木兰尼的人生（2014）

Mulaney S01E13

Part 4 April 13, 2021, 10:53 a.m.

You can't call the cops.
我还因为骚扰斯皮罗·阿格纽被通缉呢
I'm still wanted for futzing with Spiro Agnew.
斯皮罗·阿格纽美前副总统
不要报♥警♥啊我嗑了仙人掌呢
Do not call the cops! I'm on peyote.
你为给我办生日派对嗑了仙人掌吗
You did peyote for my birthday party?
他嗑药的时候不知道你要回家
He took it before he knew you were coming home.
我们根本不知道今天是你的生日
We didn't even know it was your birthday.
奥斯卡
Oscar.
你在骗我吗
You were lying?
你没有给我办惊喜派对吗
You didn't throw me a surprise party?
所以这里才没有一点装饰
I guess that's why there are zero decorations
根本没有派对的迹象啊
and no sign of a party.
我还以为你是我的好朋友
And here I thought you were just being a good friend.
但是你只是在利用我对吗
But you were just using me, huh?
就像基柯一样
Just like Kiko.
真遗憾
Pity!
我们该走了
I guess we should go.
格古什因为我嗑了药
Gagoosh, since I'm on drugs,
所以不能去你父母那里住
we shouldn't stay at your parents'.
-可以住我那里啊 -我们该怎么办
- We can stay at my place. - So what should we do?
去公园露宿吗
Should we sleep in the park or something?
祝我生日快乐
Happy birthday to me.
今年...
The big...
45大寿
four-five.
算了我们不走了
Okay, we're not leaving.
奥斯卡我不管仙人掌的药劲会不会上来
You know what, Oscar, I don't care if the peyote kicks in.
过生日的人不该一个人孤零零的
No one should be alone on their birthday.
今天是我的生日
It's my birthday.
总之卢
Anyway, Lou,
我们愿意留下陪你
we'd like to stay.
等等
Wait a second.
这是不是惊喜的一部分
Was this part of the surprise?
先给我个惊喜然后又说
Saying "Surprise" and then revealing
你其实不知道今天是我生日
you didn't know it was my birthday?
你骗不了我伙计
You didn't fool me a bit, buddy.
他是有多自负啊
How high is his self-esteem?
各位
Everybody!
我有事要说
I have an announcement to make.
我对不起这个女人
I've treated this woman terribly.
我把她抛在一边我伤了她的心
I've strung her along, and I've hurt her heart.
还有我还把她的名字罗迪奥
And also I've been calling her "Ro-dee-oh."
叫成"罗丢啊"
It's pronounced "Ro-day-oh."
她拿枪指着他呢
She has a gun to his back.
你忘了件事说
You forgot the other thing. Say it.
还有我和罗迪奥要结婚了
Also, Rodeo and I are getting married.
到时候要找那个拉比来主持
We should have that rabbi do it.
我们继续玩游戏吧
Let's finish the game.
你想...好简到你了
You want to-- okay, Jane, it's your turn.
-好 -真心话还是大冒险
- Yeah. - Okay, truth or dare?
真心话吧我不能说谎
I have to do truth. I cannot lie.
好真心话
Okay, truth.
你是怎么破处的
How did you lose your virginity?
那会儿我刚上大一
It was my freshman year at university.
那晚我正要从图书馆回家学习
I was leaving the library to study at home.
在图书馆我没法集中注意力
I could not focus there
因为雷鬼乐队的演唱会声音太大了
because of the sounds of the Reggae concert.
突然我看到一个一脸惊恐的小鲜肉
Just then, I saw a scared preppy boy.
他不像其他男孩子一样危险
He was not danger like the other boys,
白白净净很温柔的样子
but soft and baby white,
特别像卡特基乳酪
like so much cottage cheese.
他就像大家说的那样 "很好上"
He looked like, as they say, "An easy lay."
我知道我绽放的时候到了
I knew this was my chance to shed my flower,
于是我就上了他
so I tackled him.
狼人
Werewolf.
天哪你就是那个狼人
Oh, my God, you were the werewolf?
你是我的第一次
And you were my first.
我于是我破了处成为了简
I lost my virginity and became Jane.
虽然我不记得当时的情景了
You know, even though I don't remember it,
但我很高兴能躺在那里做得很棒把
I'm glad I was able to lie there and be good at it?
并且帮你成为了现在的你
And help you become the person you are today.
等等你说得对
Wait, you're right.
我那样是为了成为简
I did that to become Jane.
那个甜美可人的呆萌格古什
That sweet little weirdo, Gagoosh,
在那四分钟里经历了那么多
went through so much in those four minutes
就是为了让简过上更美好的生活
so that Jane could have a better life.
各位我真的需要纪念那次牺牲
You guys, I really need to honor that sacrifice.
再见了格古什
Bye-bye, Gagoosh.
我要做回简了
I'm back to being Jane.
什么
Wait!
你原来是简吗
You're Jane?
到时间了
The timer went off,
但是仙人掌的劲没上来
but the peyote didn't kick in.
可能我的身体抗拒了药效
Maybe my body rejected the drugs
虽然我想释放自己让自己跟以前一样狂野
because, you know, I set out to be the wild guy I used to be,
但其实我真正应该做的是让人依靠
when really I should just be the dependable friend that I am.
简卢安德烈
Jane, Lou, Andre,
奥斯卡卢
Oscar, Lou,
德古拉
Dracula--
地板怎么离我那么远啊
The floor's so far away from me.
他的脸都快嗨僵了
He's tripping his face off.
真是可怜
Poor kid.
他需要我们两个人
He needs the both of us.
我们快吓唬他
Let's freak him out!
你要死了马上就要死了
You're going to die very, very soon!
真是疯狂一夜啊
What a crazy night.
我们用水球砸她的时候
Could you believe the look on her face
你看到她脸上的表情了吗
when we hit her with water balloons?
她真气坏了对吧
She was so upset, wasn't she?
据我所知
And from everything I hear,
安娜·温图尔[著名主编]幽默感十足
Anna Wintour has a great sense of humor.
发生什么事了
What happened?
什么时候...
When--
发生什么事了
What happened?
你出丑出大发了
You made a fool of yourself
我们以后会慢慢跟你讲的
in ways that we will slowly tell you over the years.
卢这里有很多女性护发产品
Turns out Lou has a lot of women's hair-care products.
出名的男人就是女人
Uh, famous men are women.
罗迪奥在睡觉
Hey, Rodeo is asleep.
就跟天使一样
She looks like an angel.
简快报♥警♥
Jane, call the cops.
我们绝对不能结婚
This wedding cannot happen.
我知道昨晚我们上♥床♥了
Hey, I know we had sex last night,
但是我们谁都不用放在心上
but we don't ever have to talk about it.
什么
What?
没有啊我昨晚一整晚都在改造自己
No, I spent all of last night de-gagooshing myself.
我们没有上♥床♥啊
We didn't have sex.
但是那个怪物...有个...
But the monster-- there was a--
有个怪物压我身上那怪物还拿根单簧管
There was a monster on top of me, and it had a clarinet.
约翰你嗑药嗑嗨了
John, you were on peyote.
对哦
Right.
可能我做恶梦了
I guess it was just a bad trip.
早啊慕兰尼
Good morning, Mulaney.
有史以来最棒的生日
Best birthday ever.
慕兰尼的人生
第一季第十三集