天生冤家（2015）

The Odd Couple S02E07

Part 3 March 5, 2021, 12:49 p.m.

Yes, that's right, you get out of here!
在我让你见识到吉瓦穆提瑜伽
Before I introduce you to the violence
巨大威力之前
that is Jivamukti Yoga.
哥们你还好吗
Hey, buddy. You all right?
我扶你起来
Let me help you up.
我的脖子
Ow, ow, my neck!
他简直一个顶仨
How many people was that guy?
好了丹妮我们不能中断直播
All right, Dani, we can't have dead air.
拿起麦克风继续播出
Grab the mic and keep the show going.
我吗我该说啥
What? Me? What do I say?
啥都行坚持到进壮♥阳♥药♥广♥告♥就行
Anything that gets us to the next boner pill commercial.
快去吧去
Just go. Go!
好吧我试试
Okay, I'll try.
喂大家好
Uh, hello... hello.
我是丹妮·邓肯
I-I am Dani Duncan.
你们刚刚听到的只是小小的争执
Um, for those of you listening, we just had a little scuffle.
红袜队的混账球迷冲向奥斯卡
That punk-ass Red Sox fan came at Oscar
将他推倒在地
and shoved him to the ground.
把他打漏气了就像汤姆·布兰迪的球
Got the air knocked out of him like a Tom Brady football.
我们来接通来电
Let's take a caller.
嗨克利夫兰的麦克辛你好吗姑娘
Hey, Maxine from Cleveland, what do you say, girl?
你好妈妈
Hi, Mom.
你好艾米丽我是你妈
Hello, Emily, it's your mother.
你能看到我吗
Can you see me?
能
Yes.
你能听到我吗
Can you hear me?
不然我是怎么回答的第一个问题
That's how I was able to answer your first question.
很好
Oh, good.
真好玩像星战电影似的
Isn't this fun? It's like Star Wars.
总之我就问问还要不要一起吃午饭
Anyway, I'm just making sure that we're still on for lunch.
当然要的
Yes, we are.
实际上我会带着费里斯
And actually, I will be bringing Felix...
我的新男友
my new boyfriend.
新男友啊真好
A new boyfriend, how nice.
但愿他不是位"柜人"
I just hope he doesn't turn out to be gay
就像你前夫一样
like your ex-husband.
上帝保佑
Fingers crossed.
你有你妹妹的消息吗
Have you heard from your sister?
有的她给我寄了明信片
Yeah, she sent me a postcard.
真高兴你们如此亲近
I'm so glad you two are close.
有个当泳装模特的姐妹一定很不好受
It can't be easy having a sister who's a swimsuit model.
那不如我拿来给你看看吧
Hey, why don't I get that to show it to you?
就放在我的抗焦虑药旁边
It's right next to my antianxiety meds.
艾米丽
Emily...
大魔术师费里斯驾到
Felix the Great has arrived!
他要用魔术把你的"妈咪哄罩"变没
And he's here to magically remove your "Abracada-bra."
借助他忠诚的小助手"鸡尔莫"
With the help of his trusty assistant Guillermo.
想必你就是那位新男友吧
You must be the new boyfriend.
-那是你妈 -是啊
- Was that your mother? - Yes!
为什么不告诉我你和她视频呢
Why didn't you tell me you were Skyping with her?
你知道大魔术师费里斯来了
You knew that Felix the Great was in town!
他要用魔术把一次高♥潮♥变成两次
He was going to magically transform one orgasm into two!
我还可以听见哦
I can still hear you.
她一定会很生气
Oh, she's going to be so upset!
她生气
Oh, she's upset?
考虑一下帽里兔子的感受
Imagine how the rabbit feels!
丹妮
Dani...
我把咖啡撒了但脖子不准我擦干
I just spilled and my neck won't let me wipe it up.
好吧
Fine.
但今天最好别让我
But this better be the only thing
给你擦其他什么了
you ask me to wipe today.
他在这啊被焦点小组点评为
There he is! The man a focus group called
"热情洋溢" "见多识广"
"Passionate," "Informed"
"胆小如鼠却很逗"的男人
and "Cowardly but in a funny way."
