家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S04E17

Part 2 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:06 p.m.

Feel like I'm on Oprah.
感觉好像在奥普拉秀上[脱口秀主持人]
Ladies and gentlemen,
女士们先生们
I'm Shelby Hornsby, founder of Handles.
我是谢尔比·霍恩斯比肥肉自控会创始人
And yes, I used to have them.
是的我曾经也满身肥肉
Until those handles opened a door
直到它们为我打开一扇门
that led me to a healthy lifestyle.
让我走向了新生活
Oh, my God, Burt, everyone here is huge.
天哪伯特每个人体型都够肿的
Barney brought us to a fat camp.
巴尼带我们来的这是减肥夏令营
...just like it was for one of
这是我们所有从超大到超小的
our biggest and now littlest success stories:
成功故事中的一名
Barney Hughes!
巴尼·休斯
You may not believe it, but this tight set of buns
你也许难以相信但这紧致的臀部
was once able to fill out these.
曾经将这条裤子撑得满满的
And recently, I helped two other people achieve
最近我帮助了两个人
the same amazing results.
达到了同样惊人的效果
That's us.
那是咱俩
He computerized us into fat people.
他把我们P成胖子了
And there's the catch.
这就是亮点所在
Virginia and Burt Chance, stand up and take a bow.
吉斯夫妇请你们站起来鞠个躬
Two things you couldn't do six months ago.
这两件事半年前你俩还做不了呢
Oh, thank you,
谢谢你们
but Virginia and Burt are the real heroes.
但维吉妮亚和伯特才是真英雄
Barney...
巴尼
what the hell's going on?
你这是在唱哪出
Why'd you lie about us being fat?
为什么要撒谎说我俩曾经是胖子
I'm sorry I lied,
抱歉我撒谎了
but I needed to tell people that I inspired you to lose weight,
但我需要告诉大家是我激励了你们去减肥
so I could get my pants on
这样我才能把自己的裤子
the Wall of Quadruple Excellence.
挂到超超超超大号♥裤子成就墙上去
The what?
超啥
Oh, my God. I thought those were kites.
我的天哪我还以为这些是风筝呢
It's where Handles honors their most inspirational alumni.
这是自控会纪念那些最能激励人心的会友的地方
And it's always been my dream to be up there,
我的梦想就是登上这面墙
but I've never been able to inspire anybody.
但我还从没成功地激励过任何人
That's not true, Barney.
这话可不太对啊巴尼
Whenever I'm having a hard day, I think, "Look at Barney.
不管何时我遇到困难都会想看看人巴尼
"Dead-end job, no wife, bleak future,
破工作没老婆无希望
and that poor bastard always has a smile on his face.
但那个可怜蛋还成天脸上挂着笑
What do I have to complain about?"
哥哥我还有什么好抱怨的
Thanks, Burt.
谢谢你伯特
So will you help me?
那你们会帮我吗
I don't know. I don't want to give all these campers
我没想好我不想给这些胖会员们错误的期待
false hope that they can have all this.
让他们以为可以变成我们这样
I mean, it's taken years of cigarettes, being poor
这小身板可是经长年香烟熏陶贫困折磨
and manual labor to achieve these hot bods.
重体力活才变得如此火♥辣♥的
Hey, excuse me.
打扰一下
We've been coming here for years,
我们已经入会好几年了
and for the first time we were able to see
这是我们第一次亲眼看到
your amazing results firsthand.
你们有这么出色的成就
Because of you,
因为你们
we're gonna stop living a lie.
我们决定不再欺骗自己
I don't know, Virginia.
我说不好维吉妮亚
It might be kind of cool.
感觉这还挺有意思的
We could be fake inspirations to people, like Lance Armstrong.
我们能为人们造成虚假激励就像阿姆斯特朗
Anyone with the confidence
任何只有一个蛋
to wear biker shorts with one ball is okay with me.
还有勇气穿上自行车小短裤的人都值得我尊重
Okay, Barney, we're in.
好吧巴尼我们帮你
Okay, so I've lit the candles, classical music is playing.
我点了蜡烛也放了古典音乐
Now, can you please explain to me
那现在你能告诉我
why you're standing on your hands?
你为啥要倒立了吗
Well, I read on several online baby blogs
我在网上育儿博客里看到
that this helps get the smartest eggs in the, uh, prime position.
倒立能让优质卵子跑到优先位置上去
If you could maybe just help me over to the bed.
要是你能过来帮我移到床上就更好了
You okay?
