木兰尼的人生（2014）

Mulaney S01E05

Part 3 April 13, 2021, 10:51 a.m.

Yeah, but that doesn't work, right?
算了神父
Never mind, Father.
抱歉我提出那么无礼的请求冒犯了你
I'm sorry I disrespected you with that request.
话说我手上
I'm doing this set
有下周的《今夜秀》门票
for the Tonight Show booker next week,
这可是千载难逢的机会你看...
and it's kind of a big deal. If you could--
凌晨两点
2:00 a.m.
好吧要不我还是试试吧
All right, I might as well give this a shot.
你好上帝
Hi, God.
首先抱歉最近我只有在遇到大♥麻♥烦时
First off, I'm sorry that I only contact you lately
才想起来联♥系♥你
when I'm on a flight with really bad turbulence,
但是我现在需要你的帮助
But I need your help right now.
我想说明一下我从来没有
And I would like to point out that I never did jokes
说过猥亵神父的笑话
about priest molestation during that whole thing,
即使很多单口相声都这么干过
even though a lot of stand-up comics did,
而我也完全可以这么做
and I totally could have.
上帝请不要让我妈发现
God, please do not let my mom find out
教堂的事我撒谎了
that I lied about church.
如果你这次帮我
If you do this for me,
我保证当我成为成功的喜剧明星时
I promise I will give a lot of money to charity
我会拿出很多钱用于慈善事业
when I become a big, successful comedian,
说到成为喜剧明星
which while we're talking
我也想让你帮帮我这个
is also something I would like very much.
谢谢你
Thank you.
发送
Send.
你是在祈祷吗
Are you praying?
什么没有
What? No.
我是在打飞机而已
No, I'm just masturbating.
谢谢大家来参加周日的弥撒
Thank you for coming to Sunday mass.
现在请大家热烈欢迎
Now please, give a warm welcome
我们的特殊嘉宾神父
to our special guest celebrant
来自皇后区阿斯托里亚的
from Astoria, Queens,
特雷神父
Father Trey.
谢谢大家大家早
All right! Good morning!
大家早啊早
Good morning, good morning.
今天真是好日子[灌篮日]啊
What a slam dunk day.
我们开始吧
Let's do this.
奇迹发生了
It's a miracle.
试想天堂里的两只天使
I like to think of two angels in heaven,
身后挥舞着巨大的翅膀
gigantic wings flowing behind them.
一只天使对另一只说
One turns to the other and says,
好怀念可以搓背的日子啊
"I miss back rubs."
他以为我会说"海特和撒那"[赞美上帝语]
He thought I said, "Hosanna in the hyatt."
他才不知道呢
He didn't know.
最后我们引用
In closing, to quote the song
《救命下课铃:大学时代》里的句子
from Save by the Bell: the College Years,
我站在明日边缘
"I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow,
即是今天
today."
你们也是如此
And so are you.
以圣父圣子圣灵之名
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
阿门
amen.
阿门
Amen.
平安与你同在
Peace be with you.
我得跟特雷神父打个招呼
I've got to say hello to Father Trey.
弥撒做得很棒神父
Beautiful mass, Father.
谢谢你们也很配合
Oh, thank you. You were a great crowd.
谢谢你过来
Thanks for coming.
你也是约翰很高兴见到你
You too, John. Good to see you.
什么
What?
是啊
Yeah.
很高兴
Yeah, okay.
很高兴见到你
Yeah, good to see you.
妈你等我一会儿
Hey, Mom, hold up one sec.
你怎么知道我的名字的
How do you know my name?
从热门录像带一台上知道的我是你的粉丝
From VH1. I'm a big fan.
是爱德神父让你这么做的对吧
Did Dather Ed put you up to this?
不是
Oh, no.
很遗憾地告诉你
I'm so sorry to have to tell you this,
爱德神父昨晚去世了
but Father Ed passed away suddenly last night.
昨晚
Last night?
不是在凌晨两点吧
Not, like, at 2:00 a.m., right?
不是
No.
是两点零一分
2:01.
你干什么呢
