木兰尼的人生（2014）

Mulaney S01E01

Part 2 April 13, 2021, 10:49 a.m.

我的确不理解
No, I wouldn't.
我才不会让人往我身体里塞东西
I don't let people put things in me.
好吧卢·加侬在第几层
All right, look, what floor is Lou Cannon on?
-25层阁楼 -谢谢你
- 25th floor penthouse. - Thank you.
下面有请主持人没错就是卢·加侬
And now here's your host. You guessed it, Lou Cannon!
谢谢谢谢
Thank you! Thank you!
你们真是贴心而且没错
You're very kind, and right.
自信自信热情中带着优雅
Confidence, confidence, elegance under fire.
你好
Hello?
等一下
One second.
你们都来了连年轻人都来了
You're all here, even the young people.
话题标签
"Hashtag."
-你是谁 -我是约翰·慕兰尼
- Who are you? - I'm John Mulaney.
我们今天有个会面是关于为您的节目写作的
We have a meeting today about writing for your show.
唐娜
Oh, Donna?
什么事卢
Yes, Lou?
我是要跟一个叫"杰·慕兰兰"的人见面吗
Do I have a meeting with a "Jay Mulaylay?"
是的他就是网上那个喜剧演员
Yes, he's the comedian that's on the internet.
哦他呀
Oh, that one.
1200次观看很厉害啊
1,200 views, very impressive.
下面那些刻薄的东西是你写的吗
And do you write all those little mean things below?
不是我的粉丝写的
No, those are my fans.
你真是个乱七八糟的小家伙啊
You're a messy little person, ain't ya?
抱歉今天是有点乱七八糟的我
I'm sorry, I am kind of a mess today, I--
地铁晚点了我下车后
The subway was running late, then when I got off,
在人行道上有一个轮椅
on the sidewalk, there was a wheelchair
被撞翻在地可是上面根本没坐人
just knocked over on its side with no one in it.
真不想看到这种事肯定发生了什么
That's a bad thing to see. Something happened there.
你希望那是个奇迹...
You hope it was a miracle...
但可能不是
But probably not.
总算要扔你前男友的东西了
Hey, finally throwing out your ex-boyfriend's stuff.
我为你骄傲妹子
I'm proud of you, girl.
我本来想烧掉但是那样太浪漫了
Well, I was going to burn it, but that would be too romantic.
他什么时候留下这些的你一直在他那边
When did he leave this stuff? You always stayed over there.
不这是我从他那里拿的东西
Oh, no, no, no. This is stuff I took from him,
为了让他变得更好不那么丢人
you know, to make him a better, less embarrassing person.
可是他的新女友倒是爽了我却没好处
A person the new girlfriend gets to enjoy while I get no credit.
你看这个
I mean, look at this.
兜帽背心
A hoodie vest?
菩萨像
A statue of buddha?
拜托你来自马里兰对着电子游戏大吼
I'm sorry, you're from Maryland and you yell at video games,
你又不是佛教♥徒♥
you're not a buddhist.
好啦拜托有点敬意
Okay, okay, okay, let's just show some respect, please.
这件兜帽背心挺潮的
This hoodie vest is tight.
真希望我没记住他的邮箱密♥码♥
Now if I could only un-remember his email password.
"土豪五号♥"
"Guyritchie5."
让我来修改他的邮箱密♥码♥
Let me change his email password,
然后不告诉你我有想法了
and I won't tell you what it is. Ah, I got something too.
我会从你嘴里撬出来的
I will pry it out of you.
-你试试啊 -给你秀屁屁
- Try me. - I'll show you my butt.
密♥码♥就是这个
That's the password!
约翰尼...
Johnny--
别人会叫你约翰尼吗
Do people call you "Johnny"?
他们不该这么叫
'Cause they shouldn't.
约翰
John...
我准备发表一个演讲你听我说
I'm gonna make a speech, and I want you to listen to me.
我才45岁
I am 45 years old.
我得过一次艾美奖
And I have an Emmy Award,
如果你把奖杯放在镜子前
and when you put it against to this mirror,
感觉好像我得过两次艾美奖
it looks like I have two Emmy Awards.
两次艾美奖一次托尼奖
Two Emmys and a daytime Tony.
约翰我会告诉你到达我的高度
Now, John, I can show you how to get where I am,
如果你打算学的话
that is, if you're ready to learn.
说实话加侬先生最近我很焦虑
Honestly, Mr. Cannon, I have been very anxious lately
我已经快30岁了
