脆莓公园（2012）

Brickleberry S02E03

Part 1 Oct. 11, 2025, 7:31 p.m.

脆莓公园十周年纪念洗版

律师事务所
我 Henrietta Varnadoe...
I, Henrietta Varnadoe...
特此将我所有财富和遗产赠予...
Hereby bequeath all of my wealthy and worldly possessions to...
Denzel Jackson
Denzel Jackson.
好诶
Jackpot!
别担心
Don't worry.
我保证不把你们死妈的财产花在没意义的地方
I promise not to spend your dead mama's fortune on anything frivolous.
火箭包特么真爽
Woo! Jet pack, mother[Bleep]!

脆莓公园
三年前
我爱你 Woody
I love you, Woody.
我也爱你 Malloy
Love you too, Malloy.
你一定会一直这么可爱下去的
I'll bet you'll be sweet forever.
你敢不朝我开枪了么?
Will you stop shooting at me?
你个老不死的暴脾气
Oh, you are so old and cranky.
林警们开晨会的时间到了...
Rangers, time for morning inspection...
这特么是个什么情况?
What the hell happened here?
我帮你把桌子整理了呀
I organized your desk for you.
啥? 我的开销报告呢? 还有那个装满零钱的信封呢?
What? Where's my expense reports and the envelope full of petty cash?
都在碎纸机里呢废物什么的你得学会放手
It's in the paper shredder. You have to let go of the clutter.
你大爷啊 Ethel
Oh, God damn it, Ethel.
你把我死去老妈的照片也给碎了?
You shredded a picture of my dead Mother?
废物啦 - 应该是由我来粉碎的
Clutter. - I was supposed to shred that.
这叫做"忘却"
It's called "closure"!
对不起... 我来晚了 Woody
Sorry... sorry I'm late, Woody.
天呐 Williams 你个邋遢鬼
Jesus, Williams, you are a slob!
翻译井脑湿
简直就是一坨戴领带的翔
You look like a turd in a tie.
翻译旗木佐罗
制♥服♥上那坨脏东西又特么是什么?
And what is that stain on your goddamn uniform?
是... 是千层面
It's, uh... it's lasagna.
等下不是是鸟屎
Wait. No, bird shit.
Woody 我出了点事
Woody, I had a little accident.
Cunaman 你又把巡逻车给撞坏了?
Cunaman, you wrecked your patrol car again?
这都第几次了这个月的第四次?
What is this, the fourth time this month?
又不是我的错你知道我有盲点的
It's not my fault. You know I have that blind spot.
是你转不了脖子
That's your neck.
Woody 你这样大喊大叫的对团队士气可不好
Woody, all this screaming and yelling is not good for morale.
年轻的强迫症小姐认为她能胜任我的工作
Ooh, Little Miss O.C.D. thinks she can do my job!
我肯定能胜任啊
I could definitely do it.
是啊但这工作可不像你那么好"干" 大小姐
Yeah, well, this job's not as easy as you are, Princess.
老天你今天可真混♥蛋♥
Jeez, you're being a real dick today.
你想看看真蛋蛋吗?
You wanna see a real dick?
你特么能不吹那该死的强♥奸♥哨么?
Will you stop blowing that [Bleep] rape whistle?
遭遇强♥奸♥时吹的哨子
你知道我什么意思
You know what I mean!
你们这些林警简直侮辱了国家公园管理部给你们发的制♥服♥
You Rangers are a disgrace to those National Park service-issued uniforms!
Woody 你压力太大了
Woody, you're stressed.
Malloy不是你的减压宠物么?
I mean, isn't Malloy supposed to be your therapy pet?
干嘛不去稀罕稀罕他之类的?
Why don't you go snuggle with him or something?
他只能在他生日时候那么做
He only gets that on his birthday
但我不知道也不想知道他生日是什么时候
and I don't know or give a shit when his birthday is.
你们这帮死人简直要把老子逼疯了
You people are all driving me nuts!
我都说不出你们中哪个才是最烂的了
I don't know which one of you is worse!
反正我比Connie强 - 你才没有呢
Well, I'm better than Connie. - No, you're not.
Steve 你比我逊毙了 - 反正我比你们所有鸟人都强
Steve, you're way worse than me. - Well, I'm better than all of you.
是吗? 真的是吗? - Steve 你就是个白♥痴♥
Really? Oh, really? - Steve, you are an idiot.
闭嘴闭嘴闭嘴够了
Shut up, shut up. Shut up! Enough!
你们都不是什么好玩意毫无价值满脑大粪懒...
You're all no-good, worthless, shit-for-brains, lazy...
说到懒 Denzel特么的死哪了?
Hey, speaking of lazy, where the hell is Denzel?
这又特么是个什么玩意?
What is that goddamn thing?
啥? 这超叼火箭包噪音太大我听不清你
What? I can't hear you over this bad ass jet pack.
把那玩意弄出去
Get it outta here!
好吧
Oh, okay.
我的房♥顶我特么的房♥顶啊
My roof! My goddamn roof!
谁来赔这一团糟?
Who's gonna pay for all this shit?
我发誓你们这些家伙不得好死...
I swear to God, you guys'll be the death...
Woody中风了
And Woody had a stroke.
