脆莓公园（2012）

Aah. Help me, Jesus.
对不起
Sorry.
大家快看啊
Look, everybody.
求关注的贱逼来了
The attention whore is here.
Woody - 没事儿走两步 Steve
Woody! - Oh, walk it off, Steve.
你不会有啥事的 Christopher Reeve不也没事吗
Everything will turn out fine, just like it did for Christopher Reeve.
美国影星 原《超人》主演
人家都死了 - 死了就没事了啊
But he's dead. - Exactly.
谢谢你们大家去医院看我
Thanks for coming to see me in the hospital.
等一下 你们谁都没去
Oh, wait. None of you did.
凡事要往好处想 Steve
Look on the bright side, Steve.
我的好基友残废了 想想我可得多引人关注啊
My best friend is handicapped! Think of all the attention I'll get.
我好同情你 你不会有事吧 Steve?
Oh, I feel terrible. Are you gonna be okay, Steve?
关于我委托人的问题 都直接问我就好
All questions for my client can be directed to me.
脆莓公园目前不适宜我的残障委托人居住
Brickleberry Park is currently inaccessible to my handicapped client.
如果不立即整改 你们将被罚款或吃官司
If it is not brought up to code, you face fines and possible litigation.
怎么? 你不是让我找工作嘛
What? You told me to get a job.
律师? 你才不是律师呢
Attorney at law? You ain't no lawyer.
你说得对
You're right.
现在我真是了
Now I'm a lawyer.
谢啦 凤♥凰♥城大学
Thank you, University of Phoenix.
法学院毕业证书
那么 Johnson先生
So, Mr. Johnson
为了让这里适宜我的残障委托人居住 你得做出以下整改
here's how you're going to make the Park handicap-accessible for my client.
地球人 你们很安全
People of Earth, you are in no danger.
请呆在家中
Please remain in your homes.
别玩了 你是可以讲话的 你个白♥痴♥
Give me that. You can still talk, you moron.
还给我
Give it back.
这声整得我像那个残废科学家Tony Hawk一样有范儿
It makes me sound smart, like Tony Hawk, that crippled scientist.
实为Stephen Hawking Tony Hawk为演员
现在 咱们办点正事
Now, let's get down to business.
窗子下移半寸 坡道下面再接一个坡道
Lower those windows a 1 2 inch. We need a ramp to that ramp.
这里装一个治疗型浴盆
Therapeutic hot tub right here.
安置治疗型妓♥女♥到这里 这里
And some therapeutic hookers here, here...
还有这儿
And here.
干嘛? 兄弟就不能蹭点残疾福利啊
What? Can't a brother get some handi-scraps?
我知道你小样捣什么鬼了 Malloy
Oh, I know what you're doing, Malloy.
断了你粮饷 你来报复我了是吧
You're just getting back at me for cutting you off.
我知道Steve这一套全都是装的
I know that Steve is faking this whole thing.
不管真假 我都喜欢
Whatever it is, I like it.
你可享福了 真的 Steve
You got the life, for real, Steve.
每天只用坐着不动 大家都来照顾你
Just lounging all day, everyone taking care of you.
去到哪儿 都是土豪级待遇
V.I.P. treatment wherever you go.
他们还给我这袋吃之不尽的布丁呢
They even gave me this never-ending bag of pudding.
Steve 那是屎
Steve, that's shit.
说得真难听 虽不是什么好零食 但不要钱好吧
Well, that's a little harsh. It's not snack pack, but it's free.
更妙的是每次我吃完 几个小时后它又满了
And a couple of hours after I eat it, it fills back up again.
我擦啊
Oh, God.
这是公园完成必要整改的总价
Here's the total cost for completing all the necessary upgrades to the Park.
干嘛还要老子打电♥话♥问价格啊?
Why do I have to call a phone number to find out how much I owe?
那个不是电♥话♥号♥码 那是价格数字
Uh, that is not a phone number. That is the amount due.
这都特么是瞎扯淡
This is a bunch of hog shit.
老子知道你能走的 Steve 老子会证明的
I know you can walk, Steve, and I'm gonna prove it!
靠 啥怪味啊?
Damn, what's that smell?
是啊 什么东西?
Yeah, what is that?
闻着好像操过烧焦轮胎的臭鼬
It smells like a skunk [Bleeped] a burning tire.
或者是拳王烤炉里你那双臭脚的味道
Or your feet cooking inside two George Foreman grills!
拳王弗尔曼代言的烤炉
我倒没啥感觉 闻起来很好吃的样子
I don't feel anything, but it smells delicious.
这扑克脸装得真好 Steve 但我就不信
Good poker face, Steve, but I'm not buying it.
哎 真是悲哀
Oh, that's just sad.
拳王弗尔曼居然把名号♥打在这种便宜货上
I can't believe George Foreman put his name on them cheap-ass grills.
看看你这脚 熟得一点都不均匀
Look at your feet, cooked all uneven and shit.
别摆副臭脸嘛 Steve 我知道有件事绝对逗你开心
Keep your chin up, Steve. I know just what will cheer you up.
跳舞喽
Dancing!
