木兰尼的人生（2014）

Mulaney S01E05

Part 2 April 13, 2021, 10:51 a.m.

我看着你表演的角色我觉得
I was watching your character and I was like,
"老天如此钟爱他他却杀了他老婆"
"God love him, but he killed his freaking wife."
谢谢
Well, thank you.
你知道吗那是真实故事改编的
I mean--you know, that was based on a true story.
事实上那个女人真的死了
In fact, that woman actually died.
约翰这是你姐姐吗
John, is this your sister?
这个梗你已经用过了
You already did that joke.
但现在我是真心的
But now I'm really asking.
现在我看着她的眼睛
I mean, I'm just now looking at her eyes
它们它们熠熠生辉美丽动人
and they're-- they're brand new and beautiful.
我要吐了行了你这个花心大萝卜
Oh, barf. Come on, you're a nut.
我能问你点事吗
So can I ask you something?
戴夫·莱特曼人好吗
Is Dave Letterman nice?
一点也不
Not remotely.
但我周一要和他一起去看洋基队的比赛
But I'm going to the Yankees game with him on Monday.
不如你和我一起去吧
Why don't you join me?
为什么不呢
Why not?
我很愿意去看洋基队的比赛
I'd love to go to a Yankee game.
约翰这样我就要待到周一了
John, that means I'm staying until Monday.
所以周日我们可以一起去做弥撒了
So now we can go to Sunday mass together!
我还能去见见那个你总是说起的特雷神父
And I can meet this Father Trey you're always talking about.
但是不行你不行
But, no. You, no.
你不能待到周一因为
You can't stay till Monday 'cause--
卢你应该会想要
Lou, you probably want to take someone else
带别人去看比赛的对吧
to the game, right?
妈妈提醒我一下你多大了
Mom, remind me, how old are you?
我和我纺织厂的朋友约迪·康纳斯喜欢说
Well, my friend Jodi Conners from spinning
我们是"五十而酷"
and I like to say we're "50-cool."
-纺织厂的约迪·康纳斯 -对
- Jodi Conners from spinning? - Yes.
她听起来很不错的样子
Oh, she sounds fascinating.
你怎么认识她的
How did you know her?
你们是认识很久了吗
Like, did you just meet her a long time ago?
我需要卢收回那个邀请
I need Lou to take back that invite.
我不能让我妈带到周日
My mom can't stay till Sunday
然后发现没有特雷神父这个人
and find out that Father Trey is fake.
她肯定会非常失望的
She'll be so disappointed.
别跟我说让妈妈失望这种事
Don't tell me about upset moms.
因为我宣传♥单♥上的名字是杰拉德·好儿子
Now that I'm billed as "Gerald Goodson,"
我妈妈终于看到我的表演了
my mom finally saw my act.
在我讲股沟那个段子的时候
She was sitting in the front row
她就坐在第一排
when I did my bit about booty cleavage.
你不必讲那个段子的
Well, you didn't have to do that bit.
你确定你不想进来吗
Are you sure you don't want to come in?
我的公♥寓♥里可是空无一人的哟
My apartment is empty.
去游乐场吧你们
Go to the arcade.
我很想进去但我明早要上庭
I'd love to, but I have court in the morning.
我们在起诉一个不肯卖♥♥
We're suing a major retailer
女子避孕用品的大型零售商
that won't cover women's contraceptives.
希望他们不会被电椅处死
Well, I hope they get the electric chair.
再见
Bye.
我赢了我赢了我赢了
I win, I win, I win!
简你的衬衫
Jane, your shirt.
你这出汗程度快赶上基斯·斯威特的走红度了
That is a Keith level of sweat.
基斯·斯威特:美国全方位音乐才子
这里的温度真是冰♥火♥两重天啊
Yeah, well, it's freezing and burning hot in here.
而且我在格雷格身边就超级紧张
Plus, I get so nervous around Greg.
他就像他对我太好了
He's, like-- he's, like, so nice to me.
有时候我我都觉得
And then, like, sometimes, I'm, like, I don't even
-我配不上他 -简没事的
- think I deserve-- - Hey, Jane, it's okay.
我知道没事我不蠢
I know it's okay! I'm not an idiot!
情绪波动真够大
Mood swings.
简我觉得那个杰泽普拉姆让你情绪失常
Jane, I think that Jazzapram's messing with you.
杰泽普拉姆唯一的效果就是
The only thing Jazzapram is doing
