木兰尼的人生（2014）

Mulaney S01E06

Part 3 April 13, 2021, 10:51 a.m.

《倒下》
Uh, Man Down.
你刚才说什么
What did you say?
《倒下》是蕾哈娜的对吧
Man Down. That's Rihanna, right?
《倒下》《倒下》《倒下》
Man Down. Man Down? Man Down--
我要杀了你
I'll kill you.
在纽约
While in New York,
我猜我猜我猜猜猜参赛选手的表演稍后继续
contestants of Celebrity You Guessed It stay with friends.
我猜我猜我猜猜猜
休息之后马上回来
好消息是那个人不能起诉我
The good news is the guy can't sue me.
所有参赛者都签署了弃权声明书
All contestants sign a waiver
主持人可能会掐死他们
that says the host might choke them.
因为汤姆·鲍格朗[主持人]事件对吧
The Tom Bergeron clause, right.
对
Exactly.
卢那会儿你是怎么回事
Lou, what happened to you back then?
那是1983年
It was 1983.
我跟我的剧团一起在火奴鲁鲁的
I was with my improv troupe, off the cufflinks
一个基地做即兴表演
at a base in Honolulu,
就在离洛杉矶4100英里处
about 4100 out of Los Angeles.
我知道夏威夷在哪里
I know where Hawaii is.
开始气氛很好墨菲在模仿直升机的声音
It started strong, with Murphy doing his helicopter noises.
可是然后...
But then...
太棒了为了表演下一幕
Wonderful. And now for our next scene,
我需要一个地点
I need a location.
泰国农场人体模型工厂
Thailand! Farm! Mannequin factory!
人体模型工厂我听到有人说人体模型工厂
Mannequin factory! I heard mannequin factory!
好现在我需要一种影片类型
Okay, and now could I have a movie genre.
脱线喜剧恐怖片莎翁剧
Screwball comedy! Horror! Shakespeare!
莎翁剧莎翁剧
Shakespeare! Shakespeare!
好最后要一部电影片名
Okay, and finally, a movie title.
-远处的石头 -她想信任他
- A stone in a distance! - She wanted to trust him!
-艾米丽的承诺 -倒下倒下
- Emily's promise. - Man down! Man down!
倒下
Man down!
好了那我们就去莎翁剧《倒下》中
All right, so, we take you to a mannequin factory
描写的一个人体模型工厂
in Shakespeare's Man Down.
我们被伏击了[完蛋了]
We had been ambushed.
因为我们中没人读过莎士比亚的书
None of us had ever read Shakespeare.
马丁内斯瓦茨柯林斯假装是人体模型
Martinez, Watts, and Collins pretended to be mannequins
这样他们就不用想段子了
so they wouldn't have to come up with anything.
叮铛叮铛叮铛
Clang, clang, clang.
砰砰砰
Bing bong, bing bong.
你看今天模型工厂情况真不错啊
Hark, 'tis a fine day in this mannequin factory.
我要拿一个全麦头盔
I'll take a hamlet on whole wheat.
来盛蛋黄酱
Hold the mayo.
因为现在快到穿比基尼的季节了
'Tis almost bikini season.
不知道为什么没有一个人反应
Out of nowhere, the joke bombed.
那个笑话我可修改润色了好多遍啊
It was a joke I'd improvised dozens of times.
但是那天我没那么好运了
But that day, my luck ran out.
所以我就慌了
So, I panicked.
我使出了我的杀手锏
And I did the one thing I knew would kill.
T恤大赛
T-shirt contest!
卢不要啊
Lou, no!
什么
What?
我用一件T恤衫射中了我的朋友
I shot my friend with a T-shirt.
不
No!
恐怖片
The horror.
你应该用恐怖片那个题材的
You should've taken the horror suggestion.
此后我就再没见过墨菲
And I never saw Murphy again.
-卢... -不要叫我英雄
- Look, Lou-- - Don't call me a hero.
我没想叫你英雄
I wasn't going to.
卢你不能一辈子都躲着劳军联
Lou, you can't run from the USO your whole life.
墨菲肯定也不计前嫌了
I'm sure Murphy's gotten over it.
我看未必
I doubt it.
我打电♥话♥跟他道歉就只听到枪声
I called him to apologize and all I heard was a gunshot,
他生气的时候就喜欢
which was the sound effect he would make
弄出枪声的效果
when he was mad at you.
你们看到查得的狗了吗
Have you seen Chad's dog?
你把富兰克林弄丢了吗
You lost Franklin?
我们该好好照看它的
We were supposed to watch him!
我带它去公园想给它找个妞儿
Took him to the park to get him laid, you know?
休假的大兵不都是那样嘛
