美式主妇

American Housewife S01E08

Part 2 Dec. 10, 2019, 3:44 p.m.

one we could look back on and laugh about
我们一起喝啤酒时想起这事会大笑
when we're sharing a beer after my college graduation,
你和我两个男人手肘放在吧台上
you and me, two guys, elbows on the bar.
我真想这样
I do want that.
-但瞒着你妈 -拜托
- But keeping a secret from your mom... - ?Come on.
这事就我们知道兄弟
Just between us...bros.
听起来不错兄弟
Sounds good, bro.
亲爱的
Hey, honey.
她一天一条短♥信♥也没发给朋友
She hasn't sent a single text to her friends all day.
泰勒把我拉黑了格雷格
Taylor's gone dark on me, Greg --
社交圈完全屏蔽[与电影《猎杀本·拉♥登♥ 》同名]
"Zero Dark Thirty."
那部电影是讲这个的吗
Is that what that movie was about?
-我没看 -没什么的
- I didn't see it. - It's no big deal.
我几周没发任何短♥信♥
I haven't texted anybody in weeks.
因为你的拇指有内布拉斯加州那么大
Because your thumbs are the size of Nebraska.
而且每次有人发表情符号♥
And you have to put on your reading glasses
你就得戴上眼镜
every time somebody sends you an emoticon.
真的很小非常小
They're really tiny, cruelly so.
如果我看不到她的短♥信♥
If I can't read her texts,
我得另想办法
then I've got to find another way in.
凯蒂你跟踪孩子
Katie, you're stalking
就像猎杀野生动物一样
our kids like you're hunting a wild animal.
而我我觉得养孩子更像是钓鱼
Now, me, I view raising children a little more like fishing.
在船上安静地等着等鱼上钩
You wait quietly in the boat and let them come to you.
你在听什么胡说的
What kind of nonsense parenting podcasts
-育儿播客 -我的技巧有结果
- have you been listening to? - Hey, my technique gets results.
事实上袖手旁观让奥利弗
In fact, "Hanging back" is how I got Oliver
求着在放学后和我一起出去
to beg to spend the day with me after school.
奥利弗求着和你一起
Oliver begged to hang out with you?
是的
Hell yeah.
为什么
Why?
我想他想过下父子时光
I guess he wants some father-son time, you know,
吸收下我的经验智慧
to really let my experience juices soak in.
你们两个要做什么
And what are the two of you going to do?
-一起玩 -哪里
- Hang. - Where?
-附近 -具体点
- Around. - Specifically?
棒球击球场
Batting cages.
我牙齿上有东西吗
Do I have something in my teeth?
没流汗的嘴唇
Nope. Sweaty lip.
出♥卖♥♥♥了你
It's your tell.
你有事瞒着我
You're hiding something.
说
Spill it.
我向奥利弗保证不会说
I promised Oliver I wouldn't.
这是我们兄弟间的事
It's just between us bros.
行
Fine.
别受伤你真的受伤了吗
Don't be hurt. Are you really hurt?
你想我怎样
What do you want from me?
你把兄弟看的比女人重
You're putting bros before hos.
-没什么的 -我需要做母亲格雷格
- It's not that big of a deal. - But I need to mother, Greg.
不做母亲我就是一个
Without being a mother, I am just a woman
无缘无故肥了40磅的女人
who put on 40 pounds for no reason.
好吧
Fine.
他在上沙龙舞的课
He's been taking these cotillion classes,
有个正式舞会
and there's a formal dance.
他需要礼服要我帮他而且不告诉你
And he needs a tux, and he wants me to help him and not tell you.
为什么
Why?
他害怕我太过插手他的生活
Is he afraid that I'm too involved in his life,
我会让他出丑吗
that I'm going to embarrass him?
这是你说的也是他说的
Your words. And his.
太遗憾了
Well, too bad!
我要上去我要告诉他
I am going to go up there, and I am going to tell him --
不你什么也不能说
No, no, no. You're not gonna say anything.
如果他发现我背叛了他的信任
If he finds out that I betrayed his trust,
他有问题时就不会再来找我们了
