美式主妇

American Housewife S01E02

Part 2 Dec. 10, 2019, 3:43 p.m.

Oh! Call your housekeeper now
她会在你的枕头下放薰衣草
so she puts lavender underneath your pillow.
我想你们现在已经受够我了
I'm sensing you guys are reaching maximum Doris.
对
Yeah.
没事因为我要去小睡一下
But it's okay, because I'm taking a nap.
奥利弗的午餐
Ugh! That's Oliver's lunch!
全职妈妈的诅咒
The curse of a stay-at-home mom.
如果我有工作我就去上班了
You know, if I had a job, I'd be at work,
所有人都会说算了她在上班
and everyone would be like, "Eh, she's at work."
老天我可以把一切怪在工作头上
Man, I'd blame everything on work.
好的
All right.
我马上就走
I'm in and out.
奥图太太
Mrs. Otto!
-你不能在这里停车 -你不用答理她
- You can't park there! - You don't need to acknowledge her.
-笑一下继续走 -奥图太太
- Just smile and keep going. - Mrs. Otto!
就像你和父母一起看电影时
Like when you're watching a movie with your parents
-出现床戏镜头一样 -奥图太太我知道你可以听到
- and people start doing it. - Mrs. Otto, I know you can hear me!
我打赌桑迪从来没碰到过这种情况
I bet Sandy's never done it.
麻烦把这个转交给奥利弗·奥图好吗
Can you please make sure this gets to Oliver Otto?
奥图太太
Mrs. Otto!
查普护士
Nurse Chapel.
我真的需要孩子接种疫苗的日期
I really need the kids' vaccination dates.
-我发了三封邮件给你了 -对
- I've e-mailed you three times! - Mm-hmm. Right.
日期在我的手♥机♥里
The dates are right in my phone, right here.
这事几周前就应该解决了
This really should've been taken care of weeks ago.
我知道
I know,
我一直在无视很多提醒
I've been ignoring many, many reminders.
如果我有工作就能让助理做这事
If I had a job, I'd have my assistant do this.
我会让助理做所有的事
I'd have my assistant do everything.
而且助理得是个小帅哥
And he'd be cute.
谢谢
Thank you.
不谢谢你
No, thank you.
凯蒂
Katie!
穿着白色紧身裤的苗条妈妈团
Ugh! Skinny mommies in tight, white jeans.
好样的
Good for you.
学校通讯报需要你的照片
We need to get your picture for the school newsletter.
现在不行苏珊我平常不是这个样子
Not now, Suzanne. This is not what I look like.
差不多就是这样
It pretty much is.
下巴抬起来凯蒂
Chin up, Katie.
我有双下巴
I have a double chin, so...
换边脸
Try the other side.
那边脸也有双下巴
Okay, well, it's on that side, too.
奥图太太
Mrs. Otto!
你不能在黄线区内停车
You are not supposed to park in the yellow!
别逼我给你开条子
Do not make me write you up.
开条子
Write me up?
有没可能这女人疯了
Is it possible this woman is insane?
和疯子要怎么说话
How are you supposed to talk to an insane person?
好的桑迪你是老大
Okay, Sandy. You're the boss.
我的小睡就在眼前
My nap is 5 feet away.
你在家做什么你不是上班去了吗
What are you doing here? I thought you were at work.
我想我病了
I think I'm getting sick.
T恤上写着我是主张男女平等的老公
你说什么呢
What are you talking about?
两小时前你还好好的
You were perfectly fine two hours ago.
但我上车后开始觉得倦倦的
Yeah, but when I got in the car, I started feeling clammy.
喉咙发痒舌头发肿
My throat is scratchy, and my tongue is big.
我对舌头很敏感
I'm, like, very aware of my tongue.
我需要睡眠和洗鼻壶
I need sleep and my neti pot.
他根本没病他是男人的懒病犯了
He's not even sick! He's man-sick.
知道我管咳嗽一下
You know what I call having a little cough
就想回床上睡觉叫什么吗
and wanting to go back to bed?
我生活的每一天
Every day of my life!
过去
Move over.
我要小睡一下
I'm taking a nap.
我完全忘了我今天应该去
