脆莓公园（2012）

脆莓公园十周年纪念洗版

甘道夫 - 阿♥拉♥贡
Gandalf. - Aragorn!
甘道夫
Gandalf!
Denzel 甘道夫的屌♥绝对没有阿♥拉♥贡的大
Denzel, there's no way Gandalf's dick was bigger than Aragorn's.
什么? 不光比他大 人家的屌♥还能发射火球
What? Not only was it bigger, he could shoot fireballs off that shit.
当心 那家伙用他的屌♥烧毁了一个村子
Look out! That guy's burning down a village with his dick!
反正我知道Viggo Mortensen的巨♥屌♥♥和精灵马一样大
I know for a fact that Viggo Mortensen's hung like an Elven horse.
指环王人类国王阿♥拉♥贡主演
怎么着 你见过? - 不是当面见的 在梦里
What, you seen it? - Not in person. It was in a dream.
你能相信还有三天就是J.R.R.托尔金展了么?
Ooh, can you believe it's only three days until J.R.R. Tol-Con?
魔戒作者
等不及和你一起去啦 Denzel
I can't wait to go with you, Denzel!
♪ 我们最爱指环王 ♪
♪ Lord Of The Rings is our favorite thing. ♪
♪ 领主 兽人 还有神国王 ♪
♪ Lords and Orcs and magical Kings. ♪
♪ 看那人类和精灵一♥夜♥情♥ ♪
♪ Look at that human and Elf have a fling. ♪
♪ 咕噜想要偷走弗罗多的指环 ♪
♪ Gollum is trying to steal Frodo's bling. ♪
停 停 停
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
你们说特么什么呢?
Uh, what the hell are y'all talking about?
魔戒展 你知道的 巫师啦 恶龙啦之类的
Lord Of The Rings convention. You know, wizards and dragons and stuff.
在你们逮捕我之前
Before y'all arrested me
我也要去一个展览会来着 那里都是巫师和恶龙
I was on my way to a convention filled with wizards and dragons.
真的? 你们会化妆吗? - 绝逼要化啊
For real? Y'all dress up and stuff? - Oh, hell yeah, we do.
多少比动漫展好吧
Still better than comic-con.