Like you would any good soldier on leave.
可是一个小时后我回来它就不见了
Anyway, I came back an hour later and he was gone.
莫迪福你知道这让我多难堪吗
Motif, do you know how bad this makes me look?
本来出生在中东地区
Dating a marine is tricky enough
跟海军陆战队的人约会就够难办了
when you were born in the Middle East.
我一直想假装自己是西班牙裔但是
I keep trying to imply I'm hispanic but it is hard
要假装出那种对生活的热情太困难了
to fake that kind of zest for life.
我会找到它的
I'll find him.
它就只有三条腿能走多远
He only has three legs, how far could he have gone?
你好
Oh, hello.
你是在等人吗
Are you waiting for someone?
进屋里等吧
Well, wait inside.
我刚好要在公♥寓♥里扔网球玩呢
I was about to throw a tennis ball
你感兴趣的话就一起来玩吧
around the apartment if you have any interest.
我们得找到富兰克林
We need to find Franklin.
我一直往外放切碎的肝脏做诱饵
I keep leaving chopped liver outside as bait
可是塔奇曼太太一直去偷吃
but Mrs. Tuchman keeps noshing on it.
我更不能去劳军联了我把一条军犬弄丢了
I can't get into the USO, I let an army dog go awol,
自上大学时跟迈克尔·摩尔[导演]合影之后
I haven't felt this unpatriotic since I took that picture
我还是头一回这么不爱国
in college with Michael Moore.
那时我以为他是路易·安德森[喜剧演员]呢
Granted, at the time, I thought he was Louie Anderson.
那我呢我还是伊朗人呢
What about me? I'm an Iranian national
我竟然让军队财产跑了
who allowed a military asset to escape.
我得发短♥信♥问问我妈我们有多信仰伊♥斯♥兰♥教
I need to text my mom and find out exactly how Muslim we are.
各位看看我找到谁了
Guys, look who I found.
安德烈那不是富兰克林
Andre, that's not Franklin.
我知道可它跟富兰克林一样啊
Oh, I know. But he's identical.
是啊除了它有四条腿之外
You're right, he is, except that he has four legs.
我还以为那是它的鸡鸡呢
Oh, I thought that one was his penis.
我还想着这货要火了
I was like, "This guy's gonna be a star."
快把这条狗弄走
Get rid of the dog.
我们得告诉查得真♥相♥
We need to tell Chad the truth.
等等我们先谈谈
Hold on, let's just talk about this.
好我们再来看一遍
All right, let's go over it again.
我们目前的选择有
Our options so far are:
第一拿砍刀把那条狗的前腿砍掉一根
Option "A": take the cleaver and cut off the dog's leg.
显然没人愿意那样做
Now obviously, none of us want to do this.
-当然不行 -不行
- Obviously not. - No!
绝对不行
Never do that.
但是这也是我们的选择之一
But we will keep it on the board.
-以防万一 -留着吧
- Yeah! Just in case. - Keep it.
那就先留着
We'll keep it up.
第二是莫迪福的主意
Option "B": Motif's idea.
把毛绒玩具狗的一条腿砍掉
Cut the leg off of a stuffed dog.
你这个主意真的很棒
Now this is a really good idea.
但是有两个问题
But there's two problems.
第一这根本不像富兰克林
One, it looks nothing like Franklin.
第二毛绒玩具狗不会动
And two, it's a stuffed dog that doesn't move.
这问题我解决了
I fixed that.
还记得我们买♥♥的那条会唱歌♥的电子鱼吗
Remember that singing animatronic fish we bought?
它在这个毛绒玩具狗身上找到了新家
Well, he found a new home in this here dog.
咱们还是继续吧
We should move on.
第三安德烈的主意
Option "C": Andre's idea.
谢谢女士们先生们
Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen,
下面我给大家介绍富兰克林
I'd like to introduce you to Franklin.
但是安德烈啊那个太小了
"But Andre, he's too small."
只要用强行透视法
Not with the magic
那就不会小了
of forced perspective.
我只要把它放进你们公♥寓♥的模型中
For, when I put him in this replica of your apartment,
突然一切就完美和谐了
suddenly, everything comes down to size.
谢谢学霸谢谢你给我这次展示的机会
Thank you, sharks, for the opportunity to pitch.