美式主妇

American Housewife S01E02

Part 4 Dec. 10, 2019, 3:43 p.m.

因为我最不需要的就是
Because the last thing that I need
12个路障筒从此以后在咱家车♥库♥霸占位置
is 12 traffic cones garbaging up our garage for the rest of forever.
真的妈这太不像话了
Seriously, Mom, this is ridiculous.
我错过了篮球和足球训练
I'm missing basketball and soccer practice.
别再呼出细菌了我完全没有保护
Stop breathing your germs! I'm completely defenseless!
妈关于那些指控
Mom, regarding these allegations,
我只是无意中在格兰特·温莎家听到对话
I just overheard a conversation at Grant Windsor's,
我做了项聪明的交易
and I made a few smart trades.
我不想听奥利弗
I don't want to hear it, Oliver!
你根本不懂商界会发生什么事
You don't know what happens in business.
你甚至没有工作
You don't even have a job!
我们为什么要停车
Wh-- Wh-- Why did we pull over?
你刚刚说了什么
What did you just say?
我爱你
I love you?
你刚说我没有工作吗
Did you just say that I don't have a job?
告诉你
For your information,
做全职妈妈就是我的工作
being a stay-at-home mom is my job!
但显然今天我做得很差劲
But apparently, today, I'm pretty crappy at it!
但不会再这样了
But not anymore!
下车
Get out of the car!
这太丢人了
This is humiliating.
很好
Good.
如果你继续这样投机取巧
If you keep doing whatever it takes to get rich
违反法律来变成有钱人
by cutting corners and breaking laws,
这就是你的下场
this is where you're going to wind up --
在路边捡垃圾
cleaning up trash by the side of the road,
像普通罪犯一样
like a common criminal.
我为什么也要做这个
Why do I have to do this?
因为你错过了一次接种疫苗
Because you're missing one booster shot.
你不会死的
You're not gonna die,
一点泥土从来不会让谁没命
and a little dirt never killed anybody.
妈妈永远不会让你碰到这种事
Mama would never let that happen to you.
别碰那个针头
Don't touch that needle!
这不公平
This isn't fair!
拜托我也想捡垃圾
Come on. I want to pick up trash, too.
不你在车上继续学习
No! You stay in there and keep studying.
你只能从事一项体育运动
And you're only playing one sport,
这样可以专注于学习
so you can concentrate on your schoolwork.
真差劲
That stinks!
这是我的想法你无法控制
Well, it's what I think, and you can't control it.
没有课后保姆
No after-school babysitter
可以像我这样教育孩子
could parent my kids the way I do.
我不仅在照顾他们
I'm not just looking after them.
我在尽力让他们成为还算正派的人
I am trying to shape them into halfway-decent people.
灌木旁边有只旧袜子
There's an old sock next to the shrub.
我不会碰的
I'm not touching that.
在监狱里你会碰更恶心的东西
In prison, you'd be touching worse.
而且如果哪个保姆让我的孩子做这种事
Besides, if some babysitter made my kids do this,
我可能会报♥警♥抓他们
I'd probably have them arrested.
约翰·亚当斯和拖马斯·杰斐逊都死于1826年7月4日
John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died on July 4, 1826 --
美国独♥立♥50周年的纪念日
the 50th anniversary of American independence.
他们写道
They wrote --
抚养咱们的孩子这么重要
How could you support me taking a job
你怎么能支持我去上班呢
when raising our kids is so important?
凯蒂我在和学生们视频可以等等吗
Katie, I'm Skyping with my students. Can this wait?
五个研究生而已有四个是女生
Oh, they're five grad students, and four of them are ladies.
她们需要听听
They need to hear this.
你稍等下可以吗
Can you hold that thought --
女士们做全职妈妈太差劲了
Ladies, being a stay-at-home mom suuucks.
没错
It does.
但我就像被派去杀本拉♥登♥的
But I'm like one of those Navy SEALs
海豹突击队员一样
they sent to kill Osama bin Laden.
他们要躲子弹而且没什么睡眠
They dodged the bullets and didn't get a lot of sleep,
但他们确信他们在做
but they were convinced that they were doing
全世界最重要的工作
the most important job in the world.
在家和我的孩子们在一起
And being at home with my kids
是我现在能做的最重要的事
is the most important thing I could be doing right now.
但别骗自己
But don't fool yourselves.
做职业妈妈也很差劲
Being a working mom sucks, too --
只是方式不同
just in a different way.
各位你们能行的
Guys, you've got it made.
我老公现在在床上办公
My husband is working in bed right now,
而且没穿长裤
and he's not wearing any pants.
下课
Class dismissed.
拜托他们见过我
Oh, come on! They've met me!
他们知道你老婆是怎样的人
They know what you're dealing with.
他们不是我带的研究生
These aren't my grad students.
这是历史课101
This is History 101.
300个新生
300 freshmen.
加油红雀队
Go, Cardinals.
你为什么不让我闭嘴
Why didn't you shut me up?
你拿自己和海豹突击6队相比
You compared yourself with SEAL Team 6.
我很好奇想听听结果
I was curious to see where it was going.
而且我不知道
Besides, I didn't think you
你会说出我没穿长裤
were gonna bring up I'm not wearing pants.
你会拒绝那份工作吗
So, you're turning down the job?
我会拒绝那份工作
I'm turning down the job.
妈妈你说得对
Mama! You were right!
擦上去好痛
It stings bad!
不用
No, no, no, no, no.
你小睡一下
You take your nap.
我去
I'll take care of this.
谢谢
Thank you.
不
No.
你是想头发做牙齿还是牙齿做头发
Would you rather have hair for teeth or teeth for hair?
头发做牙齿这很好选每顿吃冰沙
Hair for teeth. No-brainer. Smoothies for every meal.
你下来做什么
Hey, what are you doing down here?
你不是在小睡吗
I thought you needed a nap.
是的
I do.
但我不想错过有趣的部分
But I don't want to miss the fun parts.
奥利弗我也不想你错过有趣的部分
And, Oliver, I don't want you to miss the fun parts, either.
我想是时候退出股市社团了
I think it's time we let the stock market club go.
你需要做个孩子
You need to be a kid.
我保证你长大后会成为一名臭猪资本家的
I promise you can be a capitalist pig when you grow up.
谢谢你妈
Thanks, Mom.
可以吃饭了吗
Can we eat?
可以
Yeah.
好的我们来回顾下
Okay, let's review.
做全职妈妈很差劲
Being a stay-at-home mom does suck.
但非常重要
And it's really important.
但同时也是全世界最棒的事
But also, it can be the best thing in the world.
没错
So yeah.
我更宁愿做这个
This is what I would rather.
不管是谁快走
Whoever it is, leave now.
我只是来刷牙的
I just need to brush my teeth.
安娜凯特
Anna-Kat!
妈协管员桑迪给你送来了
Mom, Crossing Guard Sandy just dropped off
书面警告
a written warning for you.
我放在这里归档
Let me file that right here.
没看没看
Not looking. Not looking.
孩子们我们不是裸体家族
Guys! We are not a naked family!
学校通讯报上你的照片真不错
Nice picture of you in the school newsletter.
浴缸归档又一项
Ugh. Another one for the tub.
所有人出...
Now, everybody, get --
-抱歉 -格雷格
- Sorry. - Greg?!
我想缓解下药劲四顿日用感冒药
I'm trying to balance out four DayQuil,
两顿夜用感冒药还有胃肠药
two NyQuil, and a Pepto-Bismol.
我现在就像磕毒品嗨了一样
I'm really chasing the dragon here.
出去
Get out!
出去
Get out!