天生冤家（2015）

The Odd Couple S02E05

Part 4 March 5, 2021, 12:49 p.m.

You could have gotten me those tickets.
但你可能觉得你的工作老婆更重要
But I guess your work wife was more important.
别吃醋了
Oh, stop being so jealous!
这就是我没告诉你丹妮是女人的原因
That's why I didn't tell you Dani was a woman.
等等你从来没告诉过她我是女人
Wait a minute. You never told her I was a woman?
我记得我说过啊
What? I thought I did.
难怪她这么不爽我
No wonder she's throwing me shade.
她是你老婆
This is your wife.
这种事情你怎么能瞒着她
You can't keep stuff like that from her.
-丹妮你别管这事 -别这么跟她说话
- Dani, stay out of this. - Don't you snap at her.
多谢你黛安
Thank you, Diane.
等一下
Wait a minute now.
听着黛安
You know what, Diane?
既然艾米丽走了
Since Emily backed out on me,
要不干脆你和我一起去看演唱会吧
would you like to go to the concert with me?
非常乐意
Girl, I'd love to.
泰迪会为门票买♥♥单的
Teddy will pay for the tickets.
还有照看孩子
And watch the kids.
主啊可怜可怜我吧
Aw, Lord have mercy.
那两个座位最好是坐在碧昂丝大腿上的
These seats better be on Beyoncé's lap.
艾米丽好消息
Emily, great news.
奈杰尔·海登普劳特让我
Nigel Hadyn-Plout has enlisted me
做他的替补翻谱员
to be his substitute page-turner.
太好了你怎么做到的
That's great. How did that happen?
通过我闪闪发光的人格
Hmm? Oh, I won him over with my sparkling personality.
和一点点伪造的
And a slightly fabricated knowledge
关于橄榄球的知识
of American football.
等等你撒谎了
Wait, you lied?
你不是刚才还在跟奥斯卡说
Weren't you just telling Oscar
撒谎产生的罪恶感会把人吞噬吗
that the guilt from lying would eat away at him?
你懂我的
Oh, you know me.
嘴里永远都在瞎说
Always spouting on about something.
要小心细菌要注意手♥机♥通话礼仪
Blah, blah, germs, blah, blah, cell phone etiquette.
我简直不敢相信
I can't believe it.
你是我认识的道德感最强的人
You're the most ethical person I know.
你昨天走过"十件或更少"通道的
You almost had a heart attack
美国超♥市♥为购买♥♥十件以下商品的顾客开设快速通道
时候都差点犯心脏病
going through the "Ten items or less" Lane yesterday.
我拿了两个六件装
I had two six-packs.
你算一下一共是多少
You do the math.
我想说的就是
All I'm saying is,
你不是那种不诚实的人
you are not cut out to be dishonest.
女士们先生们
Ladies and gentlemen,
表演即将开始
please take your seats
请大家入座
for our performance.
现在我要失陪一下了
Now, if you'll excuse me,
我要去协助一位钢琴家
I have to assist a pianist.
女士们先生们
Ladies and gentlemen,
有请奈杰尔·海登普劳特先生
please welcome Mr. Nigel Hadyn-Plout.
可以来个人帮我把这个里拉琴拿下去吗
Can someone please get this lyre off the stage?
"里拉琴"与"骗子"谐音
哦是说那个琴
Oh, the harp.
里拉琴也是琴
A lyre is also a harp.
今晚我要表演的是
Tonight I will be performing
一首文艺复兴晚期的奏鸣曲
a late Renaissance sonata
名为"La Punizione del Seduttore"
entitled "La Punizione del Seduttore."
大概的意思是
Which, loosely translated, means:
对欺骗者的惩罚
"The Punishment of the Deceiver."
费里斯·昂格
Felix Unger...
将会协助我
will be assisting me.
费里斯
Felix.
费里斯
Felix!
抱歉...抱歉
Sorry... sorry.
抱歉
Oh, I'm sorry.
我很抱歉我不该上台的
I'm sorry! I shouldn't be up here onstage!
我根本就不懂橄榄球
I know nothing about football!
我就是个骗子
I'm a fraud and a liar!
你好
Hi there.
我能和你聊两句吗
Can I talk to you for a second?
奥斯卡今晚是个忙碌的夜晚
Oscar, it's a busy night.
可以改天再聊吗
Can we pick this up another time?
不行我必须要现在问你
No, I have to ask you this now
不然我永远都会后悔的
or I'll regret it for the rest of my life.
夏洛特...
Charlotte...
你可以不嫁给我吗
will you please not marry me?
等等你说什么
Wait, what?
我实在是太心急了
I got way ahead of myself.
我们都还没有真正约会过
We haven't even been on a real date yet.
约会的意义就是发现某人身上可怕的地方
And the whole point of dating is to find out all the awful things
这样就可以不再和他约会
about a person so you can stop dating them.
这就是我想对你做的夏洛特
And that's what I want with you, Charlotte.
我想发现你身上可怕的地方
I want to find out all the awful things about you.
而且我也想让你知道
And I want you to know
所有关于我的可怕的事情
all the crappy things about me, too.
天哪还有更多吗
Oh, God, there's more?
还有很多很多
Tons more.
如果我们想让这段感情失败
Look, if we want this relationship to fail,
我们必须要开始行动了
we're really gonna have to work at it.
你觉得呢
So what do you say?
你想喝杯咖啡吗
You want to grab a cup of coffee?
好的
I do.
我每天给妈妈打四次电♥话♥
I call my mother four times a day.
我从来不往便民零钱罐里投钱总是拿走一分钱
I've never left a penny, but I always take a penny,
哪怕我根本不需要
even if I don't need one.
我从街对面的疗养院偷无线网用
I steal Wi-Fi from the nursing home across the street.
我26岁才换掉最后一颗乳牙
I lost my last baby tooth when I was 26.
-那也太奇怪了 -是吗
- That's weird. - Yeah?
那不如给你妈妈打个电♥话♥告诉她
Well, why don't you call your mom and tell her about it?
等等在你们离开之前
Wait. Before you go,
我欠你们俩一个道歉
I owe both of you an apology.
奥斯卡我很抱歉我本应该
Oscar, I'm sorry, I should've taken
坚持己见说真话
my own advice and been more truthful.
还有夏洛特我很抱歉
And, Charlotte, I'm sorry
破坏了你喜欢的钢琴家的表演
for nearly wrecking things with your pianist.
不好意思
I'm sorry.
我知道这很幼稚
I know it's immature,
但我每次听到有人说钢琴家都会傻笑
but I always giggle when someone says "Pianist."
"钢琴家"与"阴♥茎♥"谐音
看来你要跟那个女人结婚了
I think you're going to have to marry that woman.
和夏洛特咖啡喝得怎么样
How was coffee with Charlotte?
太棒了原来她也是个超级橄榄球迷
Amazing. Turns out she's a big football fan, too.
每次我们听到迪克·巴特克斯的时候都会笑
And we both laugh every time we hear the name "Dick Butkus."
天堂才有你们这样的一对
A match made in heaven.
幼儿园也有
Or kindergarten.
明早见
Well, I'll see you in the morning.
你在看《贝多芬》
Are you watching Beethoven?
我就是...
I-I was just, uh...
随便看看
checking it out.
说实话我真的不知道为什么你那么入迷
Honestly, I don't know why you find it so engaging.
等等这是在野营旅行吗
Wait, is that a camping trip?
是《贝多芬》三吗
Is this Beethoven 3?
是《贝多芬》第三部
It's called Beethoven's 3rd.
我已经入了这个电影的坑
I went down a rabbit hole.
哦...贝多芬
Oh... Beethoven.