木兰尼的人生（2014）

Mulaney S01E08

Part 4 April 13, 2021, 10:52 a.m.

好我知道了
Okay, I got it.
儿子你真的要自己一个人
Son, are you sure you should be in the grocery store
去杂货店吗
all by yourself?
我是约翰·慕兰尼我自己一个人在家
I'm John Mulaney, I'm home alone,
我简直太喜欢一个人在家了
and I'm loving every minute of it!
开始第二幕吧
Let's move on to the second scene.
什么我不知道
What? I didn't know
还有第二幕
there was a second scene.
我没准备第二幕
This is not how I work.
给我杯塞尔泽[苏打水]
Get me a seltzer!
天哪我当时太差劲了
Oh, my God, I was terrible.
我绝对不可能拿到那个角色的
I was never gonna get that part.
他们让我演替身就算给我大面子了
I'm amazed they offered me stand-in.
杰西·泰勒·穆尼奥斯主持的ABC节日特辑
The ABC holiday bash with me, Jesse Tyler Munoz,
一小时后就要开始了
is just one hour away.
大家都要看我和布偶人一起的精彩表演哦
See me and the zoggles perform
无论如何
whether you like it or not,
雪人先生要让你感受到家的温馨了
Mr. Snowman is driving you home.
穆尼奥斯偷了卢节日特辑的点子
Munoz stole Lou's special.
我因为沉迷于跟麦考利的假想竞争中
I got so caught up in my imaginary rivalry with Macaulay
所以放松警惕了
that I let my guard down.
我得把我们的布置抢回来
I have to get that lineup back.
不要再纠结什么《小鬼当家》了
Enough of this Home Alone stuff.
这是我的特辑我要捍卫它
This is my special. I have to protect it.
到了
This is it.
不要临阵退缩
Don't get scared now.
有人吗
Hello!
我去你个大头鬼...
Sidja widja fudja...
那是什么玩意儿
What the hell was that?
那是个油漆罐
It was a paint can.
人类所知最重的东西
The heaviest thing known to man.
要是有人想在圣诞节的时候偷袭我他们就会
Someone tries to burgle me on Christmas, they get...
被恶整
Home Alone'd!
那部电影讲的是这个吗
Is that what happens in that movie?
其实我从没看过
I've never actually seen it.
是啊那部电影构思布局很好
Oh, yes, it's a perfectly constructed movie.
麦考利·库尔金偷了一把牙刷
Macaulay Culkin steals a toothbrush,
所以他不能报♥警♥
so he cannot call the police.
情节之间紧密相连
Everything connects.
乔·佩西的表演堪称完美
Joe Pesci's performance es perfecto.
好我会去看看的
Okay, I'll check it out.
你可以看蓝♥光♥碟
Yeah, you can get it on blu-ray.
可能也是流媒体形式所以...
It's probably streaming, too, so...
但是你来找我了
But you come to confront me.
你来晚了我亲爱的朋友
And you are too late, my pequenitopollo,
因为我已经买♥♥下《雪人先生》这首歌♥的版权了
for I have bought the rights to the song Mr. Snowman,
我还有合同
and I have a contract
跟超级布偶人一起签的
Con los zoggles.
跟布偶人签的合同
Well, a contract with the zoggles
可管不了非布偶人
doesn't cover non-zoggles.
安德烈
Andre!
爸爸
Dad!
我要带你走
I'm taking you with me.
这些人都把你当布偶对待
These people are treating you like a puppet.
他们以为我是个布偶吗
Oh, they think I'm a puppet?
我终于明白这周他们跟我说的话都是什么意思了
That explains, like, 80% of the conversations I had this week.
我们走
Let's go.
不
No!
不要带走我的笨蛋狗
Not the nerdy dog.
他可是最棒的
He was the best one.
30秒倒计时
30 seconds!
卢
Lou.
抱歉我发脾气走了让穆尼奥斯偷了我们的创意
I'm sorry I stormed off and let Munoz steal the special,
但是我可以补救
but I think I can save it.
我也很遗憾约翰但是太晚了
I'm sorry, too, John, but it's too late.
我向圣诞老人求一个精彩的特辑
I asked Santa for a great special,
他却让我失望了
and he let me down.
