辛普森一家
The Simpsons S31E14
Part 1
May 26, 2020, 8:24 a.m.
辛普森一家
第三十一季 第十四集
春田镇古戈尔普勒克斯剧院
现在我 奇诺斯 终于拥有了世界末日软件
Now that I, Chinnos, finally wield the Doomsday App,
我可以让星球浴火重生
I can restart this planet in flames,
如同乌托邦
as a utopia.
说不好啊奇诺斯 你说"乌托邦"
I don't know, Chinnos. You say "utopia,"
我听到的是"杀光所有人"
but what I'm hearing is "kill everyone."
而我真的不想再找个新的干洗店
And I really don't want to find a new dry cleaner.
你的好笑却不够好笑的玩笑
Your funny-but-not-too-funny banter
不会拯救你的 镁镁侠
will not save you, Magnesium Man.
但它的确分散了你的注意力对吧 怪老爹
Yeah, but it did distract you, didn't it, Dad Bod?
拿下他 空射侠
Take him, Airshot!
上啊空射侠 用空气♥枪♥
Yes, Airshot, pump that air gun!
他抽了五下 想想那是什么样的压力
Five pumps? Think of the pressure.
怎么了嘛 头疼日
Aw, what's the matter? Bad head day?
是时候该把守护者踢出去了
It's time I took the Vindicators out of the equation.
重启
我现在接受你的邀舞
I'll take that dance now.
他们的初吻是他们的最后一吻
Their first kiss was their last.
未完待续
原来它叫水晶之战
It was called Crystal War
是因为他们都变成了水晶
because they were all turned to crystals.
现在不是你做冷酷的分♥析♥的时候
Hey, now is not the time for your cold-hearted analysis.
续集明年才出
The sequel isn't coming out for a year.
是何等慈爱的上帝才会让我们等这么久
What loving God would make us wait that long?
一年 就像万年一样啊
A year? That's, like, a million years.
我可等不了 不准丢下我
I cannot wait. Don't you leave me,
你这穿斗篷的讨厌鬼
you be-cape-ed gob-smashers!
11个月以后
春田小学
孩子们 我今天把你们调离课堂
Children, I pulled you out of your classes today
是为了警告你们一种新型网络潮流
to warn you of a dangerous new Internet trend.
红灯笼辣椒挑战
The paprika challenge?
八号♥球挑战
The eight ball challenge?
不 我要说的遭火热模仿的特技
No, the highly-imitatable stunt I'm referring to
西摩的屏保
是"人体升旗"挑战
is the "flag yourself" challenge.
仅仅口头警告是不够的
Instead of a merely verbal warning,
我明白更具威慑力的是
it's clear to me a more effective deterrent
将这个特技的视频展示给你们看
would be to show you a video of the stunt
由油管网红响应侠表演示范
performed by YouTube star Reaction Guy.
响应侠
Whoa, Reaction Guy?
所有人都是受他号♥召才响应的
Everybody who's anybody gets reacted to by him.
好好看 学着 别这么干
Watch and learn... to not do this.
咋地了 响应行动 我是你们的响应侠
What up, Reaction Faction? It's your boy, Reaction Guy.
今天我要响应"人体升旗挑战"
Today I'm gonna be reacting to the Flag Yourself Challenge.
向我的队友打招呼 刺猬 瘦薄荷 白酋长
Shout-out to my crew, Hedgehog, Thin Mint, and White Malik.
他们会像升旗一样把我升起来
They're gonna raise me like a flag.
紧张刺♥激♥
this is so clench!
已响应
酷啊
Wow, cool!
五分钟后
各位 我是巴仔·辛普森
Hey, guys, this is Bart Simpson
这是我的新频道 响应巴仔
from my new channel, Reaction Bart.
大声向我的朋友白西摩问好 他向我宣传了
Big shout-out to my boy White Seymour for putting me onto
"人体升旗挑战" 紧张刺♥激♥
the Flag Yourself Challenge. So clench!
无尽战争的退伍老兵
好了 开始吧 等着瞧
Okay, hit it. Check it out.
我在向我的黑子们挥手 他们压根都不知道
I'm waving at my haters and they don't even know it.
紧迫 紧迫
Clench! Clench!
买♥♥我的大♥麻♥
Buy my merch.
即将推出大♥麻♥ 大♥麻♥
Merch to come. Merch!
他的腹斜肌一定撕裂了
His obliques must be shredded.
下次去游泳的时候我一定要好好看看
I got to check them out next time we go swimming.
苗浩斯 不
Milhouse, no!
我需要你输入密♥码♥上传视频
I need your passcode to upload the video.