我跳不动舞 甚至都 完全不能动
But I can't really dance. Or move. At all.
Steve 自打你全身不遂以来 大家都让你随心所欲
Steve, ever since you got paralyzed, people let you do whatever you want.
我觉得我也可以沾点光
I think that that should apply to me too.
你这是什么意思?
What do you mean?
你这毫无知觉的烂屁♥股♥坐好了 容我展示给你看
Hold on to your dead, lifeless ass for a second, and let me demonstrate.
你这是要往哪儿闯?
Where do you think you're going?
老子特么要闯你夜店 还不花一分钱 贱♥人♥
I think I'm going inside this mother[Bleep] club, no charge, bitch.
这是我好基友Steve
Uh, this is my best friend, Steve.
他刚得了全身不遂
He just got paralyzed.
我非常抱歉 你们死一边去
Oh, I'm so sorry. Get outta the way!
这小伙的朋友都残废了
This man's friend's handicapped!
看看他 都废成这操蛋样了
Look at him! He's all [Bleeped] up!
你特么这是闹哪样?
What the [Bleep] do you think you're doing?
闹心呢 我朋友残废了
Grieving. I got a crippled friend.
真对不住
Oh, my bad.
这样 这瓶是垃圾 拿架顶的那些好酒吧
Here, uh, that's crap. Take something from the top shelf.
老子顶架全收
Oh, I'll take the whole top shelf.
我朋友残废啦 我可以为所欲为啦
My friend crippled! I can do whatever I want!
我就是世界之王啊
I'm the King of the World!
Denzel 你醉成这样 谁开车回家?
Denzel, you're wasted. Who's gonna drive home?
这种事不用你担心
You let me worry about that.
好爽的夜 土豪最高
What a night! V.I.P.!
Steve 你的不遂 就是我的幸福
Steve, you getting paralyzed is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Denzel 这样可不安全
Denzel, this doesn't seem safe.
安啦
Relax.
你开得挺好
You're doing fine.
搞毛啊?
What the hell?
老子杀了你 老子对天发誓
I will kill you! I swear to God!
我没看见 真不好意思
Oh, I didn't know. I'm so sorry.
这次就算了 下次可别特么咋咋呼呼的
We'll let it slide this time, but don't let that shit happen again!
二位看见我媳妇儿没?
Have you guys seen my wife anywhere?
老天 好痛啊
Oh, God, it hurts!
亲爱的 别咋呼 残疾人开车嘛
Honey, shut up! It's a handicapped driver!
对不起啊
Oh, I'm sorry.
我真是无地自容
I feel so embarrassed.
无障碍裸体海滩的缴费已经逾期了
You're past due for payment on the handicap-accessible nude beach.
哎呀 不好意思 我这就拿支票本
Oh, I'm sorry. Let me just grab my checkbook.
不行 没感觉
Nope, nothing.
好啦 你现在总相信他残废了吧
Okay, now do you believe he's paralyzed?
错 我不信 我再也不会在你这骗钱小把戏上花一分钱了
No, I don't, and I'm not gonna give you any more money for your little handi-scam.
那么我们只好法庭见了
Then we will see you in court.
老子先去法庭告你丫的 杂种
Not if I see you first, asshole.
等下 你是帮我说话的
Oh, wait, you're on my side.
不好意思 我就是失血快死了
Sorry. I'm dying of blood loss.
我一直都梦想着请朋友来做客
I've always dreamed of having friends over.
好情调 上茶太没品了
Good call. Tea's boring.
谁想玩"同类相忌"啊?
Who wants to play Scattergories?
聚会上常玩的思维型游戏
这东西要给你们热一下不?
Uh, so you guys want me to heat that up?
希望你们大家还留了肚子吃甜点哦
So I hope you guys saved room for dessert.
来点涂鸦小饼干?
Snickerdoodles?
好啦 每个人都给我上车去
All right, everybody. Into the truck!
嘿 给我住手 你可别想把他们带回那个烂嘉年华
Hey, wait a minute. You're not taking them back to that horrible carnival.
嘉年华? 不 比那要命
Carnival? No, this is worse.
他们被召去当陪审团呢
They've been summoned for jury duty.
如果审的是个黑鬼 我们就判他电刑
If it's a black guy, we're frying him.
这派对太棒了
Best party ever.
乡村俱乐部
Denzel 停手
Denzel, stop!
疼啊 停手 我不想在这儿呆了
Ouch! Stop! I don't want to be here.
别急眼啊 你个断背男 这里好极了
Ah, chill out, broke back-enroe. This is awesome.
我居然能来到仅限白人的乡村俱乐部
I can't believe they let me in this all-white country club
你那条脊椎真是断得超值
just because of your busted-ass spine.
打扰一下
Excuse me.
这场子是我们预订的
We have this court reserved.
哎呦 哎呦 瞧瞧你
Well, well. Look at you.
这奶♥子♥ 耷得像没风时候的风向标
Titties like two wind socks on a calm day.
垃圾箱后边要不要来一发?
You want to get freaky behind that dumpster?
真是的 我.. - 放尊重点 她可是我老伴