美式主妇

American Housewife S01E04

Part 1 Dec. 10, 2019, 3:43 p.m.

我正式宣布再也不在西港买♥♥衣服了
Well, I've officially quit shopping for clothes in Westport.
没有店里有我的尺码
No one stocks my size.
唯一能扣上的衬衫是男士加大
The only shirt that buttoned up was a men's extra large,
我相当肯定那是睡衣
and I'm pretty sure it's a pajama top.
现在我只在堪萨斯州的一家网店买♥♥衣服
So now I buy all my clothes online from a store in Kansas,
因为在堪萨斯州
because in Kansas...
我穿中号♥
I'm a medium.
堪萨斯州好棒的州
Ah, Kansas. Wonderful state.
我相信他们的州鸟是西部草地鹨
Their official bird is a western meadowlark, I believe.
有趣的事实亲但你毁了我衬衫的乐趣
Fun fact, babe -- You just killed my shirt buzz.
你今天工作吗
So you working today?
我要写篇文章我非常期待
I'm writing an article I am so excited about.
我不想触霉头
I don't want to jinx anything,
但我百分百相信会让我拿到终身职位
but I'm 100% sure this will get me tenure.
百分百保证
100% guaranteed.
太期待了关于什么的文章
That is so exciting! What's the article about?
文章的名字是
The title of the article is...
约翰·斯图尔特·米尔
"John Stuart Mill:
维多利亚时代的自♥由♥主义者
Victorian Liberalism
以及伤害原则的谬论
and the Fallacy of the Harm Principle."
有时候你说话时
Sometimes when you say things,
我会假装你头发着火了
I just pretend that your hair catches on fire.
想笑就笑但现在历史火着呢
Make fun if you must, but history is huge right now.
约翰·斯图尔特·米尔可以是新的《汉密尔顿》
JSM could be the new "Hamilton."
很火的音乐剧
我是约翰·米尔我在这里说
I'm Johnny Mills, I'm here to say
维多利亚时代的自♥由♥主义是必经之路
Victorian era liberalism is the only way
-你准备好了吗 -准备好了
- Are you ready? - ?I'm ready.
仪式开始
Begin the ritual.
在格雷格开始写作前他必须完成他的仪式
Before Greg can write, he has to do this ritual.
如果我们是有钱人这就是古怪
If we were rich, it'd be eccentric.
我们不是所以这叫诡异
We're not, so it's just weird.
首先他扮作神奇女侠摆两分钟姿势
First he poses like Wonder Woman for two minutes
提升他的睾丸素
to raise his testosterone,
然后听爵士乐刺♥激♥右脑
then he listens to jazz to activate his right brain.
接下来吃六颗杏仁补充能量
Next he eats six almonds for energy.
最后他喝杯波特酒放轻松
And finally, he has a glass of port to loosen up.
现在你进入写作状态了
Now you're in the prose zone.
有时候我会担心我配不上格雷格
Sometimes I worry Greg's too good for me,
然后我就会想起这样的时刻
then I remember moments like this.
美式主妇第一季第四集
凯蒂
Oh, Katie!
头发咪♥咪♥ 衬衫
The hair, the rack, the shirt --
我都不知道先夸什么
I don't know which to compliment first.
-咪♥咪♥ -是的
- The rack. ?- Yes.
谢谢
Thank you.
我很喜欢新买♥♥的衣服
I'm feeling really good about my purchase,
但我对西港还恨着呢
but I still have some residual Westport hate.
我可以告主大街的那些店歧视对吗
I can sue those shops on Main Street for discrimination, right?
胖子也是人什么的
Fat lives matter and whatnot?
将小号♥衣服标成大号♥是很邪恶
Okay, labeling tiny clothes as large is evil,
-但不足以打官司 -多瑞丝你怎么看
- but it isn't grounds for a lawsuit. - Doris, what do you think?
-告所有的女同性恋 -什么
- Uh-huh. Sue all the lesbians. - What?
凯蒂你打算怎么处理这个过期的火鸡
Katie, do you have any plans for this expired turkey?
多瑞丝你很有钱你能买♥♥得起新鲜食物
Doris, you are rich. You can afford new food.
但我讨厌浪费
Yeah, but I hate waste.
这是真空包装
This is sealed,
真空包装的肉可以管11年和奶油夹心蛋糕一样
and sealed meat is good for 11 years, like a Twinkie.
知道我喜欢你哪一点吗
You know what I love about you?
你可以一脸权威地瞎掰
You say nonsense with such authority.
早上好女士们
Good morning, ladies.
你在喝苏格兰威士忌吗
Are you drinking scotch?
先不说你才12岁现在还没到中午呢
Beside the fact that you're 12, it's not even noon yet.
