Ab, Ab, Ab-- No joke, today is the day
小艾 小艾 讲真 今天
we become Abbi and Ilana,
我们要变成艾比和阿♥拉♥娜
the boss bitches we are in our minds.
我们脑中的霸道婊♥子♥
Are you with me?
你支持我吗
Yeah, I'm with you, awesome.
当然支持 好极了
Are you-- Is that the whole thing?
你说完了吗
Obviously I have a plan.
我当然有计划
Tonight we are going to see a secret pop-up Lil Wayne concert
今晚我们要去鲍艾里剧场看李尔·韦恩的
at Bowery Ballroom.
临时演唱会
I can't, I'm so broke. No excuses, girl.
不行 我没钱了 不能找借口 妹子
I'm getting big ol' balls of mozzarella today.
我今天会拿到大奶酪球
Chea-- Get it! Chea-- Harder.
上 用力
You're gonna have to speak in English for me.
我听不懂你
I am getting my paycheck today and I can spot you, bitch!
我今天拿工资 我可以请你 贱♥人♥
I wish that I could,
我也希望我能去
but I am so close to finishing season one of "Damages,"
但我马上就要看完《裂痕》第一季了
and I made, this, like, amazing cashew stir-fry for the week,
我还做了炒腰果
so I'm actually pretty booked.
所以我没空
Stir-fry?
炒菜
Can I talk to the Abbi who stole a van?
我能和那个偷车的艾比聊吗
Ab, you're so stuck in your little routine.
小艾 你过得太常规了
I bet you schedule when you jack off.
你自♥慰♥肯定都有时间表
Schedule when I ja--
自♥慰♥定时间表
Oh, my God.
天啊
Is that Lincoln?
是林肯吗
Yep.
是的
Is he inside of you? Yep.
他在你体内吗 是的
I'm just keeping him warm.
我在给他保暖
All right-- Let's just set some ground rules here
好了 我们还是定些
for everybody involved.
基本规则吧
I don't want to see you have sex.
我不想看你做♥爱♥
Let's try and avoid that.
尽量避免这个
Lincoln, you seem well.
林肯 你看着不错
Thank you-- I've been doing this no-bread diet and it's pretty good.
谢谢 我在尝试无面包饮食 挺不错的
It's been working.
很有效
All right-- I'm gonna head out, then.
好了 我要出去了
Peace, bye.
拜拜
That was hot-- That was cool.
刚才挺性感 挺酷的
That was like a threesome, in a way.
就好像在3P
Uh, Ilana, what are we doing?
阿♥拉♥娜 我们在做什么
Are we just having sex, hooking up? Are we dating?
我们是在做♥爱♥ 约炮还是约会
What is this?
这算是什么
This is purely physical.
纯肉体关系
Why does this always happen to me?
为什么我总是遇上这种事
Climb-- Push it!
蹬 用力
Come on!
快
Let's make some magic here. Let's climb it.
来点魔术 蹬上去
Turn up that resistance-- Come on.
开启阻力 快
Let's do this. Yes, climb.
可以的 蹬上去
Yo, Abbi.
艾比
Got something for you. Okay.
有任务给你 好
Big ol' clogged toilet in the girls' room. It's pretty bad.
老家伙把女厕所给堵了 很严重
You'll know it when you see it.
你去了就知道了
Thanks for the heads-up, Tre.
谢谢提醒 特雷
No problem-- Just do me a favor.
没问题 不过帮我个忙
Try not to make eye contact with any members
你拿着马桶搋子的时候
when you're holding the plunger. Really bums 'em out.
别跟任何会员眼神接触 会让她们不爽的
Well, I mean, what if someone just, like, walks--
要是有人突然走进来
Underwater massage?
水下按♥摩♥
Yes-- Yes, that sounds intense.
很好 听上去很激烈
Great job, killing it.
干得漂亮
Who's got more deals?
谁谈成了更多交易
Who else has a deal for me?
还有谁谈成了交易
Ooh, Nicole, what's your deal.
妮可 你谈成了什么
I'm kind of obsessed with these D-I-Y vajazzling seminars
我挺喜欢这些DIY私处金包银研讨小组
and I feel like they'd be a really great fit for us.
