燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S04E07

Part 3 May 5, 2020, 8:54 a.m.

Well, the way the magic works
有时候一开始你会长点肉
is sometimes you gain a teeny bit of weight in the beginning,
然后就开始死命瘦
but you'll definitely start losing it.
我穿上这个都喘不过气儿了
I can barely breathe in this thing!
梅兰妮和我一起祈祷让这糖赶快见效
Melanie, pray with me that the candy kicks in soon.
亲爱的主啊
Dear lord...
请赐给这魔力瘦身糖以奇效吧
Please look with favor on the magic candy
我和我最好的朋友梅兰妮您的仆人
of my dear friend Melanie, your servant--
好了维多利亚别说了
Okay, Victoria, stop.
以免我日后遭雷劈
Stop before I get hit by lighting.
我有件事要跟你坦白
Um... I'm gonna tell you something.
上帝啊
Jesus!
主显灵了
Is lord.
好吧
All right,
既然提到洗礼的事了
now we're up to the christening part.
过程有多么"顺利"你们也清楚
And you know how well that went.
斯克罗格夫人你丈夫会来吗
Mrs. Scroggs, will your husband be joining us?
说不准
Hard to say.
他三十年前说是要出门买♥♥东西
He went out for groceries 30 years ago.
之后便杳无音讯了
Haven't heard from him since.
还有件有趣的事
Another fun fact.
欧文和他那宝宝都是未婚先孕的结果
Both Owen and the baby were born out of wedlock.
好吧至少我们之中还有一个纯洁的
Well, at least there's one innocent among us.
谢谢
Thank you.
我指的是这宝宝
I was referring to the baby.
你肯定指的不是梅兰妮
Well, you certainly couldn't have been referring to Melanie.
她是个罪人骗子叛徒
She's a sinner and a liar and a betrayer.
能让你消停会儿不拿你男友说事
Getting you to shut up about your boyfriend
几袋糖也值得
was worth a few bags of candy.
几袋
Bags?
神呐
Oh, my...
咱们能开始洗礼仪式了吗
Shall we begin the christening?
这还能称得上洗礼吗
Is it really a christening
宝宝可还都裹着脏尿布呢
if the baby shows up in a dingy old nappy?
再次强调威尔伯穿的是婴儿连体服
Again, Wilbur is wearing a onesie.
这样才舒服
He's comfortable.
当你请求上帝洗清你孩子身上的原罪时
When you ask God to free your child from original sin,
重要的是把他收拾得漂漂亮亮
you should be worried about making him look his best,
而不是怎样能更快得脱裤子
not how quickly you can unsnap his crotch!
妈这是欧文的愿望
Mother, this is what Owen wants.
老实说欧文的愿望是赶紧结束
Actually, Owen just wants this to be over.
瑞乔依娜实在弄不懂我为你做了这么多
Rejoyla, I simply don't understand why you dismiss
你为什么就不能从我一次
all my wishes after everything I've done for you.
做了这么多打住吧
Everything you've done for me? Oh, please.
倒说出一样来试试
Name one thing you've ever done for me.
帮你悬崖勒马阻止你和那个
Saved you from a miserable marriage
搞大你肚子的小流氓开始一段悲惨的婚姻
to that teenage hooligan who got you pregnant.
说什么呢
Oh, what are you talking about?
西蒙从未向我求过婚
Simon never asked me to marry him.
因为我阻止他了啊
Because I stopped him!
什么
What?
-什么 -什么
- What? - What?
真是神迹啊
It's a miracle!
请自行搜索戴荆冠的耶稣
她连问都没问过我一句
She completely changed the course of my life
就改变了我整个人生
without even consulting me.
我一直以为是西蒙抛弃了我
I thought Simon abandoned me.
之后我的感情路一直不顺遂
Which is probably what messed up
估计八成也是因为这个
my relationship with men ever since.
说得没错
She's right.
睡不着觉她怪床歪
She cannot pick 'em.
欧文麻烦你把威尔伯抱到圣坛好吗
Owen, would you please take Wilbur to the altar?
我们一会就过去
We'll be there soon.
还要做洗礼吗
So, we're still doing this?
可能得做两次
I may do it twice.
看来这孩子需要更多点保护
This kid could use the protection.