春田综合医院
此处重复利用用过的创可贴
苗浩斯 我在礼品店给你买♥♥了气球
Yo, Milhouse, I got you a balloon form the gift shop.
是女孩
你是男孩
医生怎么说
So what'd the doctors say?
全身扭伤
I have a full-body sprain.
大部分肌肉都错位到其他骨头上去了
Most of my muscles are wrapped around the wrong bones.
好了 小勇士 理疗时间到
Okay, champ, physical therapy time.
准备好练四小时的弹力带了吗
Who's ready for four hours of stretch bands?
不 不要用紫色的
No, not the purple.
葡萄糖
Glucose?
我随便"躺"了不要介意
Don't mind if I do-cose.
好了 哥们 你可以的
Okay, mate, you can do this.
很困难 但是小家伙们还指望着你呢
It's hard, but those little buggers are counting on you.
为了小家伙们
Do it for the buggers.
大美妞们你们好啊
Top of the bing-bong, ladies.
-你是格伦·丹吉尔 -你是空射侠
- You're Glen Tangier. - You're Airshot.
你们好啊 医护小天使们
Good on you, Nightingales.
谁能给我指个路 我找
Now, who can point me towards, uh,
苗浩斯·范浩腾
"Milhouse Van Houten"?
走廊尽头左手边那间 格林
Ooh, right down the hall and to the left, Glen.
这么会撩 黛比
Flirt much, Debby?
抱歉 我们不能都和
Sorry, we can't all be married to
奥格登维尔汽车美容大拿优选公爵结婚吧
Ogdenville's car detailing king Duke Druthers.
怎么样 小兄弟
What's up, little bro?
我现实里最爱的超级英雄怎么样了
How's my favorite real-life superhero?
天呐 你是格伦·丹吉尔
Holy crap, you're Glen Tangier.
从来没听说过他
Never heard of him.
我的身份是空射侠
The name's Airshot.
你是我最爱的守护者
You're my favorite Vindicator.
你不掌控其它力量 只擅长玩空气
You don't even have any powers, you're just super good at air.
放轻松 别太激动 苗浩斯
Uh, easy now. Don't get too excited, Milhouse.
我不是
Oh, I'm not...
我是苗浩斯
I am Milhouse.
没错了 放轻松 英雄
That's right. Calm down, hero.
别让你自己的状况更糟
Don't make whatever you have worse.
情况开始恶化了吗 不要跟我说恶化了
Is it something that gets worse? Please don't say it gets worse.
别担心 空射侠 我没事
Oh, don't worry, Airshot, I'm okay.
你是不是鼓起勇气了呢
Well, aren't you just Pimm to the brim with Adelaide spunk?
谢天谢地
Oh, thank boomerang Jesus
你不是那些勇敢的小家伙
you're not one of those brave little buggers
我不必让你看这个
that I have to show this to.
等下 你那里面装的是什么
Wait, what do you got in there?
这是一台装有续集的笔记本电脑
Oh, it's a laptop with the sequel
《守护者联盟 水晶垃圾》
to the Vindicators: Crystal garbage.
只要你没事就好 兄弟
All that matters is you're gonna be okay, mate.
反正我也不想做演员
Never wanted to be an actor anyway,
应该像我爸一样做个考拉屠夫
just a simple koala butcher like me old man.
空射侠 格伦
Yo, Airshot. Glen.
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好啊
Hello.
《守护者联盟 水晶战争2 复活》
我的个老天
Sweet boomerang Jeebus.
多好的结局啊
What an ending.
大家看到这个结局会崩溃的
People are gonna freak out when they see it...
还得等到一个月之后
in a month from now.
在上映之前我是唯一知道电影情节的人
Till then, I'm the only one that knows what happens.
只有我知道
Only I know.
我是这个世界上有力量的小孩
I'm the most powerful kid in the world.
把袋鼠腿扔进沸水里
Toss that Kanga shank into the billy-boil.
在无限跳跃[游戏术语]的时候肉会软下来的
It'll be tender by moon jump.
请勿高调入内
肥神 我看完了《守护者联盟 水晶战争2》
Yo, Fat Thor, I've seen Vindicators: Crystal War 2.
-你真敢吹 -我的兄弟空射侠给我看过了
- You blaspheme! - My buddy Airshot showed it to me.
是吗 是吗
Ha. I repeat, ha.
澳大利亚的一个州
就好像塔斯马尼亚美男子格伦·丹吉尔这种人
As if Glen Tangier, the Tasmanian Adonis,
会屈尊跟你这种人打交道
would deign to interact with someone of your insignificance.
你输了 守护者
You are defeated, Vindicator.
你忘了我还能呼吸
Not as long as I'm still breathing.
我的个老天爷 然后呢
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