木兰尼的人生（2014）
Mulaney
第一季
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木兰尼的人生（2014）
Mulaney S01E04
Part 2
April 13, 2021, 10:51 a.m.
You've got all your bases covered.
我只希望你别在上厕所时死了
I just hope you don't die on the toilet,
对吧
right?
天呐
Oh, my God.
最耻辱的事 死在马桶上
The ultimate humiliation-- dying on the toilet.
我忘了还有可能死在马桶上
I forgot about dying on the toilet.
不不不 卢 别担心这个
Oh, no, no, no. Lou, don't worry about that.
不不不 这真是太糟了
No, no, no, no. This would be bad.
我会变成大家的笑柄 不不不
I would become a joke. No, no, no.
-我会变成一个笑话 -你不会变成笑话
- I would be a joke. - You wouldn't be a joke!
我会成为一个笑话
I would be a joke!
你可是卢·加侬 你的遗言写得那么好
You're Lou Cannon! With those great last words,
没人会取笑你的
no one's gonna make fun of you.
大家都喜欢你
I mean, people love you.
是啊 人们也喜欢猫王
Yeah, yeah, people loved Elvis,
但大家只记得他是在去上厕所的时候死的
but all they remember is that he died from going to the bathroom.
他是心脏病发而死
He died from a heart attack.
不管你在上厕所时是怎么死的
Look, no matter how you die on the toilet,
人们都会觉得那是因为你没法
people assume it's because you couldn't handle
控制你要拉什么
what was coming out.
好吧 我们必须解决这个厕所问题
Okay, we need to solve this toilet problem.
我们 我不是应该继续写段子吗
"We"? Shouldn't I work on jokes?
不不 你既然已身处娱乐圈
No, no. This is a much more important
那这对你来说比写作重要多了
show business lesson for you...
我是在教你掌控你的尸体
how to control when and where
被发现的时间和地点
your dead body is found.
约瑟夫·斯大林当时都死亡两个星期了
Joseph Stalin was dead for two weeks
俄♥国♥都没有一个人知道
before anyone in Russia knew.
这才像个艺人嘛
Now, there's an entertainer.
我也有过几段感情
I've been in a few relationships.
对我来说 最奇怪的就是
The weirdest part, to me,
当你们感情进展顺利时
is when the relationship is going well,
就要见父母
so you meet each other's parents.
我一直不理解这是为什么
I've never understood that.
我从来不会说"亲爱的
I've never been like, "Hey, honey,
今晚真是太开心了
tonight is going great,
你知道我们接下来做什么会更开心吗
but do you know what would make it perfect?
见见齐普·慕兰尼和艾伦·慕兰尼
Chip and Ellen Mulaney.
很棒吧
Yeah!
我们最近真是如胶似漆
We've been going pretty hot and heavy lately.
我觉得是时候加入
I think it's time we bring in
两个天主教的老人了"
two older Catholic people."
我已经看到《老友记》第三季了 但是
So... I'm on season three of Friends, but...
乔伊会死的 对吧
Joey's gonna die, right?
你真的想知道吗
Do you really wanna know?
没错 他会死
Yeah, he's gonna die.
克里斯汀在哪儿
Where's Kristen?
我迫不及待想见见她了
I am excited to meet her.
真是太棒了
This is so cool!
-你们在地下室啊 -没错
- You're at the cellar! - Yes.
莫迪福 你太搞笑了
Motif! You're so funny.
见到你真是太高兴了
It is so cool to meet you.
这是简 简 克里斯汀 克里斯汀 简
And this is Jane. Jane, Kristen, Kristen, Jane.
你是喜剧演员吗
Are you a comic?
抱歉 她刚才说啥
I'm sorry-- what the hell did she just say?
-不不不 简是我的室友 -没错
- No, no, no, no. Uh, Jane's my roommate.- Yes...
对 对
Right, right.
见到你真高兴 亲爱的
It's so nice to meet you, sweetie.
我也是 亲爱的
You, too, sweetie.
我的天哪
Oh, my God!
和两个喜剧演员住在一起该多有趣啊
How fun is it to live with two comedians?
我的天哪
Oh, my God!
你还记得《沉默的羔羊》地窖里的那个女人吗
Do you recall the woman in the pit in Silence of the Lambs?
就是那种感觉 不过没有狗的陪伴
It's like that but with no dog,
因为他对狗过敏
because he's allergic!
