脆莓公园（2012）

别把能量浪费在咀嚼蛋白质上
Ah, don't waste energy chewing your protein.
让我来帮你
I'll handle that.
这样就能充分消化了
This'll digest nicely.
如果觉得便便要来敲门了 打电♥话♥告诉我就成
And the second that turd starts to crown, give me a call.
Woody 为啥你搞这么个瑞士娘们来换我?
Woody, why did you replace me with this Swiss Miss?
都说过了 体操是我的强项
I told you, I'm good at gymnastics.
原因很简单 Magnus是人生赢家 而你是...
Well, it's pretty simple. Magnus is a winner. You're a...
Steve - 别伤心
Steve. - Don't feel bad.
和Magnus Blickensderfer相比 任何人都是Steve
Everyone seems like a Steve when you compare them to Magnus Blickensderfer.
为啥你不回你那鸟不拉屎...
Why don't you go back to your stupid country...
而经济繁荣昌盛的国家
With its prosperous economy!
把你那口阿勒曼腔收回你的臭嘴里? [德国方言]
And stick that Alemannic dialect up your ass?
别拿维♥基♥百♥科♥人身攻击他了行不?
Will you stop using Wikipedia to insult him?
就算这个Magnus"长满屁毛的汉堡"
Even if Magnus burping-fur-burger
能成为你心中的"王牌" 还有一道过不去的小坎...
is this "ringer" you claim, there's one tiny problem...
不是林警怎么有参赛资格呢?
He has to be a ranger to compete in the Ranger Games.
对 谢谢你提醒我 Steve
Right. Thanks for the reminder, Steve.
现在他是林警了 - 什么?
Now he's a ranger. - What?
万岁 - 棒极了
Hooray! - Hell yeah!
或许你能拥有勋章 臭狗屎
You may have the badge, fondouche
但你绝不会成为真正的林警 所以别碍我事
but you're not a real Park Ranger, so stay out of my way.
救命啊
Help!
好好看 学着点
Watch and learn.
好疼
Hurts!
疼死了
Hurts bad!
他就像我当时因喝醉没能阻止溺水的那个儿子一样
He's like the son that I didn't let drown in the lake because I was drunk.
Magnus骨架太大 系不了安全带 行吗?
Magnus is too big for the seat belt, yah?
行 听着 Magnus 你看起来是个好人
Yah. Listen, Magnus, you seem like a nice guy.
我也喜欢你 Steven - 我可没说我喜欢你
I like you too, Steven. - I didn't say I liked you.
听着 我会为归队不择手段
Look, I'll do anything to get back on the team.
因此 很抱歉这样做
So, I'm sorry about this.
抱歉什...
Sorry about what...
王牌出局了
So much for the ringer.
Steve 你没事吧? - 怎么...
Steve, are you okay? - How the...
浪人Larry 我都和你说多少遍了?
Hobo Larry, how many times do I have to tell you?
别在家里烧火
No indoor fires.
那浪人Larry该如何取暖呢?
Well, how is Hobo Larry gonna keep warm?
你没听说过恒温器吗?
You ever hear of the thermostat?
Larry误听
我有热水瓶和蝙蝠 但蝙蝠死了 没错 先生
I got a thermos and a bat, but the bat's dead. Yes, Sir.
听着 我得让你在我这儿活上一两个礼拜
Look. I just need to keep you alive for a week or two
这样Woody就能给我买♥♥真宠物了 明白?
so Woody will buy me a real pet, okay?
现在过来 吃晚饭了
Now here, eat your dinner.
这才像好孩子嘛
That's a good boy.
这样就爽了 应该爽了
Yeah, this'll fit. This ought to fit.
你能这样照顾我实在让我感激不尽
I appreciate you taking such good care of me.
浪人Larry爱你 Malloy
H-Hobo Larry loves you, Malloy.
我也爱你 浪人Larry
I love you, Hobo Larry.
回肚豆真好吃
Re-barfed beans.
训练馆
怎么回事?
What happened?
我们撞车了
We got into a wreck.
什么? - 你没事吧?
What? - Are you okay?
我... - 要喝水吗?
Well, I-I... - Some water?
要揉背吗? - 要我给你打手♥枪♥吗?
A back rub? - Over-the-drawers hand job?
我鼻子撞断了 差点送了命
Broke my nose. Almost died.
有人听没 - 天呐 他们恨死你了
Hello. - Wow. They hate you so much.
闭嘴 Mal... 这流浪汉不错
Shut up, Mal... oh, cool hobo.
他什么来头 酒鬼? 瘾君子?
What is he, a wino? Junkie?
他既有精神病又有酒瘾
He's a schizo-wino mix.
我正考虑给他绝育
I'm thinking of having his ears clipped.
大伙们 把眼睛擦亮点
You guys, open your eyes.
这混♥蛋♥就是个忽悠
This jerk has you fooled
美国知名电影人
想让你们觉得他能和Viggo Mortensen的情♥色♥小说相提并论
into thinking he's the best thing since Viggo Mortensen erotic fan fiction.
难道不是吗?
Well, isn't he?
才不是 你们了解这个外国人吗?
No. What do you even know about this foreigner?
他可能是个亵童犯 是个罪犯或是恐♥怖♥分♥子♥
He could be a child molester or a convict or a terrorist.