让我能和那个TNT台电视演员一样的男人
is letting me have stress-free boning
一起享受轻松性♥爱♥
with that TNT drama-looking dude.
放轻松莫迪福
Just relax, Motif.
这就像是广♥告♥中说的
It's like the commercial says.
*杰泽普拉姆*
*Jazzapram*
*只需一粒药丸*
*Pop a pill*
*让你生活快乐无忧*
*And plan your life like jazz*
这广♥告♥歌♥并不能缓解我的恐惧
This jingle does not assuage my fears.
伙计们
Hey, guys.
慕兰尼你妈妈呢
Hey, Mulaney, where's your mommy?
我给她带来了"欢迎布朗尼"哟
I brought her some welcome brownies.
这是大♥麻♥布朗尼吗
Are they pot brownies?
多谢你毁了我的惊喜
Thanks for ruining the surprise.
杰泽普拉姆
Oh, Jazzapram.
我也在吃这个
I'm on this too.
是为了治粉刺啦
It's for my acne.
安德烈你知道这是内涵大量雌性激素的
Andre, you realize that's a birth control
避孕药吧
containing loads of estrogen.
你是说我一直在吃避孕药吗
I've been taking birth control?
我岂不是白花了那么多钱买♥♥避孕套
To think of all the money I wasted on condoms.
整整三美元啊
$3.
我喜欢带大家看属于我的纽约你知道吗
I like to show people my New York, you know?
那些舒适的小角落奇特的小巷
The cozy corners, the quirky side streets.
而不是这些满是游客的地方
None of the touristy stuff.
我们正在时代广场中间呢
We're in the middle of Times Square.
天呐时代广场变化真大
Oh, my God, has Times Square changed.
我记得那时这里遍地是色情商店呢
I remember when it was all just porno shops.
卢别说色情
Oh, Lou, don't say "porno."
-色情 -卢
- Porno. - Lou!
-色情色情 -卢卢
- Porno. Porno. - Lou! Lou!
-色情色情 -你疯了
- Porno, porno-- - You're nuts!
这和我梦中的场景一模一样
This is an actual dream I had.
你觉得帕蒂在那间百货公♥司♥里做什么
What do you think Patti's doing in that department store?
欣赏那些最新的小玩意儿吗
Admiring the latest baubles and trinkets?
她是去洗手间了
She's going to the bathroom.
卢我需要你的帮忙行吗
Look, Lou, I need your help, okay?
我不能和我妈妈一起去教堂
I can't go to church with my mom.
所以你得告诉她洋基队的比赛取消了
So you need to tell her the Yankee game is off.
拜托反正我们都是异教♥徒♥ 就帮帮我吧
Please, heathen to heathen, lie for me.
不行我不能说谎骗那个女人
No. I can't lie to that woman.
她与众不同
She's different.
每当我看她时我都想让她幸福
I look at her, and I want to make her happy.
真希望能把她丈夫杀了
I wish I could kill her husband.
那可是我爸爸
That's my dad.
算了吧如果魔鬼不帮我
All right, fine, if the devil won't help me,
我知道谁会帮
I know who will.
你得说你自己叫特雷神父
So you'd have to say your name is Father Trey,
你年轻又炫酷
and you're young, and you're cool,
还有我每周都来知道吗
and I'm here every week, all right?
每周末我们还会一起打篮球
And every weekend, you and me shoot hoops together.
是这么回事对吧
Let me get this straight.
你想让我一个天主教神父
You want me, a Catholic priest,
在教堂里对你母亲撒谎吗
to lie, in a church, to your mother?
很机智嘛就是这个意思
Atta boy, you got it.
我才不要为你撒谎
I'm not going to lie for you.
拜托神父这是我应得的
Come on, Father, I earned it.
12年期间我每周日都来教堂呢
I went to church every Sunday for 12 years
还有大学期间来过一次
and once in college
那会儿我以为自己女朋友怀孕了
when I thought my girlfriend was pregnant.
那她怀孕了吗
Was she with child?
没有其实把人搞怀孕
No, and you know it's way harder to get pregnant
比你们说的难多了
than you people told us.
拜托了就帮我这一次吧
Look, please, just do this for me,
我保证以后你再也不会见到我了
and I promise you will never have to see me again.
我们这里是是天主教堂我们想再见到你
We're the Catholic church. We want to see you again.
这是我们的目标
That's our goal!
我建议你还是自己祈祷祈祷吧
I suggest you do some praying.
可是那根本没用对吧