脆莓公园（2012）

Brickleberry S02E01

Part 2 Oct. 11, 2025, 7:31 p.m.

你弱爆了 - 好吧
You suck! - Okay.
欢迎来到上帝圣母玛利亚和他们的爱子耶稣创立的奇迹之湖教
Welcome to the Miracle Lake Church of God, his holy mistress Mary, and their love child, the baby Jesus.
请把你们祈祷的手合拢
Please put your praying hands together!
来欢迎上帝最好的好朋友
And welcome to the stage God's BFF...
Woody神父
Reverend Woody!
阿门哈利路亚
Amen! Hallelujah!
奇迹? 兄弟姐♥妹♥们♥ 奇迹就在我的眼前
Miracles? Oh, brothers and sisters, have I seen miracles!
实际上是耶稣把水变成酒
比如呃见鬼就如摩西把鱼变成酒
Like when, uh... shit, uh, like when Moses turned, uh, fish into wine.
又如圣灵生下亚当和夏娃
Or like when the Holy Ghost gave birth to Adam and Eve.
实际上是上帝
谁和我一起来?
Who's with me?
这玩意不是我写的别怨我行不?
Hey, I didn't write this crap, okay?
我要说的是你们面前的湖是上苍最大的奇迹
The point is, this lake before you is the greatest miracle of all.
面前的这位是谁呢?
Well, what do we have here?
我是瞎子 - 看出来了我又不是瞎子
I'm blind. - I can see that. I'm not blind.
我能为你做点什么? 帮你治好膝盖还是别的?
Now, what can I do you for? Fix your bum knee or something?
好吧好吧火气别这么大
Okay, okay. You don't have to get an attitude.
以骷髅王以及胡地之名我推
By the power of Grayskull, alakazam! Poom!
前者为动画《希曼》里的反角后者为《口袋妖怪》里的精神系精灵
真是奇迹看见了我能看见了
It's a miracle! I can see! I can see!
但我不会游泳
But I can't swim.
天呐看来我得准备改在治疗前收钱了
Oh, my God, I've got to start getting the money up front.
好嘞我来咯
All right, I'm in.
耶稣救命但他不信任银行
Jesus saves, but he doesn't trust banks.
只收现金各位
Cash only, people.
这是我有生以来想过最棒的点子
This is by far the best idea I've ever had.
什么? 你的点子?
What? Your idea?
但这只是蝇头小利真正的传道者挣的是大钱
But this is small potatoes. Real evangelists make big money.
我来鞭策你上道吧
I'll whip you into shape.
在创世之初上帝创造了天堂和天堂
In the beginning, God created heaven and heaven.
大地反应迟钝
Earth! You hesitated.
真正的传道者能把圣经倒背...
Real evangelists know the Bible front...
如流
To back.
我的老天
Jesus Christ!
很好前脚令下后脚哭第二堂课完毕
Good. Crying on command. That's lesson two.
现在来弥补演技不足
Now let's cover showmanship.
跳吧
Dance!
跳快点
Faster!
够了上帝都能在周四休息呢
Enough! Even God rested on the fourth day!
是周末
Ow! Seventh!
我们在哪?
Where are we?
貌似是掉进冰窟窿里了
We fell into some kind of ice cavern.
这儿肯定有条多年之前形成的冰河
This must have been a glacier, frozen over years ago.
我的老天
Oh, my God.
那看上去像是被冻进冰里的穴居女人
That looks like a Neanderthal woman frozen in ice.
她肯定起码有40万岁了
She must be at least 400,000 years old.
那比112岁要大对吧?
Uh, that's more than 112, right?
是啊首先我们得... 嘿你搞什么鬼呢?
Yeah. First off, we've got to... hey! What are you doing?
我要上这贱♥人♥
Oh, I'm [Bleep] this bitch.
开灯
Lights go up.
放音乐
Cue the music.
黑人唱诗班
Cue the blacks.
♪ 让我和你小叙这湖的来头 ♪
♪ Let me tell you a little story about this here lake. ♪
♪ 这是奇迹之湖 ♪
♪ Talking about Miracle Lake. ♪
♪ 迈克尔•J.福克斯跳进去就停了抖抖 ♪
♪ Michael J. Fox jumped in now he don't shake. ♪
加拿大演员作家患有癫痫
♪ 这是奇迹之湖 ♪
♪ Talking about Miracle Lake. ♪
♪ 我们还让史蒂芬•霍金会走会说了 ♪
♪ We got Stephen Hawking, walking, and talking. ♪
♪ 奇迹之湖 ♪
♪ Miracle Lake. ♪
♪ 奇迹之湖 ♪
♪ Miracle Lake. ♪
♪ 奇迹之湖 ♪
♪Miracle Lake.
♪ 如果你患癌湖水把忧排 ♪
♪If you got cancer, this lake's the answer. ♪
♪ 奇迹之湖 ♪
♪ Miracle Lake. ♪
♪ 得了克隆病湖水救你命 ♪
♪ You got Crohn's disease, well put your mind at ease. ♪
又称克隆氏症克罗恩病一种炎症性胃肠病
♪ 奇迹之湖 ♪
♪ Miracle Lake. ♪
♪ 患上青光眼湖里呆久点 ♪
♪ If you've got glaucoma, well make yourself at home. ♪
♪ 奇迹之湖 ♪
♪ Miracle Lake. ♪
♪ 肝硬化啊脑血栓病痛全部一扫光 ♪
