辛普森一家
The Simpsons S31E01
Part 2
Nov. 16, 2019, 11:03 a.m.
- I think. - I did like it.
我是沃伯顿·帕克
My name's Warburton Parker.
你们不认识我 不如听我讲讲
I'm a stranger to you. Why should you listen to me?
你们不了解我背景
You don't know my backstory.
开始讲了 冒号♥
Well, here it is-- colon--
小的时候 我唯一的朋友就是我的电脑
as a child, my only friend was my computer.
我每天都被嘲笑
I was teased every day.
然后我成为了一名滑雪运动员
Then I became a pro snowboarder,
娶了超模 进军科技领域
married a supermodel, went into tech,
赚了一大笔 买♥♥下了那些
made a fortune, bought the factories
嘲笑我的人他们的父母工作的工厂
where the kids who teased me's parents worked
然后关停了工厂
and shut the factories down.
你有什么背景故事吗
Do you have a backstory?
有一次 我六岁的时候 我吃了个收音机
Once, when I was six, I ate a radio.
我喜欢你
I like you,
但这不行
but that won't get in the way.
我就直说了吧
Let me cut to the chase.
我靠爆红的视频赚钱
I make money from viral videos.
你们两个已经爆红了
And you two have gone viral.
"旋转门里的小浣熊" 爆
"Raccoon in a revolving door" Viral.
不要起诉我们 背包小孩
你们的确应该跳这种舞
You're right to dance in such a fashion.
因为我即将教你们如何制♥作♥
Because I'll show you how to make videos
能让你们富有的视频
that will make you rich.
让我更富有
And me richer.
让我我最富有
And me richest.
你在这干什么
What are you doing here?
只要有人富了我就会收到提示
I get an alert whenever anyone's getting rich.
五百七十万播放量
5.7Million views!
很好 但算不上优秀
Wow! Good, not great.
科罗拉多州的总人口而已
That's the population of Colorado.
是野马队的那个州吗
Is that the Broncos one?
是的
It is.
问题在于 你们赚了多少钱
The question is, how much money have you made?
我来看看 第三季度花了
Let's see. Uh, third quarter take...
-开销的费用 -当然
- Factor in overhead. - Of course.
-开销 -预估
- Overhead. - Projections.
买♥♥纸
苹果到苹果
Apples to apples.
计算净利润
Figure net profit.
算出来了 一个子都没挣
Got it. Nothing.
这是个反问句 你个蠢货
The question was rhetorical, you idiots.
抱歉说你们蠢货
Sorry about the "idiots" thing.
但是你们需要做的就是变现
But what you need to do is monetize.
-变现 变现 -变现 变现
- Monetize! Monetize! - Monetize! Monetize!
单轨铁路 单轨铁路
Monorail. Monorail.
等等 我们在说什么
Wait, what are we talking about?
即将呈现
油管有史以来最出色的视频
猴子闻了手指然后从树上摔下去
也许你们很熟悉
Perhaps you are familiar
有史以来传播最广的视频
with the greatest viral video of all time,
猴子闻了手指然后从树上摔下去
"Monkey smells finger and falls out of tree."
不 我从来没看过
No, I've never seen...
我的...
Oh, my... Oh...
那只猴子
Oh, that monkey!
45分钟之后
这个 这个猴子
And the-the monkey!
闻了自己的手指
He smelled his finger.
一小时之后
然后 晕过去了
Then boom!
闻
Smell.
那只猴子以及他的团队
That monkey and that monkey's estate
一分钱都没挣
made zero dollars.
连猴币都没挣到
Even less in monkey dollars.
如果他和我签约了
If he had signed with me,
只是做个假设
I mean, just hypothetically,
那么将会有 我说不准
there would be-- oh, I don't know--
猴子嗅手指T恤
Monkey Finger Sniff T-shirts,
猴子嗅手指擦手巾
Monkey Finger Sniff Finger Wipes,
猴子嗅手指赞助商
Monkey Finger Sniff sponsorships
还能在周六夜现场占上一席之地
and a spot on Weekend Update on SNL.