发生什么了? - Woody 你小中风了
Uh, what happened? - Woody, you had a mini-stroke.
小中风和正常中风一样只是程度更好玩
A mini-stroke is like a regular stroke, but fun-sized.
好玩?
Fun-sized?
但不要小瞧它啊 Woody
Whoa, let's not make light here, Woody.
这很严重的你的血压可是我见过最高的了
This is serious. Your blood pressure is the highest I've ever seen.
让我来取点血
Let me just draw some blood.
天呐
Oh, dear.
话说这让我想起部我为交医学院学费而拍的潮♥吹♥片儿了
You know this brings back memories of that Bukkake film I did to pay for medical school.
Woody 你必须避免生活中任何一丁点的压力
Woody, you must cut out every bit of stress in your life
不然你就会死也许今天就得死
or you're going to die, probably today.
死? 我该怎么办医生?
Die? What can I do, Doc?
这个嘛你有减压宠物么?
Well, do you own a therapy pet?
有啊但他不许我亲近他
Yeah, but he won't let me pet him.
那么 Woody 恐怕你唯一的选择就是自压了
Well, then, Woody, I'm afraid your only option is suicide.
自杀? - 不是
Suicide? - No.
"自我减压"
"Soothe-inside".
是诊所开设的冥想课程
It's a meditation class they offer at the clinic.
你认为我是那种嬉皮仙子
Do you think I'm some kind of new age fairy
像印第安人似的围坐一圈嘟囔着"噢噢"么?
that's gonna sit around in Indian garb and chant, "om, om"?
我宁愿...
I would rather...
该死又一次小中风
Oh, darn, another mini-stroke.
Woody 我想你肯定不介意我偷♥拍♥几张你的照片
Woody, I'm sure you won't mind if I get a few up-skirt shots
供我个人收藏说 "茄子"
for my private collection. Say, "cheese".
褐色沙洲康复诊所
我天呐这也太基了
My God, this is gay.
大家好旅行者们我叫Astral 你们的新导师
Hello, travelers. I'm Astral, your new instructor.
老兄我想让她给我坐莲懂我什么意思吧?
Hey, buddy, I'd like to position myself in her lotus, you know what I mean?
好了大伙闭上眼睛
Okay, everyone, close your eyes
深深地长吸一口气想象一个平和宁静的场景
inhale a long, deep breath, and imagine a calm, serene scene.
尝尝这个傻X
Up yours, cracker!
不
No!
Woody 淡定来拍拍我
Woody, calm down. Here, pet me.
逗你玩的进攻
I'm kidding. Attack!
我要把你们噎得灵魂出窍
I am gonna choke the life outta all of you's!
断了气你们就不会再废话了
Can't bitch if you can't breathe!
Woody 我从来没见过如此奔放的纯粹激♥情♥
Woody, I have never seen such a display of raw passion.
不如我们单独进行训练吧
I suggest a private session.
让我帮你释放心中的怒涛让思绪之水归于宁静
I can help you channel that rage and find inner peace.
好呗能让我放松就行
Okay, if it'll help me relax.
上帝啊是谁下此毒手?
Oh, my God! What happened here?
是个黑人干的好像背着个火箭背包
It was a black guy. I think he had a jet pack.
Woody 我边开车边吃千层面呢
Woody, I was driving and eating lasagna
Connie就给我撞了个马大哈害我被溅了一身脏
and Connie crashed into me and made me spill it all over myself.
是Steve先撞我的
But Steve rammed me.
一爷们撞了Connie? 怎么太阳从西边升起来了?
A man rammed Connie? What is this, bullshit day?
我才没撞她 - 明明撞到了大骗子
I didn't ram her! - Yes, you did, you liar.
够了打住你们俩
Enough! Break it up, you two.
今早真美好难道不是吗林警们?
It is a beautiful morning, isn't it, Rangers?
你不对我们歇斯底里了?
You're not gonna yell at us?
不孩子们我内心的怒涛已然平息
No, my child. My anger has flown.
是真的我戏弄了他一早上都没让他动怒
It's true, I've been trying to piss him off all morning.
适可而止吧 Denzel 少拿这玩意玩命
Cut it out, Denzel. That thing's dangerous.
得了吧挡在你和一袋膨化零食之间才叫玩命
Nah, getting between you and a bag of cheetos is dangerous.
这东西有意思得很
This is fun.
注意了我的朋友们
Attention, my friends.
请允许我向你们介绍拯救我人生的女人
I'd like everyone to meet the woman who saved my life
是她给我带来了爱与宁静并弥补我内心的创伤
my harbinger of love, peace, and inner healing.
请向我生命中新的挚爱问好吧
Say hello to the new love of my life.
你生命中新的挚爱?
New love of your life?
希望你干炮时悠着点
Hope you let that rubber fist down easy.
早上好可爱的灵魂们我叫Astral
Hello, sweet spirits. My name is Astral.
当然是了
Of course it is.
我有事要宣布
I have an announcement.
我自愿离开我的岗位
I am taking a voluntary leave of absence