♪ Thrombosis, cirrhosis, it will change your prognosis. ♪
♪ 奇迹之湖 ♪
♪ Miracle Lake. ♪
♪ 肠道易激胃不适跳进湖里帮你治 ♪
♪ You've got irritable bowel, jump in, grab a towel. ♪
♪ 奇迹之湖 ♪
♪ Miracle Lake. ♪
♪ 如果你有白血病 ♪
♪ If you have leukemia... ♪
贪食症? 气肿...
Bulimia? "Emphysemia"?
病名韵脚词典
押毛韵啊都跳进去吧
Screw it! Just jump in!
♪ 让我下水消病痛 ♪
♪ Take me to the water right now. ♪
♪ 湖里洗洗更健康 ♪
♪ Jump on in it's a Miracle. ♪
♪ 赞美上帝 ♪
♪ Yeah, Lord! ♪
♪ 奇迹 ♪
♪ Miracle! ♪
真不敢相信我们找到了考古史上最重大的发现
I can't believe we made the greatest archaeological find of all time
可你满脑子只想去搞它
and you just want to bang it.
没错啊有什么问题吗? - 节操丧尽啦你个死变♥态♥
Yeah. What's wrong with that? - Everything, you freaking weirdo!
而且你好像没注意到我们被困了
And, in case you didn't notice, we're trapped.
可能得死在这儿还没搞懂状况啊?
We could die in here! Don't you get it?
搞是要搞滴不戴套地搞嘛
Oh, I'm about to get it. No condoms.
这些玩意儿都哪儿来的?
Where'd you get all this stuff?
"野炮应急套装"我可是每天随身携带的
Oh, I never leave home without my emergency sex pack.
失陪啦哥有点事要去搞定一下
Excuse me. I got business to take care of.
亲爱的你来到了四十万年后的未来
Now, baby, I know you probably feeling a little jetlagged
难免还没倒好时差我来帮你补下历史
by traveling 400,000 years into the future, so let me catch you up.
恐龙死绝了人类上月亮了
Dinosaurs are dead, we landed on the moon
《辣身舞》拍续集《情迷哈瓦那》了
and they made a sequel to Dirty Dancing called Havana Nights.
现在咱们办正事儿吧
Now let's get down to business.
哥哥要好好把你办踏实了妹子
I'm gonna make you feel right at home, girl.
哇啦吧啦来整我吧
Oh, yabba dabba do me!
Yabba dabba doo是《摩登原始人》主角的口头禅
明白明白你不好野人这口
Got it! Not a Flintstones fan.
嘿主灯光到位没有?
Hey, where are the key lights?
彩绘玻璃小心点抬啊
Careful with the stained glass.
麻溜点儿啊大家电视可是要直播呢
Come on, people, TV crews are covering this live.
想想看有数以百万的病人
Just think of how much more money we'll make
前来瞻仰优雅圣洁的我咱们可以赚个够啦
when millions of people see firsthand what a gentle, godly man I really am.
绑在棍上那傻X谁啊?
Who's that Dick on a stick?
我要的是蓝眼睛耶稣别弄犹太人版的
I wanted a blue-eyed Jesus, not a Jew-guy Jesus!
弄得老子像对着自己会计祈祷似的
I feel like I'm praying to my goddamn accountant!
这些东西花了多少钱啊?
How much did all this cost?
我怎么知道花了一大把问我会计去
I don't know! A shitload. Ask my accountant.
他说得没错花了一大把呢
The man is right. It cost a shitload.
我必须为我刚才的粗鲁向你道歉
I have to apologize for my behavior a little earlier.
咱们慢慢了解彼此吧
Let's get to know each other.
Denzel
Denzel.
Krog - Krog? 真是个好听的名字
Krog. - Krog? That's a beautiful name.
要死要死放开放开
No! Stop! Let me go!
靠搞毛啊?
Man, what the hell?
我明白了
Oh, I see.
你们这些冰河世纪过来的就喜欢玩点重口没问题啊
Y'all liked it rough back in the ice age. Okay.
Krog喜欢会说话的小黑影儿
Krog like talking shadow.
这话真够种族歧视的但是我喜欢
That's racist as hell, but I like it.
Krog让你进"快乐洞洞"
Krog give happy cave to you.
我擦这简直就是史前大草丛
Damn! That's some B.C. bush right there.
好吧你想怎么玩呢?
Okay, how do you like it?
咱们先男上女下然后...
Maybe we start out Missionary, and then...
慢点慢点轻点轻点
Take it easy! Take it easy!
慢点来那东西不能那样折
Slow up! It don't bend that way!
刚才真是太爽了宝贝真希望我能永远呆在这里
That was wonderful, baby. I wish I could stay here forever.
Denzel 我爬到洞口了
Denzel, I made it to the top!
闪人咯
Gotta go!
对没错儿吉尼斯世界纪录
Yep, that's right, Guinness Book of World Records!
四十万岁
400,000 years old.
Herman Paddy Liam 新的世界纪录诞生了
Herman, Paddy, Liam! A new world record!
黑人搞过的年龄最大的白种女人
Oldest white woman [Bleep] by a black man!
新世界纪录诞生