that I'm almost 30
却从来没有过喜剧方面的正经工作
and I've never had a real job in comedy,
如果您给我机会让我为您工作的话先生
and if you give me the chance to work for you, sir,
我保证我会做得很好的
I promise I can do an excellent job.
这种真诚会助你一臂之力
That sincerity will take you right to the middle.
唐娜他被录用了
Donna, he's hired.
恭喜
Mazel tov.
下周三我有一次义演
Now, listen, I have a benefit next Wednesday.
也许你能帮帮我做我的开场嘉宾
Maybe you can help me with it and be my opening act.
帮您开场天呐您是认真的吗
Open for you? Oh, my God, are you serious?
简直不可思议
That would be incredible.
没错对你的确是大事
Yeah, yeah, it'd be a big deal for you.
是的
Yeah.
是为了玛莎基金
It's for the Marsha Foundation.
是我发起的预防乳腺癌行走活动
It's a breast cancer walk I founded.
用我的发型师玛莎命名
I named it after my hairdresser, Marsha.
很遗憾她去世了吗
Oh--oh, I'm sorry. Did she pass away?
没有她根本没得病
No, she wasn't even sick.
我只是觉得这会让她很开心
I just thought she'd get a kick out of it.
猜猜谁要为卢·加侬工作啦
Guess who's working for Lou Cannon?
你得到那份工作了好样的小慕
You got the job? Young Mula!
过来抱抱
Come here, man.
好吧
All right.
确实太棒了我终于可以告诉我父母
Yeah, it's really cool. I can finally tell my parents
我的笑话要上电视了
that my jokes are gonna be on TV.
你提到我的名字了吗
Hey, did you mention my name?
当然我们一直都在谈论你
Oh, of course, we talked about you the whole time.
慕兰尼走廊那边的那个老头
Mulaney, that old guy from across the hall,
他来找过你
he came by looking for you.
奥斯卡对了
Oh, Oscar, that's right.
我应该给他的加湿器加水的
I'm supposed to fill his humidifiers.
他在卧室有一个在客厅有一个
He has one in the bedroom and one in the living room,
而且都很深
and they're really deep,
所以必须在浴缸里加水
so you have to fill them up in the bathtub.
天总有一天我们都会死
God, we're all just gonna die one day.
不过我觉得他会理解的你现在忙起来了
Anyway, I'm sure he'll understand--you're busy now.
说起来莫迪福你能帮我个忙吗
Yeah, speaking of, Motif, can you help me out?
本来我下周要去哈德逊河巡游表演
I was supposed to do a spot on that Hudson River Cruise Show
不过现在我为卢工作了
next week, but now I gotta work for Lou.
你能替我去吗 75块
Can you fill in for me? 75 bucks.
没问题伙计
Yeah, no problem, man.
我有机会去卖♥♥我的新T恤了
It'll give me a chance to sell my new T-shirts.
事儿妈
"事儿妈"
"Problem Bitch."
就是你没写完的那个笑话吗
Like the joke you haven't written yet?
的确
No doubt.
坏消息伙计们安德烈来了
I have bad news, guys. It's Andre.
安德烈来了
It's Andre.
他为什么来这儿
Why is he here?
我就不能不请自来吗
I can't just stop by without telling you?
不能毒贩子不会那么做事
No, that is not how drug dealers work.
她怎么回事
What's her problem?
她刚刚跟人分手
Oh, she's just going through a break-up.
而且你也挺不招人待见的
Also, you're very unpleasant.
简你单身了啊
Jane, you are single?
-太近了 -好吧
- Too close. - Okay.
你知道我不打算永远卖♥♥大♥麻♥
You know, I don't plan on selling weed forever.
只要我奶奶和我父母一死
As soon as my grandma dies and my parents die,
我就会得到一大笔钱
I'm coming into quite a bit of money.
简你应该让安德烈去改达斯汀的邮箱密♥码♥
Jane, you should have Andre change Dustin's email password.
好主意那样的话如果我想知道
Good idea, because then, if I want to find out what it is,
我就必须去问安德烈
I'll have to talk to Andre,
-可我绝不会去找他 -可你绝不会去找他
- which I'd never do. - Which you'd never do.
约翰·慕兰尼你从哪儿来的
John Mulaney, where do you come from?
你的背景是什么你有家人有兄弟姐妹吗
What's your background? Do you have family, siblings?
其实我有两个姐姐
I actually have two sisters.
她们住在芝加哥跟我妈和我...