What you doing?
简气色怎么这么差劲
Jane, you seem bad.
你鼻音重看起来暴躁不安还
Your voice is all nasally and whiney, and--
你为什穿成安德烈的样子
Why are you dressed like Andre?
这话什么意思我一直都这么冰♥火♥两重天啊
What do you mean? I'm always hot and cold.
你看我穿着T恤衫让肚子好透气
So I got the T-shirt, right, to keep my belly cool,
然后带着针织帽以防脑袋着凉
but then the knit cap, right, in case my noodle gets cold,
还有这件开衫也就随便穿穿吧
and the cardigan? Uh, he just comes and goes.
苍天呐我怎么成安德烈了天哪
Oh, my God, I'm Andre! Oh, my God!
简停停停
Jane! Hey, hey, hey.
快看看警告标签看看会有什么症状
Hey, check the warning label. See what the symptoms are.
杰泽普拉姆可能引起出汗头发凌乱
"Jazzapram: may cause sweating, unmanageable hair,
声音嘶哑愤怒还会像卡♥通♥人物
"an annoying voice, and cartoonishness.
一些病人还可能会经历不幸
"Some patients have experienced haplessness
或者/并且不知何时离开房♥间
and/or an inability to know when to leave the room."
苍天呐
Oh, my God!
你最好别吃那种药了否则就能直接
You better get off those pills before you get cast
去演下一部木偶电影了
in the next muppet movie.
你不是说格雷格是个好人吗
Look, you said Greg was a good guy.
他关心女人他会理解的
He cares about women. He'll understand.
不不不我不想跟格雷格放慢节奏
Oh, no, no, no, I don't want things to slow down with Greg.
再说了安德烈之所以成为安德烈
Plus, it's not like Jazzapram's
又不是杰泽普拉姆的错
the thing that made Andre Andre.
抱歉我敲敲门就进来了太无礼了
Sorry to just knock and enter. That's rude.
我不吃杰泽普拉姆了而且我跟一个同事
I got off Jazzapram, and I'm putting together
一起买♥♥了汉普顿斯的股票...
a Hamptons share with some buddies from work--
我找到工作了...
I got a job--
我想邀请你们两个一起
And wanted to extend an invite to the both of you.
安德烈你看上去不错啊
Andre, you look good.
你就算了
Pass.
你好
Oh, hello.
奥斯卡你相信上帝吗
Oscar, do you believe in God?
我相信曼哈顿进来吧
I believe in Manhattan, but come in.
奥斯卡我好像把别人祈祷死了
Oscar, I think I might have prayed someone to death.
别闹了
Don't be ridiculous.
不不我是认真的
No, no, I'm serious.
我祈祷不让我妈妈
I prayed that my mom wouldn't find out
发现我没去教堂
that I don't go to church,
我觉得这害死了一个老神父
and I think it got this old priest killed.
约翰祈祷不能杀人的
John, your prayers can't kill someone.
要不你祈祷让我的蕨类植物死掉吧
Here, pray that you want my fern to die,
就这棵康妮·陈
this one here, Connie Chung.
不要你不要让我...
No, please, don't make--
你说"上帝啊杀了康妮·陈这棵植物吧"
Say "Dear God, kill Connie Chung the plant."
记得要说是这棵植物
Make sure to say, "the plant."
上帝啊杀了康妮·陈这棵植物吧
Dear God, kill Connie Chung the plant.
你看她这不没事吗
And... she's fine.
约翰也许你难过
John, maybe you feel so bad
是因为你不想继续说谎了
because you wanted to stop lying
你想告诉你母亲真♥相♥
and tell your mother the truth.
不我不想
No, no, I don't.
你不知道隐藏一件事那么久是什么感觉
You don't know what it's like to hide something for this long.
说得对我是说 1938到1977年间
You're right. I mean, I was in the closet
我一直深藏柜中但是不
from 1938 until 1977, but, no,
我确实无法理解你现在的心情
I couldn't possibly understand what you're going through.
你最后告诉她的时候你母亲失望了吗
Was your mom disappointed when you finally told her?
她失望的是
She was only disappointed
我竟然觉得不能告诉她真♥相♥