家有喜旺（2010）

Raising Hope S04E04

Part 2 Nov. 24, 2020, 1:03 p.m.

Like, I'll just be standing somewhere,
比如我站在某个地方
and then, suddenly, ow!
然后突然间
Did it just happen?
又疼了吗
No, I was just dramatizing.
没有我在演啦
It only happens a couple times a week.
每周也就一两次
You know what else? Sometimes when I pee,
你知道吗我有时撒尿
it comes out in two different directions.
尿会分叉
I'm dramatizing, too.
我也只是在演而已
My after-breakfast eye twitch
我早餐后会眼皮跳
is now sometimes lasting all the way till lunch.
现在有时会一直持续到午餐时间
No matter how much coffee I drink to relax myself,
无论我喝多少咖啡来放松自己
it just doesn't stop!
就是停不下来
My jaw hurts like crazy when I go like this.
我这样做的时候下巴会疼得超厉害
Ooh, that looks painful. It is.
那看起来就很疼没错
I hate to say it, but maybe Sabrina was right.
我不想承认但是塞布丽娜说得对
We need to see a doctor.
我们该去看医生了
Maybe she was right about other things.
也许有些事情上她是对的
Do you really think there's a country called Chad?
你真信世界上有个叫乍得的国家吗[非洲国家]
Yeah, and everyone there carries a a tennis racket
信啊而且那里的每个人都带着网球拍
and wears a sweater tied around their shoulders.
披着一件毛衣袖子系在肩上
I'm starting to get worried.
我开始焦虑了
I think I have everything.
每项症状我都有
Muscle weakness? Check.
肌无力有
Fatigue? Check.
疲劳有
Form of payment? Check.
付款方式有
I know. Do I get dizzy?
我知道我会眩晕吗
When you spin around a lot.
如果你一直转圈的话
Damn it!
该死
Virginia Chance?
维吉妮亚·吉斯
Nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你
Gotcha!
中招了
I love that one.
我喜欢这招
Do it to all my new patients.
对我所有的新病人都玩这招
My philosophy is, laughter is the best medicine.
我的理念是没保险的话
Unless you have insurance.
开怀大笑是一方良药
In that case, medicine is the best medicine.
有保险的话那药就是最好的药
Okay.
好了
Let's go look under your hood.
进来检查吧
Stay strong.
要坚强哦
Hey, guys, I don't usually post spill videos, but...
各位我一般不发什么东西洒了的视频但是
you don't see a crocodile with Abe Lincoln's head every day.
长着林肯的头的鳄鱼也不是每天都能看到的
Guys?
各位
All right, well,
好了
that was an amusing diversion, but we should...
这太逗了但我们应该
Oh, you know what? We can bleach the chicken tomorrow.
你知道吗鸡可以明天再漂白
Let's watch it again.
咱再看一遍吧
You guys watching my daily "Yolk of the Day" Video?
你们在看我的"今日蛋黄秀"视频吗
No. Jimmy posted this hilarious new WikiVid.
不是吉米在维基视频发了一段超搞笑的
And you should probably get your cholesterol checked.
你可能该去查查你的胆固醇水平了
Let me see this.
让我看看
This better not be food-related.
最好别跟食物有关
I was never a fan of the Three Stooges.
我从来都不喜欢三个臭皮匠
I found them sweaty and clumsy
我觉得他们满身是汗笨手笨脚
and not very entertaining.
一点也不好玩
To be clear, the Three Stooges
说直白点我就是这么叫
is what I called Wilfrid's genitals.
威尔弗里德的生殖器的
Unless you are one,
年轻的时候
old people are funny.
看老年人还真搞笑
Yeah. I guess it's funny.
是啊我觉得挺有意思的
It's a little simple.
就是太没技术含量了
Simple?
没技术含量
Yeah. I mean, when you have as many
是啊当你有27个粉丝时
as 27 followers, they want you to challenge them
他们希望你从艺术和理智层面上
artistically and intellectually.
去挑战他们
Oh, I thought you had 28.
我还以为你有28个粉丝呢
I did.
我原来有
I'm sorry, Sabrina,
很抱歉塞布丽娜
but between the nun that does the chicken dance,