he'll never come to either of us with a problem again. ?
我们可不想他去找孤单的棒球教练
We don't want him going to the lonely baseball coach.
好吧他归你了
Fine! He's yours.
我去管姑娘们至少她们很香
I'm gonna go handle the girls. At least they smell good.
没错奥利弗的青春期来得太猛了
Yeah, puberty's hitting Oliver hard.
-恶心 -对
- Gross. - Yeah.
奥利弗不要我插手他的生活
So Oliver doesn't want me in his life.
伤心吗当然
Does it hurt? Sure.
所以我花了九个月造了个备胎
But that's why I spent nine months creating a backup.
你脑袋里在想什么宝贝
What's going on in that head, lovey?
让妈妈进去
Let Mama in.
我在等我的小鹿
I'm just waiting for my deer.
坐我旁边
Come sit with me.
谢谢被需要的感觉真好
Thank you. It's good to be wanted.
妈妈你知道吗在康州
Mama, did you know, in Connecticut,
有超过10万只的白尾鹿
there are over 100,000 whitetail deer
鹿妈妈生下小鹿的当天
and that a mother deer will leave a young fawn
-就会离开 -我以为我可以做到
- in the days after it's born? - I thought I could do it.
做不到
Can't do it.
小鹿要自己想办法活下去找东西吃
And yet, it manages to survive and eat on its --
好了泰勒到你了
Okay, Taylor, you're up.
那么怎么样
So, how's it going?
很好妈我需要隐私
Fine, Mom, but I could use a little privacy.
没问题
No problem.
我们可以一起拥有隐私
We can have a little privacy together.
我不想谈什么
I really don't feel like talking.
我知道你不想但我要你讲
I know you don't, but I'm gonna need you to,
否则我就以你的名义发短♥信♥
or I'm gonna start texting as you.
说的全是关于你的皮疹
And it's gonna be all about your rash.
你屁♥股♥上的
It's on your butt.
为什么会这样
Why is this happening?
因为你不让我看你的短♥信♥
Because you cut me out of your texts.
-我没有 -你的手♥机♥不这么说
- I'm not cutting you out. - Your phone says otherwise.
没人发短♥信♥给我好吗
No one's texting me, okay?
为什么
How come?
因为突然一下子
'Cause out of the blue,
苏菲决定不和我说话了
Sophie decided not to talk to me,
当然了其他女生
so, of course, now all of the other girls are
现在也照做
going along with it, too.
老天青春期少女最差劲了
God! Teenage girls suck.
我们最差劲
We're the worst.
下次我看到苏菲的妈妈
How about next time I see Sophie's Mom --
不要那样做
Do not do that.
你会把我的生活毁得比现在更彻底
You'll ruin my life more than it already is.
你甚至不知道我要说什么
You don't even know what I was going to say.
看着
Watch.
苏菲的妈妈
"Hey, Sophie's Mom"...
下面真不知道说什么好
I really don't have anything beyond that.
我得当面才知道说什么但你懂我的语气
I kind of think best on my feet, but you get the tone.
妈求你别这样
Mom, please, no.
我不想你解决任何问题
I don't want you to fix anything.
如果你不要我解决那你为什么告诉我
Then why did you tell me if you didn't want me to fix it?
-你逼我说的 -不如我说
- Because you forced me to. - How about I say --
不
Nope.
知道吗
Well, then, you know what?
我去和安娜凯特建立更深厚的感情
I'm gonna go bond hard with Anna-Kat.
你好妈妈
Hi, Mama.
我在给我的小鹿放葡萄干
I'm leaving raisins for my deer.
鹿最爱吃的就是葡萄
You know, deer's favorite food is grapes.
还是做不到
Still can't do it.
-爸 -等等精彩结尾
- Hey, Dad. - Wait for it -- big finish.
超酷嘛
Pretty rad.
听着我们就不去礼服店了
Listen -- We can skip the tux shop.
我想过了
I've been thinking about it
发现舞会太差劲了
and realized the dance is gonna be totally lame.
但这不是沙龙舞课的内容吗
But I thought it was part of the cotillion class.
不打分的
It's not like we're graded on it.
这是自愿的