雷蒙·斯尼奇的不幸历险（2017）

A Series of Unfortunate Events S02E02

Part 2 July 20, 2020, 3:02 p.m.

This man is Count Olaf. We can prove it.
小波德莱尔们看上去像是诚实正派的人
The Baudelaires seem like honest and decent people.
我觉得我们该听听他们想说什么
I think we should listen to what they have to say.
后面坐下吧
Down in back.
奥拉夫伯爵被当局通缉他因涉嫌诈骗
Count Olaf, who is wanted for questioning by the authorities
盗窃杀人和危害儿童需要接受审问
for suspicion of fraud, theft, murder and child endangerment.
-还有纵火 -他有一条眉毛而不是两条
- And arson. - Who has one eyebrow instead of two.
多毛没什么不对啊
Why, there's nothing wrong with being bushy.
要是我现在解开衬衣
If I open my shirt right now, you...
如果奥拉夫伯爵摘下他的头巾
If Count Olaf were to take off his turban...
她多棒啊大家伙
Isn't she marvelous, everybody?
恐怕我那两条美丽的眉毛
I'm afraid my two glorious eyebrows
要继续隐藏在这块头巾下面了
will remain hidden underneath this turban,
我因为宗教原因需要戴着它
which I wear for religious reasons.
那是什么宗教
And what religion might that be?
重造犹太教
Reconstructionist Judaism.
重造...教就那个
Reconst... ism. Yes, that.
我绝不会叫你摘下头巾的教练
I would never ask you to remove your turban, coach.
我是反对宗教迫♥害♥的
I'm against religious persecution,
但孤儿如何我就不知道了
but I can't speak for the orphans.
还可以凭奥拉夫伯爵脚踝上的文身
Count Olaf can also be identified by the
来确认他的身份
tattoo of an eye on his ankle.
我的身体是座圣殿小伙子
My body is a temple, young man.
我绝不会玷污我的皮肤
I would never sully my skin
就像现在好多小年轻那样
the way so many young people do nowadays
他们过着快乐主义的生活
with their hedonistic lifestyle
大声听音乐还节欲
of loud music and abstinence.
那你何不脱下鞋证明给我们看
Why don't you take off your shoes and prove it?
-绝对不行 -这也是出于宗教原因吗
- Absolutely not. - Is that for religious reasons, too?
不是因为脱鞋脱袜很恶心
No, it's because taking your shoes and socks off is gross.
我们可以把成吉思教练
We can compare Coach Genghis to
跟《每日琐碎报》上奥拉夫伯爵的照片做比较
the photograph of Count Olaf in The Daily Punctilio.
你听上去像个无聊的图书管♥理♥员♥
You sound like a boring librarian.
而且我们不需要报纸
Plus, we don't need newspapers
我们有先进电脑系统
now that we have our advanced computer system.
就那台电脑吗
You mean that computer.
他在流汗他紧张了
He's sweating. He's nervous.
我没有我的毛孔就是天生多渗漏
No, I'm not. I have naturally leaky pores.
请你和你的毛孔
Will you and your pores please
站在这台昂贵的电子设备前面
stand in front of this very expensive electronic device
彻底澄清此事好吗
and just clear this matter up, once and for all?
我
I, uh...
这让我想到了一则故事
This reminds me of a story.
这不是奥拉夫伯爵
This is not Count Olaf.
-瞧吧 -是啊瞧吧
- See? - Yeah, see?
我觉得现在该民♥主♥一下了
I think this calls for a little democracy,
我第二喜欢的政♥府♥形式
my second favorite style of government.
你们有多少人
How many of you
想听孤儿向一个无辜者
want to hear more tiresome accusations
投来更多烦人的指控
hurled at an innocent man from orphans?
继续调查
Investigate further!
我们要求进一步彻查此事
We demand that this issue get further scrutiny!
那么有谁想听听一项令人激动的新项目
And who here wants to hear about an exciting new program
它肯定会让你们的学校精神高涨百倍
that is sure to blast your school spirit right out your blowhole?
学生们教职工们
Students! Faculty!
如果你尝试过的所有锻炼
Don't worry if every exercise program
都不见效果那不必担心
you have tried has failed you,
因为我会继续辜负你们
because I am here to fail you more
我要赋予"把你们调♥教♥好"全新的意义
by putting the "whip" back into "whip you into shape."
大家站起来我们来试试一项
Everyone, get on your feet, and let's try a little something
我在一个孤独的夜晚
that I invented
在一个卡车休息站发明的运动
one lonely night at a truck stop,
叫跳爆竹
called jumping jacks.
来吧准备好了吗
