美式主妇

American Housewife S01E16

Part 2 Dec. 10, 2019, 3:45 p.m.

- Yes. I live with her, too. - Okay.
她否决掉你所有的想法时
But don't come running back to me
别来找我
when she shoots down every one of your ideas.
爱尔兰踢踏舞
Irish step dancing?
医生说我不能剧烈活动
The doctor said I can't do any strenuous activity.
瞧太难对付了
See? She's impossible!
好的
Okay.
-给珍姑妈打电♥话♥开始卖♥♥画 -不
- Let's call Aunt Jean and start selling your paintings. - ?No.
奥利弗说打电♥话♥
Oliver said that calling
不是拯救最多熊猫的好办法
people's not the way to save the most pandas.
你什么时候开始对安娜凯特的事感兴趣
Since when are you interested in anything Anna-Kat does?
现在不会永远不会
Not now, not ever,
但卖♥♥出最多熊猫的画的人
but whoever sells the most panda paintings
能获得游戏站的购物卡
gets a GameStop gift card.
你只有两天时间了你得听我的
You only have two more days, so you're working with me.
抱歉奥利弗
Sorry, Oliver.
我必须照上校说的做
I have to do what the Colonel says.
上校
The Colonel?
她刚叫我上校吗
Did she just call me "The Colonel"?
什么意思
What is that about?
谁出个声
Somebody speak!
你还是需要听睡前故事的
You, who still needs bedtime stories.
好的别生气
Okay. Don't be mad.
你的绰号♥全名是
Your full nickname is
碧翠丝冯·米色内♥裤♥控制狂上校
Colonel Beatrice von Beige Underpants Control Freak.
我不知从何说起
I don't know where to start first.
米色外面穿什么都行
Beige works under everything.
我不是控制狂
And I am not controlling.
你们只是需要被指导要做什么
You people just need to be told what to do.
听起来真有
Spoken like a true
碧翠丝冯·米色内♥裤♥控制狂上校的风范
Colonel Beatrice von Beige Underpants Control Freak.
不仗义伙计
Not cool, buddy.
如果没有我你们都挺能干行
If you all are so capable without me, fine.
格雷格你帮泰勒
Greg, you help Taylor.
奥利弗你负责安娜凯特我不管了
Oliver, you handle Anna-Kat. I'm out.
但你们都会滚回来的
But you'll all come running back,
到那时我会给你们一个最佳妈妈鄙视笑容
and when you do, I'll give you my best condescending mom smile.
我们讨厌这个笑容
Oh, we hate that smile.
所以我才这么笑
That's why I do it.
这个也是次品
Ugh! These are defective, too!
如果我不是觉得会断的话
I'd strangle that manager with one of these
我就用这个勒死那个经理
if didn't think it would break!
你们给我取的绰号♥是什么
You guys have a nickname for me?
超级老爸
Super Dad!
真不错
Oh, that's nice.
反应真迅速
Way to think on your feet.
学校园艺社团怎么样
How about the school gardening club?
是啊因为我超级喜欢泥巴
Yeah, because I'm super into dirt.
-你们在做什么 -头脑风暴
- What are you guys doing? - Oh, just brainstorming.
-计划我的未来 -有进展了
- Figuring out my future. - Yeah, we're making progress.
对爸一次也没吼过我
Yeah. Dad hasn't yelled at me once.
很好祝好运
Great. Good luck.
我不插手你们的生活
I'm staying out of your lives
因为一切尽在你们掌握中
because you all have it under control.
-屏幕太亮了 -我觉得很好
- Your screen's too bright. - It was fine the way it was.
好的变瞎子
Okay. Go blind.
你要知道我从未见过
Just know I've never seen
你戴墨镜很帅气
a pair of sunglasses look good on you.
就这样
Leave it.
泰勒
Oh, Taylor,
花样游泳的教练回复我了
the synchronized swim coach got back to me.
选拔是结束了
Technically, tryouts are over,
但队上还有一个空缺
but there's one available spot on the team
如果你想和教练见面的话
if you want to meet with the coach.
不缺人才怪
I can't imagine there's anything but available spots.
我觉得你会很出色你的物理治疗师说
I think you'd be great at it, and your physical therapist said
水阻力有助于增加力量
that water resistance is good for building up strength,
