瑞克和莫蒂（2013）

Rick and Morty S02E01

Part 2 Oct. 7, 2020, 2:18 p.m.

You realize they sing no matter how much you tip?
你知道不管给多少小费他们都会唱歌♥的吧
whoa! aaah!
哇啊
Holy [bleep]
我[哔]
What happened? I hit a deer.
怎么了我撞倒了一头鹿
We we have to tell the cops you were driving.
我们得跟警♥察♥说是你在开车
What? This is rum raisin!
啥这是朗姆酒葡萄干味的
It's still alive.
它还活着
Well, do we, do I, uh, get, uh, a big rock, or...?
那么我们我要不要找块儿大石头来
It's not an armadillo, asshole.
这又不是犰狳混♥蛋♥
I thought that's what a man's supposed to say.
这种情况下男人不就得说这话嘛
It's not like I could've actually done it.
我又不会当真干得出来
If we were near a hospital, I could treat it,
要是周围有医院我说不定能做点什么
But I... I think we have to just...
不过看来我们只好
It's okay. This is just something that happens.
没关系的你别过意不去了
And even if we were in a hospital, what could we do?
我们就算在医院又能干什么
You're a horse surgeon, not a deer surgeon.
你是医马的也不会给这鹿开刀
So...?
什么意思
Well, don't different animals...
别跟我讲到底有什么区别
Require different levels of skill to keep alive?
你这是在质疑我行医的水准吗
Oh, god. Get the deer in the car, Jerry.
天啦 Jerry 给我把鹿抬进车里
Yes, Beth.
好
This is why you don't freeze time, you guys.
这就是不能随便冻结时间的原因
It's incredibly irresponsible.
这种事是非常不负责任的
And you did it so we could clean the house after a party?
你冻结时间就为了开完派对打扫房♥子
Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, morty.
Morty 没时间把责任推给我了
Like, literally no time. Look around.
是真的"没有时间"了你自己看看
Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable.
不确定性本质上就是极度不稳定的
Eventually, everything either is or isn't.
到最后一切都会坍缩成"是"或"非"
And we've got about four hours to be "Is."
我们得在四个小时内让自己变成"是"
or...? we isn't.
否则呢就会变成"非"
All right, since this time crystal exists in both possibilities,
好了因为这颗时间水晶存在于两个"可能"的现实里
And since it's impossible that I didn't nail this,
而我"不可能"搞砸
I'm probably about to press this button in both possibilities
我应该会同时在两个可能世界中
at exactly the same time.
按下这一个按钮
how do you know how do you know that
你怎么知道你怎么知道你
Whatever you are asking me, the answer is I'm amazing.
不管你们想问什么答案都是因为我牛逼
And away we go.
现在我们走起
Huh, what do you know. It's working.
哟呵这不挺管用的吗
ow, ow, ow! oh
嗷嗷嗷 [哔]的
What the hell is wrong with you two?
你们两个搞什么
I-I-I-I mean you four!
应应该说你们四个
That hurt! That was painful.
好疼刚才好疼
Good, I'm glad it was painful. You deserve it.
活该疼就对了
I saw you. Y-you're both all over the damn place.
我刚才看到了你们被扯得乱七八糟的
We've been split for 20 minutes
我们就分♥裂♥了二十分钟
and your lives are already scattered to the quantum [bleep] wind?
你们就已经快要在[哔]的量子流里碎成渣渣了
What the hell do either of you two have to be so uncertain about?
你们到底有什么事儿还不确定的
Your brand of zit cream?
该用哪个牌子的祛痘霜吗
Which chair to sit in while I do everything?
没想好在我忙着的时候自己闲坐在哪张椅子上吗
Come on, spit it out!
倒是快点说啊
Well, you don't exactly make it easy, rick.
你也没让帮上什么忙好吗 Rick
You make fun of me all the time
你总是取笑我
and now summer's doing it.
现在Summer也变得和你一个德行了
Me?! What about you?
你还说我你看看你自己吧
Could you get more excited to see me fail?
看我搞砸你就开心了是不是
All right, all right, cool it. I see what's happening here.
得了得了冷静点我知道怎么回事儿了
You're both young, you're both unsure
你俩都年少无知
About your place in the universe,
不知道自己在宇宙中的位置
And you both want to be grandpa's favorite.
都想当外公的掌上明珠
I can fix this. Morty, sit here.
那就好办了 Morty 你坐这里
Summer, you sit here. Now, listen.
Summer 你坐这里听好了
I know the two of you are very different
我知道你们俩
From each other in a lot of ways,
