老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother S07E22
Part 1
Oct. 22, 2020, 2:20 p.m.
In May of 2012, Marshall and Lily
2012年5月 马修和莉莉
hosted a baby shower in the apartment.
在家举办新生儿送礼会
All their friends were there.
他们所有朋友都来了
So of course I made sure to show up exactly...
我也确保自己准时在...
...three hours late.
3小时之后出现
Oh, no! Am I late? Little bit.
我来晚了吗 有点
Ah, I'm sorry, I would've gotten here earlier;
对不起 我是想早点到的
it's just, um... You didn't want to see Robin.
只是... 你不想碰见罗宾
I didn't want to see Robin.
我不想碰见罗宾
I know, it's childish.
我知道这样很幼稚
She's not here, is she?
她现在不在吧
Actually...
其实...
Oh, no! Am I early?
我来早了吗
Little bit.
有点
Whoa, she got you the red stroller?
她送的是红色婴儿车
Looks like I just blew her out of the water.
看来我的车青出于"蓝"胜于"蓝"啊
Anyway, she left before the party started.
反正她在派对开始前就走了
Ah, I'm really sorry, I...
真是不好意思
I just think it's best if Robin and I
我只是觉得我和罗宾
don't see each other for a while.
这阵子最好先不要见面
Ted, it's fine;
泰德 我无所谓
I'm a child of divorce.
我在离异家庭中长大
You guys keep fighting all you want,
你们爱怎么吵就怎么吵
as long as the expensive gifts keep coming.
只要贵重礼物不间断就好
Uh, so how was the shower?
送礼会怎么样
It was good,
挺好的
although there was one weird moment
虽然巴尼的脱衣舞娘女友
with Barney's new stripper girlfriend.
有一度害气氛变得很尴尬
50 laps a day?
一天50个
Oh, my goodness, young lady. That is a lot.
天啊 小姑娘 那可真是太多了
Oh, is it?
是吗
Is it a lot, Grandma Lois?
有很多吗 路易丝奶奶
Yes, my girlfriend gets naked
没错 我女朋友靠脱衣服
and sits on guys' laps for money.
坐在男人腿上跳舞挣钱
And, yes, sometimes it's as many as 50 laps in one day.
没错 有时候一天她能坐50个大腿
And maybe society considers what she does
也许社会会觉得她的工作
to be "disgusting,"
很"恶心"
or "slutty,"
很"淫♥荡♥"
or verging on "prostitution,"
跟"做♥鸡♥"没区别
or actual "prostitution."
或就是"做♥鸡♥"
But you know what, I accept her.
但我接受她
And if you can't do the same,
如果你不能接受她
well, then shame on you.
那我真为你感到羞耻
Shame...
为你
on...
感到
you.
羞耻
We were, um, talking about swimming.
我们其实在说游泳
How I sometimes swim 50 laps a day.
说我一天能游50个来回
Well, it's great cardio.
挺好的有氧运动啊
Lois, can I top off your champagne?
奶奶 我帮您加点香槟吧
You know, it's funny,
说来也好笑
you tell the average guy you're dating a stripper,
你告诉普通男人 你和脱衣舞♥女♥约会
he thinks it's awesome.
他会觉得超级棒
Heck, you tell your mom, she high-fives you so fast,
你告诉妈妈 她会兴奋地跟你击掌
she doesn't even take off her oven mitts.
甚至连烤箱手套都来不及摘
But if they had any idea how difficult it is:
个中滋味若有人懂
the jealousy, the insecurity,
醋海里翻波 不安里浮沉
those high-fives would be high-fives of condolence.
连击掌都变成慰问击掌
Barney, condolence high-fives are not a thing.
巴尼 根本没有所谓的慰问击掌
They're a thing.
当然有
I'm afraid we're gonna have to let you go.
不好意思 我们不得不辞退你
Up top.
来 击掌
Ah, listen to me and my boring couples' problems.
别光听我说我这些无聊的情侣问题了
How are you?
你怎么样
How's the single life?
单身生活过得好吗
I wouldn't know. After this whole Robin thing,
没什么感觉 自从罗宾这事后
for the time being, I'm laying low.
目前的我 比较低调
Laying low as in
你是说...
sleeping with a really short chick?
