雷蒙·斯尼奇的不幸历险（2017）

A Series of Unfortunate Events S02E07

Part 3 July 20, 2020, 3:03 p.m.

我就把我的眼珠子挖出来
I'm going to gouge my own eyes out
然后挖你的你的你的
and then yours and yours and yours,
还有你们的八只眼珠子
and all eight of yours.
小菜一碟亲爱的
It'll be a breeze, my sweet.
波德莱尔们和糖罐
The Baudelaires and the sugar bowl
都藏在同一家医院
are both hiding in the same hospital.
该玩玩"医生与护士"的过家家游戏了
I think it's time for a game of "doctors and nurses."
那游戏让我很不舒服
That game makes me pretty uncomfortable.
胡子男有
Man with beard, check.
其他志愿者有
Other volunteers, check.
这是今天的病人名单
Here's today's patient list,
你们也知道
which, as you know,
上面有海姆立克医院所有病人的名字
is a complete list of all the patients here at Heimlich Hospital.
-谢谢你姐妹 -我叫芭布丝
- Thanks, sister. - My name is Babs.
*我们*
*We...*
*唱歌♥给得了麻疹的男人和得了流感的女人*
*Sing to men with measles and to women with the flu*
*如果你呼入了致命细菌*
*And if you breathe in deadly germs*
*我们大概也会唱给你听*
*We'll probably sing to you*
我们怎么才能找到记录图书馆
How are we going to we find the Library of Records?
*啦啦啦哩哩哩*
*Tra la la, Fiddle dee dee,*
*愿你早日康复哈哈哈*
*Hope you get well soon. Ho ho ho*
我们要怎么进去
How are we gonna get inside?
得说服别人让我们进去吧
I'll talk our way in. I guess.
珊妮说的对
Sunny's right.
所有人都读过《每日琐碎报》
Everyone's read the Daily Punctilio.
我们肯定会被认出来
We're bound to be recognized.
有人在那边吗
Is someone there?
我的眼神可不如从前了
My eyesight isn't what it used to be,
但你们看上去是孩子
but you appear to be children.
也许不是所有人我们是志愿者
Maybe not everyone. We're volunteers.
那你们来对了地方
Ooh, well, you have come to the right place.
我叫哈尔
My name is Hal
我在记录图书馆工作了很久
and I have been working here at the Library of Records
都懒得数有多少年了
for more years than I'd care to count.
在我完全看不见之前
In fact, someone should count for me
应该有人帮我数数
before my eyesight completely goes.
是芭布丝让你们来的吗
Did Babs send you?
-我们很高兴能来帮忙 -太好了
- We're happy to be of assistance. - Excellent.
快进来我来给你们讲解一切
Then come right in and I'll explain everything.
由我来讲话
Leave the talking to me.
我们都能说话亲爱的
We can both talk, darling.
我们是一队重要又时髦的医生
We're a team of big-deal, snazzy doctors.
你打扮成了护士
You're dressed as a nurse.
再说了没人会相信你读过医学院的
Plus, no one's gonna believe you went to medical school.
我本可能去医学院的
I could have gone to medical school.
我超爱尸体
I love cadavers.
你拿了戏剧硕士
You got your master's in theater
却选错了戏服
and you picked the wrong costume.
你怎么知道别人会信
How do you know anyone's gonna believe
-你上过医学院 -医学院
- you went to medical school? - Medical school?
-什么 -医学院医生
- What's that? - Dr. Medical School.
你好
Hello,
我是玛他提亚·医学院医生
I'm Dr. Mattathias Medical School,
他们是我的护士实习生等等
and these are my nurses, interns or whatever.
-你好 -你说是医学院医生吗
- Hello. - Dr. Medical School, you say?
你不在我的名单上
I don't have you on my list.
天呐
Goodness. Oh, dear.
老天爷
Oh, goodness me.
她是有什么毛病
What's wrong with this one?
我有访客名单
I have lists for visitors
和工作人员名单
and lists for staff
都在我这个十分重要的笔记板上
all here on my very important clipboard.
如果你们不在名单上就不能进来
If you're not on the list, you can't come in.
我觉得是一个文件错误
Sounds like a paperwork mistake to me.
文件错误
A paperwork mistake?
没错好
Yeah. Okay.
是的这有道理好
Yes. That does make sense. Okay.
当然是这样这是我的医疗身份通行证
