燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S04E21

Part 1 May 5, 2020, 8:57 a.m.

《燃情克利夫兰》是在
Hot in Cleveland is recorded
摄影棚观众前现场录制
in front of a live studio audience.
你俩在这偷偷摸摸的
You two are suspiciously quiet.
有什么企图
What are you up to?
我们在想笑话
We're thinking of jokes.
老年中心的克雷格·奥尔森快100岁了
Craig Olson at the senior center is turning 100.
爱尔卡和我打算拿他开开涮
Elka and I are doing a roast.
拿他开涮
A roast?
roast也有烧烤的意思
都那把年纪了这是要火葬的节奏吗
At that age, are you sure it isn't a cremation?
你们现在想到什么了
So what do you have so far?
我可没说克雷格前列腺肿大
"I'm not saying Craig has an enlarged prostate,
但如果他在上面戴个帽子
but if he put a hat on it,
他就能在共乘车道开车了
he could drive in the carpool lane."
要求车内有两人以上才能使用的车道
给力
Boom.
轮到我了
My turn.
我可没说克雷格喜欢到处游览
"I'm not saying Craig loves going on cruises,
但上个月他跑到巴哈马去了
but last month he went to the Bahamas."
瞧笑点在于这事是真的
See, it's funny because it's true.
梅米当你要拿别人开涮的时候
Mamie, in a roast you're supposed to take
你就要选取那个人的某项特质
an element of the person you're roasting
然后将其夸张以达到喜剧效果
and exaggerate it for comic effect.
没错比如如果我要拿爱尔卡开涮的话
Yeah, for instance, if I was going to roast Elka,
我可能就说 "我可没说爱尔卡很老
I might say, "I'm not saying Elka's old,
但当初耶稣就是她带大的"
but she babysat Jesus."
我可没说乔伊平胸
I'm not saying Joy's flat-chested.
但我在牛奶纸袋上看到了她胸部的照片
But I saw a picture of her breasts on a milk carton.
牛奶纸袋外面经常用来刊登寻人启事
好搞笑
Very funny.
-因为它们实在是找不到 -懂了
- Because they're missing. - Got it.
乔伊又是你妈妈打来的吗
Joy, is that from your mother again?
-或许你应该接一下 -不
- Maybe you should take it. - No.
我敢肯定她要说她的新任男友
I mean, I'm sure it's just about her latest boyfriend.
如果我想听一个老女人抱怨男人的话
If I wanted to hear an old woman bitch about men...
你只要待在家里自言自语就行
You'd just stay home and listen to yourself?
好了我们还是走吧
Okay, we better get going
如果我还想在看电影前跟哈利分手的话
if I'm gonna break up with Harry before we go to the movies.
谁是哈利
Who's Harry?
就是一个我这几星期以来
Oh, he's just this guy I've been trying to break up with
一直试图跟他分手的家伙
for the last few weeks.
他怎么了
So what's wrong with him?
他很好
Oh, he's nice.
就是太爱我了点
He's just, you know, way too into me.
还时不时冒出几句西班牙语
And he over-pronounces Spanish words.
昨晚他给我做了"炸玉米饼"
Last night, he made me tah-cos.
而且他还话唠巴拉巴拉讲个不停
And he talks too much. He just goes on and on and on.
跟他聊天我总忍♥不住开小差
I have never gotten through a conversation without zoning out.
而且我也不想显得太肤浅
And I don't mean to sound superficial,
但他真是毛太多了
but he's really hairy.
他名字就叫哈利[发音一致] 真是没救了
And his name is Harry, so there's no getting around it.
哈利在吗
Harry?
哈利门没关
Harry, the door was open.
哈利别害怕是我
Harry, don't be scared. It's just me.
哈利
Harry.
老天啊
Oh, my God!
天呐天呐
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
你百分百确定他死了吗
Are you absolutely sure he's dead?
他躺在床上全身冰凉
He's lying in bed ice cold.
我丈夫也那样躺了好多年他也没死啊
My husband did that for years, and he wasn't dead.
你有没有在他耳边小声倾诉
Did you whisper in his ear
-你有多想跟他滚床单 -当然没有
- how much you want to have sex? - Of course not.
有时那是获知真♥相♥的唯一方法
Sometimes it's the only way you can know for sure.