现在我先来解决较轻的罪行
Now, I'm going to dispense with the lesser transgressions first.
梅兰妮你做得不对
Melanie, what you did was wrong.
罚你这一周都听维多利亚指挥
You can make it up to Victoria by doing her bidding for a week.
听她讲埃米特·劳森的各种事迹
And listening to her endless Emmet Lawson stories.
跟之前也没区别
So a normal week.
谢谢
Thank you.
现在到你
Now you.
你把圣约翰画成了猴子
You turned St. John into a monkey.
圣经里也没说他长什么样儿啊
In my defense, the Bible never said what he looked like.
要是长得像猴子圣经肯定会提到的
It would have if he looked like a monkey.
我们不打算修复画像
Now, rather than restore the painting,
决定就顺着动物这个主题
we're gonna go with the whole animal motif
索性弄成诺亚方舟之类的壁画
and turn it into a Noah's ark thing.
好吧我去拿刷子
Fine. I'll get my brushes.
不不用了
No, you won't. You won't.
我们会请一个真正的艺术家
We're gonna hire a real artist.
我刚好认识一特好的
I know just the artist.
不是你
It's not you.
不要拉倒
Fine.
我去街尾的犹太会堂施展才华好了
I'll take my talent to the temple down the street.
希伯来语犹太人的民族语言
再见
Shalom.
好了现在处理关键问题
Now to the heart of the matter.
总算到了
Finally.
西蒙想娶我你把他赶走了
Simon wanted to marry me, and you turned him away.
你怎么能这样
How could you?
你们还是青少年他连工作都没有
You were teenagers. He didn't have a job.
主要还是因为我知道你会答应
But mostly because I knew you'd say yes.
我确实有为你着想
I was thinking about you.
但还得想到小宝宝怎样才对他最好
But also about that little baby and what was best for him.
这不该由你决定
That was not your choice.
现在对我来说最好的是你和我再也
And I think what's best for me now is that you and I
-不 -乔依不好意思
- never-- - Joy. Excuse me.
斯克罗格太太能让我们单独谈会吗
Mrs. Scroggs, could you give us a moment?
可以反正我也打算出去抽根烟来着
Fine. I was going to ask for a cigarette break anyway.
既然我孙子不是心脏病医生
Now that I know my grandson isn't a cardiologist,
我想怎么抽就怎么抽
I feel I can smoke as much as I want.
你干嘛让她出去
Why did you send her out?
我得让她知道她对我的伤害有多深
I need her to hear all the ways she's hurt me.
我要她为她的所作所为道歉
And I need for her to say she's sorry for everything she's done!
乔依请坐
Joy, please.
人们总是让我来调解
People often ask me to mediate
他们和父母的冲突
confrontations with their parents,
他们的目的也和你一样
hoping to get the same thing you want.
不过大部分时候结果是
But 99 out of 100 times, what they get
受到伤害竖起心墙的父母
is a defensive, wounded parent
总会有另一套说辞
who remembers things differently.
关系只会进一步恶化
And the relationship only worsens.
我就愿意冒险我需要她道歉
I'll take those odds. And I need this.
你有权做你认为正确的事
Look, you need to do what you think is right,
也许你可以借鉴梅兰妮的做法
but maybe you could take a cue from Melanie.
什么意思
What do you mean?
有时候糖衣炮弹更管用
Sometimes we get more of what we want with candy.
是让我就这么原谅她吗
What, so I'm just supposed to forgive her?
我们这还是很推崇宽仁的
We are pretty big on forgiveness here.
能推荐个推崇有仇必报的教堂吗
Well, can you recommend a church that's big on revenge?
我想去那种教堂
Because I want to go there.
埃米特从伦敦给我发了条超有意思的短♥信♥
Oh, and then Emmet texted me the funniest thing from London.
我要逐字逐句念给你听
Wait, I want to get it word for word.
正在表演的地儿叫老维多利亚剧院
Uh, "I'm performing at the Old Vic,
正在交往的却是年轻的维多利亚
but I'm dating the young Vic."
谁看到乔依了
Has anyone seen Joy?
她在外面的门廊
She's out on the porch.
爱尔卡你又画画呢
Elka, you're painting again.
-是给你的礼物 -真的吗
- It's a present for you. - Really?
这是威尔伯