但看完跳小鸡舞的修女
the cat that plays the piano
弹钢琴的小猫
and James' hysterical new videos,
和詹姆士的搞笑新视频
I don't have the time to stare at eggs
我实在看不出来那些蛋
until they look like Steve Buscemi.
哪里像史蒂夫·布西密[演员]
All done.
好啦
Oh, you've gone blind.
你都成瞎子了
We should have come sooner.
我们早就该来了
I'm not blind.
我没瞎
When they give you an eye exam, they delete your pupils.
他们做眼部检查时会屏蔽你的瞳孔
But the good news is, the only thing wrong with me is my eyes.
但好消息就是我唯一的毛病就是我的眼睛
Nothing glasses can't fix.
戴副眼镜就没问题啦
It's just a slight prescription.
小方子而已
It... it'd be like going from standard definition to high-def.
就就好比是从标准画质提升到高清画质
And I'm sorry you have to make such a...
很抱歉你不得不...
spectacle of yourself.
出这么大个洋相
He's a lot more funny once you find out
你一旦发现自己不是将死之人
you're not dying. You'll see.
他就好玩多了你会懂的
Well, it took 87 years,
尽管花了87年的时间
but now, officially, my neck looks like my vagina.
但现在我的脖子终于看起来像我的阴♥道♥了
Her neck does look like a vagina.
她的脖子看起来确实像阴♥道♥
Where's Sabrina?
塞布丽娜在哪里
She took her, uh, break a half hour ago.
她半个小时前去休息了
No fair, all right?
不公平知道吗
You said that my video was deflippititive,
你说我的视频"非研状"
and now you're being defibrilitive.
现在你才是"非研状"
I think the word you're looking for is derivative.
我想你要说的词是非原创
Whatever. All right, if I can't film food,
无所谓好吧如果我不能拍食物
then you can't take advantage of my crazy great-grandmother
那你也不能利用我的疯狂曾祖母
to amuse strangers.
来娱乐陌生人
That's my thing. Come on.
那是我的创意拜托
You and I should both be able to record whatever we want...
你和我都应该想录什么就录什么
Sounds like someone with 27 followers talking.
还真是有27个粉丝的人说出来的话
35. Thank you very much.
35个了非常感谢你
Oh, 35. I remember when I had 35 followers.
35啊我记得我有35个粉丝
that was... four followers ago.
但那是新增四个粉丝以前的事了
Oh, yeah?
是吗
Well, your phone is pink.
你的手♥机♥是粉色的
Yep. Whatever, 35.
是啊无所谓啊 35粉
Well, everything checks out-- your eyes,
都检查完了你的眼睛
your heart, blood pressure. You're in great shape.
你的心脏血压都没问题你很健康
Well, that wasn't so bad.
那还不错嘛
I might think about getting a regular checkup
我考虑每隔六七年
every six or seven years.
做一次常规检查
Some of those tests were actually kind of fun.
有的检测其实还挺有意思的
Do that little hammer again.
再用那个小锤子给我敲一敲
That is wild!
真爽
Does that work on other parts of the body, too?
敲身体其他部位也会这样吗
'Cause I could really use that magic hammer in the bedroom.
我在床上也正好需要这么个神奇锤子
Just, uh, one more thing.
还有一件事
Just turn around, bend over and...
转身弯腰然后
promise you can keep a secret.
要保守秘密哦
All right.
没问题
And that feels like your finger in my doggy door.
感觉像是你的手指插♥进♥了我的后♥庭♥
Oh, it's just a routine test, Burt.
这只是一项常规检查伯特
Well, if you're trying to get my knee to move again,
如果你是想让我的膝盖动起来
it's twitching pretty good, so you can stop now.
它现在抖得厉害你可以停手了
Your prostate feels a little... boggy.
我感觉你的前列腺摸有些湿软
And your finger feels a little biggy. Oh!
我感觉你的手指有点粗大
How of... how often do you have sex?
你多久行一次房♥事
Like this? Never.
像这样吗从没有过
No, like, with your wife.
不是是跟你老婆
Sex can be good for your prostate.
行房♥事对你的前列腺有好处