你在说什么呢
What are you talking about?
卫星频道对你的实况播报
The satellite channel did some testing
-做了一些调查 -结果呢
- on your remote broadcast. - And?
结果人们已经爱上你了
And people couldn't get enough of you.
坦白讲我并不惊讶
And frankly, I'm not surprised.
我常说你是个百年难得一见的人才
I've always said that you are a once-in-a-lifetime talent.
你为什么奉承我
Why are you buttering me up?
拜托我哪有奉承你...
Oh, come on. I'm not buttering you up...
你这大帅逼
you handsome bastard.
好吧不闹了
Okay, fine.
他们确实喜欢你
They really did love you.
但他们也喜欢丹妮
But they also loved Dani.
真的说得没错
Wow, you're not kidding.
看看他们的评论
Look what they said about her.
"风趣" "有活力" "令人愉悦的乱入"
"Fun," "Spunky," "A welcome addition to the show"
是的这让我产生思考
Yeah, and that got me thinking...
也许你该让她乱入你的节目
maybe you should make her an addition to your show.
什么我是单人秀
What? I'm a solo act.
也可以说是一匹孤狼
A lone wolf, if you will.
那你可以给她些小差事
Okay, you can give her something small.
比如让她在整点播报比分
Like, let her do the scores at the top of the hour.
但我超擅长播报比分
But I'm great at doing the scores!
3比2 6比5 看到没
"Three to two" "Six to five." See?
好吧但是丹妮也许
Okay, but Dani might give you
能给你打败埃森的额外动力
that extra boost you need to beat Eisen.
况且她可以给你腾出点时间
Plus, she could free you up a few minutes
来享用你的甜甜圈
so you could take a donut break.
我喜欢甜甜圈不假
Well, I do like donuts.
-好吧行就让她试试吧 -很好
- All right, sure, we'll give her a shot. - Great.
-用不用告诉她 -不必了
- Should we tell her? - No need.
为什么
Why not?
因为隔墙有耳
Because I was eavesdropping!
奥斯卡太谢谢你了
Oscar, thank you so much!
我一直都想上广播
I've always wanted to be on radio!
我保证绝不让你失望
I promise I will not let you down.
别说这些我的咖啡拿来了吗
Don't mention it. Did you get my coffee?
我哪有时间
I don't have time for that.
我得练习了
I got to practice.
7比1
Seven to one.
8比4
Eight to four.
3比2
Three to two.
这比分太胶着了
Ooh, that was a close one.
假设性提问
Hypothetical question.
你是一位刚刚见过
You are a woman who has just seen
自己女儿男友裸体的女人
your daughter's boyfriend naked.
哪套衣服更能消除
Which suit best erases the image
对上述男友下♥体♥的记忆
of said boyfriend's junk?
好吧
Okay.
我要告诉你一件事
I'm going to tell you something,
在说之前
but before I do,
我想让你知道我是非常在乎你的
I want you to know that I care about you deeply.
能快点吗我还要做磨砂美体呢
Can we speed this up? 'Cause I still have to do a salt scrub.
我妈妈不想和你一起吃午饭
My mother does not want to have lunch with you.
不会吧天啊
No. Wow.
她真准备为这么小的事
She really is going to be so upset
就生这么大的气吗
about such a little thing?
这么"完美比例"的事
Such a perfectly-proportioned thing?
实际上她觉得
In fact, she thinks
你是个性变♥态♥
you're kind of a sex pervert.
好吧
Okay...
我在想还有什么其他种类的变♥态♥
I'm trying to think what other kind of pervert there is.
她说你毁了魔术在她心中的形象
She said that you ruined magic for her.
还有礼服
And formal wear.
以及床单里的小猪
And pigs in a blanket.
那好我不去了
That's fine. I just, I won't go.
不亲爱的我也希望你去
No, sweetie, I... I want you there.
只是你不了解我妈妈