瑞克和莫蒂（2013）

Rick and Morty S02E08

Part 3 Oct. 7, 2020, 2:20 p.m.

His fate will determine
他的命运决定着
The fate of hundreds of billions of sentient life-forms.
上千亿有神智的生命的命运
Whoa! Whoa. So, billions of life-forms?
天呐有好几十亿生命啊
Hundreds of billions.
上千亿
I mean, Jerry, y-you didn't explain
Jerry 你也也没跟我解释清楚
The full gravity of the situation.
整件事的重要性
Uh, well, Beth, I don't think your decision
Beth 我觉得做决定的时候
Should be based on politics.
不能把政♥治♥什么的掺和进来
Who could argue with a wife's decision
一个女人想保持他爱人的身体完整
To keep her lover intact?
谁能违背她的意志
Well, I don't think that's fair at all, Jerry. At all.
Jerry 这么说不太公平吧非常不公平
In fact, the whole paradigm has sexist overtones.
整个就透着一股性别歧视的味道
Beth, can we talk about this privately.
Beth 这些能不能咱们私下说
You know, I think the bottom line is, Jerry,
最起码的 Jerry
If you want to keep your penis, you should say, out loud,
如果你想留着老二那你就大声说
"I prefer to keep my penis."
"我想留着老二"
But, Beth, what kind of man would say something like that
如果整个宇宙都需要这跟老二我还那么说
If the universe needed his penis?!
那我就成什么人了
Well, Jerry, what kind of wife would I be
如果我事事都阻拦着你
If I did anything to stand in your way?
那我又是哪门子的妻子
Hey, listen,
听我一言
Is your mouth tiny and small?
你拥有樱桃小嘴吗
Then why don't you come to Lil' bits
那就快来"一点点"餐馆吧
Where the food is tiny.
这里食物都是迷你型
It looks like regular food, but really tiny.
都是寻常食物就是特别迷你
You can put it in your mouth and eat it.
送到嘴里尽情吃吧
Nothing gets stuck in your lips.
不会因为太大卡住嘴唇
It's just tiny and tiny and fits right--
就是那么迷你大小正好
Fits right in.
尺寸正合适
We got tiny lasagna, tiny pizza, tiny pie.
迷你千层面迷你披萨迷你派
Mmm! Little, tiny fried eggs.
还有迷你煎蛋
Oh, shit. We got tiny people.
哎呀还有迷你小人
Lil' Bits!
一点点餐馆
You hungry? Come on down.
你饿了吗快来这里吧
Lil' Bits.
一点点
Eat some [bleep] shit, you [bleep] stupid bitch.
吃[哔]屎吧臭傻[哔]
Just kidding.
开玩笑啦
You've got some time to kill before the procedure,
手术之前还能打发下时间
So I assume you'd like to, uh,
所以我估计你
Use your penis one last time.
想最后再使用一下你的阴♥茎♥
Here's my computer.
我的电脑在这
It's got the alien internet on it.
可以联外星网
Here's some porn.
这有小黄♥片♥
And there's an alien towel.
还有外星毛巾
I actually got that on another planet.
这是我在另一个星球搞到的
So it is an alien towel to me.
对这个星球来说就是外星毛巾
Good luck. Thanks.
好运多谢
What is this?
这是什么
Hmm.
有意思
Hey, wait a minute.
等一下
Oh, uh, Mr. Smith?
对了 Smith先生
Uh, yeah, just masturbating!
啊我在自♥慰♥呢
I forgot to mention,
忘了跟你说
There are extensive medical records open on my desktop,
我电脑桌面上还打开着别的医疗记录
But I trust you to confine your activities
我相信你能约束自己
To the purely pornographic. Absolutely!
专注于看黄♥片♥ 必须的
Good luck.
好好享受
My god!
我的老天
Mr. Pibbles, you just wrote my penis
Pibbles先生你这是刚给了我的
A one-way ticket to staying on my body town.
丁丁一张永留我身的单程票啊
It's the opposite news with Michael Thompson.
接下来是Michael Thompson带来的"没发生"新闻
Hey, everybody. It's me, Michael Thompson.
大家好我是Michael Thompson
Today the pope didn't get killed.
今天教皇没有遇刺
He's perfectly fine. And he's on vacation in Aruba.
他状况正佳在阿鲁巴度假
In other opposite news, information...
另一则"没发生"新闻中
Hey, Rick, what's the deal with this guy?
Rick 这家伙怎么回事
W-why is his body, like, sloping off
为为什么他的身子
To the right side of the screen like that?
从右边伸到屏幕外面去了
I don't know, Morty. See what else is on, huh?
