美式主妇

American Housewife S01E09

Part 1 Dec. 10, 2019, 3:44 p.m.

我们又收到了一堆节日贺卡
We got a new batch of holiday cards.
这个镇上的圣诞贺卡
Ugh, Christmas cards in this town
也实在太夸张了
are so over-the-top.
天哪
Sweet Lord.
这个可以折成一个完整的基♥督♥诞生的场景
This folds out into a full nativity scene.
那是骆驼毛吗
Is that camel hair?
这个我得留着
Ooh, I'm saving this one.
这不过是人们拿来炫耀的又一次机会罢了
This is just another opportunity for people to show off.
看看这些照片
Look at these pictures!
新房♥子新隆的胸
New house, new boobs,
保姆还当上了正室
old nanny who's now the new wife.
他们想用这些东西惊爆谁的眼球
Who are they trying to impress with these things?
我呀你看这张贺卡
Me! Check out this cardstock.
这是亚麻的吗是亚麻的凯蒂
Is this linen? It's linen, Katie.
比我们的被单还柔软
This is softer than our sheets.
我们的被单的确只是我从杂货店买♥♥来的
Well, I did buy our sheets from the grocery store, so...
你看哈珀斯一家去了澳大利亚
Look, the Harpers went to Australia
还喂了鲸鱼
and got to pet whale.
鲸鱼怎么惹你生气了
Why are you so mad at the whale?
海洋哺乳动物跟圣诞节没有任何关系
Sea mammals have nothing to do with Christmas.
他们寄这张贺卡就是想跟我们炫耀
That card is just a way of telling us
他们的度假有多么奢华
that they went on an expensive vacation.
而且我早就知道了
And I already know that
因为我很不情愿地关注了谢利的图片分享
because I hate-follow Shelly Harper's Instagram.
你为什么要为这些事而烦恼呢
Why do you let things like this bother you so much?
因为我不想让孩子们觉得
Because I don't want our kids thinking
圣诞节就只有这些肤浅的东西
that this shallowness is what Christmas is about.
圣诞节就该非常舒适吃点罐装曲奇
Christmas is about being cozy and eating cookies from a tin,
然后孩子们争着想得到罐子
and then the kids arguing over who gets the tin,
我就朝他们喊 "好了谁都不准拿"
and then me yelling, "All right! Nobody gets the tin!"
那才该是圣诞节的样子
That's what Christmas is about.
当然还要讲一些耶稣诞生的故事
Add in a touch of Baby Jesus.
格雷格你手♥机♥响了
Greg, your phone.
我只想试试能不能打通
Yeah, I was just checking to make sure that it's working.
我在等通知看能不能得到这个演讲的工作
Waiting to hear if I got that speaking gig.
我可以用那些钱买♥♥个新的笔记本电脑
I could use the money for a new laptop.
这个旧的烫得就像三明治机
The old one heats up like a panini press.
把我的腿毛都烫没了
Burned the hairs straight off my thighs.
最好把工作给你而不是那个得肾病的混♥蛋♥卡尔
Work better pick you over that jerk Kidney Disease Carl.
我知道我那个系里有好多叫卡尔的
I know my department has a lot of Carls,
但是你还是起个好听点的外号♥吧
but you need to come up with a nicer nickname.
圣诞快乐奥图一家
Merry Christmas, Ottos!
-你好啊维芙 -圣诞维芙
- Oh, hey, Viv. - ?Santa Viv!
你还真不客气自己就进来了
You just let yourself in now.
-你可真会开玩笑 -没和你开玩笑
- Oh, you. - That's not an answer.
别别别
No, no, no, no, no!
这些藜麦松饼是给格雷格和孩子们吃的
These quinoa muffins are for Greg and the kids.
我为你准备了一个更好的东西
I got you something even better...
能够激发你的潜力
The gift of potential.
-运动追踪器 -没错
- A Fitbit. - ?Right!
这种骂我胖的方式还挺新鲜的啊
That's a fresh, new way of calling me fat.
你不胖凯蒂你只是在走向苗条的路上
You're not fat, Katie. You're on your way to thin.
这松饼有点硌嘴
These muffins are pointy...
不过还挺独特的
which is a fun surprise.
太好了对了我猜...
Oh, good. Hey, guys, so I'm guessing
你们没有圣诞节灯光设计师
your Christmas-lighting designer is non-existent.
而我每天都不得不看见你家
And since I have to look at your house every day,
我可以让我的设计师过来斯科特和斯科特
I can just send over my guys, Scott and Scott.
斯科特兄弟
The Two Scotts.
不用了
We're good.
我们的装饰简简单单也挺好看的
Our simple decorations are perfect just the way they are.
