辛普森一家
The Simpsons S31E20
Part 1
May 26, 2020, 8:25 a.m.
希望你有看过第一部分
辛普森一家
第三十一季 第二十集
请山寨别的节目
你们谁也不会继承到任何东西
None of you will inherit anything.
因为本来就没东西传下去
Because there isn't any.
上周新闻
辛普森一家前情提要
Previously on The Simpsons,
一位颇具魅力的新牧师来到春田镇
a charismatic new preacher came to Springfield.
你要拿我的枪吗 你可以拿
You want to hold my gun? Y-You can.
丽莎前所未有地崇拜他
And Lisa admired him like no adult man she'd ever met.
这顿早午餐已经变成爵士风味了
This brunch has turned into... a jazz brunch!
勒弗乔伊神父失去了工作
Reverend Lovejoy lost his job
并发誓要报仇
and swore revenge.
接下来是
This is...
向神父宣战
第二部
春田第一教堂
三个恶霸当男仆
好处多多
这个新牧师太赞了
This preacher is so amazing.
我很期待这场布道
I'm looking forward to this.
这是我第一次没有以大型蒙太奇的方式
This is the first time I've come to church
出现在教堂现场
when it's not part of a big montage
我的敌人们也没杀掉
of my enemies being whacked.
有人为了来教堂特意打扮了一番
Well, someone looks awfully nice for church.
你说这个
Oh, this thing?
你确定你不是被
Are you sure you aren't just attracted
我们帅哥新牧师吸引了吗
to our handsome new pastor?
傻瓜 妈咪不会被牧师吸引的
Silly. Moms aren't attracted to pastors.
这地方真拥挤
Oh, this place is so crowded.
我的腿都碰到苗浩斯老爸的腿了
My leg is touching Milhouse's dad's.
看来我们是邻膝了哈老兄
Looks like we're knee neighbors, huh, buddy?
史密瑟斯先生
Mr. Smithers.
我从没见过你不跟在伯恩斯先生后面
I don't think I've ever seen you without Mr. Burns.
伯恩斯先生在家更舒服
Oh, Mr. Burns is more comfortable at home
读着他《圣经》的各种版本
reading his copies of the scriptures.
"赐福穷♥人♥"
"Blessed be the poor"?
我现在才知道这句话
I'm just finding this out now?
谁也不准知道
No one must know.
灰常好
Exellus.
早上好
Good morning.
早上好
Good morning.
对那些喜欢橄榄球比赛的人来说...
For those of you interested in the Packers game...
我们不想知道
We don't want to know.
我知道你们中有些人对我还有些疑问
So, I know some of you still have some questions about me.
我算一个
I certainly do.
你愿意当我儿子的教父吗
Will you be godfather to my son?
我们还没到那步呢 梅尔
We're not there yet, Mel.
但是说真的 越来越少有人来教堂了
But, seriously, fewer and fewer people are coming to church.
人数在减少
Numbers are declining.
我也很理解
And I get it.
当你告诉别人你相信上帝
When you tell people that you believe in God,
通常他们都以为你的意思是
usually they take that to mean
你是在无声地批判他们的生活方式
that you're quietly judging their lifestyle
或是以为除你之外的所有人都会下地狱
or think everybody but you is going to Hell.
就会说教 贱♥人♥
Way to preach, bitch.
我就假装自己听到的是"阿门"
I'm gonna pretend I heard "amen."
放轻松 贱♥人♥
Oh, relax, bitch.
宗教原始的功能
The original function of religion
就是让所有人团结在一起 宗教
was to bring us together. "Religion."
宗 就像是韧带
"Ligio," like "ligament."
意思是重新联♥系♥
It means to reconnect.
在医学院可不会教这种东西
They don't teach you that at medical school.
不 教的
Yes, they do.
我在我的错误中吸取了教训
Well, I learn from my mistakes.
不熟不能生巧
Malpractice makes malperfect.
我想让我们所有人团结在一起
Well, I want to bring us all together.
不止是基♥督♥徒 还有印度教♥徒♥和佛教♥徒♥
Not just Christians but Hindus and Buddhists.
