辛普森一家
The Simpsons S31E10
Part 2
Feb. 1, 2020, 1:27 p.m.
仅限演职人员
你好 小伙子
Hello, young man.
上来吧
Climb right up.
圣诞老人 我是巴托罗缪·辛普森
Santa? Bartholomew Simpson.
-你不认识我 不过 -我认识你
- You don't know me, but... - Oh, but I do.
你好呀 巴仔
Hello-ho-ho, Bart.
戏子鲍勃
Sideshow Bob!
圣诞快乐
Merry Christmas.
圣诞老人城♥堡♥
他心情很好
He's in a good mood.
太好了 今年我能得到猴子了
Yes. This is the year I get the monkey.
我一直在跟你说
I keep telling you,
猴子意味着重大的责任
a monkey is a huge responsibility.
我在养孩子 我觉得我能养得了猴子
I'm raising a kid. I think I can raise a monkey.
圣诞老人村
兼夏日"打包驯鹿"狩猎场
简直手到擒来 过了这么多年
So easy. After all these years,
我终于能看到生命从你的眼中流逝 你的
I get to watch the life drain from your eye, your I...
我下不了手杀你
I can't kill you!
-想知道为什么吗 -不了
- Want to know why? - Mm, nah.
我是个训练有素的演技派演员
I am a trained method actor.
我入戏太深了
I inhabit my roles.
就像《魅影缝匠》里的丹尼尔·戴-刘易斯
Like Daniel Day-Lewis in Phantom Thread.
或是《爱情导师》里的麦克·梅尔斯那样
Or Mike Myers in The Love Guru.
我为什么要相信你
Why should I trust you?
因为我完全无法脱离角色
Because I am utterly incapable of stepping out of character.
我就是圣诞老人
I am Santa Claus.
就是快乐的老精灵本灵
The jolly old elf himself.
那我们能进去看你了吗
So can we get in to see you?
休息十五分钟 圣诞老人在准备礼物
15-minute break. Santa's making presents.
圣诞老人城♥堡♥
圣诞老人城♥堡♥
请稍等 我们在对圣诞老人进行神圣性背调
警卫
我告诉你们 这人是戏子鲍勃
I'm telling you, this is Sideshow Bob!
-他差点杀了我 -那么
- He tried to kill me! - Well?
我是持证上岗的节日圣诞老人
I am a card-carrying seasonal Santa.
圣诞老人联盟 地区编码5732
Kris Kringle Union, Local 5732.
我也是商场圣诞老人
Hey, I was a mall Santa, too.
我还系着腰带呢
I still wear the belt.
如果你们想花时间和圣诞老人待在一起
If you're gonna spend this much time with our Santa,
你们需要摆好姿势照个相
you have to pose for a photo.
和圣诞老人合影四十美元
Photos with Santa, $40.
马姬 拿你的手♥机♥给我拍一张
Marge, just take one with your phone!
-拍到了 -跑
- Got it. - Run!
这能阻止偷我包裹的那些混♥蛋♥
This will stop the jerks who've been stealing packages off my porch,
火♥药♥
一个带有染色标记的爆♥炸♥诱饵
a decoy with an exploding dye marker inside.
你不觉得里面装的火♥药♥有点多吗
You don't think you packed in a little too much gunpowder?
别担心 我从残废叔叔那里学到的
Relax. I learned how to do this from my Uncle Two Fingers.
我的天 你就是包裹大盗
Oh, my God. You're the package thief?
莱尼 这是谁干的 你能说话吗
Lenny. Who did this to you? Can you say it?
你能小声说吗
Can you whisper it?
你能用血写出来吗
Can you write it with your blood?
戏子鲍勃
宝宝圣诞节倒计时
我们的圣诞节包裹还没到我有点担心
I'm a little worried our Christmas packages haven't arrived.
马姬 放松 时间很充裕
Marge, relax. There's plenty of time.
现在是晚上八点 平安夜到了
It's 8:00 P.M. Christmas Eve!
坐下来看看福克斯新闻的圣诞节目吧
Just sit back and watch this Fox News yule log.
人♥权♥宣言 美国宪法
举全村之力 希拉里著 波斯特的礼仪之书 物种起源 寂静的春天
我们暂停圣诞节目插播一条特别报道
We interrupt this yule log with a special report.
圣诞节礼物的幽灵
春田镇的包裹盗窃事件仍在继续
Package delivery thefts continue in Springfield.
本地居民莱昂纳德·莱尼·莱昂纳德
Local man Leonard "Lenny" Leonard
其包裹的爆♥炸♥声打破了圣诞节的氛围
had his jingle bell rung in a package deal gone boom.
我们唯一的线索就是尸体旁边的缩写
Our only clue is these initials next to the corpse.