并不好看
No, they're not.
还有一件事
In other news,
明天的学校音乐会上
you are looking at the chairwoman
我是女主席
for the school concert tomorrow.
我需要人手帮忙布置
I need help setting up,
所以我猜你应该愿意贡献你的一技之长
so I assume you'll volunteer your Katie skills.
事实上我擅长的就是
Actually, my Katie skills are what I use
让我避免做这些志愿活动
to get out of volunteering for things.
凯蒂
Oh, Katie.
如果你不小心行事的话
You know, if you're not careful,
恐怕会出现在我的淘气包名单里哦
you're gonna wind up on my naughty list.
当心了
And watch out.
小心我打你屁♥股♥
I spank.
好吧
Okay.
好了
Right.
圣诞快乐
Merry Christmas!
拜拜维芙
Bye, Viv!
这道门我们必须得锁上了
We have got to start locking this door.
美式主妇第一季第九集
你为什么把它扔了
Why'd you throw that out?
这东西是用来提醒我缺乏运动的
It's a computer that tells me how little I exercise,
这我早就知道了
which I already know.
维芙就像圣诞老人一样
Viv is just like Santa.
她会送礼物自愿做很多工作
She gives gifts, she volunteers,
她还戴了圣诞帽
she even wears the hat.
不我才像圣诞老人
No, I'm like Santa.
我们体型相似
We both have the same body-type,
我们都会把惹我们生气的人列个名单
and we make lists of people who've pissed us off.
你更像克兰帕斯
You're more like Krampus.
谁是克兰帕斯
Who's Krampus?
这就是你克兰帕斯
That's you -- Krampus.
你竟然认为你的妈妈是个怪物
I can't believe you think Mama is a monster.
克兰帕斯不是怪物妈妈
Krampus isn't a monster, Mama.
他只是个半羊半妖
He's just a half-goat, half-demon
他专在圣诞期间惩罚坏孩子
who punishes children during the holidays,
有时候还会吃掉他们的手和屁♥股♥
and sometimes eats their hands and butts.
你看还不错吧
See, it's not so bad.
他可是我最喜欢的反圣诞老人的坏蛋之一呢
He's far and away my favorite of the anti-Santa villains.
你再说两个别的
Name two others.
冯·克里斯平
Von Krispin...
-格雷格 -妈妈别在精灵面前这样
- Oh, Greg. - Mama, not in front of the Elf.
壁炉上的精灵
The Elf on the Mantle.
这个什么事都要向圣诞老人打报告的小线人
The little narc who reports everything we do back to Santa.
而且他总是像超级变♥态♥一样盯着我
And he's always staring at me like a grade-A perv.
不过它的价格比你想象中的便宜一半
It's half the price of the one you're thinking of.
我不想让他告诉圣诞老人你就像卡兰帕斯一样
I don't want him telling Santa that you're acting like Krampus.
这样我们都没有礼物了
Then none of us will get any gifts.
我保证我们俩还是能得到礼物的
I'm pretty sure the rest of us will still get gifts.
不会的精灵什么都知道
Unh-unh! The Elf is getting all of this,
他会给圣诞老人打小报告
and he's gonna run it right up the ladder!
别担心精灵很喜欢妈妈的
Don't worry. The Elf loves Mama.
我喜欢这个小伙伴
I love this little fella.
我把灯打开
I'll even turn the light on
这样他就能一整晚监视我们了
so he can watch us all night long.
我现在要去练习一下明天的圣诞音乐会了
Okay. Now I have to go practice for the holiday concert tomorrow.
但你不是练了一早上吗
But you practiced all morning.
如果我们没唱好布拉纳甘先生会生气的
Mr. Brannagan gets mad if we don't sing right.
安娜凯特
Anna-Kat.
我不能唱错
I can't make a mistake!
那个音乐老师有什么毛病
What's wrong with that music teacher?
这可是个小朋友们的学校音乐会
It's a little kids' school concert.
这件事情本来就是个错误
The whole thing is a mistake!
我猜这段时间他肯定很难让孩子们注意力集中
I bet it's hard for him to get kids to focus this time of year.
你为什么老是这样
Why do you always do that?
好吧听起来又是一个
Okay, this seems like one of those things
你以为我们谈过很多次
where you feel like we've talked about it a hundred times,
但我却没有印象的问题
and it's completely new to me.
你从来不发脾气
You never lose your temper.
你总是积极地去看所有事情
You are always trying to put a positive spin on things.
-对你来说不好吗 -我说真的