木兰尼的人生（2014）

Mulaney S01E03

Part 3 April 13, 2021, 10:51 a.m.

不要剧透
No spoilers!
不过还是没看到拉皮德斯
Still haven't seen Lapidus, though.
可能你跟卢说了笑话是他写的之后
Maybe he calmed down after you told Lou
他就安息了
the truth about his jokes.
其实我还没说
Oh, yeah, I didn't actually do that,
但是我保证等我确定续约了我立马去说
but I promise I will as soon as my contract is safe.
慕兰尼你不觉得害臊吗
Mulaney, aren't you ashamed of yourself?
你不觉得害臊吗
Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
-我为什么害臊 -你在打飞机
- Why? - You're masturbating.
好像是欸
It appears I am.
我一定是忘记有摄像头了
I must have forgotten there was a camera.
你这不正在朝摄像头挥手吗
You're waving to the camera.
你好纽约
'Sup, New York?
原来你是那样打飞机的啊
Oh, so that's how you do it.
那不是不吃白不吃
That's not a casserole.
而是吃了也白吃啊
That's a "Casse-run-away."
真不敢相信卢竟然把我给他的笑话
I can't believe Lou just did every single joke
一场秀就全讲完了
I gave him in one show.
现在只剩十秒钟玩整个节目游戏了
And now there's only ten seconds left to play the whole game.
第一轮
Round one.
今天到此结束三人平手都是零分
And that's our show! Three-way tie, zero points.
万圣节快乐
Happy Halloween!
快放令人毛骨悚然的雷声
Cue the spooky thunder.
该死维尼我让你放雷声
Damn it, Vinny! I said cue the spooky thunder!
天这都什么玩意儿啊
God, I hate this show!
卢今天太棒了
Hi, Lou. Great show.
《王牌大贱谍》服装不错啊
Cool Austin powers costume.
不不不《王牌大贱谍》人家可注册了
Bup bup bup! Austin Powers is trademarked.
这衣服人家叫"王牌大奸谍"
The bag this came in said, "Groovy super spy."
卢我知道今天我合同就到期了
So, Lou, uh, I know my contract expires today.
约翰你一直做得很棒
John, you've been doing great work.
你给我的笑话我一个不落的都讲了
I just burned through every joke you gave me.
继续努力你肯定有机会续约的
Keep it up, and I'm sure you'll get renewed.
还继续努力今天就31号♥了啊
Keep it up? But today's the 31st.
对距离你合约到期还有七个小时
Right, seven hours before your contract expires.
你就利用这七个小时
Why don't you bring me some more
再给我写一些这种爆笑笑话吧
of this dynamite material before then?
不写呢就炒了我吗
And if I don't, I'm fired?
约翰
Oh, John,
别闹了
no need to be this dramatic.
给我一百个笑话就行
Just bring me a hundred jokes
在万圣节午夜钟声之前哦
before the stroke of midnight on Halloween.
雷声放晚了维尼
A little late on the thunder, Vinny!
一百个笑话卢可能有点困难
A hundred jokes, Lou, that might be tricky.
怎么了之前的都是你写的对吧
What's the problem? You did write these, right?
我最痛恨的就是偷别人的段子
'Cause if there's one thing I hate, it's stolen comedy.
这样不合常理而且很不符合我的"作"风
It's not shagadelic, and it does not make me horny, baby.
该死没有别的笑话了
Damn it, there's no more jokes here.
等等这是什么
Wait, what's this?
"亲爱的日记今天我们在诺曼底登陆了"
"Dear diary, today, we landed at Normandy."
谁管你
Who cares?
我怎么会不知道有这个呢
How did I not know about these?
不给糖就捣蛋哦
Trick or treat.
你好慕兰尼你好拉皮德斯夫人
Oh, hey, Mulaney. Hey, old lady Lapidus.
你这扮演的是什么
What are you supposed to be?
我想到一个所有孩子都不喜欢的东西
Mm, I figured out the one thing teens don't like to be around
那就是自己家的弟弟
more than anything: A little brother!
这样就不会有孩子来找我了
No teen's gonna come near me.
而且为了以防万一我还在网上发现了一个清单
And just to be extra safe, I found a list of houses online
上面是不满十八岁
that no one under 18