我很生圣诞老人的气
I'm so mad at Santa.
简直太伤人了
So hurtful.
我们的特辑肯定会很棒的
It's gonna be great.
虽然我无法把所有布偶人都找回来
I couldn't get all the zoggles back,
但是我找来了纽约最棒的布偶
but I did get the best puppet in New York.
等等你又想让我当布偶吗
Wait, you want me to be a puppet again?
演吧我给你一百块
Play along. I'll give you $100.
-五十 -成交
- 50. - Deal.
虽然我没拿到《雪人先生》的版权
And I couldn't get the rights to Mr. Snowman,
但是我找来了
but I did find the composer
《拿不到饼干圣诞老人就不走》的曲作者
of Santa Ain't Leaving Till He Gets Your Cookies.
我谨代表弗莱巴许大道嘟喔普合唱团
On behalf of my Flatbush Avenue Doo-wop Group,
把歌♥的版权给你们
the rights are yours.
谢谢谢谢但是
Oh, thank you. Thank you, but...
但是我们还缺一个演员
But we're still one act short.
麦考利·库尔金不跟我一起演了
Macaulay Culkin has backed out of the sketch with me.
显然他不喜欢在电视上自己演自己
Apparently he doesn't like playing himself on television.
我有个主意
I have an idea.
台词大部分都是你的对吧
Most of the lines are yours, right?
全部都是我的
All of them.
那我来当他的替身
I'll be his stand-in.
我会戴上金色假发穿上他的服装站在那里
I'll stand there in his costume in a blond wig,
我们就拍后背就说那是麦考利
and we'll shoot it from behind, and we'll say it's Macaulay.
你愿意当他的替身吗
You'd be his stand-in?
我知道那可是你一直以来的一个...
'Cause I know that was always a...
梦想对吗
dream of yours?
其实那一直是我的问题
It was actually a big problem for me.
但是今晚我愿意演
But I'll do it tonight.
因为我意识到自己注定不会拥有他的人生
Because I realized I was never meant to have his life,
我很幸运自己拥有现在的生活
and I'm lucky to have the life that I do.
十秒
Ten seconds!
特辑十秒前就开始了
The special started ten seconds ago.
快下台快
Get off, get off.
我们走快走走
We go. We go. We go.
*直到他拿到你的饼干*
*Till he gets your cookies*
女士们先生们麦考利·库尔金
Ladies and gentlemen, Macaulay Culkin!
谢谢晚安
Thank you, and good night!
所有人不分种族节日快乐
And happy holidays to all nationalities.
那是你的名字
Oh, hey, there's your name.
是你联合制♥作♥的节目
You are associated with this.
很遗憾
I'm sorry.
我想谢谢你们送给我的礼物
Guys, I want to thank you for your gift.
你们给我看了那份试镜录像带
By showing me that audition tape,
我才知道我拥有现在这么好的生活都是命中注定
I learned that I am meant to have the wonderful life that I do.
这真是最棒的圣诞礼物
I can't think of a better Christmas present.
我们没给你送录像带
We didn't get you a tape.
我们给你准备了自♥制♥礼券
We got you these homemade coupons.
洗衣液打八折如果买♥♥...
20% off any laundry detergent if you buy--
做自♥制♥礼券的时候
You know, when you do homemade coupons,
应该是写你会做什么
it's supposed to be for services that you would provide,
算了吧
but never mind.
还是谢谢你们
Thank you.
那录像带是谁送我的
So wait. Who got me the tape?
-奥斯卡吗 -不是我
- Oscar? - No.
我给你准备了自♥制♥苏打水机
I got you a seltzer maker.
你不是最喜欢苏打水吗
I mean, duh, the guy loves seltzer.
录像带不是我送的
The tape wasn't from me,
不过我看到一个菲律宾圣诞老人来送了什么东西
though I did see a Filipino Santa drop something off.
他嘴上还叼着一根长长的烟
He was smoking a long cigarette.
等等
Wait.
这是不是说...
Does that mean...
菲律宾圣诞老人...
Filipino Ssanta...
是真正的圣诞老人吗
Is the real Santa?