想象力真丰富... 瑞士籍恐♥怖♥分♥子♥
Oh, that's rich... a Swiss terrorist.
人家瑞士可是中立国 傻缺
The Swiss are neutral, dumb-ass!
老天呐 真是傻到家了
Oh, boy, are you stupid.
好啦 大家伙 回去继续练习吧
All right, everybody, back to practice.
该怎么停? 该怎么停?
How you stop? How you stop?
算球 老子请教练好了
Screw this. I'm getting a Trainer.
养老院
嘿 老头儿 醒醒
Yo, old-timer, wake up.
想干嘛 小子?
What you want, punk?
据说"冰霜之趾"Carruthers住这里啊
I was told that frozen toes Carruthers lived here.
是你么? - 以前是
Are you him? - I used to be.
现在大家都叫我"无趾"Carruthers
Now they call me "no toes" Carruthers.
好惨 你的脚趾是不是给冻掉了?
Oh, man. Did you lose your toes to frostbite?
才不是 是糖尿病好吧
Hell no! Diabetes.
见到您真是荣幸
Oh. It's an honor to meet you.
听着 你得帮帮我 我想像你一样做一名溜冰冠军
Listen, I need your help. I wanna be a champion ice skater like you.
能教教我么? - 当然可以
Can you teach me? - Yes, I can.
要不然我就枉称"无鸡之徒"这个名号♥了
Or my name ain't "no penis" Carruthers.
靠啊 这也是糖尿病弄没的?
Damn, you lost that to diabetes too?
错 这是冻掉的
Nah, frostbite.
老子喝醉了 草了个雪人
I got drunk and [Bleep] a snowman.
咱们现在开工吧
Now let's get to work.
Steve 我把你的连裤♥袜♥拿来了哟
Steve, I brought your Spanx back.
Steve 你没事吧?
Steve, are you okay?
别管我 Connie 我想一个人呆着
Go away, Connie. I wanna be alone.
不行 我不愿让你一人承受这世界的残忍♥
No way. You're not going through this alone.
好吧 这下就诡异了
Okay. This is weird.
倾诉感情什么的才不诡异呢 Steve
Expressing your feelings is not weird, Steve.
我太想在项目中获胜了 这样Woody才会正眼看我
I want so badly to win my event so Woody will finally respect me.
也许我可以玩点假混回队里去
Maybe I can cheat my way back on to the team.
Steve 听我说 我知道你很受伤
Steve, listen to me. I know you're hurt.
你想赢得Woody的认可 也不能走歪门邪道啊
But you can't take shortcuts just to win Woody's approval.
说得好像你啥都知道似的
Oh, like you'd know anything about it.
我给你讲个小姑娘的故事 我们就叫她...
Let me tell you a story about a little girl, we'll call her
Connie吧 她太想打橄榄球赛了 于是她用了兴♥奋♥剂♥
uh, Connie, who wanted to play football so badly, she took steroids.
兴♥奋♥剂♥让她身心失控 最终变成了怪物
They destroyed her mind and body and turned her into a monster.
所以教训就是 永远不要用兴...
So the lesson is don't ever take ster...
Steve?
Steve?
我从来没在人身上用过那么多的兴♥奋♥剂♥
I've never injected anyone with this many steroids before.
不过"医疗实践"嘛 总得实践才行
But that's why we call it a medical "practice."
欢迎来到脆莓公园 观看2013年度林警运动会
Welcome to Brickleberry Park and the 2013 Ranger Games.
哎呀 哎呀
Well, well.
这不是Woody Johnson嘛
If it isn't Woody Johnson.
现在的运动会真没品 什么变♥态♥都允许回来参赛了
I guess they'll let any psychopath back in the Ranger Games these days.
Radcliff 老子要扭掉你妈尸体上的脑袋
Radcliff, I will rip the head off your mother's rotten corpse
让她跟自己玩口♥活♥
and make her go down on herself.
嘿 你叫谁变♥态♥来着?
Hey, who you calling a psychopath?
老天呐 我快要错过开场式了
Oh, man, I'm missin' the opening ceremonies.
咱们得赶紧训练 先做点啥?
We gotta get this training started. What's first?
先熨我衣服 贱♥人♥
Iron my laundry, bitch.
什么? 这对溜冰有毛好处啊?
What? How is that gonna help me ice skate?
你竟敢质疑"笔挺哥"Carruthers?
How dare you question "crisp shirt" Carruthers?
训练镜头大合集走起来
Now let's start the training montage.
Breaking the fourth wall指电视或电影演员直接对着观众说话互动
我"镜头互动哥"的称号♥可不是浪得虚名
They don't call me "breaking the fourth wall" Carruthers for nothing.
擦地板
Mop that floor.
切三明治
Cut that sandwich.
帮我擦屁♥股♥
Wipe my ass.
我还是搞不懂 帮你买♥♥麦芽酒怎么就能训练我...
I'm still not sure how bringing you a keg of Colt 45 is training to be...
搞毛?
What?
我♥干♥这些破事就是帮你准备这个烂派对啊?
I've been doing all these chores just to set up some stupid party?
我就知道这些都不是训练内容
I knew that wasn't training.
说得对 孩子 都不是训练内容
You're right, son, that wasn't training.
这才是 - 喝醉酒?
This is. - Gettin' drunk?
我的秘诀就是 要想溜得像飞驰的骏马