我也不知道 Morty 看看还有什么新鲜节目
Hey, welcome to "Cooking things".
欢迎收看"煮遍万物"
I'm Pichael Thompson.
我是Pichael Thompson
Hey, wait a minute, Rick.
等一下 Rick
This guy's body is, like, sloping down
这个家伙的身子好像
And leaning off to screen left.
从左边伸到屏幕外面去了
Oh, my god, and his name's Pichael.
而且他还叫Pichael
I'm cooking a little bit of this.
煮点这个
I'm gonna cook a little bit of that.
煮点那个
Oh, oh, hey! Stop tugging, Michael!
你别拽我啊Michael
Oh, my god! Siamese twins!
天呐连体双胞胎
They're--they're siamese twins!
这两个人是连体的
You quit tugging. I-I'm in the middle of my news.
你别拽我我正播着新闻呢
Oh, oh, it's always about you, isn't it?
什么事都得围着你转是吧
Can you believe this guy, ladies and gentlemen?
这人简直不可理喻
He's got his own news show.
他有自己的新闻节目
He's got a normal name.
还有个正常名字
Hey, flip back to the news. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
换台看那个新闻好好好
You could tell our parents started with naming with him.
你可以看出来我爹妈先给他起的名
It's like, "Oh, Michael."
"就叫Michael"
They had that one planned
我估计他们在怀我们之前
Before they even got pregnant, I bet.
就已经想好这个名字了
I don't want to be that girl,
不是我多管闲事啊
But maybe there would be less conflict
但是如果他们不同时给这两个人录节目的话
If they didn't shoot their shows at the same time.
就不会有这种破事儿了吧
Oh, Summer, you have no idea
你根本想象不到
How much money that must save production.
这样能省下多少制♥作♥经费
And then they found out I was attached along for the ride,
然后他们发现后面还连着个我
And they said, "Ah, shit"
于是说"这什么玩意"
Well, just [bleep] it, call him Pichael."
"[哔]的干脆叫他Pichael算了"
[bleep] you, Pichael. You're a [bleep] piece of shit.
[哔]你啊你[哔]就是坨屎
Good afternoon.
下午好
I know all of you are wondering
我知道你们都想知道
About the condition of our dear, beloved Pibbles.
我们敬爱的Pibbles的情况
Which would you prefer between the XP-20 and the XP-20 XS?
你想要XP-20还是XP-20 XS
I prefer my own penis, and so should you!
我还是想要原装的你也应该这么想
The brave earth man whose sacrifice
这个勇敢的地球人做出了无畏的牺牲
Is going to allow Shrimply Pibbles to live.
使Shrimply Pibbles的生命得以延续
Mr. Jerry smith.
有请Jerry Smith先生
Hello, everyone!
大家好
Let's hear it again for Shrimply Pibbles, huh?
咱们再为Shrimply Pibbles欢呼一次吧
He's a good guy, isn't he?
他可真是个好人
I've only just been learning about his accomplishments,
我也刚刚才听说他的伟大事迹
From his march on Flirk Blirk square
从他在Flirk Blirk广场上的示♥威♥游♥行♥
To his ongoing battle with heroin dependency.
到他那持续不断的与海♥洛♥因♥依赖的斗争
He's the best.
他最棒了
Um, yeah.
是啊
Well, I-it occurs to me that his heroin addiction
好吧我刚想到他的海♥洛♥因♥成瘾
May not have been a matter of public record.
可能还不为公众所知
You realize heroin makes up 10% of the atmosphere
你知道Shrimply Pibbles的母星的大气层的10%
On Shrimply Pibbles' home planet.
都是由海♥洛♥因♥构成的吧
His planet was destroyed by Clorgon death squads.
他的整个母星都被Clorgon的敢死队毁掉了
He can't live outside of it without breathing heroin.
他要是不吸入海♥洛♥因♥的话根本没法在母星外生存
Right. I know that. I just think...
是的我知道我就是觉得
This guy's trying to get out of giving away his penis!
这人想耍小伎俩保住自己的阴♥茎♥
Today on "How They Do It"...
今日播出 "如何制成"
Plumbuses.
Plumbuse
Everyone has a plumbus in their home.
每个人家里都有一个plumbus
First, they take the dinglebop,
首先取一些dinglebop
And they smooth it out with a bunch of schleem.
撒上一些schleem并且碾平
The schleem is then repurposed for later batches.
schleem可以取出来留着下一批接着用
They take the dinglebop,
然后将dinglebop