didn't write back, and I couldn't stand it,
-于是我又发了一条 -抱歉给你发短♥信♥
- so then I texted-- - "Sorry I texted before.
本不该在你度假的时候打扰的
Shouldn't have bothered you on vacay."
我当时很确定他会看到这条
I was sure he'd acknowledge that.
其实没有然后又给你发了
But he didn't, so... "Hi again.
我知道之前自己说不该给你发
I know I said I shouldn't have texted before,
但你能否回个"好"字
but could you just text back 'K'
好让我知道你一切安好
so I know you're safe?"
-然后呢 -没回
- And? - Nothing.
所以我小酌了两口想冷静一下
So to calm down, I had a little wine.
于是就有了这条 "嘿笨笨还好咩"
Which brings us to... "Hey, numbnuts, what gives?"