甚至是那些不信教的人
Even those that don't believe.
除我之外还有没有人
Does anyone besides me
怀念教堂之前的样子
miss church the way it was?
好吧 蟋蟀赞同
Well, the crickets agree.
我们说的是不
这座教堂已经从一个
This church has gone from a place
温暖 安静到尴尬的地方 变成了现在
of warm, awkward silence into a gooey lovefest
被你这个自恋的小子经营的网红地
run by a narcissistic kum-bah-yo-yo,
我绝对不能忍♥
and I will not stand for it.
你我信仰同一个上帝
You and I believe in the same God.
我只是相信 上帝爱所有人
I just believe that that God loves everyone.
你不赞同这个说法吗 内德
You don't agree with that, Ned?
先生 我们还没到直呼大名的程度呢
Sir, we are not on a first-name basis.
弗兰德斯先生
Mr. Flanders.
你何以叫我内·新福音执事·德
You may call me New Evangelical Deacon,
或者简称为内德
or Ned for short.
好的 内德
Okay, Ned, look,
上帝就是爱 有了他才让宇宙开始运行
God is the love, the "yes" that set the universe in motion.
他 或是她
He or She...
或许这一次
Maybe this time.
*或许这一次*
*Maybe this time*
*我会相信*
*I will believe it*
周日 好衣服
周日 更好的衣服
周日 最好的衣服
*或许这一次 我会祈祷*
*Maybe this time, I will pray*
*或许这一次*
*Maybe this time*
*是第一次*
*For the first time*
*我会在周日找到乐趣*
*I'll have fun on Sunday*
*他会用那淡褐色的眼睛布道*
*He will sermonize with those hazel eyes*
*我有佛祖*
*u202dI've got Buddha*
*我有科学*
*I've got science*
*第三个是耶稣*
*And now Jesus makes three*
*会实现的*
*It's gonna happen*
欢迎
*不一定什么时候*
*Happen sometime*
欢迎
*或许这一次*
*Maybe this time*
救赎过程不会对外播出
*我会祈祷*
*I'll pray*
不错 孩子 还有提升的空间
Not bad, kid. Also not good.
我来给你演示一下动作
Let me show you how it's done.
一哒哒 二哒哒
And a one, and a two.
在教堂里酣睡
Sleeping in church.
有其父必有其女
Like father like daughter.
上帝只不过是恩典和传教还有宽恕的结合体
God is nothing but grace and flow and forgiveness.
如果你不这样认为的话
And if you don't think so,
我不知道怎么办 也许你应该回去
I-I don't know, maybe you should go back
再稍微深入的研读一下《圣经》
and read the Bible a little bit closer.
你是在质疑
Are you questioning a man
一个把备用《圣经》放在旅馆房♥间的人吗
who travels with extra Bibles to put them in hotel rooms?
你介意离开吗
Do you mind?
我肯定你的虔诚
I'm sure you're very sincere,
这就像鹦鹉只会背诵《圣经》却不解文意
but a parrot can recite the Bible and have no idea what it means.
什么 什么 什么
What? What? What?
这里不再是教堂了
This isn't church anymore.
我们要走了
We're out of here.
爸爸 牧师没说走我们就不能走
Daddy, we can't leave before the pastor says so.
谁告诉你的
Who told you that?
是你啊
You did.
你把这个叫侯默·辛普森式磨炼
You call it "Homer Simpson-ing."
别把侯默·辛普森扯进来 蠢货
Yeah, don't Homer Simpson, you jerk.
与此同时 密歇根州这边
圣买♥♥大教堂
汉堡王中王
复活节遭到除名的帅气牧师
这里就是他被开除的地方
This is where he got fired.
现在我们要开始探寻
Now we're gonna poke into
完美牧师先生的申秘过去
Mr. Perfect Pastor's pysterious past.
你刚才说的是申秘吗
Did you just say "pysterious"?
你能不能别跟我对着干
Can't you be on my side for once?
打扰一下 我们要找牧师
辛普森一家
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