木兰尼的人生（2014）

Mulaney S01E07

Part 2 April 13, 2021, 10:51 a.m.

今天的加侬我最大我要讲述我装成学生
Today on Loose Cannon, I go undercover as a student
并和一个老师上♥床♥的故事
and have sex with a teacher.
但这是谁的错呢
But who's at fault?
快看这个人
Look at this guy.
他看起来就像是吃了减肥药的沃尔多
Looks like Where's Waldo on Jenny Craig.
或者是忘了吃减肥药的无所谓啦
Or off Jenny Craig, whatever.
你肯定是在开玩笑
You've gotta be kidding.
太平洋岩壁直播:
笑到他们又走了起来
我刚让苏联人帮我重新装♥修♥了公♥寓♥
And I just had the Soviets redecorate my apartment.
我说戈尔巴乔夫先生请把这墙推倒
I said, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall
至少也要建个浴盆吧
and put in a bidet at least."
快看这个人
Look at this guy.
酗酒的本·富兰克林
Ben Franklin with a drinking problem.
什么
What?
晚安美国请多给我点掌声
Good night, America. Please, give generously.
我不理解你怎么每次让同一个人
I don't understand how you can show the same guy
坐在观众席中
in the audience every time,
而观众竟然也没人发现他和你是一伙的
and nobody's figured out that he works for you.
这就是电视的魔力约翰
TV magic, John.
人们自己愿意去相信
People want to believe.
还有青光眼当道嘛
Also, rampant glaucoma.
我们的观众中90%都以为这是广播节目
90% of our viewers think this is a radio show.
你好啊阿尼
Hey, Arnie.
老兄我觉得你在无合约的情况下
Hey man, I think it's pretty cool that you've worked
为卢工作了25年真是太酷了
for Lou for 25 years without a contract.
你肯定很相信他吧
Shows a lot of trust.
特别是他还给你起了这么多侮辱人的绰号♥
Especially with all the insulting names he called you.
那都是为了电视效果啦阿尼知道我爱他的
Oh, those are just TV jokes, Arnie knows I love him.
这孩子说的很有道理
The kid's got a point.
这问题很严重
This is a tremendous problem.
我们需要谈谈
We need to talk.
你只会为落健[生发液公♥司♥]不做玉米卷生气
Oh, you're just mad because Rogaine doesn't make tacos.
我跟你说过要保密的
I told you that in confidence.
此事我们稍后再谈好吗
We'll talk later, okay?
谢谢你们能在老地方和我一起喝杯酒
Thanks for meeting me at the old spot for a drink.
我得和我好闺蜜谈谈
I needed to talk to my homies.
莎丽丝亚历克莎卡西迪跟我说实话
Sharisse, Alexa, Cassidy, tell me the truth.
我只是想要一个承诺我错了嘛
Am I wrong to want a commitment?
莫迪福天下室友都一样
Motif, roommates are all the same.
这个约翰和简不过是现在先抚慰你一下
This John and Jane are gonna get their fill of you
过一会儿就会抛弃你了
and give you up an hour later.
你懂我的意思的
You know what I say,
不给我租约你们就休想租到房♥子
"I don't get a lease? They don't get a piece."
要么让你签合同要么你就不跟他们住
"Sign it, or decline it."
没错不给合同不给交♥媾♥
Yeah! "No general contract, no genital contact."
我懂你们的意思了
I see what y'all are saying.
除了你卡西迪
Except for you, Cassidy.
我觉得你有点答非所问
I feel like you're talking about something else.
你知道你要怎么办吗
You know what you need to do?
挖掘一下前任
An ex-cavation.
-好主意 -没错
- Excellent idea. - Yup.
是啊
Yes!
-是啊 -解释一下
- Yes! - Explain.
查找出一切你能查到的
Find out everything you can
关于约翰和简前室友的事情
about John and Jane's ex-roommates.
和人同居之前要了解透彻嘛
"Check how you stack up before you shack up."
身为一名律师我赞同莎丽丝的看法
As a lawyer, I agree with Sharisse.
莫迪福如果指头上不见那闪亮的小圈
Motif, just don't let up until you see that shiny lease
一定不要轻易停下
on your finger.
卡西迪我觉得你自己也有难处没关系
Cassidy, I feel like you have your own issues and that's okay.
我要采用你们的建议
I'm gonna take your advice.
要么就把我写入合约要么就骑...
"I either get it in writing or I will be riding--"
当我没说过我走了
Nah, never mind. I'm out.