对吧
Right?
这里的饮品都是以喜剧演员命名的
The drinks here are named after comedians.
我要去喝一杯"劳伦斯马提尼"
I'm gonna get a "Martini Lawrence!"
这听起来一点都不蠢
That doesn't sound stupid.
-再见 -再见
- Okay, bye! - Bye. Bye!
我一会儿就来
I'll be back here.
你真棒
All right. You're great!
-约翰 不行 -什么
- John, no. - What?
你没看她是个什么人吗 她就是那种
Don't you see what she is? She's one of those girls
想和喜剧演员约会的姑娘
who just wants to date comedians.
一个哈哈婊
A ha-ha ho!
没错 一个哈哈婊
Yes. A ha-ha ho.
她才不是哈哈婊呢
She's not a ha-ha ho.
你为什么要挑事呢
Why do you have to start trouble?
不管怎样 我们努力过了 对吗
Anyway, we tried. Okay?
努力过 但就是不投机
Swing and a miss.
你真是帮了大忙 谢谢你
You were big help there. Thank you.
老兄 你还不明白吗
Dude, don't you see what's happening?
简吃醋了
Jane is jealous.
不可能 简才没有吃醋呢
No, Jane's not jealous.
我们都做了八年的朋友了
Come on, we've been friends for, like, eight years.
没错 朋友
Yes! Friends.
就像罗丝和瑞秋一样
Like Ross and Rachel.
也可以说是《傲慢与偏见》[都含头韵]那样
One could also compare it to Pride and Prejudice.
你是说凯拉·奈特莉的那个电影吗
Oh, was that that Keira Knightley movie?
你大学的时候干什么了
What did you do in college?
话说 简
By the way, Jane,
谢谢你昨晚
thanks for leaving last night
对克里斯汀不告而别
without saying good-bye to Kristen.
她给你买♥♥了杯戈弗雷兼烈酒呢
She bought you a "Gimlet Godfrey".
如果哈哈婊在和麦克风支架一起自♥拍♥的话
You don't disturb a ha-ha ho
我们就不应该打扰她 约翰
when she's taking a selfie with the mic stand, John.
就像不能吵醒梦游的人一样
It's like waking a sleepwalker.
我喜欢她对我的事业感兴趣
I like that she's interested in my career.
我觉得这样很棒 她不是喜剧迷
I think it's cool. She's not a comedy fan.
她是对我着迷
She's a me-fan.
我就装作你没说过那句话好了
I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that.
谢谢
Thank you.
还有 我想要喜欢她的 好吗
And also, I wanted to like her, okay?
只不过我们根本没有共同点
We just have nothing in common.
简 就直说吧
Jane, tell me this--
你希望我和谁约会
Who would you like me to date?
某个跟我差不多的人
Someone like me.
她要有创意 会逗乐
Someone who's, like, creative and fun
能坦然接受自己的表象
and embraces their persona--
比如说史蒂薇·尼克斯
Like Stevie Nicks.
我不会和史蒂薇·尼克斯约会的
I'm not gonna date Stevie Nicks.
随你 给她打个电♥话♥ 行吗
Whatever. Just call her, okay?
不过就是几杯酒
It's just drinks!
她绝对是吃醋了
She's jealous!
典型的罗丝和瑞秋
Classic Ross and Rachel.
简直不能更明显
Can it be more obvious?
你《老友记》看太多了
You've been watching too much Friends.
但我从中汲取了一些好素材呢
Got some good material out of it, too.
你想要一个像莫妮卡一样下得厨房♥的姑娘
See, you want a girl to be a Monica in the kitchen,
但你也想要她想菲比一样进得了卧房♥
but you want a Phoebe in the bedroom.
因为菲比比较狂放 对吧
'Cause Phoe-be cra-zy! What?
你好啊
Oh, hello!
奥斯卡 我们这里有你的包裹
Hey, Oscar. We got a package of yours.
我订了本关于犹太瑜伽的书
I ordered a book on Jewish yoga!
请进
Come in.
约翰 她们是我的挚友
John, these are my dear friends
图蒂和沃蒽
Tutti and Vaughn.
-她是沃蒽 -没错
- She's Vaughn. - That's right.
我们要一起去灯塔剧院看史提利丹合唱团的表演
We're gonna see Steely Dan at the Beacon.
他们就只表演九个晚上
木兰尼的人生（2014）
Mulaney
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