我觉得和我们的风格很搭
That is what I'm talking about. Do you guys smell that?
要的就是这种 你们闻到了吗
Come on, sniff the air.
嗅嗅空气
Oh, what's that odor? I think it's the scent of a deal.
是什么味道 是交易的味道
Who's got more deals for me?
谁还谈成了交易
Ooh, in the back, Ilana.
后面的 阿♥拉♥娜
Dope sweatshirt-- What is your deal?
很酷的运动衫 你谈成了什么交易
I've been kind of obsessed with getting paid
我挺喜欢领工资的
and I was wondering if that's happening today
我在想今天会发工资吗
so we could all be paid.
这样大家都能领到
Checks, unfortunately, delayed 'til Friday.
很不幸 要等到周五才能发了
Bummer.
悲剧
F-M-L, right?
操蛋的生活 对吧
Speaking of F-M-L, went on a third date
说到操蛋的生活 我和Match.com的
with that girl from Match.Com, to keep you guys updated,
那个女生第三次约会 给你们及时汇报
third time, went for the kiss, third time rejected,
第三次尝试接吻 第三次被拒绝
but I'll try-- I'll get it.
但我会继续努力 我会成功的
Let's get back to our desks.
大家回到各自岗位上
Deals don't make themselves.
交易不会从天而降
Bonjour, petit Wayne.
你好 小韦恩
I am a genius.
我真是个天才
Not so much-- Right, buddy?
不太多 对吗 伙计
That's the look of a dealer right there.
那就是交易人的样子
If I was in Las Vegas, I'd assume you could
我要是在拉斯维加斯 我会以为
move the table limit.
你能调整下注限额
Ilana.
阿♥拉♥娜
Come on, this is not work.
拜托 这不是工作
Oh... Okay, I'll take lunch.
好的 我去吃午餐
Please...
拜托
Come back today.
今天之内回来
Ilana.
阿♥拉♥娜
Don't Black Swan me like that, dude.
别这么突袭我
Okay, what are you even doing here?
好 你在这做什么
Nothing-- Just strolling through the neighborhood
没什么 就是在这附近瞎逛
and wanted to see my number one.
想来看我闺蜜
Oh, really?
是吗
Okay, listen-- I really think that you deserve--
听着 我真的觉得你值得
Sorry, I forgot about the line.
抱歉 我忘了这线了
I'll see you in the second-class citizen area.
我们在二等公民区见
It's called the non-member pen and you know that.
这里叫做非会员区 你知道的
Ew-- Listen to yourself.
恶 听听你自己
I think you deserve like an Abbi Bueller's day off.
你应该给自己放天假
I can't just leave work in the middle of the day.
我不能在中途离开
Yes, you can-- You just lie and leave.
可以的 撒谎然后离开
All they let you do is fold towels, anyway.
反正他们只让你叠毛巾
No, they don't. They let me do a lot more than that.
不是的 他们还给我分配很多别的工作
I wash the towels and then I dry the towels.
我洗毛巾 然后烘干它们
Great... to see you.
很高兴见到你
Good friend? Uhhuh, yeah, she's great.
好朋友 是的 她人很好
Also, any day now, a trainer's gonna be absent
还有这段时间随时可能有教练缺席
and guess who they're gonna invite to instruct a class.
猜猜他们会请谁来上课
I would love for that to happen, but it's just not.
我也想这样 但这是不可能的
They don't respect you.
他们不尊重你
Oh, thank God, Abbi, there you are. Tre.
谢天谢地 艾比 你在这 特雷
Thank God. We really need you, buddy.
谢天谢地 我们真的需要你
Yes, I'm prepared.
我准备好了
So...
那个
We got another pube situation in the women's locker room.
女更衣室里又被阴毛堵住了
Yeah-- Somebody really went to town in the second shower stall.
有人在第二格洗澡间里剃毛
And if you need the snake,
如果你需要疏通工具
it's probably wherever you last left it.
可能在你上次弄完后放的地方
I know where it is, so.
我知道在哪
You know, you should just label it "Abbi's snake,"
你该在上面贴上"艾比的疏通工具"
you're so good with it. I don't know if I wanna...
你那么擅长 我不知道我是否
Seriously.
真的