脆莓公园（2012）

如果有人发现他不是真的外星人 我的饭碗就砸了
If anyone finds out he's not a real alien my career will be over.
我会被指控诈骗 - 你啥意思啊?
I'll be convicted of fraud. - What do you mean?
我的意思是你朋友不会活着走出这个基地的
I mean your friend will not leave this base alive.
永远不会
Ever!
现在该进行保龄瓶子插菊花的实验了
Now, it's time for the bowling pin in the anus test.
♪ 放马过来 ♪
♪ Bring it on. ♪
印第安商场
咱们去抓活的
We've got them on the run.
他们在那儿 最后那个牛奶蛋糕摊子
There they are at the last custard stand!
卖♥♥刀卖♥♥剑 卖♥♥枕头
真不敢相信他们在Steve身上进行这些惨无人道的实验
I can't believe they're doing those painful experiments on Steve.
他童年那么悲惨 恐怕这样才能让他高♥潮♥吧
Well, after a childhood like his, it's probably the only way he can climax.
你在说自己吧 Woody - 对 确实是我自己
That's you, Woody. - Yeah, that... that is me.
Steve不能任由他们这样处置
We can't let them do this to Steve.
我们要制定一个救人计划
We need a plan to rescue him.
Thoreau可是全天候盯着Steve的
Thoreau has his eyes on Steve 24 7.
我们要先转移他的注意力 才能把Steve救出来
We need to distract him so we can bust Steve out.
怎么转移呢? - Ethel 你能行的
But how? - Ethel, you can do it.
我怎么转移他注意力啊?
How am I supposed to distract him?
我有办法哒
I've got an idea.
三 二
Three, two...
一
And one.
接触成功
We have contact.
你非得每样都旁白出来吗?
Do you have to narrate everything?
必须的 旋转推进器30度
Affirmative. Rotating thruster 30 degrees.
打开舱门
Open the pod bay doors.
入舱倒计时 59秒...
Docking in 59...
58秒...
58...
57秒...
57...
56秒...
56.
我真心希望我所做的值得...
Ugh, I hope what I just did was worth...
豹子
Yahtzee!
你们特么干嘛呢? Steve救出来没有?
What the hell are you guys doing? Did you rescue Steve?
啥? 是今晚来着?
What? That was tonight?
真抱歉 看来我们得赶紧玩... 豹子
Oh, I'm sorry. Guess we got caught up playing... yahtzee!
点儿太正了
I'm on a roll!
所以我白白就被一个恶心人的傻X给睡了是么?
So I just slept with a disgusting asshole douche bag for nothing?
没个人出来说句话么?
Isn't anyone gonna say anything?
通常嘞 这时候Malloy会开口发话 说什么...
Uh, well, normally this is where Malloy would jump in with something like...
是啦 不过你平时礼拜二不也这么过的么?
Yeah, but how's that different from your typical Tuesday?
不啦 我觉得他会说 你白白给人睡了?
No, I think it'd be more like, you did it for nothing?
通常你不是能捞着墨西哥煎饼么?
Usually you get Taco Bell out of it.
或者会说 恶心人的傻X?
Or something like, disgusting asshole?
是说你和Connie睡了么?
You mean you finally slept with Connie?
没错 会这么说 - 贱♥人♥
Oh, yeah, that's it. - Slut.
行行 笑你们的吧
Oh, yeah, yuk it up.
恶搞《星际迷航》主角舰: USS Enterprise
我跟一个管自己JJ叫星际联盟大长腿的男人睡了
I just banged a guy who calls his penis the USS enter-thighs.
靠 好屌♥丝啊 给他JJ取星际迷航的名字
Man, what a loser. Naming his junk after Star Trek.
恶搞星球大战角色 Han Solo
有木有 屌♥汉?
Ain't that right, Hung Solo?
抱歉 Ethel 我们真闯不过那些守卫
Sorry, Ethel. We can't get past the guards.
Steve性命攸关 Kurt不可能永远藏得住他
Steve is in real danger here. Kurt can't hide him forever.
如果他放他走 航♥天♥局就被揭露了
And if he lets him go, NASA will be exposed.
你是说他会为此干掉Steve?
So do you think he's gonna kill Steve?
我不知道 但如果他真下手 我敢打赌收视率一定爆红
I don't know, but if he does, I bet it'll be a ratings bonanza.
我很遗憾地宣布 火星人染上了地球病毒
I am sorry to report that the martian has contracted an Earth virus.
他目前已经... 快死了
And he appears to be... dying!
Thoreau博士 能告诉我们是什么病么?
Dr. Thoreau, can you tell us what disease it is?
反正是那种让外星人又苍白又脱水又恶心的病
He's got whatever made E.T. all white and dried out and gross.
这个外星人还有多久的活头?
How much time does the alien have left?
很难预测 但是...
Impossible to predict, but...
他肯定会在今晚黄金时间之前死掉
He'll definitely be dead before primetime tonight.
今晚九点 PBS直播
Tonight at 9:00, live on PBS!
见证历史时刻 我们为您带来外星人验尸直播
Witness history as we show you a real live alien autopsy!
我天呐
Oh, my God.
赞 终于能看到墨西哥人肚子里装的啥了
Yes, we'll finally get to see what's inside a Mexican!
好的 所以嘭 咱进去 抓住Steve 然后嘭 咱出去
Okay, so poof, we get in, grab Steve, and then poof, we out.
谁能提个不带《X战警》里蓝魔鬼段子的计划?
