大城小妞（2014）

Broad City S03E10

Part 3 Oct. 14, 2020, 10:16 a.m.

Hey! Hold on, there!
嘿等等
Could I get that pita?
能把皮塔饼给我吗
This pita?
这个皮塔饼?
That's almost in my mouth? Yeah.
几乎都进了我的嘴了对
My friend just got her period and she doesn't have any tampons
我朋友来大姨妈了她没有卫生棉条
and it's first-day flow.
第一天流血
Really heavy, and her underpants are filling and--
很严重她内♥裤♥里全是
Just take it. Thank you.
拿去吧谢谢
I do have one.
我确实有一根
Hold on, let me get my Longchamp.
等等我去拿我的珑骧包
Oh, yes!
太好了
Can you please return to your seat?
你能回到你的座位吗
Again.
再次
Yes, sorry.
好的抱歉
I was just, um, gathering materials.
我在收集材料
Okay. Thank you.
嗯谢谢配合
You're kidding, right?
你在开玩笑吧
What do you mean?
你什么意思
Oh, you're serious?
你认真的?
I thought that these, were, like,
我以为这是所有女人
a joke that all women shared.
都分享的一个玩笑
I guess I'm just the monster
我想我只是个有着
with a humongous vagina over here.
巨大阴♥道♥的怪物
Fuckou, Lindsay.
去死吧林德赛
Does yarmulke size have anything to do with dick si--
圆顶小帽的大小和鸡鸡大小有关吗
Sorry, shlong size?
不好意思老二大小
I think so.
应该有吧
Then it is way too big.
那就太大了
But can I borrow this yarmulke?
我能借下这顶圆顶小帽吗
You're probably not gonna want it back afterwards.
用完后你可能不会想要回去了
It's just so thick.
好厚
I'm so glad you're finally getting into it.
真开心你终于进入角色了
This is David 5,
这是大卫5号♥
He's in his third year of orthopedic residency--
他从事整形外科医生已经三年了
Wait, do you have a tampon?
等下你有卫生棉条吗
N-no, why--
没为什么
Do you have any interest
你有任何兴趣
in meeting eligible young Jews on this trip?
在这趟旅行中认识单身年轻犹太男吗
Yeah, that was the first thing I said,
当然我一开始就说了
that I wanted to join the Mohel Chai club.
我想加入穆汉生活俱乐部
And why don't you just let it happen naturally?
你怎么就不能让这事自然发生呢
Jews are so horny.
犹太人性♥欲♥都很强
Horny.
性♥欲♥强 [角状]
Oh, my...
天啊
That's offensive. Sorry.
你说得过头了抱歉
Look, forgive me if I want to perpetuate the glorious
原谅我如果我想让犹太人辉煌的
bloodline of the Jewish people.
血统永久延续下去
It's a noble cause.
这是个高尚的事业
Really? That's your thing?
真的吗那是你的事业
All right, look, I probably shouldn't tell you this,
好吧也许我不该跟你说这个
but I get a commission off of every match made.
每成功匹配一对我就能得到一笔佣金
I get double if it's made before we touch the ground.
如果在降落前就成功配对佣金翻倍
What? Hey, don't judge.
什么嘿不要论断
Look, it's one thing if you don't want to take this trip seriously,
听着你不想认真对待这次旅行是一回事
Besmirch your Jewish heritage,
玷污你的犹太习俗
that's between you and hashem.
那是你和上帝的事
But if you get between me and my money...
但如果你阻挠我赚钱
That I will not stand for.
我绝不接受
This is so against the rules.
这完全违反了规矩
Well, I won't tel Aviv, if you won't.
如果你不告诉阿维夫我也不会的
Wait a minute, you know Aviv?
等下你认识阿维夫
No, um...
不
No.
不认识
Holy sweet mother of moses.
我的个神啊
Coming!
马上就好
I gotta go, I gotta go!
我得走了我得走了
I-- I would, uh...
我最好
Just a minute, wait a minute.
就一会儿再等一会儿
There's somebody still finishing in there.
还有人在里面
Excuse me.
借过
Dude, I just joined the Mohel Chai club!
姐们儿我刚加入了穆汉生活俱乐部
Dude, I've been waiting for the bathroom forever.
姐们儿我排队排了超久
Did you get me anything?
你有拿到什么吗
Remember, the wad up the lips?
还记得揉纸团阴♥唇♥吗
I got you something better.
我弄到了更好的
What is that?
这是什么
It's a homemade tampon.
自♥制♥卫生棉条
Because I am a woman who has access to tampons normally,
因为我是个正常使用卫生棉条的女人
I'm not gonna stick a pita up my pussy.
我不会把皮塔饼塞进我阴♥道♥的
I get it.
我懂
Everyone is gonna be sorry
所有人都会后悔
they turned their backs on their sisters.
他们背弃了他们的姐妹
Time is of the essence.
时间不等人
Any second, there's gonna be an explosion
随时都可能爆♥炸♥
and there's gonna be blood, like, everywhere.
到时到处都会撒满鲜血
Holy...
天
My headline.
我的头条新闻
They said "Explosion".
她们说了"爆♥炸♥"
They're clearly plotting something.
她们肯定有着什么阴谋
We need to call dispatch.
我们需要呼叫指挥中心
No, we're gonna do it.
不我们自己来
For my reunion.
为了我的同学聚会
Okay.
好
Let's do it.
那就来吧
If we don't die, it's perfect.
如果我们没死就完美了
Okay.
够了
Yes! She said yes!
愿意她说愿意
What?
什么
I'm buying champagne!
我要买♥♥香槟
I guess he brought that ring.
我猜那戒指是他借来的
Thank you. Congratulations.
谢谢恭喜
Thank you. Thank you.
谢谢谢谢
Oh, my God, Ilana, look.
天啊阿♥拉♥娜看
Holy yas.
太棒了
So warm and moist.
又暖又湿
Ew, what, dude?
你在说什么
That's not how to describe a tampon.
不是这么形容卫生棉条的
Tampons, genius!
卫生棉条太有才了
We're gonna take 'em down.
我们要把她们制♥服♥
I can get the goods if you create a diversion.
如果你能声东击西我就能拿到东西
I am great at diversions.
我很擅长声东击西
Like, I'm really good at spilling stuff,
我真的很擅长泼洒东西
and then people stare.
然后大家都会盯着我
Like, it's not usually on purpose,
虽然通常都不是故意的
but I think that I can swing it.
不过我觉得我可以做到
Shabbat Shalom, motherfucker.
安息日平安狗♥日♥的♥
Yeah! Let's do this! Yes!
耶开干吧太好了
Oh, man.
天
He's a heavy sleeper.
他睡得好死
Yeah, he's dead asleep.
沉睡中
Okay. Okay.
好好
Let's do this! Let's do this!
开干吧开干吧
We got this.
我们可以的
I love you.
我爱你
Okay.
那个
I have to be honest be-- before we do this.
在我们行动前我必须说出来
I lost 200 pounds in two years,
我在两年里减掉了200磅
and you never said anything.
但你什么都没说
I beat cancer, and come on,
我战胜了癌症拜托
I was on "Extreme couponing".
我还参加了《极端优♥惠♥券一族》 [电视纪录片]