雷蒙·斯尼奇的不幸历险（2017）

A Series of Unfortunate Events S02E01

Part 4 July 20, 2020, 3:01 p.m.

I wish I had dropped it right on his head.
可惜副校长的愚蠢无药可治
Too bad we can't fix stupidity at the vice principal level.
在一个往往由腐♥败♥和傲慢掌控的世界
In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance,
的确很难坚守
it can be difficult to stay true
一个人的文学和哲学原则
to one's literary and philosophical principles.
我也经常这么想
I've often thought that exact thing.
大部分图书管♥理♥员♥都这么想
Most librarians have.
你怎么知道我是个图书管♥理♥员♥
How did you know I was a librarian?
你眼中的某种光芒
There's a certain gleam in the eye
显示了睿智博学的聪慧
indicating a sharp, erudite acumen.
而且你还推着满满一车书
Also, you have a cart of books.
你知道我在哪能
Do you know where I might
找到三个刚入学的孩子吗
find three children who recently enrolled?
我知道但老实说我觉得我不该把这个
I do, but frankly, I don't think I should share that information
告诉一个不是教职工的人
with someone who's not not a member of the faculty.
-我是一名教职工 -我没在这里见过你
- I'm a member of the faculty. - I've never seen you around.
我在餐厅工作
I work in the cafeteria.
那怪不得我是从不去那里吃饭的
That checks out. I make it a point to never eat there.
你好小姑娘
Hello, little girl.
谁说你可以跟我说话了
Who said you could speak to me?
天呐来我来帮你
Oh, my! Here. Let me help you.
-孩子有时很残忍♥ -整个世界都很残忍♥
- Children can be cruel. - The whole world is cruel.
学校不过是个小世界
School is just a microcosm.
-你确定你没事吗 -为什么这么问
- Are you sure you're all right? - Why do you ask?
餐厅在另一边
The cafeteria's the other way.
但护士站在这边
But the nurse is this way.
"把鼹鼠丘说成大山"这句话
The expression "making a mountain out of a molehill"
意思是把小事闹得很大
simply means making a big deal out of a small deal.
这个说法的由来很容易想见
And it's easy to see how this expression came about.
鼹鼠丘只是小土堆
Molehills are simply mounds of earth
相当于小哺乳动物的公♥寓♥
serving as condominiums for small mammals.
而它们从未伤害过任何人
And they have never caused anyone any harm,
除非你被霸凌者推倒时在上面磕到了脚趾
except for maybe a stubbed toe if you're being pushed by a bully.
我讨厌你的脸
I hate your face!
但是山则是很大的土堆
Mountains, however, are very large mounds of earth
而且经常带来问题
and are constantly causing problems.
从冻伤到漫长的边境纠纷滑翔事故
From frostbite to protracted border disputes, hang gliding mishaps.
因此我们如果把什么说成是山
Which is why when we call something a mountain,
那就是说它是很大的麻烦
we mean that it is a large amount of trouble.
尼禄副校长描述了
Vice Principal Nero described
小波德莱尔们要住的棚屋
the shack where the Baudelaires were living,
而他绝对没有把鼹鼠丘说成大山
he was not making a mountain out of a molehill.
-要是说起来 -这里好小
- If anything... - It's small.
哪怕就棚屋而言
Even for a shack.
他更像是把大山说成了鼹鼠丘
...he was making a molehill out of a mountain.
-螃蟹 -我们的棚屋里有螃蟹
- Uh, crabs! - Our shack has crabs!
真菌
Fungus.
我们的棚屋里有滴水的真菌
Our shack has dripping fungus.
他们的棚屋被误传了
Their shack had misinformation.
-这好荒唐 -我们可以修缮一下的
- This is ridiculous. - We can fix it up a little.
我不是说这棚屋是这学校
I don't mean this shack, I mean this school.
孤儿不该因为没有家长而遭到惩罚
Orphans shouldn't be punished for not having parents.
而且谁会把人的手绑在身后让他们吃饭啊
And who ties people's hands behind their backs to eat?
是啊但我们得考虑大局
I know, but we have to think about the bigger picture.
我们的父母和监护人都参与了什么大事
Our parents were part of something. Our guardians, too.
这可能是不断有坏事发生的原因
It might be the reason all these terrible things keep happening.
如果我们困在这里就永远别想知道了
We'll never find out what it is if we're stuck here.
这是所学校我们看看能了解到什么吧
This is a school. Let's see what we can learn.
早上好同学们包括新来的孤儿
Good morning, class, including our latest orphan.