主持人会是拉米·马雷克 或者更好的
Host, Rami Malek or better.
配乐嘉宾是皮特卜
Musical guest, Pitbull.
这只猴子没嗅到机会的气息
What this monkey didn't sniff was opportunity.
接下来的五分钟里 你们的浏览量
In the next five minutes, you'll get more views
将比整季墨菲·布朗续集加起来还要高
than the entire rebooted Murphy Brown.
我对这剧的期望可高了
Ugh, such high hopes.
艾尔丁不在了就完全不一样了
Not the same without Eldin.
这次录像 你们的赞助商会是
Now, this fight, you're gonna get kickback from...
-达夫啤酒吗 -看看你的T恤
-Duff Beer? -Look at your shirt.
巴斯可乐
商标对准镜头
Label to camera.
商标对准镜头
Hey, label to camera.
他们会喜欢这次宣传的
They're gonna love this publicity.
你们刚刚挣到了第一个四分之一
You guys just earned your first quarter.
第一个四分之一财年的任务指标吗
First quarter revenue?
不是 是挣了第一个四分之一美元
No. First quarter, like the coin.
奔腾年代 兄弟
Halt and Catch Fire, boy!
硅谷纪实
Silicon Valley!
奔腾年代和硅谷纪实都是描述网络科技创业的电视剧
互联网就是这么赢的
How the Web Was Won.
再给你四分之一美元 请你闭嘴
I'll give you another quarter to shut up.
变现
Monetize.
春田小学
禁闭室
瞧我们
Look at us,
校园恶霸
the bully,
学园交际花
the princess,
更多的恶霸
more bullies,
拉尔夫
the Ralph
还有我 无人理解的天才儿童
and me, the smart kid no one gets.
然而 也许到最后
Yet, maybe, by the end of the day,
我会发现这才是我想要的
I'll realize this is just what I needed.
这正是我需要用来打破
This is what I needed to break through the...
丽莎 你不属于这里
Lisa, you don't belong here.
感谢上帝 再见了失足青年们
Oh, thank God. So long, delinquents!
你的禁闭室是新开的 远现矫中心
Your detention is being held in our new facility, the R.O.C.C.
欢迎来到远程现场行为矫正中心
Welcome to the Remote On-site Correctional Center.
一个地方怎么可能又是远程又是现场
How can something be both remote and on-site?
好了 温斯海默
All right, Wisenheimer.
你刚刚为自己赢得了叛少管一日游
You just earned yourself a day in the HOLE.
也就是叛逆少年管教中心一日游
The Holistic Obstinance Lessening Environment.
这除了古董鸡皮疙瘩系列书之外啥也没有
There's nothing in here but old Goosebumps books.
很好 读完这些书
Fine. Read those.
这些书一点都不吓人 一点不吓人
They aren't scary. They aren't scary!
平常用的禁闭室怎么了
What happened to regular detention?
因为我们已经没有资金
Well, because we could no longer afford
可以由来偿付任何课外活动
any after-school activity,
学校把禁闭室外包出去了
the school district has outsourced detention.
欢迎来到不良行为矫正中心
Welcome to Misbehavior Solutions,
世界酷刑五百强公♥司♥
a Torture 500 company.
你把禁闭室私有化了吗
You privatized detention?
丽莎 你要理解
Lisa, you have to understand.
任何有一点小穷的人
Anyone who's done anything remotely poor
都在私人监狱里
is in private prison.
我提到穷了吗 我想说的是犯了小错的人
Oh, did I say "Poor"? I meant wrong.
不准再提问了
No more questions.
变现计划怎么样了
So, how's the monetizing going?
选一只手
Pick a hand.
再选一次
Pick again.
别选同一只
Not the same hand.
我可不是魔术师 在另一只手里
I'm not a magician. It's in the other hand.
快选另一只手
Please pick the other hand.
行了 直接给你看支票好了
All right, I'm just gonna show you the check.
老天
Oh, my God!
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The Simpsons
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