大城小妞（2014）

Broad City S03E05

Part 1 Oct. 14, 2020, 10:14 a.m.

Okay, so how many do we have so far?
目前为止我们写了多少了
We're at 59.
59条
Okay.
好的
Brrrr-- 60.
A gif basket.
动图篮子
It's an app that stores .Gifs in your phone
这个APP能在你的手♥机♥里储存动图
so that when you send a text,
所以当你发短♥信♥的时候
you can send the gif faster than your friend.
你能比你的朋友更快发出动图
Love it, going on the list.
不错记上清单
Even though, someone at work actually told me it's pronounced "Jiff."
不过某个同事跟我说它的正确读音是"恸图"
I know, but I am not doing that.
我知道但我才不会那么读
No, it's disgusting. I'm not doing that either.
好恶心我也不会那么读
Okay, I have one.
我想到了一个
A gynecologist that's also a bikini waxer.
妇科医生同时是比基尼蜜蜡脱毛师
That is a literal one-stop pussy shop.
那就真的是一站式阴♥部♥服务点了
I love it!
我喜欢
I love you, I love this day.
我爱你也爱今天
I think we might actually be literal geniuses.
我觉得我们可能真的是天才
Oh, we for sure are geniuses.
我们当然是天才了
Get this.
听听这个
A skateboard, with a handle.
带把手的滑板
That's, like, a scooter.
那是踏板车吧
Okay, I have one.
我想到一个
Boots that have magnets on the bottom, so when you walk around,
靴子底部带有磁铁当你走路的时候
you're just picking up change.
就能吸到零钱
You never need to bend over. I love that.
不用弯腰赞
Then I could be the Jewish stereotype that I am
那我就能自在地做典型的犹太人了
without being known for it.
还不会被人发觉
Exactly, dude.
没错姐们儿
God, this is the most productive morning of my life.
天这是我一生中最多产的一个早晨
I feel rejuvenated. I'm truly alive.
感觉年轻了我焕发了生气
Okay, we're at 63. I say we get brunch.
好了写了63条了我们去吃早午餐吧
If by brunch, you mean bodega bacon egg and cheese, then I am in.
如果早午餐是指酒铺三明治的话那我就去
Dass it.
就这么定了
Damn, the park is serene today.
靠公园今天真宁静
It's just, like, beautiful.
简直美哭了
Why don't we come here more?
我们为什么不多来这里
It's just far. It is far.
太远了确实
Swimmers have, like, hard pubes and shriveled dicks.
游泳运动员的阴毛硬鸡♥巴♥皱缩
Football's, like, too scary.
橄榄球的太恐怖了
Baseball can be hot,
棒球的可以很性感
but you need a shortstop or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
不过你需要找游击手之类的对对
For me, it's wrestlers, gymnasts-- jockeys, bay-bay!
就我而言我喜欢摔跤手体操运动员和赛马手
I would ride those tiny jacked little bodies.
我想骑在那些小小的肌肉身躯上
It's like me, but, like, a boy.
如同我这样不过是男版
You okay?
你还好吗
Like, I don't want to go today.
我今天不想去
It's gonna suck so bad.
会很苦逼的
Listen.
听着
This day comes for all of us.
每个人都得经历这事
You must get your license renewed.
你一定得去更新你的驾照
At the DMV.
在车辆管理局
V, v, v...
局局局
It sucks, but you are gonna kill it.
是很烦人但你会秒过的
All right, yeah.
好吧
In the span of your whole lifetime, it's a second.
在你整个一生中那只是一秒
But in reality, it'll be, like, 12 hours.
但在现实中将会是12小时
You know what? You're right.
知道吗你说得对
This could be exciting. You know why?
这可能会很激动人心知道为什么吗
This is gonna be the time
今天我将会
that I take a license photo that is good.
拍出让我满意的驾照照片
'course you are. With that ass?
当然了有你那屁♥股♥肯定不成问题
They don't let you put your ass in the photo.
屁♥股♥是不能进照片的
They really should.
他们应该允许的
I know you from your ass better than I know your face.