我是印老师今天的语言艺术课
My name is Mr. Remora, and today, for language arts,
我将继续讲述我自己生活中
I will continue telling anecdotes from my own life
我认为有趣的轶事
that I find amusing.
你们要记笔记稍后会有测试
You'll take notes, and later on, there will be a test.
好有一天好像是个周二
Okay, now, one day, I think it was a Tuesday,
我想吃奶酪通心粉我就对自己说
I was in the mood for macaroni and cheese, so I said to myself,
"今天周二我要吃点奶酪通心粉"
"Today, Tuesday, I think I'll have some macaroni and cheese."
一定要记住不是弯管通心粉
It's important to remember it wasn't elbow macaroni
或是蝴蝶状的那种
or the decorative butterfly kind,
也不是管状的那种
or even the tube-shaped macaroni.
事实上...
Indeed, it was not...
早上好孩子们请大家完全专注于我
Good morning, children. May I have your undivided attention?
也包括你丹尼尔
And that includes you, Daniel.
据我所知今天来了新孤儿
I understand we have a brand new orphan today.
你肯定很难丈量
It must be difficult for you to measure
失去父母的你有多么不开心
how unhappy you are without your parents,
但我们要试试
but we're gonna try.
我是卢老师
My name is Mrs. Bass,
我们要继续公制度量衡的课程
and we'll continue our lessons on the metric system
测量各种物体的尺寸
by measuring various objects.
稍后会进行小测试
Later we'll have a quiz.
第一件要测量的物件
The first thing to measure
是这罐半空的低卡蛋黄酱
is this half empty jar of low calorie mayonnaise
是我在我车♥库♥里找到的
I found in my garage.
下一封信
Next letter.
亲爱的茱莉亚音乐学院
"Dear Juilliard School of Music,
你10月13日的限制令
I was confused by your restraining order
令我不解
of October 13th."
快点你打字像个一岁小孩
Faster! You type like a one-year-old!
我说到哪了
Where was I?
亲爱的茱莉亚音乐学院
"Dear Juilliard School of Music,
你10月13日的限制令
I was baffled by your restraining order
令我困惑
of October the 13th.
我做了什么
What did I do?"
这也叫跳爆竹吗
You call those jumping jacks?
我都见过老年人跳得比你们好
I've seen better jumping jacks from old people!
又藏在看台下面了
Hiding under the bleachers again,
就像曾经那么多年少时光
just like so many youthful days
都在这里构想计划顺便找烟头
spent hatching plans and looking for cigarette butts.
你当年不受欢迎吗老大
Were you unpopular, boss?
我了解那种感受
I know how that feels.
不我是个叛逆者
No. I was a rebel.
大家一定嫉妒你的帅气
I bet people were jealous of your looks.
除非你是大器晚成
Unless you were a late bloomer.
我才不是大器晚成
I was not a late bloomer.
全学校的女生都为我倾倒
Girls were falling all over me in school,
而且不仅仅是因为她们走过时我会伸腿绊她们
and not just because I would extended my leg when they walked by.
我是只孤狼神秘的陌客
I was a lone wolf, a mysterious stranger,
戏剧社的成员
a member of the drama club.
这所学校显然渴求着我的归来
This school is obviously desperate for my return,
但那台先进电脑
but that advanced computer
让我们不能大摇大摆地走进前门
prevents us from simply waltzing in the front door.
我们需要个内应
We need someone on the inside,
一个学生帮我们渗透进去
a student who will help us infiltrate,
如果渗透是我的那个意思
if infiltrate is what I mean.
你是想说"偷偷潜入一个机构"吗
Do you mean "to penetrate an institution surreptitiously"?
哪有学生会帮我们的
What kind of school kid's gonna help us?
穷酸鬼
Hey, cake-sniffer!
你跟我最近在牙齿里发现的东西一样丑
You're as ugly as something I found in my teeth recently!
小姑娘
Little girl.
小女孩我有1.38米呢
Little girl? I'm 4'7".
你的胸针可真漂亮
That's a pretty broach you have.
-出个价吧 -我喜欢你
- Make me an offer. - I like you.
你不是个孤儿吧
You're not an orphan, are you?
我像是住在棚屋里吗
Do I look like I live in a shack?
放学后来看台下面见我
Meet me under the bleachers after school.
你的第一天如何
How was your first day?
我听了一堆无聊没意义的故事
I heard nothing but boring and pointless stories.
那是语言艺术
That's language arts.
我一早上都在写毫无意义的尺寸
I spent the morning writing down meaningless measurements.
那是数学工作怎么样珊妮
That's math. How was work, Sunny?
我们上了一天课却什么都没学到