Here we go. Ready?
一二好的
One! Two! Okay. All right. All right.
我们冷静一下好吧
Let's cool it down. Let's cool it down.
可别抽筋了
We don't want to ham up the old hamstrings.
天呐谁能说句"解散
Oh, God, can someone say, "Class dismissed
去泡冰浴再深呼吸两口"吗
for ice water and some deep breaths"?
我知道我没事我就是需要点时间
I know. I'll be okay. I just need a second.
-但是 -什么
- But the... - What?
什么
What?
哦对
Yeah. Oh.
是啊还有件事各位
Yes! Yes! One last thing, everybody.
每一个上过大专的人都知道
As anyone who has been to junior college knows,
孤儿往往有不健全的身体
orphans tend to have unsound bodies,
这会导致多疑妄想和未开♥发♥的财富
which leads to paranoia, delusion and untapped wealth.
所以我开♥发♥了
That's why I have developed
孤儿跑步特训
the Special Orphans Running Exercises,
简称"酸痛"
or S.O.R.E. for short,
我会向个别学生提供这一项目
which I will be offering to a few select students.
请在场的孤儿起立
Will the orphans in the house please stand?
好吧
Okay, okay.
我选择
I choose...
你
you.
还有
And...
你
oh, you.
还有我听说了她好多事的婴儿秘书
And little baby secretary I've heard so much about.
你们三个日落时要去运动场报道
The three of you will report to the athletics field at sundown
每晚如此除非另行通知
and every night until further notice.
但这不是你们
Of course this does not
错过我每晚小提琴演奏会的借口
excuse you from missing my nightly violin recital.
你们要欠我很多糖了
You're going to owe me a lot of candy.
这就是我之前大概说的那种领导能力
See, that's the sort of leadership I was sort of talking about.
你是个天才
You, sir, are a genius.
你能发现这点才是个天才
You're a genius for noticing.
不你能这么说才是天才
No. You're the genius for saying so.
-你能认同才是天才 -好吧我是天才
- You're a genius for agreeing. - All right, I'm the genius.
该死所有人解散动员集♥会♥结束了
Drat! Everybody is dismissed! This pep rally is over.
不管你想干什么奥拉夫伯爵
Whatever you're up to, Count Olaf,
我们都会阻止的
we will put a stop to it.
是吗
Really?
因为在我看来如果你们有本事阻止我
Because it seems to me if you had the skills to stop me,
我们也不会在你们的新生活里再次相遇了
we wouldn't be having this little batch of episodes in your new lives.
孤儿啊你们的父母真是什么都没教你们
Oh, orphans, your parents really taught you nothing at all.
他们教过我们生存
They taught us to survive.
看来那些自己做不到的就教别人咯
Well, I guess those who can't do, teach.
日落时见
See you at sundown.
他又找到了我们不管我们去哪
He found us again. Everywhere we go,
他总会冒出来试图偷我们的财产
he always shows up to steal our fortune.
他作为体育老师怎么能偷走我们的财产
How can he get our fortune as a gym teacher?
大部分锻炼项目里都包含了奸诈
There's treachery lurking in most exercise programs.
我真是不敢相信他又骗了每一个人
I just can't believe he fooled everyone again.
不是每一个人
Not everyone.
别担心波德莱尔们别丧气
Don't worry, Baudelaires. Don't feel disgrace.
奎格梅尔三胞胎会出手相助
The Quagmire triplets are on the case.
你们是好心慷慨的朋友
You're kind and generous friends,
但我们不能让你们卷进来
but we can't let you get involved.
维奥蕾特是对的奥拉夫伯爵太危险了
Violet's right. Count Olaf is too dangerous.
他太危险你们才不该单独面对
He's too dangerous for you to face alone.
我们可以一起逃跑
We can run away. All of us.
我们父母拥有著名的奎格梅尔蓝宝石
Our parents own the famous Quagmire Sapphires,
所以等我们成年了便可以独♥立♥生活
so when we come of age, we can live on our own.
我们还没成年呢而且我们试过逃跑
We're not of age yet. Besides, we tried running away
结果却落到在一个伐木场里打工
and we ended up working in a lumber mill.
而且奥拉夫伯爵还是追我们到了那里
Count Olaf still found us there.
那是我们父母的照片
That's a picture of our parents.
-还有我们的父母 -他们确实认识
- Our parents, too. - They did know each other.
我们图书馆里就有这张照片
We had this photo in our library.
我们从未注意过
We never paid attention to it.
肯定还有其他我们从未发现的谜团