哈利有没有提过他生病了
Did Harry ever mention being ill?
我好像记得
I do kind of remember
他有一次发表长篇大论时
during one of his long, rambling speeches
说他心脏有个洞
he said something about a hole in his heart.
我还以为他是说他很孤单
I thought he just meant he was lonely.
我现在只求他表妹能快点过来
Ugh, I just wish his cousin would get here soon.
我可没说梅兰妮总令人伤心
I'm not saying Melanie's a heart-breaker,
但那里头有个死人
but there's a dead guy in there.
现在说这个太早了
Too soon?
这是什么
Hey, what's this?
"致我亲爱的梅兰妮
"To my darling Melanie.
爱你的哈利
Love, Harry."
是个戒指
It's a ring.
我就说他动作太迅速了吧
Oh, I told you he was moving too fast.
他现在动作没法迅速了吧
Well, he's not moving too fast anymore.
我说这有3克拉
I'd say 3 karats.
-把它放回去 -你该打开看看
- Oh, just put that back. - You should open it.
我不能打开死人的礼物啊
I can't open a gift from a dead man.
这很可能这是他生前买♥♥的
He probably bought it when he was still alive.
不行我会觉得自己很无良
No. I would feel like a bad person.
我可不会
Not me.
天哪晶莹剔透刀工精细
Oh! Oh, clear, square-cut,
铂金镶嵌我梦寐以求的戒指啊
platinum setting. That's my dream ring.
戴上试试
Try it on.
不行丧尽天良啊
No. Again. Bad person.
就算有个奢华的戒指在你手上
How else will you know for the future
对你的未来也不会有什么影响啊
if it's a flattering style for your finger?
好吧那我试试
Okay, I'll try it on,
不过顺便说下我感觉糟透了
but just for the record, I do not feel good about this.
-真漂亮 -好闪啊
- Oh, it's so pretty. - It is stunning.
他表妹来了
Oh, that's his cousin.
大家快摆出一副哭丧脸
Okay, everybody, look sad.
玛格利特节哀顺变
Oh, Margaret, I'm so sorry.
梅兰妮小可怜
Oh, Melanie, you poor thing.
尽管我们都知道哈利的心脏不好
Even though we all knew with Harry's heart condition
他随时可能离开我们你一定悲痛欲绝吧
he could go at any time, you must be devastated.
天哪
Oh, my God.
奶奶的戒指
Grandma's ring.
哈利求婚你接受了
Harry proposed and you accepted?
亲爱的欢迎成为家庭的一员
Darling, welcome to the family.
妈妈我不想要
Mom, I don't want it,
我也不想再提到他了
and I don't want to talk about him anymore.
不我还没跟朋友们说这事儿
No, I haven't told my friends about it.
梅兰妮进来了我挂了
Melanie just walked in. Got to go.
猜猜谁来主持为哈利守夜
Guess who's hosting Harry's wake.
什么
What?
我跟他家人去买♥♥
I was out casket shopping
骨灰盒了天哪
with his family... Oh, my God,
他们都是话痨啊
they're all long talkers.
我走神了以为有人在问我
I zoned out, and I thought someone asked me
是不是醒着
if I was awake.
结果是他们问我能不能主持守夜
Turns out they asked me if I would host the wake.
你周二晚上有事吗
What are you doing Tuesday night?
-忙死了 -太好了
- Ooh, busy. - Yeah, good,
因为守夜是周三
'cause it's Wednesday.
我有件重大事情要宣布
I have a major announcement to make.
这个盒子是小泽工业兄弟寄来的
This box is from the Ozawa Industrial Brothers.
就那个生产女式长裤的公♥司♥吗
The ladypants people?
你又要穿尿布了吗
You're gonna wear diapers again?
那不是尿布
They weren't diapers.
是超强吸收女式长裤为内急女性
They were absorbent pants for women on the go
解决问题能为他们代言我很自豪
who need to go, and I was proud to endorse them.
千万别是尿布
Please don't be diapers.
-千万别是尿布 -一定是尿布
- Please don't be diapers. - Please be diapers.
-一定是尿布 -千万别是尿...
- Please be diapers. - Please don't be diap...
谢天谢地
Oh, thank God.
是塑身腰带
It's an exercise belt.
往里面撒尿吗
That you pee in?
上帝啊希望不是