Does anybody have a plan that doesn't involve Nightcrawler from the X-Men?
或者《X战警》其他段子?
Or any of the other X-Men?
咱认真点成么? 再过几小时他就被验尸了
We need to get serious. His autopsy's only a couple of hours away.
是啊 除去一小时吃晚餐和甜点 咱没多少时间了啊
Yeah, and with, like, an hour for dinner and dessert, that won't leave us much time.
要战胜Thoreau 咱需要个军队
We'd need an Army to take Thoreau down.
有了 好的 我有个计划 但我们必须先冲过守卫
That's it! Okay, I've got a plan, but we need to get past the guards.
我们得贿赂贿赂他们 他们才会让我们进吧
We need to bribe them or something so they'll let us go.
拿什么能贿赂一帮好莱坞演员?
What the hell are we gonna bribe a bunch of Hollywood actors with?
我有主意哒
I've got an idea.
我尼玛怎么会同意这事儿?
Why the hell did I agree to this?
所以我们需要你们的帮助
And that's why we need your help.
为毛我们的人要去帮白人和Denzel?
Why would my people help the white man and Denzel?
听着 我们需要个军队去救Steve
Look, we need an Army to help us rescue Steve.
如果你们帮我 土地我们赔给你们
If you help us, we'll give you your land back.
这主意听起来不错
That sounds like a great idea.
不 那地方就一垃圾地儿
No! That place was a shithole!
我们怎么能离开这美丽的地方?
How could we leave our beautiful land?
咱们这地方已经不那么美了
Our land not so beautiful anymore.
你大爷的印第安佬
Goddamn [Bleep] Indians!
脆莓印第安保护区及垃圾场
好棒 还在呢
Yes! It's still here!
PBS外星人验尸直播由莱恩•布赖恩特为您赞助带来
PBS alien autopsy live is brought to you by Lane Bryant.
罩上大胖妹 免得您看着眼烦
Covering up fat chicks so you don't have to look at them.
我们并不知道这个外星人有着怎样的内脏构造
Now we don't know what organs this alien will have.
他的胸腔可能满是抱脸虫或者糖果
His chest cavity could be full of facehuggers or candy.
我们来看看好了
Well, let's find out.
注意了 地球人 你们诱拐了我们的一位火星人
Attention, Earth. You have abducted one of our martian people.
火星直播
我们命令火速... - 嘿 老妈 看你儿子 我上电视啦
We demand his immediate... - Hey, ma, look at your boy! I'm on TV!
嘿哟 我还想跟我酷友帮的伙计们打招呼
Hey, yo, I wanna give a shout to my cool friends gang
还有我侄子Kinishia 爱你哦 宝贝儿
my Cousin Kinishia... I love you, baby.
Deshawn 好好给我上学啊
Deshawn. Stay your dumb ass in school.
我兄弟Burbel 嘿 咋样了 小子? 好呢吧?
My boy, Burbel. Hey, what's up, boy? Whatcha doing?
嘿 Charles 轮胎趁早还我 伙计
Hey, Charles, gimme my tires back, man!
Denzel
Denzel!
怎么回事? 给我掐了 快给我掐了
What's happening? Switch it off. Switch it off!
我试过了 Thoreau博士 掐不掉啊
I'm trying, Dr. Thoreau. I can't.
他们好像戳穿我们的诡计了
It's like they tapped into our feed.
如果你们不把我们的兄弟安全送回我们的星球
If you do not return our brother safely to our planet
你们将会迎战我们愤怒的火星军
you will face the wrath of our Martian Army.
此后 你们将被我们丑恶的太空怪兽一拳爆菊至死
And then you will be Jupiter fisted to death by our hideous space monster.
想在我自己的游戏里玩死我是吧?
Trying to beat me at my own game, eh?
有他们好瞧的
I'll show them.
医生 开始吧
Doctor, operate!
但是我不想被一拳爆菊至死啊
But I don't want to get Jupiter fisted to death.
我不懂那是啥意思 但我的头三个猜想都很可怖
I don't even know what that is, but my first three guesses are horrible.
去你的 我来吧
Oh, fine. I'll do it.
先生 是总统
Sir, it's the President.
喂? 总统先生?
Hello? Mr. President?
我知道你不想被一拳爆菊至死 先生 但是...
I understand that you don't wanna get Jupiter fisted to death, Sir, but...
全听你的 先生
As you wish, Sir.
到此为止吧
That's a wrap.
代表全地球人 我特此归还你们的太空兄弟
On behalf of Earth people, I hereby return your space brother.
嘿 没另行通知以前 这次入侵结束了
Hey, until further notice, this invasion is over.
欢迎回家 Steve
Welcome back, Steve.
不 别把我丢给这些火星人
No! Don't leave me with these Martians!
带我回地球啊
Take me back to Earth!
搞他妈啥?
What the [Bleep]?
要是没法把保护区搬进商场 就把商场搬进保护区
If you can't take the reservation to the Mall, take the Mall to the reservation.
椒盐脆饼
你好 - 你好个毛啊? 我们事儿成了
How. - What do you mean how? We already did it.
你这一走可要多年不见咯
Oh, you're going away for a long time.
未来十年好好做你的奸菊大制♥作♥吧
You'll be doing a ten-year production of backside story.
我是Woody Johnson 大家伙
Woody Johnson, everybody.
反正全值了
It was all worth it.
我们收视率比贝蒂•怀特的恶搞剧还高呢