标准低到跟很矮的妞上♥床♥吗
You guys doing 39?
你们有玩39式吗
I mean, I'm not seeing anyone.
我是说我没出去约会
I'm just, you know, trying to get Robin out of my head.
我要努力忘记罗宾
You need a palate cleanser.
你该"换换口味"
Barney, please, don't try to set me up
巴尼 求你了 千万别撮合
with Quinn's stripper friends.
我和昆茵的脱衣舞♥女♥同事
Oh, I wouldn't dream of it.
我才不会呢
Why not, how many hints do I have to drop?!
为什么不 我暗示得还不够多吗
No, I'm thinking of something much more traditional.
不是 我想的是比较传统的方式
Online dating. Yeah, no thanks.
如网络交友 不用了 谢谢
Come on, Ted! It's 2012.
拜托 泰德 都2012了
What do you expect, to meet some cute travel agent
你还指望在书店看报纸的时候
when you're reading a newspaper at a bookstore?
邂逅漂亮的旅游中介吗
None of those things exist anymore.
现在没这种事了
Barney, I will never, ever, ever,
巴尼 我是绝对不可能
try online dating.
去尝试网络交友的
That night I tried online dating.
那天晚上我试了网络交友
And kids, the first girl I found was amazing:
孩子们 我遇到的第一个女孩就很棒
beautiful, smart, funny,
她漂亮聪明 风趣幽默
huge fan of prewar architecture,
热爱战前建筑
favorite poet Neruda,
最喜欢的诗人是聂鲁达
favorite movie Ghostbusters,
最喜欢的电影是《捉鬼敢死队》
and she didn't hate Cleveland.
而且不讨厌克利夫兰
She's perfect.
她简直太完美了
So I sent her an email,
于是我给她发了封邮件
inviting her to mini golf.
邀请她去打迷你高尔夫
Hello. Mini golf?
喂 迷你高尔夫
Who takes a first date to mini golf?
谁第一次约会去打迷你高尔夫啊
I'm coming over!
我现在过去
Oh, Ted-Ted-Ted- Teddy-Ted-Ted.
泰德 泰德 泰迪小德德
Who buzzed you in?
谁让你进来的
Did you really think you could start dating online,
你真以为你玩网络交友时
and I wouldn't find out?
我会不知道吗
But with thi-this girl, sh-she was...
可这个女孩 她是...
Me. She was me, Ted.
我 她就是我 泰德
The photo was just of some girl I knew you'd never seen before,
照片就是随便找了个你没见过的
a very famous sports anchor on ESPN.
娱乐体育电视网的知名体育主播
Barney, I don't need you to help me find a girl online.
巴尼 我不用你在网上帮我找女人
Exactly because I've already done it!
当然 因为我已经找完了
Three girls in fact.
而且是3个
I scoured the dating sites
我地毯式搜索了所有交♥友♥网♥站
using my own personal logarithms,
用了自己写的对数函数
factoring in a broad spectrum of variables,
考虑了各种变量因素
filtering out undesirable high-risk negatives,
过滤掉不合标准的高风险对象
guaranteeing a success rate of 83...
同时保证83%的成功率...
You picked the girls that showed the most boob.
谁的胸部露得最多 你就选谁
My methods get results.
我的方法可是百试百灵
Go out with these three girls,
你跟这3个妞出去约会
and your palate is going to be so cleansed,
我保证你的口味焕然一新
you will see your reflection in it.
崭新锃亮到能看见自己的倒影
And when you do,
到时候
you can fix the hair,
好好打理下你的头发
because... Have you seen yourself?
因为...你最近有照过镜子吗
No, but you know what I have seen,
没有 不过我最近倒是见过
your stripper girlfriend's cans.
你脱衣舞♥女♥女友的咪♥咪♥哟
That was going way too far, wasn't it?
这玩笑开得有点过了 对吧
I'm sorry.
对不起
My condolences.
来个慰问击掌吧
Man, Marshall's really stressing out about this baby.
靠 马修因为宝宝的到来神经紧张
He's reading every book,
他读各种孕妇书
watching breast-feeding documentaries.
看哺乳记录片
老爸老妈的浪漫史（2005）
How I Met Your Mother
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