木兰尼的人生（2014）

Mulaney S01E08

Part 3 April 13, 2021, 10:52 a.m.

《小鬼当家》的海报
I got in third grade.
你觉得麦考利有可能给我签个名吗
Do you think Mac would sign it, maybe?
贱♥人♥ 你过来过来
Bitch. Come here, come here.
来就来你能拿我怎样
Come on. What are you gonna do?
你怎么能让我那么做呢
How could you ask me to do that?
约翰麦考利是我喜欢上的第一个
John, Macaulay was one of the first boys I had a crush on
跟我没亲戚关系的人
who wasn't one of my cousins.
喜欢他之前我不知道小男孩还有金发的
Before him, I didn't know little boys could be blond.
我不知道他们可以不留小胡子
I didn't know they could not have mustaches.
约翰听说穆尼奥斯昨天偷溜进来了
John, I hear Munoz snuck in here yesterday.
那个西班牙裔骗子
That fake hispanic.
好我们先不带麦考利彩排一遍
Okay, so we're gonna rehearse without Macaulay.
这样即使穆尼奥斯再偷溜进来
That way, if Munoz sneaks in again,
他也不会知道我们在做什么
he won't know what we're doing.
所以我演好自己的部分
So I'll play my part,
你就扮作麦考利吧
and you'll stand there dressed as Mac.
抱歉你刚刚是让我
I'm sorry, did you just ask me
做麦考利·库尔金的替身吗
to be Macaulay Culkin's stand-in
我不是明确跟你说过
after I very clearly told you
那是我童年演艺生涯的伤吗
that was a childhood acting wound of mine?
我不知道你还是个童星啊
Oh, I didn't know you acted as a child.
不
No.
我是不会做麦考利·库尔金的替身的
I'm not gonna be Macaulay Culkin's stand-in
因为当初他那个角色就应该是我的
because I was supposed to have that role
我应该跟迈克尔·杰克逊成为朋友
and I was supposed to be friends with Michael Jackson
在他那首《黑或白》MV中负责rap的
and rap in his Black or White video.
我会成为迈克尔真正的朋友
And I would've been a real friend to Michael
进而不让他在麻醉的情况下小睡
and not let him take naps with anesthesia.
什么都救不了迈克尔·杰克逊
Nothing could have saved Michael Jackson.
我不是啰嗦但是...
Not to be repeated, but...
他当时确实就有问题了
He was troubled.
这不是重点
That's not the point.
重点是我应该过上麦考利的生活
I was supposed to have Mac's life,
而不是现在这种生活
not this life.
算了
You know what?
我才不想帮你一起准备傻♥逼♥特辑呢
I don't want to work on your stupid special.
约翰回来
John, come back.
只有你才知道我的车停在哪里了
You're the only one who knows where I parked.
天他真以为如果当初拿到《小鬼当家》的角色
God, he really thinks his life would've been better
他的生活会比现在更好
if he got Home Alone.
我好像知道这个圣诞节要送慕兰尼什么了
I think I know what we can get Mulaney this Christmas.
你还记得我们看的《生活多美好》吗
You remember when we were watching It's a Wonderful Life?
记得就是那部色调灰暗
Yeah, was that that gray movie
讲一个说话声音很难听的男人的对吧
about the guy with the annoying voice?
慕兰尼叛变了
Mulaney's loyalty is shattered,
我真是太高兴了
my teeth have never been whiter,
加侬圣诞特辑的秘密
and the secrets of the Cannon Christmas Special
直接落入我的魔掌了
have fallen directly into my lap.
JT穆尼奥斯的胜利之日就是圣诞了
JT Munoz will emerge victorious este navidad.
JT穆尼奥斯
JT Munoz!
你好啊兄弟
Oh, good to meet you, bro.
快过来老兄
Get out of here, man.
一起来自♥拍♥
Selfie bros!
是啊
Yeah.
[西语]
Y ahora a mi coche.
室友们
Guys?
室友们你们做了什么
Guys, what did you do?
不管这是怎么回事我可不喜欢
I don't like whatever's happening.
话说
Say...
你就是那个著名的童星对吧
You that famous child star, ain't ya?
你来这犄角旮旯干什么
What you doing in this dump?
我明白了我的生活很美好
Okay, I get it. It's a wonderful life.
只有我的朋友才会叫我莫迪福
Only my friends call me Motif.
为什么呢因为我连单口相声演员都不是
Why, I'm not even a stand-up comic.