在各个方面都很不同
But you have to understand
不过你们得明白
That as far as grandpa's concerned,
在外公的眼里
You're both pces of shit. Yeah.
你俩屁都不是
I can prove it mathematically.
我可以用数学方法证明给你们看
Actually, l-l-let me grab my white board.
这样让让让我把白板拿过来
This has been a long time coming, anyway.
反正也忍♥你们好久了
Emergency! Wounded deer coming in.
有紧急情况有一头受伤的鹿
three.
三
Excuse me, you can't be back here.
抱歉您不能进来
I'm a certified horse surgeon,
我是有行医执照的马外科医生
And this deer needs medical attention.
我需要立刻对这头鹿进行治疗
nurse, please move that snake. that's mynurse.
护士请把那条蛇移开这是我的护士
And as a horse surgeon, I'm sure that you know
你作为一个马外科医生肯定非常清楚
That deer have much smaller, much more intricate organs.
鹿的器官比马的更小更复杂
As a vet, I'm sure you know that a deer
你作为一个兽医一定非常清楚鹿和马的差距
Is closer to a horse than you are to a doctor.
不会比你跟货真价实的医生的差距大
So let's save the measuring for when our dicks are out.
有闲工夫在这里撕逼扯屌♥
it's time to save a life! geez.
还不如拿来救命哎哟
That's odd. This deer's wounded.
奇怪这鹿已经受伤了
Uh, yeah, I was there. You don't have to rub it in.
是啊我当时在呢你不用老跟我强调吧
I mean it's been shot with a gun.
我是说被枪打伤了
My gun.
我的枪
May I help you,sir?
有什么能帮您的吗先生
No, but you can stop helping this deer.
没有你们也没什么能帮这头鹿的了
I shot it before these two hit it with their car,
那鹿在被他们撞倒前就被我打中了
And I followed them when they hauled it off.
我在他们把鹿拖走的时候跟了上来
This deer belongs to me.
这头鹿是我的
We don't have time for this, okay?
我没时间管这些
I need anaesthetic and deer saline.
给我麻♥醉♥药♥和鹿用盐水
Look, I don't know what the law says about this,
听着我不知道法律具体是怎么规定的
But I took an oath that I would let no animal come to harm.
但我曾立誓不让任何动物受到伤害
Except when sterilizing, aborting, or euthanizing them,
除了阉♥割♥流产安乐死
Or also when eating them at also any meal.
以及几乎每顿饭都吃
I'm calling my lawyer.
我要给我的律师打电♥话♥
I hope for all our sakes
看在大家的份上
you're as bad a surgeon as I am a hunter.
我只希望你的医术和我打猎的技术一样烂
In your dreams, bitch. Scalpel.
做你的美梦吧傻♥逼♥ 手术刀给我
So, in conclusion, you're both equally mercurial,
总而言之你俩都是一样的性情多变
Overly sensitive, clingy,
还都太敏感又粘人
Hysterical, bird-brained homunculi.
脾气暴躁脑容量小得跟鸟一样的矮冬瓜
And I honestly can't even tell the two of you apart half the time
我很多时候真分不出你们俩有啥区别
Because I don't go by height or age,
因为我区分人不看身高年龄
I go by amount of pain in my ass,
我区分人只看他们有多让我闹心
Which makes you both identical.
所以你们俩是一模一样的
All right, everything resolved?
这下都结了吧
Everybody nice and certain about their position in my world.
大家都确定自己在我世界里的地位了吗
Yes.
是的
All right, perfect. Sit still.
那就棒极了坐稳了
Arms down. I'm gonna do this again.
胳膊放下我再来一次
This time be like grandpa.
这一次要跟外公一样
You mean drunk?
一样醉吗
What's that? You got something to say?
什么你有意见
And away we go!
我们走着
huh, that's weird.
真奇怪
oh, my god. what?
靠怎么了
The son of a bitch is gonna kill me! What?!
这王八蛋要杀了我啊
Diabolical, unfeeling sociopath.
没人性的反♥社♥会♥疯子
don't you get it?! don't you get it?!
你还不明白吗你还不明白吗
The other rick isn't trying to merge us anymore.
另一个Rick不想再聚合两个可能现实了
He thinks he can save his own skin
他觉得他能用这水晶
By using the crystal to kill me.
来杀了我自保
He probably figures it's easier
他应该发现了比起聚合
To eliminate one of the possibilities rather than merge them.
直接消灭掉另一种可能更简单
I have to admit,
呵呵呵不得不承认
It was always in the back of my mind, too.
这种想法我也隐隐有过
The difference is I would never do it, until now.
区别在于我不会真那么做现在就不一样了
Rick, what the hell are you doing? Saving our lives!
Rick 你这是在搞什么救我们的命