Oh, no, I totally forgot -- I'm supposed to be
安娜凯特的班上做"阅读捣蛋鬼"
the Reading Rascal today in Anna-Kat's class!
你是自愿报名的吗
You signed up for that on purpose?
你是白♥痴♥吗
What are you, an idiot?
我不能去
I can't go.
我可能会传染给她全班
I might get her class sick.
你得替我去
You have to cover for me.
不
No.
不格雷格
No, Greg.
但这是安娜凯特选的书
But Anna-Kat picked the book.
她好激动
She's so excited.
是讲一只猫的
It's about a cat.
我想你会发现一些很意外的剧情反转
I think you'll find it's got some really surprising turns.
好吧
Fine!
但你没资格穿这件T恤
But you should not be allowed to wear that T-shirt!
如果你真♥主♥张男女平等
If you were a real feminist,
你会像做妈的一样喝感冒药后满血复活
you would down some DayQuil and rally like a mommy would.
知道吗
You know what?
你是对的
You're right.
我脱下T恤
I'm gonna take off this shirt.
猫妈妈和她的小猫咪们在路上
"Hunky Mama Cat and her kittens were on their way.
猫妈妈说小补丁在哪里
Hunky Mama Cat said, 'Where's Patches?'"
爸爸会模仿不同的声音
Daddy does voices.
爸爸晚上还睡了9小时呢
Daddy also gets nine hours of sleep a night.
猫妈妈为小猫咪们做所有的事
"Hunky Mama Cat does every last thing for her kittens.
她喂他们吃饭和他们一起玩
She feeds them, she plays with them,
把他们舔干净
she licks them clean."
她抱怨了吗
Does she complain?
没有
No.
但她完全有理由抱怨
But she has every right to complain.
我知道这是她自己选择的但猫妈妈
Yeah, I know it was her choice, but Hunky Mama Cat...
依然禁不住想
still wonders...
她的人生怎么了
what the hell happened to her life.
在她决定把小猫吐出来前
You know, before she decided to spew kittens onto the planet,
她有份好工作
she had a great job.
她是洛步婴儿车公♥司♥的
She was North American sales director
北美销♥售♥总监
of Rollaboo Stroller Company.
猫妈妈吗
Hunky Mama Cat?
对是的
Yes. She was.
她可以穿高跟鞋可以坐飞机
She got to wear high heels. She got to fly in airplanes.
她甚至有特制的公♥司♥信用金卡
She even had the special golden corporate credit card.
彼得全公♥司♥的总裁
And Peter, the president of the entire corporation,
发邮件给猫妈妈
e-mailed Hunky Mama Cat
要把她原来的职位给她
and offered her her old job back!
那是最棒的时刻
It was the best moment.
他们太想要她了
I mean, they want her so much
过了12年他们依然来找她
that after 12 years, they're still coming after her.
每天早上都有一盒点心
And every morning, there's a box of pastries,
我不知道是谁拿来的
and I don't know who brings them,
我才不在乎呢
and I don't care!
没事我妈也曾经崩溃过
It's okay. My mom had a breakdown, too.
不管了我就在这里睡
Screw it. I'm napping here.
我巡逻看有没有孩子落在了安全座椅上
I patrol vehicles for forgotten car-seat kids.
发现吸毒嗨过去的妈妈真是稀罕事
It's rare to find a drugged-out mommy.
我没嗨过去
I'm not drugged-out.
我完全有理由嗨过去但我没有
I deserve to be, but I'm not.
把裤子扣好
And button up down there!
百码外就有孩子呢
There are children within 100 yards.
怎么样
Oh, how'd it go?
我恨恶毒巫婆桑迪
I hate that evil witch, Sandy.
你是说可爱的协管员桑迪吗
You mean beloved Crossing Guard Sandy?
她把撞上车窗的小鸟送到动物收♥容♥所♥
She carries stunned birds to the animal shelter.
她逮到我没扣好裤子
She caught me with my pants unbuttoned,
现在她以为我是性变♥态♥
and now she thinks I'm a molester or something.
你为什么没扣好裤子
Why were your pants unbuttoned?
因为我胖格雷格
Because I'm fat, Greg!