而且这项运动没有对抗性动作
and this sport is very low impact.
很好我会有强壮的脚踝和0个朋友
Great, so I'll have a strong ankle and zero friends.
听我说
Look.
我们现在和妈妈杠上了
We're on the spot here with Mom.
如果这次搞砸了
If we screw this up,
我们对生活就再也没有发言权了
we'll never have a say in our own lives again,
而且会看到鄙视的笑容
and we'll get the condescending smile.
好我试试花样游泳
Fine. I'll try synchronized swimming.
那笑容令我想跳桥
That smile makes me want to jump off a bridge.
跳的时候拉着我的手就行
As long you're holding my hand when you do it.
你觉得这样做你就能得到
So, you think this is how you score yourself
新的电子游戏吗
some new video games?
是的
I do.
在电♥话♥里拒绝很容易妈
It's very easy to say no over the phone, Mom.
但是
But...
你怎么能拒绝这个
how do you say no to this?
的确
It's true.
她比你们两个可爱多了
She's so much cuter than the rest of you.
打扰下先生
Excuse me, sir.
你想买♥♥画拯救熊猫吗
Would you like to buy a painting to help save the pandas?
我和朋友见面迟到了
Actually, I'm late to meet a friend.
你听到了吗
Did you hear that?
听到什么
Hear what?
这是熊猫快死了的声音
It's the sound of pandas dying.
救我
"Save me."
我买♥♥6幅
I'll take six.
碧翠丝冯·米色内♥裤♥控制狂上校
Colonel Beatrice von Beige Underpants Control Freak.
拜托告诉我你没穿米色内♥裤♥了
Please tell me you are not still wearing beige underpants.
如果悲伤是服装
If sadness were a piece of clothing,
那肯定是米色内♥裤♥
it'd be beige underpants.
老天真希望我的孩子给我取绰号♥
Man, I hope my kids have a nickname for me
锤妈梦想勒杀者
like the "The Hammer" Or "Dream Murderer."
这不公平
It's not fair.
他们说是控制我说是好妈妈
What they call controlling, I call being a good mother.
你不如把这个当作
Why don't you just look at this
享受空闲时间的机会
as an opportunity to enjoy the free time?
我知道真是疯狂
I know. It's crazy.
但不为我的家人解决麻烦
But without solving problems for my family,
我只是一个穿着丑陋内♥裤♥做琐碎家务的女人
I'm just some chick running errands in ugly underwear.
那就趁空闲时间去买♥♥新内♥裤♥
So take all that free time and go buy some new undies,
红色家族型的
maybe something in the red family,
不是救济院类型的
something non-hospice-y.
凯蒂相信我家里人没有你会崩溃的
Katie, believe me, your family is gonna fall apart without you.
是的到那时
Yeah, they are, and when they do,
我就给他们一个鄙视的妈妈笑容
I'm gonna give them a condescending mom smile.
我也这样笑一边把他们最爱的
Oh, I do one of those, but I do it while I tear
毛绒玩具的头扯掉一边笑
the heads off their favorite stuffies.
多瑞丝有时候我宁愿你不要赞同我
Doris, sometimes I prefer you don't take my side on things.
安吉拉你能帮我
Angela, can you help me file
对杰弗超♥市♥发起集体诉讼吗
a class action lawsuit against Jeffers
-他们把次品垃圾袋卖♥♥给忙碌的妈妈 -不行
- for selling faulty garbage bags to busy mothers? - ?No.
但作为你的法律顾问我强烈建议
But as your legal counsel, I strongly suggest
你别再跟我们说这个了
you stop talking to us about it.
我没想到花样游泳会这么酷
I didn't realize synchronized swimming was so cool.
我喜欢泳池我喜欢服从指令
I like pools, and I'm a follower.
这是最适合我的运动
It's, like, the perfect sport for me.
你第一天成为西港荷花是什么时候
When's your first day as a Westport Water Lily?
明天训练
Practice tomorrow.
我不想洋洋得意
I don't mean to gloat,
但明天 3月1日
but tomorrow, the first of March,
将是为母之道的耻辱日
shall be a day that lives in parenting infamy.
我解决了一个你妈妈解决不了的问题
I solved a problem your mother couldn't.
我要给她我鄙视的笑容
I'm gonna give her my condescending smile.
我得再练练