比起你的脸我更能认清你的屁♥股♥
You know me from my ass better than you know me from my face?
比起我的脸你更能认清我的屁♥股♥
Yep, and hearing it said back to me slower
对听你慢速重复一遍
only validates it more.
更加验证了这点
Okay.
好吧
Well, we are just two sangle gals doing our thang today.
今天我们就是两个做着自己事的单身女孩
I applied for over three jobs and haven't gotten any.
我申请了超过三个工作但一个都没成功
Today is all about that hustle.
今天的重点就是耍诈
All right, I'll see ya.
好的拜拜
I gotta go this way. Ilana!
我朝这边走阿♥拉♥娜
Love that lip color. Oh, thanks. I found it, it was a rescue.
喜欢你口红的颜色多谢我捡的算是一次营救
You found it?
你捡的
Yeah, there was more than half left, so I cut the top off.
嗯还剩了一大半所以我把顶端给切了
You don't... Buy new. Do you?
你不买♥♥新的对吧
No, that's disgusting.
当然不那太恶心了
All right.
好吧
Later, bitch!
回见婊♥子♥
So I need my hair to look perfect for this photo.
为了这次拍照我需要一个完美的发型
I gotcha, girl.
包在我身上
You're gonna look just like a "Bachelor" contestant.
我会把你打造成《单身汉》参赛选手的模样
Oh, uh, no...
别
No, but one that quits 'cause she's too good for the show.
不是我说的是那种因为太美退出节目的
Okay, yes, that is perfect.
好吧很好
For real, every single professional photo
讲真这辈子我照的
I have ever taken my whole life has come out horrible.
每张职业照都是悲剧
Everyone says that. No, they are.
大家都这么说是真的
I have them all on my phone.
都在我手♥机♥上
Great, so this is my last license photo.
这是我最近的一张驾照照片
You see, it's like...
看就像
Trying showing that to the cops every time you get pulled over, huh?
试试每次被警♥察♥叫停把这拿给他们看
This is my senior photo.
这是我大四时的照片
That's gross.
要吐了
It's like, I had braces for a very long time.
看着就像我带了很长时间的牙套
Braces cut up the whole inside of my mouth.
牙套切开了我整个嘴的内部
No one ever tells you that.
从没有人跟你说
This is my homecoming photo,
这是我返校日的照片
with my high school boyfriend.
和高中时的男友
You think he was gay?
你觉得他是基佬吗
Um, I don't like to go off of looks, but I mean--
我不喜欢以貌取人但
He was gay. Yeah, he was gay.
他是基佬是的
I didn't know.
我当时不知道
But then everybody knew, you know? Yeah.
但其他人都知道你懂吗嗯
Like, all the teachers knew, too.
所有老师也都知道
And he's actually a billionaire now.
他现在是亿万富翁
In Idaho, yeah.
在爱达荷州
Oh, this is my passport photo.
这是我的护照照片
Is that a bee?
那是蜜蜂吗
Yeah, that is a bee.
是的
This bee followed me around Astoria for 30 days.
这只蜜蜂在阿斯托里亚跟了我一个月
Oh, my gosh. What?
天啊怎么
I can't believe I almost forgot.
不敢相信我差点忘了
Deals, deals, deals coupon for this haircut.
今天剪头的Deals Deals Deals优♥惠♥券
This makes your haircut like $15.
那今天你剪头只要15块
I know. How amazing is that?
我知道是不是很棒
I guess, um...
那
Well, then we'll get started. So I was thinking some layers, maybe,
我们就开始吧我想能不能剪出些层次
And we are done.
剪完了
Are we?
是吗
Yeah.
是的
Ow, my subluxation!
我脖子半脱位了
Oh, no!
不要啊
Ladies and gentle dudes.
女士们和优雅的兄弟们
I've fallen on hard times.
我现在生活举步维艰
After graduating from New York University,
从纽约大学毕业后
I lost my job at an internet startup.
我失去了我在一家新兴网络公♥司♥的工作
Deals, deals, deals.
Deals Deals Deals
Check 'em out, I bear them no ill will.