这是冰茶
It's just iced tea.
我在练习成为高盛集团操盘手时需要的权贵式晃酒
I'm practicing my power swirl for when I'm a trader at Goldman.
当然了
Of course.
也许你不知道洗碗机怎么用
Maybe you're confused on how a dishwasher works,
我理解很难的
because I get it. It's tricky.
第一步把杯子放进洗碗机
Step one -- put the dishes in the dishwasher.
没有下一步了
End of steps.
妈我等下做好吗
Mom, I'll get around to it, all right?
你妈叫你做什么
When your mother tells you to do something,
你马上就要做
you do it immediately.
如果我是你妈
Ooh, if I was your mom --
但你不是
But you're not, though, okay?
这个表情每个妈妈都懂
Ah, the look. Every mom gets it.
多瑞丝在想象
Doris is imagining
亲手掐死奥利弗
choking Oliver to death with her bare hands.
现在她想起来还有监狱这个东西
Now she's remembering jail is a thing,
所以她压下怒气
so she shoves the rage down
留着发泄在以为她是日本人的人身上
and saves it for when someone thinks she's Japanese.
就不要制♥造♥流血事件了
Let's just avoid any bloodshed.
谁在你的肉类抽屉里放了果汁
Hey, who put all these juices in your meat drawer?
是我
I did.
足球训练时
At soccer practice,
爱米莉说她那天喝了最好喝的果汁
Emily said she had the best juice the other day.
小爱是守门员她的故事总是非常好玩
Em's the goalie, and her stories are always super funny.
然后艾希礼艾希礼是管器材的
So then Ashley -- Ash is the equipment manager --
她棒极了
and she's awesome.
她的衣服好酷她的头发...
Her clothes are so cool, and her hair is like --
你说事情和你♥爸♥一个德行
You tell stories just like your dad.
说重点
Get to the point.
足球队集体进行果汁排毒断食
The soccer team is doing a juice fast together.
果汁什么
A juice what?!
果汁排毒断食就是说几天不吃
A juice fast is when you don't eat for a couple --
我知道果汁排毒断食是什么
I know what a juice fast is.
放下果汁马上去拿一个冰淇淋三明治
Put down the juice and pick up an ice-cream sandwich now!
妈你不能逼我吃甜点
Mom, you can't make me eat dessert.
你要是继续
Keep this up and I will
我就让你早餐吃一整条奥利奥饼干
make you eat a sleeve of Oreos for breakfast.
这是合法的我查过
That's legal! I've checked.
今天有我参加的艺术展
Today's my art show!
宝贝我为你高兴但爸爸在工作
Sweetie, I'm excited for you, but Daddy is working,
爸爸有个仪式
and Daddy has this ritual,
如果有人打扰
and whenever somebody interrupts it,
就得重新再做一次仪式
well, then he just has to start it all over again.
我让美术老师把我的画发邮件给你了
I had my art teacher e-mail you my drawing,
打印出来
so print it out.
好的爸爸要写作
Okay, well, Daddy has to write
要争取一个叫"终身职位"的东西
to get this thing called tenure.
俗话说 "不出版就毁灭"
The saying goes, "It's publish or perish."
我所有的泰坦尼克号♥的书上都有毁灭这个词
Perish is the word in all my Titanic books.
是死的意思
It means die.
你要死了吗
Are you gonna die?
绝不会
Never.
最终会死的但还有很久
Well, eventually, but not for a long time.
我要死了吗
Am I gonna die?
咱们把画打印出来
Let's just print it out.
我的作业是画全家福
My assignment was to draw a family portrait,
今晚会展出大家都会看到
and tonight it'll be on display for everyone to see.
你把妈妈画成这样吗
Is that the way you drew Mommy?
只是果汁排毒断食而已
It's just a juice fast.
又不是像诺瓦克的篮球队那样
It's not like we made a pregnancy pact
订下了怀孕协定
like the basketball team in Norwalk.
首先你再也不能去诺瓦克
?First of all, you are never going to Norwalk again,
然后没错果汁这事很严重
and, yes, this juice fast is a huge deal!
我像你这么大时我没搞什么果汁排毒
When I was your age, I wasn't juice-fasting.
我在抗♥议♥王子改名字[歌♥手]
I was protesting Prince's name change
抽着丁香烟
and smoking clove cigarettes.
别抽烟这是个非常坏的例子
Don't smoke. That's a horrible example.
凯蒂我们聊聊好吗
Katie, can I talk to you for a sec?