脆莓公园
翻译 白云苍狗
怎么了 Connie?
What's the matter, Connie?
Malloy把我的马桶圈换成捕熊夹了
Malloy replaced my toiled seat with a bear trap.
什么?
What?
翻译 偏执绝非过错
好个调皮鬼
What a prankster.
Malloy一直就这么浑 但...
Malloy's always been kind of an asshole but
我看错了 还是他最近真越来越完蛋了?
is it just me, or is he, like, way worse recently?
如果是他 我可没觉得
Well, if he is, I haven't noticed.
好嘛 又一♥期♥我看不懂的"多恩斯伯里"漫画
Ah, good, another Doonesbury I don't get.
翻译 井脑湿
美国漫画家加里•杜鲁道创作的连环漫画
Malloy怎么突然间变这么坏了?
Why is Malloy acting out all of a sudden?
翻译 Chubby
因为他是野生动物 Woody从不好好管教他
Because he's a wild animal, and Woody never disciplines him.
后期 旗木佐罗
净给他糖果和武器了
He just gives him sugar and weapons.
我就正式告诉你 Phil博士 我是严厉的纪律派
For your information, Dr. Phil, I'm a harsh disciplinarian.
开设解决家庭问题脱口秀节目的心理医生
要知道 昨晚Malloy骂完街
Why, last night, Malloy said a dirty word
我还用巧克力棒好好给他刷了刷嘴呢
and I washed his mouth out with a bar of chocolate.
停下 快停下
Stop it, please.
Woody - 好吧
Woody! - Fine.
Malloy 不管你是想杀Steve还是怎么地 停下来
Malloy, stop trying to murder Steve, or else!
让你再敢毁了爷的乐子
This will teach you to ruin my fun.
好吧 好吧 我错了
Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
"好了" 他说道 "我回来了"
"Well," he said, "I'm back".
全书完 - 诶我擦
The end. - God damn!
这才称得上是史诗级奇幻三部曲的结局
Now that is how you close out an epic fantasy trilogy!
真不敢相信你在遇到我之前没读过这些
I can't believe you never read these before you met me.
在底特律你只会读权利警告 [警♥察♥告知罪犯]
The only thing that gets read in Detroit is your rights.
Steve 很高兴你能带我见识到这么神奇的世界
Steve, I'm glad you opened my eyes to this fantastical world.
让我忘了自己是在无聊透顶的公园上班
It helps me forget that I work in a boring-ass park
并且我最好的朋友是个JJ短小的呆子
and that my best friend is a nerd with a micro-phallus.
最好的朋友? 谢谢 伙计
Best friend? Thanks, pal.
托尔金展肯定会超棒
Tol-Con's gonna be awesome!
你想都想不到 这是最好的部分
Ooh, you have no idea. Here's the best part.
还有COS比赛?
There's a costume contest?
获胜者会见到V-V-V...
And the winner gets to meet v-v-v...
Viggo Mortensen
Viggo Mortensen!
我有一套完美的COS服
I've got the perfect costume!
神奇的影疾 [甘道夫的坐骑]
The mythical Shadowfax!
万马之王
The Lord of all horses!
等等 搞啥?
Hey, wait, what the hell?
你搞错了
This ain't right!
停 救命啊
Stop! Help!
从现在开始 你在后面
From now on, you getting in the back.
什么情况? - Malloy干的
What happened here? - Malloy did it.
跪舔吧
你家那个可爱小王子呢?
Where is your little Prince Charming?
甭问我 我被关禁闭了
Don't ask me, I'm grounded.
我看他拿着喷火器往那边去了
I saw him go that way with a flamethrower.
我还以为你又油锅里够薯条呢
Oh, I thought you were bobbing for french fries again.
他哪来的喷火器? - 怎么? 当时是圣诞节嘛
Where did he get a flamethrower? - What? It was Christmas.
Malloy是个问题青年 Woody
Malloy is a troubled youth, Woody.
我知道 因为以前我也是
I should know. I used to be one.
底特律市界
要知道 小时候还在底特律时 我是混帮派的
See, back when I was a kid in Detroit, I was in a gang.
我们称自己是酷友帮
We called ourselves the cool friends gang.
当我说我们很硬核的时候 我们是真的硬核
And when I say we were hard-core, I mean we were hard-core!
滚下雪橇 贱♥人♥
Get outta the sleigh, bitch!
Denzel是混帮派的
Whoa, Denzel was in a gang!
给我们点时间消化下这惊人内情吧
Let's all take a moment to soak in that startling revelation.
这事不是闹着玩的 Woody - 是你反应过头了
This is serious, Woody. - Ah, you're all overreacting.
Malloy还没惹出什么大♥麻♥烦呢
Malloy hasn't gotten into any real trouble yet.
警署猪头
林警站
3起飞车盗窃 137次交通违章
3 counts of grand theft auto, 137 moving violations
12次撞人未遂
12 counts of attempted vehicular homicide,
还叫我搭档是个大傻X
and he called my partner a [Bleep] dipshit.
首先 我不知道他是从哪学来的那种话
First of all, I don't know where he could have heard language like that.
其次 你的搭档看着就是个大傻X
Second, your partner looks like a [Bleep] dipshit.
如果这只熊再到镇上来 我们就把它扔号♥子里去
If this bear steps foot in our town again, we're throwing him in prison.
坐牢? 别担心 警官 我保证不会再出现类似的事件了
Prison? Don't worry, officers. I'll make sure nothing like this ever happens again.
天呐 也许他真是失控了
Oh, God. Maybe he is out of control.
我该怎么办?
What am I gonna do?
是时候打电♥话♥叫我那帮底特律哥们来"劝劝"这熊崽子弃暗投明了
I think it's time I made a call to my boys in Detroit to scare this bear straight.
等我练完神马飞驰就去打
Right after I practice galloping as a mythical horse.
诶我去
Aw, man!
我哥们来了
There come my boys.
底特律最黑恶的势力
The baddest gangstas in Detroit.
啥?
What?
机场班车
下午好 Denzel
Good afternoon, Denzel.
这些土包子能把Malloy吓到改正?
These Urkels are gonna scare Malloy straight?
他们他妈还穿着懒汉鞋
They're wearing goddamn penny loafers!
哇 你们变化可真大
Wow. You guys look different.
你们还在一起混呢吧 杀人狂?
Y'all still gang banging, right, murder bone?
没啦 我在社区大学给美籍非裔犹太人教书
Oh, no. I teach Jewish-African-American studies at the Community College.
我现在卖♥♥起亚汽车
And I own a Kia dealership.
歪眼仔帮我跑销♥售♥
Bug eyes here does the marketing for me.
那娘们的奶♥子♥比那男人的胸鸡大 还喷火呢
Iba beebe settum uppa theeba big wavy men and inflatababull gobarillas.
他一直没从那次飞车射击中缓过劲儿
Yeah, he never really recovered from that drive-by.
好吧 现在有四个Denzel了?
Oh, great. Now we have four Denzels?
你就是那个自封犯罪天才的小阿飞了
So this is the little punk bitch who thinks he's a criminal.
你现在和货真价实的罪犯对上眼了 小贱♥人♥
Yeah, well, you eye to eye with some real criminals, bitch!
或许吧 但我说你们是罪犯就种族歧视了
I assumed, but it sounds racist when I say it.
之前我们可做过不少牛X事呢
Back in the day, we got in some serious shit.
劫车 贩毒 喂养侏儒 然后把他们给揍死
Carjacking, pushing dope, breeding midgets and fighting them to the death.
好吧 最后一条我可没料到
Okay, that last one caught me off guard.
都是真人真事 Malloy
Shit was for real, Malloy.
我们无拘无束 不受法律约束
We had no rules and didn't respect the law.
我们肆意闯荡 为所欲为 肆意妄为
We just ran around, doing whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.
听起来挺牛X 为啥不干了?
That sounds awesome. Why'd you stop?
是啊 为啥咱们不干了?
Yeah, why did we stop?
因为咱们改过自新了 蠢货
Because we turned our lives around, fool!
但你就没那么走运了
But you may not be so lucky.
所以你们曾经是狠角色
So you guys used to be bad asses.
现在你们都成家庭频道的目标人群了
Now you're the target demo for HGTV.
我可真感兴趣呢
Where do I sign up?
我们可是廉颇未老啊 - 是啊
We still know how to get down. - Yeah.
就在上周 我买♥♥了一张碰碰台球桌
Just last week, I bought a bumper pool table!
上周五 我老婆去塔尔萨开会 我还在家狠狠撸了一管
Last Friday my wife left for a conference in Tulsa and I got to masturbate!