他不是尸体 还喘气呢
He's not a corpse. He's breathing.
我说是尸体他就是
I say he's a corpse.
我说我不是
And I say I'm not.
你没有权利做决定
you don't get a vote.
缩写指的是戏子鲍勃
"S.B." is Sideshow Bob!
这就是他的目标
That's what he's up to.
他在偷走圣诞节
He's stealing Christmas!
一个圣诞老人不会偷走圣诞节
A fellow Santa could not steal Christmas.
我知道这个神秘的缩写是什么
I know who this mysterious "S.B." is.
欢迎来到监狱 塞尔玛·布伟业
Welcome to jail, Selma Bouvier.
告诉斯科特·巴库拉 史蒂夫·鲍尔默
Uh, tell Scott Bakula, Steve Ballmer
还有桑德拉·布洛克他们逃过一劫
and Sandra Bullock they're off the hook.
两个小时前我就应该
I should've been back
回到《海军罪案调查处:新奥尔良》剧组
at NCIS: New Orleans two hours ago.
你为什么不去《时空怪客》剧组呢
Why don't you just Quantum Leap there?
你为什么不学学怎么当警♥察♥呢
Why don't you learn how to be a cop, fatso?
我喜欢 像《错误身份》
I loved it! Mistaken identity!
我卖♥♥了十张季票给我牢房♥里的人
I sold ten, ten season tickets to the guys in my cell.
我们做的每件事都很成功 太好了
Everything we do is successful, booyah!
圣诞老人村
请带我去圣诞老人村
Santa's Village, please.
你去那里做什么
What do you want to go there for?
我要拯救圣诞节
I'm saving Christmas.
每年的这个时候所有孩子都想这么做
Every kid thinks they're doing that this time of year.
我告诉你圣诞老人村恐怕已经关闭了
And as for you, Santa's Village is closed, I'm afraid.
如果我想听你的人生故事 我会选择优步
If I wanted your life story, I would've taken an Uber.
这让我无话可说
Well, that shuts me up.
圣诞老人城♥堡♥
没弄清戏子鲍勃想干什么 我是不会离开的
I'm not gonna leave till I find out what Bob's up to.
如果一个小时内没有我的消息就报♥警♥
If you don't hear from me in one hour, call the police.
我这边也有问题 巴仔
I have my own problems, Bart.
我妈把我爸关门外雪地里挨冻
My mom just locked my dad out in the snow.
他现在一直在敲我窗户
He keeps tapping at my window.
我妈警告我开窗就没礼物
She said if I open it, no presents.
-真没用 -别挂电♥话♥啊
- Useless. - Don't hang up.
我的计划
典型的邪恶反派错误
Classic evil villain mistake.
工作到六十七岁后领退休金
跟同龄人约会 学中文 找到生父
人生目标吗
Life goals?!
别嘲笑我啊
Don't pooh-pooh.
你自己说 我该怎么说服自己
Now for God's sake, how can I convince you
不去杀了你
that I am not going to kill you?!
找到偷礼物的人
Find the person who stole the presents.
好吧 首先要澄清我姓名首字母之罪名
Very well. I shall begin by clearing my initials,
去捉那个真"S.B" 最后
catching the true "S.B." and, if I must,
有必要的话 拯救圣诞
save Christmas for everyone.
我现在开车带你回家
Now let me drive you home.
你想让我坐你车 好吧
You want me to ride with you? Fine.
霰弹枪
Shotgun!
也有副驾驶的意思
出发
Let's roll.
坐副驾驶要掏过路费
Shotgun means you pay the tolls.
我是来拯救圣诞的 计划是这样
So I'm here to save Christmas, and here's my plan.
首先我藏进这个盒子
First, I conceal myself within this box.
你从哪学的这手
Where'd you learn how to do that?
坐小丑车横越全国 你也能学好几手
When you ride cross-country in a clown car, you learn a lot.
想不到
Who knew?
-太棒了 -难以置信
- Brava! - Who knew?
谢谢你们
Thank you.
侯默 现在把我轻放在门廊上
Now, Homer, gently place me on the porch,
他们偷走我后 跟去他们的老巢
and when they steal me, follow them to their lair.
没问题
Will do.
还差点
And...
祝成功
Godspeed.
他们马上就会来
They'll be here any minute.
达夫啤酒
喘不上气
Can't breathe.
氧气
平安夜深夜
*鲨鱼宝宝 嘟嘟嘟嘟*
*Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo*
天啊"S.B."竟然是
Oh, my God, S.B. is
史密瑟斯和伯恩斯
Smithers and Burns!
什么时候要先说史密瑟斯了
辛普森一家
The Simpsons
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