-过度的不错 -嗯
- Nice transition. - Mm.
虽然我很想当单口相声演员
I wanted to be, though.
原来你都写好本子了好吧
Oh, you wrote a whole thing. Okay.
喜剧演不成了我就转行到了饼干行业
When comedy went bust, I went into the cookie business.
我听说那行很赚钱
Heard there was big money in that.
但是因为干旱我的巧克力碎屑园子毁了
But the drought came and ruined my chocolate chip garden.
你绞尽脑汁想出了一个不是喜剧演员的工作
So you sat down to brainstorm jobs other than comedian,
最后就想出了个饼干农民的职业吗
and you came up with cookie farmer,
而且你还以为巧克力碎屑是树上长出来的
and you think that chocolate chips grow on trees?
会那样的约翰
Would that they did, John.
会那样的
Would that they did.
很不错
Very nice.
虽然有很多不必要的背景介绍但也很不错了
A lot of unnecessary backstory but very nice.
我来了
Here I come.
谁来了我是瞎子
Who's here? I'm blind!
好吧我不想当瞎子
Okay, I don't want to be blind.
谁来了
Who's here? Oh.
原来是那个出名的孩子
It's that famous boy.
你出演了《小鬼当家》
You were in Home Alone.
是的但是这跟你有什么关系
Yes, I was, and how has this affected you,
除了你说话声音变得很奇怪之外
other than your speaking voice?
因为你很有名
Well, because you were famous,
所以我念大学的时候谁都骗不了
I never had a friend in college to cheat off of.
你可不要忘了
Okay, and don't forget the part
你说我帮你作弊你就跟我在一起
where you promised to hook up with me if I helped you cheat,
可我帮了你之后你就跟亚当·康奈利在一起了
and then I did, and then you hooked up with Adam Connelly.
天我那会儿真是个小婊砸
Oh, my God, I was such a bitch.
总之我辍学了
Anyhow, I failed out of school.
不得不自己开了家沙龙
Had to get work running a saloon.
简氏沙龙
Jane's Place.
我知道那里不怎么豪华但是
I know it may not be fancy, but--
当然不豪华因为那就是厨房♥
No, it's not, because it's the kitchen.
虽然我不想打击你们
Now, I don't mean to poke a big hole here,
但是没有起你们俩怎么会认识
but how do you two idiots know each other
不是我介绍你们认识的吗
since I introduced you?
-我们结婚了 -我们结婚了
- We're married. - We're married.
你们结婚了啊
You're married?
那你们俩为什么不在我跟前滚床单呢
Okay, well, then why don't you two have sex in front of me?
-好吧那我... -故事不是这样的
- Well, okay, I'm gonna-- - That's not what this is.
快看
Look...
这是我们的孩子
It's our baby.
我们给他取名约翰
We named him John
纪念那个我们从未有过的朋友
after the friend we never had.
这个细节处理的很好不得不佩服啊
Wow, my hat's off to you on that detail.
你明白了吧
Oh, don't you see?
发生这一切都是因为你从未出生
This all happened because you were never born.
因为你参演了《小鬼当家》
Uh, because you were in Home Alone.
厉害精彩
Brava, brava.
好我先走了
All right, I'm leaving.
但是不管这些东西你们哪里租来的
But wherever you got these rentals,
公♥寓♥里放一个开放式壁炉可违反了规定
the open fireplace in the apartment?
我们的押金在那里呢
That's our security deposit right there.
约翰·慕兰尼来了
There he is. It's John Mulaney.
咔嚓咔嚓我是狗仔队哦
Flash, flash. I'm the paparazzi.
奥斯卡拜托不要跟他们一起乱搞
Oscar, please don't join in on this.
乱搞什么
Join in on what?
我刚买♥♥了新相机啊
I just got this new camera.
简莫迪福你们还给我准备了什么
Okay, Jane and Motif, what did you get me now?
中西试镜服务
Midwest casting services.
1990年约翰·慕兰尼参加《小鬼当家》试镜
1990 John Mulaney Home Alone audition?
天哪真等不及重温荣耀的一刻了
God, I can't wait to relive the glory.
约翰·慕兰尼父母推荐
John Mulaney, parent-repped,
1米15 试镜凯文一角
3'8", and reading for Kevin.
凯文你看你都干了什么
Kevin, look what you did.
你把苏打水都洒出来了
You spilled the soda.
台词是什么
Line?