木兰尼的人生（2014）
Mulaney
第一季
剧集 | 木兰尼的人生（2014） | 导航列表
木兰尼的人生（2014）
Mulaney S01E05
Part 1
April 13, 2021, 10:51 a.m.
很多和我同龄的人都说
A lot of guys my age say,
"每天我都觉得自己越来越像我爸爸了"
"Every day I think I'm becoming more like my dad."
可我觉得我越来越像我妈
I think I'm becoming more like my mom.
几年前 我看《走进好莱坞》时
A few years ago, I was watching that show,
一个广播员说道
Access Hollywood and one of the reports said,
"接下来 桑德拉·布洛克的前夫
"Up next, Sandra Bullock's former husband
将从他的角度讲述同一个故事"
tells his side of the story."
我当时就高呼出声"这绝对精彩"
And out loud, I went, "Ugh! This ought to be good."
我妈是天主教♥徒♥ 我爸也是天主教♥徒♥
My mom is Catholic and my dad is Catholic.
几年前 我交了一个女朋友
I was dating a girl a few years ago
而她不是天主教♥徒♥ 我妈就问我
who wasn't Catholic and my mom asked me
她会不会改信天主教
if she was going to convert to Catholicism.
妈呀
Oh, mom.
我怎么能让我女朋友改信天主教呢
How would I get my girlfriend to convert to Roman Catholicism?
我都没法让她看一眼电影《林肯》
I couldn't even get her to see the movie Lincoln.
你想让我怎么做 难不成我回家的时候
How would I do that? What, do I come home with a brochure,
带本宣传册 然后说"亲爱的
and I'm like, "hey, honey,
让我为你介绍一个让人激动的早已存在的组织
"allow me to tell you about an exciting, not new organization.
别在网上搜索我们哟
"Don't google us.
你知道我这辈子
"You know that low level of unhappiness
一直不怎么幸福吧
"I've had my entire life?
不如你也自愿和我一样吧"
What if you voluntarily signed up for it?"
本片是当着很多观众现场实拍的 知道吗
Mulaney is filmed in front of a live studio audience, okay?
你在做什么
Hey, what you doing?
我妈还有几分钟就到了
My mom's gonna be here in a few minutes.
几月前她给我寄来了这份爱尔兰祷告
She sent me this Irish blessing a couple months ago
我告诉她我把它挂起来了
and I told her I hung it up.
"愿你辛勤劳作以远离罪恶
"May you work with your hands to keep them from sin,
愿你临死之时依然心怀感激"
and may you be grateful when you are dying."
见鬼 这可真令人沮丧
Damn on whole wheat, that's depressing.
你们这些爱尔兰天主教♥徒♥根本就不想快乐
You Irish Catholics just don't want to be happy.
是啊 我们不想快乐
No. No, we don't.
爱尔兰人不喜欢一切美好的事物
The Irish don't like nice things.
你有见过爱尔兰造的毛衣吗
You ever seen a sweater made in Ireland?
那就像是用刷碗布做的高领毛衣
It's like a turtleneck made out of Brillo pads.
你不觉得你已经过了跟妈撒谎的年纪了吗
Don't you think you a little old to be lying to your mom?
不 才不会
No, I am not.
我们的母子关系就是建立在谎言基础上的
Our whole relationship is based on lies.
谎言能让她不感到失望
Lies that keep her from being disappointed
也能让我不感到愧疚
and me from feeling guilty.
幸好她周六就要走
It's a good thing she's leaving Saturday
我跟她说我每周日都会去教堂呢
'cause I still told her I go to church every Sunday.
真庆幸我的亲人都是不信教的波斯人
I'm so glad my relatives are non-religious Persians.
他们只关心大理石雕像和组合式沙发
All they care about are marble statues and sectional couches.
我妈确实很关心宗教
My mom does care about religion.
我告诉她我会去我们社区的那个教堂
I told her I go to that church in our neighborhood
我还捏造了一个假神父 我说我和他是哥们
I even invented a fake priest that I said I was buddies with.
神父特雷
Father Trey.
他很年轻 做事洒脱
He's young, he's cool,
我们俩每个周末还会去打篮球
and he and I shoot hoops every weekend.
慕兰尼 你要是不信上帝就直说吧
Mulaney, if you don't believe in God, why don't you say so?
不 我信上帝
No, I think I believe in God.
我只是不相信教堂里
I just don't believe in all that stuff
他们告诉我们的那些 你知道吗
they taught us in church, you know?
是的 比如你不信叫耶稣的那个伙计
Right, like you don't believe in a dude named Jesus
其实他是上帝的儿子
who was actually the son of God.
别让我大声说出那句话
Don't make me say that out loud.
我闹钟响了
Oh, my alarm.
肯定是到时间吃避孕药了
Must be time to take my birth control...
为了能更好的欢爱
for sex.
没错 我和那个叫格雷格的律师
Yeah, things are getting pretty serious
正向着谈婚论嫁进发呢
with that lawyer Greg.
-我没问 -我不关心
- Didn't ask. - Don't care.