这一盒是我的乳牙
This is a box of my baby teeth.
这盒是我成年之后掉的牙齿
Ooh, this is a box of my adult teeth.
这盒是用过的篮球卡
Ooh, this is a box of used baseball cards.
用过的
Used?
你懂的
You know.
安德烈我问的是你知不知道
Andre, I asked you if you had any information
慕兰尼和简前室友的信息
on Mulaney and Jane's ex-roommates.
我好像有过一点记载
I think I might have a few notes.
好的
All right.
根据我的记录
According to my files,
在你之前他们有过好几个"第三"室友
there have been a bunch of third roommates before you,
但他们都没撑过一年
but none of them lasted more than a year.
为什么发生了什么
Why? What happened?
第一个维罗妮卡·J 医生
First up, Veronica J., "the doctor."
她白天一直致力于拯救生病的孩子
She spent her days saving sick children,
晚上则给慕兰尼和简做各种好吃的
and her nights baking delicious treats for Mulaney and Jane.
听起来她像是个天使
She sounds like an angel.
慕兰尼和简可不这样觉得
Not according to Mulaney and Jane.
一旦她开始唱"生日快乐歌♥"
Whenever she sang "the happy birthday song,"
她就会把那首歌♥拉得有点过长
hers stretched out a little too long.
我的生日快乐歌♥足足有20分钟呢
My version clocks at 20 minutes.
第二个查理·Z 富二代
Next up, there's Charlie Z., "The rich kid."
他爸爸有一家科技公♥司♥
Daddy owned a tech company.
预付了半年的房♥租
Paid his first six months in advance.
怎么能提前付半年的房♥租呢
How do you pay six months rent in advance?
万一房♥租降了怎么办
What if they redesign money?
你不知道那会怎样
You don't know what it's gonna look like.
不管怎样他被赶出去了
Either way, he got the boot.
他的致命缺陷就是管三明治叫"小三三"
His fatal flaw: he called sandwiches "Sammies."
天呐他们可真不讲理
Oh, my God. They're brutal.
所以我才选择独自一人居住
This is why I live at home and don't have roommates.
安德烈王国的国王只有安德烈一人
Only Andre is the king of Andre.
我自己制定规则
I make my own rules.
安德烈你朋友该回家了你该洗澡了
Andre! Your friend goes home! It's time for your bath!
现在不行杰儿塔我们在当侦探呢
Not now, Gerta, we're being spies!
你给我闭嘴否则我打你耳刮子
You shut your mouth or I'ma spank your tush.
不
Oh, no!
莫迪福快跑快跑
Motif, run! Run!
快跑保住你的小命
Run! Save yourself!
好了关于这个租约
All right, about this lease.
怎么了
What's going on?
这是降神会吗
Is this a seance?
让我联络一下我曾祖母
Let's contact my great-grandma!
她超爱降神会的
She loves seances.
她住的地方离这里只有半个小时车程
She's like 30 minutes away.
莫迪福约翰和我谈了谈
Motif, John and I had a talk.
不谈话不别赶我走
Oh, no. Talk? No! Don't kick me out.
我再也不会叫睡衣"小睡睡了"
I won't call pajamas "Jammies" any more.
我叫它们"睡巫"好了
I'll call them "Pajam-wiches"
不不我们意识到你对我们有多重要了
No, no, we realized how important you are to us.
我们想正式一点
We want to make this official,
也希望你能答应
and uh, we hope you'll say yes,
因为签字后就没有回头路了
because there's no going back now.
这是我一直以来的梦想啊
This has always been my dream.
从昨天下午开始有的一个梦想
A dream I've had since yesterday afternoon.
你要跟我们一起分摊有线电视费了哦
We put you on the cable bill!
-快来庆祝 -棒吧
- All right! - Yay!
来
Yeah.
是啊
Of course.
你们绝对不会把我的名字加到租约上的
You were never gonna add me to the lease.
我在这里住不下去了
I can't live here.
一直以来我都以为这里是我们三个人的
This whole time, I thought it was about the three of us.
但其实这里是简和她朋友慕兰尼的
But it's just about Jane and her sidekick Mulaney.
莫迪福
Motif!
其实更像是
I mean, it's more about, like,
慕兰尼跟他两个朋友的对吧
Mulaney and his two friends, right?
不是我觉得更像是简和她的朋友劳里呢
No, I think it's just Jane and her friend Laurie.