Of course it is. Here's my medical ID pass badge.
好看起来很可信
Yes. Yes, that seems credible.
由于医院的建设只完成了一半
Well, with the hospital only half-finished,
我们必须警惕不速之客
we have to be vigilant about keeping out intruders
像是浣熊或杀人犯
like raccoons or murderers.
我完全理解我是一名医生
I completely understand. I'm a doctor.
那我应该能说
Well, I guess it's okay to say,
"欢迎来到海姆立克医院"
"Welcome to Heimlich Hospital."
我叫芭布丝人力资源部
I'm Babs, head of human resources
和医院行政部主管
and hospital administration.
我还是派对策划委员会主席所以
I'm also head of the party planning committee, so...
很高兴认识你芭布丝
Nice to meet you, Babs.
我是刚刚说过的那个医生
I'm Dr. Thing That I Said Before.
那我们回头手术室见了
Well, we'll see you around the operating theater.
你们还不能走
You can't go yet.
你需要签字
You'll need to sign
姓名首字母这张表是一式三份
and initial this form in triplicate...
-剩下的15张是一式四份 -四份
- and the next 15 in quadruplicate. - Quadru...
我不签这些文件的话
How about I don't sign them
你能让我到处逛逛吗
and you let me wander around anyway?
那我就得叫当局来抓你了先生
Well, then I'd need to call the authorities on you, mister.
当然了
Of course.
文书工作让世界得以运转
Paperwork makes the world go round.
我还以为是钱
I thought money did that.
你真皮
You.
文书工作是我们海姆立克医院
Paperwork is the cornerstone of what we do
所做一切的根本
here at Heimlich Hospital.
-不是给病人诊断吗 -或是缓解病痛
- Not diagnosing sick people? - Or alleviating pain?
你要做这些事
You couldn't do any of those things
必须得先在专用表格上打出详细情况
without first typing the details on specialized forms,
表格必须夹在笔记板上
which must be held on clipboards
回头再归到专门的文件夹里
until it's time to file them in special folders.
所有文件都会永远存放在这里
Here is where the paperwork comes to live forever
因此这里是医院的心脏
and thus is the hospital's beating heart.
我一般不会随便带人参观
You know, I wouldn't show this to just anyone,
但你们看上去像是能信任的人
but you look like people I feel I can trust.
-真是很厉害 -谢谢
- Well, it's very impressive. - Thank you.
所有东西都是我自己整理的
I organized everything myself.
这里不仅存储着
Now, not only does Heimlich Hospital
海姆立克医院的档案
store their information here,
世界各地的人都会寄档案给我
but people send me files from all over the world.
为什么要寄到医院
Why do people send it to a hospital?
没有比海姆立克医院
There's no safer place
更安全的信息存放地点了
to store information than here at Heimlich Hospital.
你可以找到任何东西的资料
Why, you can find information on everything
从画框到小药丸
from picture frames to pills,
布丁到金字塔
puddings to pyramids,
这还只是P打头的
and that's just the "P" aisle.
想想我们能通过读这些档案了解多少东西啊
Just think of everything we could learn from reading these files.
不不不
No, no, no.
我们要归档信息而不是阅读信息
We are suppose to file information, not read it.
我不想看到你们
I don't wanna see any of you
碰任何档案除非是准备进行归档
touching a file unless you're putting it away.
我们这里保存的信息
The information we hold here
是非常重要的孩子
is of the utmost importance, child.
所以我用我的特制钥匙
That's why I keep these cabinets locked tight
锁着这些柜子
with my special keys.
记录图书馆
"Library of Records."
那些小屁孩肯定躲在那里
I bet those brats are hiding there,
把他们愚蠢的脑袋埋在破书里
with their dumb noses in dumb books.
他们痴迷图书馆就像猫喜欢猫薄荷
They're drawn to libraries like a cat to catnip
或是流浪汉喜欢垂死的负鼠
or a hobo to a dying possum.
-那糖罐可能也在那里 -我们...
- Then the sugar bowl might be there too. - We--