他是个天才律师还是个女权主义者
He's a talented lawyer and a feminist.
我简直和希拉里·克♥林♥顿♥一样幸运
I'm as lucky as Hillary Clinton.
你一直在吃避孕药
Haven't you had bad side effects
不会有什么副作用吗
when you've been on birth control?
如果我没记错 你上次吃避孕药的时候
If I remember correctly, the last time you were on the pill,
在看到《撞车》获得最佳影片时你放声大哭了
you burst into tears when the movie Crash won best picture.
现在真是谈种族问题[《撞车》主题]的好时机
That was the right time to talk about race.
我换了个牌子
I'm on a new brand now.
新牌子叫杰泽普拉姆
It's called Jazzapram.
没错 也许是有一些副作用
Yeah, I mean, maybe there's a couple side effects.
要不你们以为呢
But what do you expect?
避孕药会让你的身体以为自己怀孕了
Birth control tricks your body into thinking it's pregnant.
它的功能原来是这个吗
That's what it does?
是啊 莫迪福 不然你以为呢
Yeah, Motif, what did you think birth control did?
精♥子♥数
避孕药
杀死那些精♥子♥
Kill those sperm!
游戏结束了 棒
Game over, baby! Yeah!
好了 我妈来了
Okay, that's my mom.
谁都不准骂人
Nobody swear.
谁都不准提我们吸可♥卡♥因♥的那个周末
And no one mention that weekend that we all did coke.
-妈妈 -真男人先生
- Mom, hey. - Hey, Mister Man!
约翰 你吸烟了吗
John, have you been smoking?
就三周前抽了一次而已
Like three weeks ago, once.
约翰 你觉得皮特·桑普拉斯抽烟吗
John, you think Pete Sampras smokes?
你还是想成为皮特·桑普拉斯的对吧
You still want to be Pete Sampras, don't you?
不管怎样 你父亲没跟我一起来我很遗憾
Anyway, I'm sorry your dad couldn't make it.
船员们只在那个周末把船放下水
It's the only weekend the boat guy can put the boat in.
而他喜欢在旁边看着船员把船放下水
And he likes to be there when the boat guy puts the boat in.
慕兰尼太太 您好
Hi, Mrs. Mulaney.
简妮 还那么一心想着上男人吗
Hi, Janey, still boy crazy?
我觉得我的行为还是合理的
I think the way I act comes from a rational place.
慕太太 您好
Hey, Mrs. "M."
总算见到你了 杰拉德
There's my guy. Hello, Gerald.
你知道我改了名字的 我现在叫莫迪福了
You know I changed my name. I'm Motif now.
真的吗
Oh, really?
我一直觉得杰拉德是个很棒的名字
I always thought Gerald was such a nice name.
真的吗
You did?
抱歉 我会改回杰拉德的
I'm sorry, I'll go back to Gerald.
妈妈 你准备好去看我猜我猜我猜猜猜了吗
So mom, are you ready to go to celebrity you guessed it?
我迫不及待想见见卢·加侬了
I can't wait to meet Lou Cannon.
听着 妈妈 如果卢表现得很粗鲁的话
Look, mom, if Lou is rude at all,
不要觉得他是在针对你
just don't take it personally.
约翰 大家不用担心我的感受
John, people don't have to worry about my feelings.
我们得把宣传♥单♥上的名字改成
Yo, we gotta change the name on the fliers to say,
"由本人独自创作 并给您呈现
"Sh'boy productions and the 'finna get got
精彩喜剧 杰拉德"
comedy explosion presents: Gerald."
卢 我妈妈今天来参观了
Hey, Lou, my mom is visiting today.
你介意我向你介绍一下她吗
Do you mind if I introduce her to you?
她是年过40岁的女人吗
Is she a woman over 40?
是的 她是我妈妈
Yes, she's my mom.
朋友 我比较适应身处
Amigo, I'm much more comfortable
年轻女人身边
around more recently born women.
彼得·潘:不肯长大的成年人
我能说什么呢 我是彼得·潘啊
What can I say? I'm a Peter Pan.
好了 我们赶紧做完了事吧
Okay, let's get this over with right now, please.
我有两分钟时间和你妈妈聊天逗趣行吗
I've got two minutes of mom banter in me, okay?
您好 我是约翰的妈妈帕蒂
Hi there, I'm John's mother, Patti.
你妈妈 我还以为是你姐姐呢
Your mother? I thought it was your sister.
谢谢你让约翰为你的节目写段子
Thank you for letting John write on your show.
约翰自己确实有本事 我们非常幸运
Well, John is a real person and we're so very lucky
剩下的你自己想吧
and all that.
我只想说
And I just gotta say,
我喜欢你在《圣地亚哥谋杀案》中的客串表演
I loved when you guest starred on Murder Squad San Diego.
你很搞笑
You're funny,
但也很擅长严肃题材的表演
but you're really good at the serious stuff too.
严肃题材 你是说喜剧之外的剧吗
Serious stuff? You mean like, drama?
你很棒
You're great.
木兰尼的人生（2014）
Mulaney
剧集 | 木兰尼的人生（2014） | 导航列表