你还好吗
That's all right, I'm okay, just maybe...
还行我还好只是
let's just close our eyes
闭上眼睛吧
and just think of something really beautiful, huh?
想象美好的事物好吗
What do you see? Maw Maw.
你看到什么了曾奶奶
Whatever works for you, Jimmy, that's fine.
只要你觉得她美好就行吉米我不介意
Maw Maw's here watching us.
曾奶奶在你背后盯着我们
Oh, God.
我的天呐
It's not dinner and a show unless the show actually starts.
除非这秀真正上演了不然还算不上场晚餐秀呢
Hey, isn't it bedtime, Maw Maw?
这点不是该睡觉了吗曾奶奶
No, it's pickle-time.
不现在该吃腌黄瓜
You've been out of the house for too long.
你们离开这个家太久了
Damn, I totally forgot about pickle-time.
干我完全不记得有腌黄瓜时间这码事儿了
She sleeps all day and when she wakes up, she eats pickles
她整天都睡觉然后等醒来后就吃腌黄瓜
for three hours and annoys the hell out of everyone else.
吃上整整三小时顺便把所有人烦上三小时
That's the plan.
老娘计划正是如此
I know it's not perfect.
我知道这地方不完美
Maybe we should just start where we left off, huh?
不然我们就干脆从被打断那里继续吧
Okay, so deep breaths.
深呼吸
Why does the bathroom smell like pickles?
为啥这洗手间闻起来像腌黄瓜
How does she do that?
她是怎么做到的
A magician never reveals her tricks.
一个好魔术师从不揭秘自己的魔术
Also, I have no idea how I got here.
何况我也不知道自己咋进来的
Boy, shaking hands and looking thin
不停握手再加上比别人瘦
really works up an appetite.
真能让人食欲大振啊
I know. I've been hungry since the morning weigh-in.
我懂自从早上称完体重后我就饿了
I've never seen a scale with a seat before.
我以前还从没见过带座椅的体重秤呢
All right, guys, remember, everyone's gonna be watching
大伙儿们记住每个人都盯着你
to see what you're eating, so don't go crazy.
不要暴饮暴食
Got it. Small portions.
懂了吃小份量就好
Thin slice of pie, nothing a la mode.
小片薄底馅饼不加冰激凌
So, this is the salad bar.
那么这就是沙拉吧
Where's the rest of the all-you-can-eat buffet?
那其他"能吃能喝"的食物呢
It's an all-you-should-eat buffet.
这是"只能吃这么多"食物
All the food options are healthy, and the plates
所有的食物都是健康的
are specially designed for portion control.
盘子也为控制食量有特别设计
So it's crappy food that we only get a little of?
也就是说我们就能吃一点这些破烂食物
Barney, this isn't food.
巴尼这连食物都算不上
This is the food they feed to your food before they feed it to you.
这是喂给你食物的食物
Guys, please.
拜托
Everyone's watching.
大家都看着呢
You're the "Afters" to all their "Befores."
你们就是减肥后的他们
At this place, you're the heroes.
在这个地方你们就是英雄
I don't know, Barney.
我说不好巴尼
I mean, yes, we're the only ones here
对我们就是这里唯一
who would look good in tights,
穿紧身衣好看的人
but that doesn't make us heroes.
但这并不意味着我们就是英雄
Are you kidding?
你在搞笑吗
These people would follow you to the ends of the earth.
这些家伙会追随你直到天涯海角
Barring a steep incline or any big jump in humidity.
上刀山下油锅都决不放弃
I don't know why they call this roughage
真不明白他们为嘛管这叫粗粮
when it goes down so smooth.
明明很顺口
We haven't even started this thing
我们甚至还没开始
and I've got sweat pouring out of every pit, crack and skin fold.
而我每个毛孔和皱纹都已经在飙汗了
Ah, you're fine.
你没问题的
This is just what it feels like to be healthy.
这其实就是健康生活的感觉
No wonder vegans are such jerks.
难怪素食者都是一帮蠢蛋
Okay, it's time to start.
好了准备开始了
Now, remember, every dream I've ever dreamed
记着我的每一个梦想
hinges on your performance.
都寄托在你的表现上
No pressure.
不要有压力
Go!
开始
Oh, that was pathetic.
太可悲了
Are you two okay?
你们还好吗
We're fine. We're just stretching. Our lungs.
我们很好只是在喘气而已肺痛啊
Oh, my God.
天呐
You guys are in worse shape than I thought.
你们的状态比我想象的还要糟糕