身高不到一米六七禁止入内的房♥子名单
is allowed to go within 50 feet of.
你是说你穿成这样去性犯罪者的家里了吗
So you went to sex offender houses dressed like that?
是啊进去之后还发生了奇怪的事
Yeah, yeah, things got weird.
总之快给我糖果吧
Anyway, give me candy!
好来看看我们都有什么
All right, let's see what we got here.
鸡蛋沙拉
Egg salad.
冷切肉
Cold cuts.
咸菜
Pickles.
有即食食品啊不错
All right, deli food, yes.
行了我该走了
All right, I should go.
我不能再投机取巧了
It's time for me to stop cutting corners
我该坐下好好好搞创作了
and sit down and do some writing.
那我们就一起召唤拉皮德斯的鬼魂
So we'll summon Mr. Lapidus' ghost.
你让他再给你写点笑话然后
You'll get more jokes from him, and then,
我就用这个袋子把他捉住
I'll capture him in this bag.
这里面有些小药丸给他吃的
There's some pellets in there... for him to eat.
我们开始吧
Let's begin.
你在吗拉皮德斯先生
Are you there, Mr. Lapidus?
在
It said yes.
天哪
Oh, my God.
拉皮德斯先生男人跟女人有何不同
Mr. Lapidus, how are men different than women?
B-i-t-c-h-e-s
B-i-t-c-h-e-s,
贱♥人♥ B-e-
"Bitches." B-e--
莫迪福是你在动的吗
Motif, are you moving it?
我怎么感觉你就会这么回答
Because this sounds like your voice.
不是我是他
No. It's him!
你是谁
Who is this?
M-o-t-i-f[莫迪福]
M-o-t-i-f.
好吧被你发现了
Damn, you got me.
这样根本没用
This is hopeless.
我需要真正在世的老人帮我写那一百个笑话
I need real living old people to write this many jokes.
但是今晚要去哪里找这样一群人
But where am I gonna find a group like that tonight?
永别了
Oh, good-bye.
各位很抱歉招待大家的食物还没到
I'm sorry the catering hasn't arrived yet, everyone.
大家好服丧做得太棒了
Hey, everyone! Great shiva.
耽误大家一下下
So real quick,
你们中有谁知道关于婚姻律师
do any of you have any funny takes on marriage,
或者不会说英语的出租车司机的笑话吗
lawyers, or cab drivers who can't speak English?
我们没时间跟你说笑话都快饿死了好吗
This is no time for jokes. We're all very hungry.
是吗您有多饿呢
All right, how hungry are you?
我不是说了吗快饿死了
I just told you, very.
你知道我也参加葬礼了
Well, you know I was at the burial.
葬礼真的很棒
It was very nice.
我们把他的战争勋章
We buried him with his medals from the war
还有口袋里的一本厚笔记本一起埋了
and a thick notebook in his pocket.
等等什么
Wait, what?
你是说跟拉皮德斯一起下葬的还有个笔记本吗
Did you say Lapidus was buried with a notebook?
对笔记本封面上写着"笑话"
Yes, and on the cover, it said "Jokes."
至于里面写的什么我们应该无从得知了吧
I guess we'll never know what was inside.
你好
Oh, hello.
你好
Oh, hey.
明茨你怎么来了在玩不给糖就捣蛋吗
Mintz, what are you doing here? Are you trick-or-treating?
不我是在乞讨今天卢把我炒了
No, I'm begging. Lou fired me today.
我不知道该怎么办了我有三个未成年的女友
I don't know what I'm gonna do. I have three teenage girls.
她们都要跟我分手了
Now they're gonna break up with me.
真没想到卢竟然把你炒了看来他是动真格的啊
I can't believe Lou fired you. Wow, he is not kidding around.
我没事
I'll be okay.
只收五块你们想让我做什么都行
Hey, is there anything I can do for or to you for $5?
奥斯卡墓地在哪边来着
Oscar, which way is the graveyard?
天还有40分钟就午夜了
God, it's almost 40 minutes to midnight.
我买♥♥花干什么
Why did I stop to buy flowers?
反正又用不着
That wasn't even the point of this.
午夜在墓地看电影
This one of those midnight movies
是嬉皮士最近流行的吗
in a graveyard for hipsters?
对
Yeah.
好像很有意思
That sounds fun.
安东尼·拉皮德斯之墓
卢在吗
Hello? Lou?
有人吗
Hello?
卢你在吗
Lou, are you here?
瞧瞧这是谁来了